Star Fox
Flying into the hearts of furries since 1993, Starfucks (Or Starwing/Lylat Wars if you're a English Scum/Europe) is a multi-platform, multi-game series in which the player (you) pilot Fox McCloud's Arwing and try to save the galaxy or planet by diffusing some bad guy's (usually Andross's) plot to kill the aforementioned galaxy or planet. You do this by shooting things as fast as you can via button mashing and doing as many barrel rolls as possible. Occasionally, you'll encounter a boss at the end of a level or stage, but it's the same procedure: shoot as fast as you can and do a lot of barrel rolls.
It should also be noted that this gaming series is responsible for converting hundreds of thousands of innocent kids to the world of furrydom. All the main characters are some form of anthropomorphic animal creature with over 9,000 works of fan fictions and fan art produced by its adoring followers. With the emergence of one character in particular, Clitstal, the fandom has evolved into a group of full-fledged furverts. But, some of the older fans know better. Therefore, when playing these games, play at your own risk - it could turn you into a furfag.
Characters and background story
The Star Fox series combines what little kids love best: talking animals and weapons. Most of the characters in Starfox are self-explanatory just by glancing at a picture of the group. Fox McCloud is the quintessential rebellious young good-guy who shoots down hundreds of enemies while the rest of the team think they did a great job getting one kill per stage. Originally, his dad, James McCloud, was a part of the first Starfox team. He flew to Venom to meet Andross, who at that time was some mad scientist ape, only to have that same ape have his way with him. One of his co-pilots, Peppy the rabbit, was forced to watch this rape. He flew home, told Fox (who was a kid then) the bad news, and raised him, telling him how to perform a barrel roll and shit.
Later on, they decide to form the second Starfox team. They get a bird character named Falco who is pretty much always pissed off and butthurt over anything Fox does. They also get a frog character named Slippy, and no one can tell if he's a guy or a girl until the fourth game (It's Pat, amirite?). So they fly around and always just seem to launch off right before Andross launches his final attack on the home planet, Corneria. After all, it's best to start fighting back once you're about to be crushed. So they fly to Venom and kill Andross, who is now some awesome dictator with a robotic sex pig (srsly, read the comics). Except when they fly there the first time, they only kill one of Andross's machine clone things. So, they have to fly there again to kill the real Andross. This is the premise to every Starfox game.
They travel to another planet later on and meet up with another character which will forever be fapped to by furries everywhere - Krystal. She's a blue-furred vixen initially dressed in nothing but a loin cloth, but later can be seen in a skin-tight bodysuit. Her power is telepathy, which she uses to think - a rare commodity. So Fox sort of falls in love with her, even though in the comics he had a girlfriend named Fara Phoenix (another fox, not a bird). It's assumed he dumped her ass and decided to go for the native chick instead.
The Games
Starfox (SNES)
This is the first game ever produced on the FX chip, which is basically an SNES game on steroids or a beta of the Nintendo 64, your choice. The premise of the game is a simple one: you're Fox McCloud and you pilot a plane that looks a lot like a papercraft penis. You shoot down other polygons and larger boss polygons with, you guessed it, moar polygons until you defeat the final polygon boss which looks like a face (or if you play expert, then the ape character turns into a bull with horns). This game is one of the moar challenging games in the series, but can be beat by mashing the fire button and pressing L or R twice multiple times to do many barrel rolls.
Starfox 2 (emulator)
This game was supposed to be released on the SNES, but Nintendo said "Fuck you I'm making a 64 MMKAY??!" and canned it. The game is a little different in that you can choose where to fly next, and you have two new fuck buddies in Fay, a poodle, and Miyu, a Lynx. Both are girls (sorry faggots). Your task is shooting down missiles, other pilots, and weird trippy shit Andross makes from his base in Venom. See the bottom of the page where you can get the super secret version!
Starfox 64
Same premise: Andross is pissed and sends out an army that you have to try and stop. The player must press Z or R twice to perform multiple barrel rolls and listen to countless enemies that move their mouths like Michael J. Fox on speed. You also have to fight Starwolf, who is desperate for Fox's sensual side. And instead of Andross being a bull or what the fuck ever, you blow up his face to reveal his brains and he tries to kill you with his brain penis. Shoot the cerebellum for the win.
The game also features a land master, which is about as easy to control as a ninety year old's bowel movements, and a submarine, which is even more difficult, sort of like trying to get a pigeon to rape a chipmunk (think trying to pass a kidney stone kind of control PH41L). The game does, however, differ from the others in the series by being balls to the wall epic.
Starfox Adventures
OK, here's when shit begins to spiral downward. In this game, you're flying around and suddenly see a planet that's 'sploded. Like a true hero, you decide to help them out. But there's a catch: you can't shoot anything. You have to use a staff given to you by the fair Krystal, who is trapped, ironically, in a crystal. Creativity ensues as you battle evil dinosaurs and try to help the good ones. The game gets annoying when a cock-sucking little dinosaur named Tricky follows you around and never leaves you alone. Eventually, you find out Andross is yet again here, disguising himself as God and turning dinosaurs into minions. You beat him by flying in your plane (which you only do 0.20% of the time in this game) and, like all the other games, shoot him in the eyes. In the end, Fox and Krystal have a moment. All in all, if you suck at video games, you could probably finish this game in about an hour.
FUN FACT: Much of the development for this game was done by Rare, a British company who was responsible for the greatest game of all time until they went on to suck Microsoft's dick for their Xbox system.
Starfox Assault
Peppy's no longer your teammate, but is instead some old faggot doing nothing but bitching at you the entire way. In a completely different twist, you're...Fox McCloud, again, and you have to shoot down ships from...Andross's nephew! (got you there, didn't I?). But he dies in only the second level and you fight bugs from there on out. At least the game breaks it up - it's about half and half on foot versus plane levels. And aside from killing and shitting on bugs who's queen was voiced by the same bimbo that played Blubeboobs McFurry dream, it's not that bad.
The game tried a multiplayer mode, but honestly people only play that to zoom the camera in on Krystal's ass.
Starfox Command
If you like in depth story lines and a pretty cool game, then Starfox Command is for you. No rly this game is the absolute worst in the fucking series. Like all shitty games, it's about the two lovers having difficulty in their relationship. After Fox tells Krystal to GTFO the team, she becomes all baaaaaawwwwww about it and decides to join Starwolf as a way to get back at that homosexual motherfucker. Meanwhile, General Pepper is dying of AIDS and Peppy has to take his place. Slippy has fallen in love and Falco got sick of gay sex with Fox so he left too. ALSO an army comprised of fish are threatening the Lylat System and Fox (being the retarded "team" leader)decides to take on the army himself. After realizing he will inevitably become an hero, some of his team and other people decide to give that faggot some help. The game itself has 9 endings (most of them comprised of Fox and Krystal's baaaawwing) and if you're looking for a way to stop playing Starfox then this ones for you. Don't worry, once you realize that the campaign is shit, you'll have a wonderful time barrel rolling in matchmaking.
Starfox 64 3D
Way to avoid any original ideas guys.
The fans
The fanart you see before you is exceptionally disgusting and degenerate even for furfag standards, but that's just the "normal" standard the supposed "fans" set up for themselves. The fans range from people who played the games and thought they were good enough to play again to the what the fuck why is a blue fox girl getting raped by a human with tentacles? No conceivable video game Nothing is safe from the inner workings of a sick fuck's mind, and Star Fox is certainly not an exception. Using Google, a casual Internetz user could easily find pictures of Fox blowing Falco, Falco fucking Fox, Krystal fucking herself, Krystal getting fucked by a dinosaur, etc. Within the first few pages of crap, the viewer will want to gouge his or her eyes out, or at least vomit all over his or her keyboard. Also, Krystal has a huge following on Fchan. Don't ask why. The majority of the fanart is horribly drawn pictures of the blue fox getting raped, snuffed, titfucked, titraped, rapetitted, etc. You have probably come across some form of this faggotry in your travels around the Tubes, and we all agree; as long as this shit exists, we can never have nice things.
Unfortunately, due to these sick fucks, the Star Fox fan base has been given a bad name, a name that will continue so long as there is this shit still floating around. And yes, on a side note, if you have ever fapped to any of these pictures, you are a filthy sin against God, and you should take the proper measures to ensure that your little problem is fixed...Yiff in Hell.
Zero Suit Fox
Things get more worse. Some brony/furfag named Acstlu thought it would be sexy to genderbend Fox and put him into a Zero Suit Samus suit. That's fucking sick! And alot of his furfag fans and friend like it and made fanart out of this piece of shit! Oh... my... fucking... God! Someone please in the name Jesus Christ, shoot a flaming arrow at this fucking pony/furfag!
Erotic quotes (they read like a story)
- Do a barrel roll!
- I'll do you fast, Peppy old pal!
- Jeez Leweez, what is that?
- This baby can handle temperatures of up to 9,000 degrees
- What's the big idea, Fox?
- The hatches are open!
- Shoot he's right behind me!
- Too late. Game over, pal!
- Location confirmed. Sending supplies.
- Try a U-turn!
- Hey Einstein, I'm on your side!
- Slippy reporting in!
- Take care of the guy behind me, Fox!
- You worry about your own hide!
- Can't let you do that, Starfox!
- Andross has ordered us to take you down...
- Peppy! Long time no see!!
- Andross's enemy...is MY enemy!
- AAAAAaaaaAAAAHH!
- Everybody okay?
- Whew! That was too close!
- What's taking you so long, Fox?
- Switching to All-Range Mode!
- What's the big idea, Fox?
- Sorry guys, I gotta sit this one out!
- Oh man! I'm going to have to back off!
- Falco, where ya going?
- Those tin cans are no match for me!
- OK team, take it in slowly.
And people wonder why there's so much Starfox yaoi out there. Fuck me.
Try a video!
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Gallery
You have been warned.
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What happens at the end of Starfox: Assault.
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This is what happens at the end of Starfox Adventures.
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Raep time! Wait, nvm.
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Even Andross is not safe from the rule 34
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Now that can't possibly feel good.
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GAY
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Fox blowing Falco
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Fox blowing Falco
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Fox is dead. Time to take that tail as a trophy
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Can't let you do that Starfox
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Ahhhhhhh
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No.
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Fantard.
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Please no more!
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wat
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Starfox doesn't like his job.
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Unbeknownst to many fans, Fox had an affair with Bowser.
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DO NOT WANT
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Failing at cosplay.
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Undresses you with his eyes.
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Oh, you!
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Faggotry
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Accurate depiction.
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A reoccurring storyline.
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Please stop the faggotry!
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Taste the rainbow.
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Why
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is
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there
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so
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much
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of
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this
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shit?
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An end to this.
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Scene cut out of Starfag Adventures.
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Don't give it even one hit.
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Krystal in brawl.
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Krystal does not like all the porn furfags make of her.
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Falco fucking Fox
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Falco fucking Fox
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What all the furfags want, but can never get because the few brains cell they have can only be used to jerk off instead.
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Fox McCloud approves of meatspin
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Slippy was always the weakest link.
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See Also
External links
- WARNING: Furfags and basement dwellers dwell here, but that makes it a possible gold mine of lulz.
- Where all the Krystal fans hang out. Use for lulz.
- A Starfox message board. Not a lot of faggotry, but still
- Starfox.com - The official site
- [
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=NMFU1XR2 Download to play the English version of Starfox 2 (virus-tested, no problems found, and only a faggot would lie about that shit anyway)]
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Star Fox is part of a series on Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage. |
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Star Fox is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |