Encyclopedia Dramatica:Article of the Now/July 5, 2024
The 4th of July is one of several Jewnited States of Americunts holidays created to whip up patriotic American feelings and remind the rest of the world that they better not fuck with us. Also known as Independence Day, it was originally started by a small gang of terrorists because they hated the civilized and cordial British way of life, with its incessant tea and crumpets routine and loose talk about abolishing slavery. Since then, the 4th of July has become an endearingly fetishized annual occasion for people to dump money into China for fireworks and party supplies, allowing us to have the parades, picnics, and sex parties that make the USA the world’s most admired nation.
In modern American 4th of July celebrations, every other person but you is barbecuing delicious burgers surrounded by family and friends in the backyards of their perfect suburban homes. You, meanwhile, are sitting alone in a rented basement studio apartment on a chair stained with tears and semen, playing World of Warcraft in a room lit only by your computer monitor.
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