Anonymous user
Dog: Difference between revisions
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
no edit summary
imported>Trinityoflulz (lolololol) |
imported>4ourty No edit summary |
||
| (30 intermediate revisions by 13 users not shown) | |||
| Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
[[File:Dog greetings.gif|thumb|right|300px|The calmest dog you'll see.]] | |||
[[image: | [[File:Yorkshire terriers.jpg|thumb|right|300px|Four vicious, pack-cunting quadrupeds.]] | ||
'''Dogs''' are a [[incest|inbred]] mammalian quadruped, somehow descendants of [[wolves]], and the sole [[Haters|arch nemesis]] of the [[cat]] – their successor. The most distinguishing characteristics are their distinct rotting garbage and/or piss stench, [[Coprophagia|shit-eating]], and ability to bark at 150 decibels nonstop every moment of peace. | |||
Like wolves, they derive from the ''Canis'' genus but, unlike wolves, are illegal to poison, [[Sparkledogs|pet-dress]], or [[Dracoguard|have sex with]]. Despite being able to eat cats, young children, and pretty much anything smaller than them, dogs are considered the [[niggers]]/[[retards]] of the animal world, which is why they're often referred to as "man's best friend". | |||
__TOC__{{clear}} | |||
==Working With Dogs== | |||
[[image:Dramatic Stare Dog.gif|250px|right]] | |||
[[Image:Pandaclipdog.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Ask your groomer for the panda clip]] | |||
[[You]] can make some dough off this much [[raped|beloved]] family [[furry|pet]]. | |||
*'''Veterinarian''': A highly rewarding profession where you will have the chance to [[bestiality|stick thermometers and q-tips up dogs' asses]] and be exposed to [[Aids|multiple diseases that can be passed from animals to humans]]. On the plus side, you get to charge [[at least 100|a buttload]] of [[money]] by prescribing [[drugs]] meant for humans at twice the price to fucktard owners as well as be legally allowed to [[pwn|put dogs down]]. | |||
*'''Groomer''': A [[shit|great]] alternative if you're too stupid to pass Med school for animals. You'll have a fun-filled day of being [[guro|slashed]] bloody by newly cut nails, draining Fido's shit-clogged anal glands, and listening to the yapping of small purse dogs owned by [[whores|prominent female celebrities]]. You won't get paid fuck all, but the fun part is making dogs looking even more fucking [[retarded]] than they already are. | |||
*'''Trainer''': Make shitloads of cash on people too fucking lazy to teach their own pet basic commands. | |||
*'''Police''': Train big fucking dogs to maul [[niggers|criminals]] and to tell you who's carrying the best drugs. | |||
*'''Breeder''': Dogs need human help doing such natural things as [[fucking]]. Make [[profit]] from purebreds and make even [[moar]] by mating two different types of dogs together to create a fun new hybrid with the worst traits of both parents. Because we all know there's not enough of these bastards on the streets. | |||
*'''Nazism''': Train your dog to salute [[Hitler]] and become [[Nazi pug|internet famous.]] | |||
*'''[[Azn]]''': Make a deal with your county pound by helping them get rid of strays while using them in your bulgogi. | |||
==Dog myths== | |||
[[ | [[File:Found-dog.jpg|thumb|What to do if you find a dog]] | ||
Unfortunately there are many [[lies| myths]] surrounding dogs, some of them are listed here: | |||
'''''Myth #1 dogs are the most intelligent creatures on earth second only to humans!''''' | |||
Fact: Contrary to popular belief, dogs are [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2396570/Pets-depressed-left-home-day-working-owners.html| not very intelligent]. There are many other animals with far superior intelligence, such as dolphins, Germans, crows and octopuses. This myth, that dog-fucking, pro-bestiality furfags pulled out of their asses, refuses to die because it serves as a lazy and convenient plot device in family-friendly movies. | |||
'''''Myth #2 dogs (especially females) are strong and independent''''' | |||
Fact: Domestic dogs can't live without an owner in the streets, in fact they can barely take care of themselves at all! Unlike [[cat|cats]] they can't adapt to the wild and sooner or later they die; so unless you [[attention whore|take care of them 24/7]], they will either get [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2396570/Pets-depressed-left-home-day-working-owners.html| depressed] and harm themselves or they'll become hostile and destroy the whole goddamn house. | |||
'''''Myth #3 they are friendly and loving''''' | |||
Fact: Dogs only care about one thing: FOOD. As long as [[you|the owner]] provides them with food, care and shelter they don't give a shit about love, nor about how much money you have to spend for all these. In other words it's like having a autistic child, only louder (but somewhat lulzier if you can train it to maul or piss on guests on command). As for the "friendly" part, it's complete horseshit. Dogs are extremely territorial and they will [[rape| attack]] anyone who approaches their territory, even their owner. No wonder why dog owners never have guests in their homes. "''But isn't that a good thing?''" you may ask "''I mean they keep burglars away, right. | |||