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{{spoilers|THE NEW <s>MAC PRO</s> TRASH-CAN UNIBODY HEATCORE IS SO FUCKING INNOVATIVE}}
{{center|<small>Apple's ability to innovate has been slow in recent years. Take the iPhone 7 for example it's secretly an S model ;) See below Apple's innovation monitor; the clock is ticking. Meanwhile [[Samsung Sam|Samsung]] is taking the lead.</small>|center}}
{{center|{{frame|[[Image:heart_monitor.gif|750px|center]]|borderstyle=1px solid red|background=red|borderwidth=3px}}|center}}
 
[[Image:AppleBanner1.jpg|thumb|left|[[Hipsters|Ein Volk]], [[Steve Jobs|Ein Führer]], [[GRIDS|Ein GRIDS]]]][[Image:Macvspc2.jpg|center]]<br/>
[[Image:AppleBanner1.jpg|thumb|left|[[Hipsters|Ein Volk]], [[Steve Jobs|Ein Führer]], [[GRIDS|Ein GRIDS]]]][[Image:Macvspc2.jpg|center]]<br/>
[[Image:Apple;think-different.jpg|thumb|250px|Think different.]]
[[Image:Apple;think-different.jpg|thumb|250px|Think different.]]
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[[Image:Linux_osx_shot.JPG|thumb|250px|Stupid linux user [[doing it wrong]].]]
[[Image:Linux_osx_shot.JPG|thumb|250px|Stupid linux user [[doing it wrong]].]]


[[Anal Prolapse|'''Apple''''s]] claim to fame is that they invented the [[PC]] even though it was actually invented by [[the Man|the CTC]] <!--Computer Terminal Corp. (dubious)-->. Apple is also known as the one company that had to be paid by [[Microsoft]] to stay in business. Led by all-star [[faggot]] Time Cook and [[lemonparty|a bunch of other old faggots]], Apple is the favorite high-tech company of [[Avant-garde|"artistes"]] everywhere.  This is because people believe Apple makes awesome [[shit|computers]] that off-set their exorbitant price by becoming obsolete only once a week. The truth is, they are merely victims of the [[Reality Distortion Field]]. While Apple may have done some [[mantrain|neat things in the past]], they are now just a patent troll.
<b>HOLY FUCKING SHIT APPLE IS SUING A YOUTUBER FOR MAKING A TUTORIAL ON HOW TO FIX MACBOOKS!!!11! [http://www.gamerevolution.com/features/free-speech-under-attack-youtuber--repair-specialist-louis-rossmann-alludes-to-apple-lawsuit LINK]</b>
[[Anal Prolapse|'''Apple''']] is a computer company that [[Liar|claims they are not a computer company]]. Their biggest claim to fame is that they invented the [[PC]] even though it was actually invented by [[the Man|the CTC]] <!--Computer Terminal Corp. (dubious)-->. Apple is also known as that one company that had to be paid by [[Microsoft]] to stay in business. Led by all-star [[faggot]] Time Cook, who spends [[Disney|more time virtual signaling about liberal politics rather than actually making a good product]] like how Steve Jobs did, and [[lemonparty|a bunch of other old faggots]], Apple is the favorite high-tech company of [[Avant-garde|"artistes"]] everywhere.  This is because people believe Apple makes awesome [[shit|computers]] that off-sets their exorbitant price by becoming obsolete only once a week. The truth is, they are merely victims of the [[Reality Distortion Field]]. While Apple may have done some [[mantrain|neat things in the past]], they are now just a patent troll.


Apple users are the most annoying computer fans on the planet. Just slightly ahead of [[Linux]] users.  They are continuously bragging about how easy a one-button mouse is, how great the benefits of the "genie" effect are, and act like [[BSD]] was just invented. Unfortunately, if you own an Apple product, you will gain affection from the [[homosexual]] community.
Apple users are the most annoying computer fans on the planet, just slightly ahead of [[Linux]] users.  They are continuously bragging about how easy a one-button mouse is, how great the benefits of the "genie" effect are, and act like [[BSD]] was just invented. Unfortunately, if you own an Apple product, you will gain [[AIDS|affection]] from the [[homosexual]] community.


Apple has more money than the federal government, while both being run by [[Jews]]. Apple however, falls behind in [[Steve Jobs|Jobs]].
Apple has more money than the federal government, while both being run by [[Jews]]. Apple however, falls behind in [[Steve Jobs|Jobs]], a known [[sand niggers|sand nigger]] .


Apple has borne an unearthly hatred for [[Microsoft]] ever since they stole their [[OS]] to make [[Windows]] , while [[Bill Gates]] still rakes in the cash from all those [[Microsoft Office]] sales.  People who claim to like Mac computers can typically be found wearing [[Insane Clown Posse]] t-shirts or other [[Gay|trendy]] clothing.   
Apple has borne an unearthly hatred for [[Microsoft]] ever since they stole their [[OS]] to make [[Windows]] , while [[Bill Gates]] still rakes in the cash from all those [[Microsoft Office]] sales.  People who claim to like Mac computers can typically be found wearing [[Insane Clown Posse]] t-shirts or other [[Gay|trendy]] clothing.   
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'''Apple users are noobs.''' Apple users believe that they are better than you are because they pay so much for a shitty computer to be shiny with an apple logo on it, but what they don't know is that Macs were originally (and are still today) made purely for watching gay porn. People who subscribe to [[Slavery|Apple's corporate philosophy]] often espouse the notion that Apple products are somehow inherently more [[liberal]] than other things built out of metal and silicon. While this is true for the special case of [[Ann Coulter]], Apple users are in all other cases simply the delusional but willing victims of trendy advertising, which makes expensive [[computers]] made by [[communists]] appear to be a counter-culture political statement.
'''Apple users are noobs.''' Apple users believe that they are better than you are because they pay so much for a shitty computer to be shiny with an apple logo on it, but what they don't know is that Macs were originally (and are still today) made purely for watching gay porn. People who subscribe to [[Slavery|Apple's corporate philosophy]] often espouse the notion that Apple products are somehow inherently more [[liberal]] than other things built out of metal and silicon. While this is true for the special case of [[Ann Coulter]], Apple users are in all other cases simply the delusional but willing victims of trendy advertising, which makes expensive [[computers]] made by [[communists]] appear to be a counter-culture political statement.


Apple users are simply [[fucktards]] who will believe anything they see in a commercial, as long as it agrees with the knee-jerk opinions they have already formed from other advertisements. Thanks to iPods built with [[Reality distortion field|alien mind control technology]] they are unable to conceive existence outside of music, video, images, and [[Crapp|Crapps]]. It is these legions of iPhone using [[faggots] and [[hipsters]], with their thick black framed glasses and faddish hair hairstyles, who are the Storm-Troopers of the [[Faggotry]]. [[Art School]] students can be found with a Mac, which provides them that much needed inferior computing flexibility, for their ultimately useless and [[gay]] degree with huge piles of debt from buying Apple's shit.
Apple users are simply [[fucktards]] who will believe anything they see in a commercial, as long as it agrees with the knee-jerk opinions they have already formed from other advertisements. Thanks to iPods built with [[Reality Distortion Field|alien mind control technology]] they are unable to conceive existence outside of music, video, images, and [[Crapp|Crapps]]. It is these legions of iPhone humping [[faggots] and [[hipsters]], with their thick black framed glasses and faddish hair hairstyles, who are the stormtroopers of the [[faggotry]]. [[Art school]] students can be found with a Mac, which provides them that much needed inferior computing flexibility, for their ultimately useless and [[gay]] degree with huge piles of debt from buying Apple's shit on top of funding a laughably overpriced and ultimately USELESS degree.


People make jokes relating to the Apple User's main preoccupation - proselytizing for Apple. No sooner than they spend their hard earned jewgolds on a shiny new gadget from Cuppertino. They spend their entire lives stuffing that fact down the throats of all thier friends, family, and anyone else they end up conversing with. They go on at length about the longevity of their expensive hardware while they save moar monies ready for the  version to shove up their ass. Enforcement of these cult like agenda seems to have the word "Proprietary" at the heart of it. Proprietary file types and plugs. This is one of the methods by which Macfags are kept loyal to the brand, with no point in trying to any competitors products because they aren't [[Retarded|simple]] enough.
People make jokes relating to the Apple user's main preoccupation - proselytizing for Apple. No sooner than they spend their hard earned jewgolds on a shiny new gadget from Cupertino. They spend their entire lives stuffing that fact down the throats of all their friends, family, and anyone else forced to speak to them. They go on at length about the longevity of their expensive hardware while they save moar monies ready for the  version to shove up their ass. Enforcement of these cult like agenda seems to have the word "Proprietary" at the heart of it. Proprietary file types and plugs. This is one of the methods by which Macfags are kept loyal to the brand, with no point in trying to any competitors products because they aren't [[Retarded|simple]] enough.


Here is a typical argument between Apple and Microsoft tools:
Here is a typical argument between Apple and Microsoft tools:
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*PC user: Bottom line is, Mac can never properly compete with Windows because of economies of scale. Even the connotation of the abbreviation "PC" is Windows. What you pay for is a highly overpriced computer with a visual appeal and a sense of "coolness" attached to it.
*PC user: Bottom line is, Mac can never properly compete with Windows because of economies of scale. Even the connotation of the abbreviation "PC" is Windows. What you pay for is a highly overpriced computer with a visual appeal and a sense of "coolness" attached to it.
== To the Apple CEOs, who must have viewed this page at some point ==
How to make more money and make more of a fan base
    Lower the price, Steve Jobs never wanted to price out the customer.
    Make you're product line smaller. We don't need many versions of the same product.
    Have better specs.
== MacPro 2013 a design that will last the next decade ==
I hope they did not mean that literally. Their flagship computer the MacPro has been neglected since 2013 no updates at all even specs.
Apple came out today 4/4/2017. Apologizing to its pro users. Apple, it's not your fault its Tim Cook's- he has no innovation time for a new CEO.


==Products==
==Products==
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When Steve Jobs returned, he fired some people and hired Apple's current and only designer - former mental patient Jonathan Ive, who appears each time any new product is launched, appearing partially sedated. Like most people who put together Apple products, Johnny is evidently pushed too far. Often in product-launch videos, he struggles to find new words to describe recycled product designs - literally taking fives minutes between each word to think of something new to say - but realising that's impossible, so he returns to saying what he said the last time around.  
When Steve Jobs returned, he fired some people and hired Apple's current and only designer - former mental patient Jonathan Ive, who appears each time any new product is launched, appearing partially sedated. Like most people who put together Apple products, Johnny is evidently pushed too far. Often in product-launch videos, he struggles to find new words to describe recycled product designs - literally taking fives minutes between each word to think of something new to say - but realising that's impossible, so he returns to saying what he said the last time around.  


Laughable Ive-isms include: ''"The <product name>....is the best <product name>...apple has produced yet..."'' and ''"Apple has....always focused on innovation"''
Laughable Ive-isms include: ''"The <product name>....is the best <product name>...Apple has produced yet..."'' and ''"Apple has....always focused on innovation"''




'''Phone Toys:'''
'''Phone Toys:'''


In 2007 apple decided to bring the phone to the homosexuals/hipsters - and created the [[iPhone]]. Fanboys wept cum tears as they fapped over the ability to [[masturbation|shake their screens]], courtesy of gyroscopes which were invented hundreds of years before apple came about - of course apple will try to have you think different.  
In 2007 apple decided to bring the phone to the homosexuals/hipsters - and created the [[iPhone]]. Fanboys wept cum tears as they fapped over the ability to [[masturbation|shake their screens]], courtesy of gyroscopes which were invented hundreds of years before Apple came about - of course Apple will try to have you think otherwise.  


The iPhone continued to be boring until late summer 2014, when the sixth mutation of glass and aluminum was rushed onto the market to cover up [[The_Fappening|Apple's iCloud fuck-up]]. Hipsters everywhere found to their dismay that they weren't actually stoned - that their iPhone666 was infact [http://gizmodo.com/and-heres-a-guy-bending-his-iphone-6-plus-with-his-bare-1638267139 warping in their pocket] - that and Speedy Joe [[lol|sold them flour and not cocaine]].  
The iPhone continued to be boring until late summer 2014, when the sixth mutation of glass and aluminum was rushed onto the market to cover up [[The_Fappening|Apple's iCloud fuck-up]]. Hipsters everywhere found to their dismay that they weren't actually stoned - that their iPhone666 was infact {{Archive|0xlys|warping in their pocket}} - that and Speedy Joe [[lol|sold them flour and not cocaine]].  


Perhaps an apple plan to convert hipsters to homosexuals? [[Potential|Will it work?]] [[No|Will it be an improvement?]]
Perhaps an Apple has a plan to convert hipsters to homosexuals? [[Potential|Will it work?]] [[No|Will it be an improvement?]]




'''Old Toys:'''
'''Old Toys:'''
[[Image: Colorsforeverybathroom.jpg|thumb|With colors to match ones in most domestic bathrooms, the G3 was the toilet seat of choice in the late 90's.]]
[[Image: Colorsforeverybathroom.jpg|thumb|With colors to match ones in most domestic bathrooms, the G3 was the toilet seat of choice in the late 90's.]]
Johnathan Ive started in his job at apple by creating the [[Unoriginal|faggy G3]] - a normal computer with a load of faggy plastic, before a year later giving the word [[Toilet_Seat|a more colourful laptop version]] - otherwise knows as the iBook. Realising that was it and that he didn't have any further original ideas, Jonny had a mental breakdown, and inspired by his mental ward - he went all John-Lennon-minimalist with the next iMac - the [[Gay|G4]]. For the first and only time - an apple product had some functionality in it's hardware design.  
Johnathan Ive started in his job at Apple by creating the [[Unoriginal|faggy G3]] - a normal computer with a load of faggy plastic, before a year later giving the word [[Toilet_Seat|a more colourful laptop version]] - otherwise knows as the iBook. Realising that was it and that he didn't have any further original ideas, Jonny had a mental breakdown, and inspired by his mental ward, he went all John-Lennon-minimalist with the next iMac: the [[Gay|G4]]. For the first and only time - an Apple product had some functionality in its hardware design.  


Some more years later, he created the G5 imac, which Blow Jobs decreed at some WWDC Faggotry club seminar as: ''"It's all nice and flat, see that?"''. Changing to Intel processors meant that it was easier to disguise the fact to apple fags that they haven't upgraded the machine at all, so the design of all of their products has remained the same since this period.  
Years later, he created the G5 imac, which Blow Jobs decreed at some WWDC Faggotry club seminar as: ''"It's all nice and flat, see that?"''. Changing to Intel processors meant that it was easier to disguise the fact to Apple fags that they haven't upgraded the machine at all, so the design of all of their products has remained the same since this period.  


Seven [[PowerPC]] fans gathered in Cupertino, California in order to collectively slit their wrists at the Intel switch over announcement. This was meant to protest Apple's move to [[Intel]], but instead provided welcome industrial dye for the new [[U2]]-endorsed, strawberry-flavored iMac.
Seven [[PowerPC]] fans gathered in Cupertino, California in order to collectively slit their wrists at the Intel switch upon announcement. This was meant to protest Apple's move to [[Intel]], but instead provided welcome industrial dye for the new [[U2]]-endorsed, strawberry-flavored iMac.




'''Current toys:'''
'''Current toys:'''


Infact, none of their products have changed since then. Ironic how apple always went on and on and on about how [[Vista#Vista_Technology|Vista]] took five years to come about, yet the Mac Pro hasn't changed in over a decade. Along the way the iPhone was thrown in, along with the iPad - Apple obsesses over these, and seems to shun professional products because they don't like anybody with an independent thought.  
In fact, none of their products have changed since then. Ironic how Apple always went on and on and on about how [[Vista#Vista_Technology|Vista]] took five years to come about, yet the Mac Pro hasn't changed in over a decade. Along the way the iPhone was thrown in, along with the iPad - Apple obsesses over these, and seems to shun professional products because they don't like anybody with an independent thought.  


Apple doesn't know who it's audience is, because they have made so much money from selling overpriced slices of aluminum, and never particularly cared. Back in '06 they thought gamers were using their machine, because they've never bothered to comprehend gaming laptops.  
Apple doesn't know who it's audience is because they have made so much money from selling overpriced slices of aluminum and never particularly cared. Back in '06 they thought gamers were using their machine, because they've never bothered to comprehend gaming laptops.  


[[Image: nextgenerationofipad.jpg|thumb|Of course, this concept will never become reality, because it has two knobs, which will be too complicated for Apple users.]]
[[Image: nextgenerationofipad.jpg|thumb|Of course, this concept will never become reality, because it has two knobs, which will be too complicated for Apple users.]]
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[[File:Iphone 10 tallest iphone yet.jpg|thumb|If she neglects you in favor of a vibrating device that she has access to 24 hours a day, 365 days, you are coming up short.]]
[[File:Iphone 10 tallest iphone yet.jpg|thumb|If she neglects you in favor of a vibrating device that she has access to 24 hours a day, 365 days, you are coming up short.]]


Apple consumers are just that: consumers.  They're people who buy shit just because they saw it on TV.  Apple consumers are the type of people, who are stupid enough to buy a $1000 [[Macbook_Air]] or Pro. However, they are now the same thing. The laptop has one USB port and no DVD/CD drive, or even a fucking ethernet port. But it can fit inside a manila envelope, which is [[Shit|''such'' a useful function]]. Currently Apple thinks everybody uses an iPad as their primary work machine, which is a myth as the only people who use them include 11 year olds who don't know any better. People who spent all their money on apple products that they now ride a bus, and of course [[Objectophilia|apple fags]].
Apple consumers are just that: consumers.  They're people who buy shit just because they saw it on TV.  Apple consumers are the type of people who are stupid enough to buy a $1000 [[Macbook_Air]] or Pro, however, they are now the same thing. The laptop has one USB port and no DVD/CD drive, or even a fucking ethernet port. But it can fit inside a manila envelope, which is [[Shit|''such'' a useful function]]. Currently Apple thinks everybody uses an iPad as their primary work machine, which is a myth as the only people who use them include 11 year olds who don't know any better. People who spent all their money on Apple products that they now ride a bus, and of course [[Objectophilia|Apple fags]].


Creative people who used macs because they are too lazy to build their own computers, are now leaving Apple, as Mountain Lion totally can't comprehend Photoshop, Illustrator, Premier Pro or anything by Adobe. And Final Cut Pro is now more or less iMovie, but spending more money for iMovie is pointless, unless you have more money than you have IQ. It's also a LOT slower, and for some reason looks like a car dashboard, which appeal to hipsters.
Creative people who used macs because they are too lazy to build their own computers, are now leaving Apple, as Mountain Lion totally can't comprehend Photoshop, Illustrator, Premier Pro or anything by Adobe. And Final Cut Pro is now more or less iMovie, but spending more money for iMovie is pointless, unless you have more money than you have IQ. It's also a LOT slower, and for some reason looks like a car dashboard, which appeal to hipsters.
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Of course, Apple fanboys will always believe that they're getting value for money because their machine works quite well right now, however, everyone else knows once OSeX is upgraded their browsers won't be supported, forcing them to upgrade.  
Of course, Apple fanboys will always believe that they're getting value for money because their machine works quite well right now, however, everyone else knows once OSeX is upgraded their browsers won't be supported, forcing them to upgrade.  


What's also funny is that at D10, CEO Tim Fookup stated "...I believe that the tablet market would eventually surpass the PC market", signalling that Apple thinks it's future is in catering for the people featured in their marketing photos; toothless [[Spics]] and [[Azn|Azns]] who love shiny things because they live in abject poverty. He babbled on further stating "...as much as I love my mac...I uh...*scratches ass for a few moments* find myself spending more time on my iPad", a statement which clearly isn't the most poorly executed sales pitch ever.
What's also funny is that at D10, CEO Tim Fookup stated "...I believe that the tablet market would eventually surpass the PC market", signalling that Apple thinks it's future is in catering for the people featured in their marketing photos; toothless [[Spics]] and [[Azn|Azns]] who love shiny things because they live in grinding, abject poverty. He babbled on further stating "...as much as I love my mac...I uh...*scratches ass for a few moments* find myself spending more time on my iPad", a statement which clearly isn't the most poorly executed sales pitch ever.


Their newest [[Mac OS|OSeX]] anally rapes hipster creatives when Mountain [[Furry|Lion]] is installed, making it spaz out when attempting to run [[Adobe®_Photoshop®|Photoshop]] - and heaven forbid you try to edit your porno film on iMovie. They couldn't be asked when inquiring on upgrading the Opera browser.  
Their newest [[Mac OS|OSeX]] anally rapes hipster creatives when Mountain [[Furry|Lion]] is installed, making it spaz out when attempting to run [[Adobe®_Photoshop®|Photoshop]] - and heaven forbid you try to edit your porno film on iMovie. They couldn't be asked when inquiring on upgrading the Opera browser.  
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Indeed, the future is shit-colored at Apple with Tim [[Cuck]] as the new emperor. Even emos have either gone up in the world by buying a PC or have gone to living in the streets. So there is only a handful of trust fund college kids to care, and a shit load of [[13 year old boys]], who can't get enough of the boring shit.
Indeed, the future is shit-colored at Apple with Tim [[Cuck]] as the new emperor. Even emos have either gone up in the world by buying a PC or have gone to living in the streets. So there is only a handful of trust fund college kids to care, and a shit load of [[13 year old boys]], who can't get enough of the boring shit.


At WWDC in 2013, Apple tried really hard to sell it's products again. They think this can be done by producing a new OS X named after some crappy band from the 80's/90's, a new coffee machine called the mac pro, and some upgrades to the macbook air, and not at all by lowering it's prices.
At WWDC in 2013, Apple tried really hard to sell it's products again. They think this can be done by producing a new OS X named after some crappy band from the 80's/90's, a new coffee machine called the mac pro, and some upgrades to the macbook air, and not at all by lowering its prices.
 


===It's not shiny...IT'S GOLD!!!!===
===It's not shiny...IT'S GOLD!!!!===
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* No Ports - but then this won't be an issue for [[gay|apple fanbois]], [[homosexual|who don't know what a good port is anyway]].
* No Ports - but then this won't be an issue for [[gay|apple fanbois]], [[homosexual|who don't know what a good port is anyway]].
* Even Thinner
* Even thinner
* Still no disc drive
* Still no disc drive
* Power-cord sold separately
* Power cord sold separately
* No Software
* No software


2016 MacBook update
2016 MacBook update:
* Still No Ports
 
* 480P Camera in 2016!
* Still no fucking ports
* 480P camera in 2016!
* As thin as the 2015 MacBook
* As thin as the 2015 MacBook
* No disc drive
* No disc drive
* Power-cord sold separately  
* Power cord sold separately  
* Same price
* Same price


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=== The Mac ===
=== The Mac ===
This sumbitch costs $2,000. Hot shit. [[You]] better be getting a super special awesome ultra special sexy machine for that kind of coin! The reality however is, we're not.  
 
{{quote|MAC COST 99999999999999999£
 
BEST EVER PC COST 100£
 
SO GO SUCK DONKEY BALLS, MAC FANS
 
YOU CAN'T TAKE THE TRUTH
 
YES, THEY CAN FIT IN AN ENVELOPE- THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS, RIGHT?
 
Mac fucks your gradeds balls.|gabriel25gatens on a MAC YouTube video|center=relative}}
 
This sumbitch costs $2,000. Hot shit. [[You]] better be getting a super special awesome ultra special sexy machine for that kind of coin! The reality however is, you won't.  


* Processor: A quad core i5. It's the retarded cousin of the i7 family and it doesn't support Hyper Threading. In other words an [[AMD]] would outperform it.  
* Processor: A quad core i5. It's the retarded cousin of the i7 family and it doesn't support Hyper Threading. In other words an [[AMD]] would outperform it.  
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* SSD: They'll hit you up for $1000 in for a 1TB drive option, which leads to believe that the "fusion" option only offers [[Fail|256 GB]] of solid drive space.
* SSD: They'll hit you up for $1000 in for a 1TB drive option, which leads to believe that the "fusion" option only offers [[Fail|256 GB]] of solid drive space.
* Graphics: They'll throw in a really [[shitty]] Radeon R9 M290 with your purchase. It's a mobile chip, because fitting a normal card in a computer case isn't trendy enough.
* Graphics: They'll throw in a really [[shitty]] Radeon R9 M290 with your purchase. It's a mobile chip, because fitting a normal card in a computer case isn't trendy enough.
* CD/DVD Drive: There is none! Enjoy having a tablet without the touchscreen, while having a mouse and keyboard [[faggot]].  
* CD/DVD Drive: There is none! Enjoy having a tablet without the touchscreen, while having a mouse and keyboard, [[faggot]].  
* Monitor: It's an impressive 5K resolution! Not 4k, because using a standard that you can't see will make you feel above everyone else!  
* Monitor: It's an impressive 5K resolution! Not 4k, because using a standard that you can't see will make you feel above everyone else!  
* Apple is expected to release an 8k iMac in the near future with a thinner design.  
* Apple is expected to release an 8k iMac in the near future with a thinner design.
 
===Brainwashing===
Apple brainwashes you into buying their outdated technology by making their products look fancy.
 
Having an over priced fancy product will make you feel like you are better than everyone else.


So all in all, this isn't really an amazing computer and it's below practical standards. Apple should really up their game or we could do it for them.
So all in all, this isn't really an amazing computer and it's below practical standards. Apple should really up their game or we could do it for them.
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I'm lazy. Click [http://www.logicalincrements.com/ Here] and go to the "Enthusiast" tier (third from the bottom) hovers around $2,300, $200 less than the Mac.
I'm lazy. Click [http://www.logicalincrements.com/ Here] and go to the "Enthusiast" tier (third from the bottom) hovers around $2,300, $200 less than the Mac.


===Brainwashing===
=== The 2016 Mac event was lame===
Apple brainwashes you into buying their outdated technology by making their products look fancy.
 
Having an over priced fancy product will make you feel like you are better than everyone else.
So much hype about new macs being released when the only thing
 
that was released during the so called mac event was new software of course
 
& the new MacBook Pro with an over priced touch bar


== Bend over! It's iCloud time! ==
== Bend over! It's iCloud time! ==
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If you thought the machines were crap - wait until you use [[something_awful|their add-ons]]!
If you thought the machines were crap - wait until you use [[something_awful|their add-ons]]!


In August 2014 some hacker on 4chan proved just how easy hacking apple actually was. That or they just wanted ransom money from [[Celebrity|teenage celebrities]] everybody knew were slutty to begin with.  
In August 2014 some hacker on 4chan proved just how easy hacking Apple actually was. That or they just wanted ransom money from [[Celebrity|teenage celebrities]] everybody knew were slutty to begin with.  


A number of celebrity photographs were easily taken from iCloud, because Apple cares more about shifting unsellable/useless iPads to [[hipsters]] than they are in running some cling-on cloud data service. Proving that they can't compete with google, which makes apple less than [[google]]. Be sure to point this out to apple [[fanbois]] for hours of entertainment value.  
A number of celebrity photographs were easily taken from iCloud, because Apple cares more about shifting unsellable/useless iPads to [[hipsters]] than they are in running some cling-on cloud data service. Proving that they can't compete with Google, which makes apple less than [[google]]. Be sure to point this out to Apple [[fanbois]] for hours of entertainment value.  


At first, apple responded by posting pictures of hipsters on their website, because iPad sales were crappy and nobody could be bothered upgrading their current iPad. Which they barely ever used to watch videos or read books on, because they were busy doing actual work to care. However, once [[The Party Van]] arrived, Apple initially released [http://9to5mac.com/2014/08/31/countless-celebrity-nude-photo-leaks-being-blamed-on-supposed-icloud-hack/ a statement denying everything].
At first, Apple responded by posting pictures of hipsters on their website, because iPad sales were crappy and nobody could be bothered upgrading their current iPad. Which they barely ever used to watch videos or read books on, because they were busy doing actual work to care. However, once [[The Party Van]] arrived, Apple initially released [http://9to5mac.com/2014/08/31/countless-celebrity-nude-photo-leaks-being-blamed-on-supposed-icloud-hack/ a statement denying everything].


== However... ==
== However... ==
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|<center>''' Unofficial hymn of Apple product '''</center><br/><youtube>F4hQ4J4BFOM</youtube>
|<center>''' Unofficial hymn of Apple product '''</center><br/><youtube>F4hQ4J4BFOM</youtube>
|<center>''' Mac Gets Served '''</center><br/><youtube>8h1VQBfLDLA</youtube>
|<center>''' Mac Gets Served '''</center><br/><youtube>8h1VQBfLDLA</youtube>
|<center>''' Crash Different '''</center><br/><youtube>8H2_E_cAyoM</youtube>
|<center>''' Crash Different '''</center><br/><youtube>j1SjWJK3zq8</youtube>
|<center>''' Typical Mac Faggotry '''</center><br/><youtube>A5rnF6xH2iY</youtube>
|<center>''' PC tells the truth '''</center><br/><youtube>hIrBkgS4E1k</youtube>
|<center>''' PC tells the truth '''</center><br/><youtube>hIrBkgS4E1k</youtube>
|<center>''' Apple's unspoken message '''</center><br/><youtube>JixbzFjv_cU</youtube>
|<center>''' Apple's unspoken message '''</center><br/><youtube>JixbzFjv_cU</youtube>
|<center>''' Apple's unspoken message '''</center><br/><youtube>JixbzFjv_cU</youtube>
|<center>''' Apple's unspoken message '''</center><br/><youtube>JixbzFjv_cU</youtube>
}}|border=#dedede|background=#dedede}}</center>
}}|border=#dedede|background=#dedede}}</center>
<!--
|<center>''' Typical Mac Faggotry '''</center><br/><youtube>A5rnF6xH2iY</youtube>
-->


==Employee raep==
==Employee raep==
{{quote|The secret wage-theft agreements between Apple, [[Google]], [[Intel]], [[Adobe]], Intuit, and [[Pixar]] (now owned by Disney) are described in court papers obtained by PandoDaily as “an overarching conspiracy” in violation of the Sherman Antitrust Act and the Clayton Antitrust Act, and at times it reads like something lifted straight out of the robber baron era that produced those laws. Today’s inequality crisis is America’s worst on record since statistics were first recorded a hundred years ago — the only comparison would be to the era of the railroad tycoons in the late 19th century.|--[http://pando.com/2014/01/23/the-techtopus-how-silicon-valleys-most-celebrated-ceos-conspired-to-drive-down-100000-tech-engineers-wages/ SODOMY!!]}}
{{quote|The secret wage-theft agreements between Apple, [[Google]], [[Intel]], [[Adobe]], Intuit, and [[Pixar]] (now owned by Disney) are described in court papers obtained by PandoDaily as “an overarching conspiracy” in violation of the Sherman Antitrust Act and the Clayton Antitrust Act, and at times it reads like something lifted straight out of the robber baron era that produced those laws. Today’s inequality crisis is America’s worst on record since statistics were first recorded a hundred years ago — the only comparison would be to the era of the railroad tycoons in the late 19th century.|--[http://pando.com/2014/01/23/the-techtopus-how-silicon-valleys-most-celebrated-ceos-conspired-to-drive-down-100000-tech-engineers-wages/ SODOMY!!]}}
==Tim Cook==
Rumor has it Apple employees miss Steve Jobs. Let's face it since Steve left
Apple has been lacking in innovation.


== DRM ==
== DRM ==
{{achtung|This section is entirely true, so pay attention, asshole.}}
{{achtung|This section is entirely true, so pay attention, asshole.}}
{{Main|DRM}}
{{Main|DRM}}
Steve Jobs has said that Apple is against [[DRM]], but this is complete and total bullshit, because everyone who isn't [[retarded|retarted]] knows that DRM will help Apple sell millions of iPods, even though today they are only associated with homosexuals. If you haven't put this together yourself then allow me to do it for [[you]]. DRM means that once a consumer purchases music off iTunes, he (we omit the ''she'' because women are supposed to be in the kitchen making dinner while the men are out fucking with hot chicks who are totally [[asking for it]]) will only be able to listen to that music on his iPod and in iTunes. '''OH SHIT, MY IPOD BROKE''' -- Ha. Good luck with that. Guess what? You fucked yourself. That's right. That [[Dragonforce]] that you purchased on iTunes only works on iTunes. The latest iPod looks gay so you decide you want a [[Zune]]. After plugging it in you try to put the music you purchased on iTunes onto [[You|your]] [[Zune]]. You get so angry you have sex with a couple of the goats that you keep in your mom's basement, punch out your parole officer and cut your dick off in a morphine-induced high. As a result of the protection, you have to buy another iPod to listen to your [[over 9,000]] dollars worth of music. Apple argues that it doesn't sell DRM-free music because of the record companies. However, this is a lie because all the same music can be bought without DRM on [[Amazon]] MP3.
Steve Jobs has said that Apple is against [[DRM]], but this is complete and total bullshit, because everyone who isn't [[retarded|retarded]] knows that DRM will help Apple sell millions of iPods even though today they are only associated with oldfags. If you haven't put this together yourself then allow me to do it for [[you]]. DRM means that once a consumer purchases music off iTunes, he (we omit the ''she'' because women are supposed to be in the kitchen making dinner while the men are out fucking with hot chicks who are totally [[asking for it]]) will only be able to listen to that music on his iPod and in iTunes. '''OH SHIT, MY IPOD BROKE''' -- Ha. Good luck with that. Guess what? You fucked yourself. That's right. That [[Dragonforce]] that you purchased on iTunes only works on iTunes. The latest iPod looks gay so you decide you want a [[Zune]]. After plugging it in you try to put the music you purchased on iTunes onto [[You|your]] [[Zune]]. You get so angry you have sex with a couple of the goats that you keep in your mom's basement, punch out your parole officer and cut your dick off in a morphine-induced rampage. As a result of the protection, you have to buy another iPod to listen to your [[over 9,000]] dollars worth of music. Apple argues that it doesn't sell DRM-free music because of the record companies. However, this is a lie because all the same music can be bought without DRM on [[Amazon]] MP3.


Although, even though it still sucks, if you burn your music onto CDs, you can re-upload the music for other formats. (Don't tell anyone I told you this. Its a secret. SHHHH)
Although, even though it still sucks, if you burn your music onto CDs, you can re-upload the music for other formats. (Don't tell anyone I told you this. It's a secret. SHHHH!!!!!!!!!)


'''THUS: APPLE MAKES MONEY OFF YOUR [[stupid|STUPIDITY]].'''
'''THUS: APPLE MAKES MONEY OFF YOUR [[stupid|STUPIDITY]].'''
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Since anyone with half a brain could figure out how to get music without paying for it by using sites such as Playlist.com, and anyone with half a brain wouldn't buy an iPod, there's no reason why anyone with half a brain would want to use iTunes.  However, if one does elect to actually buy a song off iTunes, one will receive the song in a proprietary format, making it useless--and a waste of money--if they want to use the song with anything other than iTunes or their iPod.
Since anyone with half a brain could figure out how to get music without paying for it by using sites such as Playlist.com, and anyone with half a brain wouldn't buy an iPod, there's no reason why anyone with half a brain would want to use iTunes.  However, if one does elect to actually buy a song off iTunes, one will receive the song in a proprietary format, making it useless--and a waste of money--if they want to use the song with anything other than iTunes or their iPod.


Hell, you want to go crazy? [http://www.mgtek.com/dopisp/ Download MGTEK Dopisp.] OR [http://www.mediamonkey.com MediaMonkey] OR [[http://winamp.com Winamp]].  You'll be able to sync your iPod to Windows Media Player, and allows you to put whatever the fuck you want on there regardless of what's on your shitty iPod right now. It won't overwrite or delete anything unless you manually do so (PROTIP: To keep using it after the 30 day trial, uninstall it and clean out the remaining registry entries with a program like [http://www.ccleaner.com/ CCleaner.], or it won't let you use reinstall and use it again without paying for it. Finding a good serial key/crack is a bitch right now.)
Hell, you want to go crazy? [http://www.mgtek.com/dopisp/ Download MGTEK Dopisp.] OR [http://www.mediamonkey.com MediaMonkey] OR [http://winamp.com Winamp].  You'll be able to sync your iPod to Windows Media Player, and allows you to put whatever the fuck you want on there regardless of what's on your shitty iPod right now. It won't overwrite or delete anything unless you manually do so (PROTIP: To keep using it after the 30 day trial, uninstall it and clean out the remaining registry entries with a program like [http://www.ccleaner.com/ CCleaner.], or it won't let you use reinstall and use it again without paying for it. Finding a good serial key/crack is a bitch right now.)




=== Adobe Flash ===
=== Adobe Flash ===
Apple and [[Adobe]] have recently divorced each other. It all started when [[Steve Jobs]] decided Apple was too cool for [[Flash]]. Some random guy (apparently Steve Jobs) recently released a lulzy, butthurt report on why Apple shouldn't use Flash in its mobile devices. [http://www.apple.com/hotnews/thoughts-on-flash/ BAWW]
Apple and [[Adobe]] have recently divorced each other. It all started when [[Steve Jobs]] decided Apple was too cool for [[Flash]]. Some random guy (apparently Steve Jobs) released a lulzy, butthurt report on why Apple shouldn't use Flash in its mobile devices. [http://www.apple.com/hotnews/thoughts-on-flash/ BAWW]


== Things You'll Never See A Mac Do ==
== Things You'll Never See A Mac Do ==
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* Have a body that isn't made from crap aluminum that scratches and chips.
* Have a body that isn't made from crap aluminum that scratches and chips.
* Run active directory or any technology that relies on a domain.
* Run active directory or any technology that relies on a domain.
* Have the latest Tech
* Right-click


==The things you'll never see Apple do==
==The things you'll never see Apple do==
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* Not require you to wank the iPhone to undo inserting text - WANKERS
* Not require you to wank the iPhone to undo inserting text - WANKERS
* Have a cock over 6 inches
* Have a cock over 6 inches
* Have products that don't cost the monthly mortgage payment
* Update their products often with the latest Tech
* Release more than 2 hardware products a year has been the recent trend of Apple recently since 2015


== Apple in Popular Culture ==
== Apple in Popular Culture ==
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==Apple's Marketing Scheme==
==Apple's Marketing Scheme==


[[Image:Apple-manual.png|thumb|Apple’s Secret Employee Training Manual [http://gizmodo.com/5938323/how-to-be-a-genius-this-is-apples-secret-employee-training-manual]]]  
[[Image:Apple-manual.png|thumb|Apple’s Secret Employee Training Manual {{Archive|kDep9}}]]  


[[Image:AppleHQ.jpg|thumb|A hard day at work with the Apple crew.]]  
[[Image:AppleHQ.jpg|thumb|A hard day at work with the Apple crew.]]  
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4. Said fucktard goes to the Mac store and pays for an insanely overpriced Mac.
4. Said fucktard goes to the Mac store and pays for an insanely overpriced Mac.


5. ???????????
5. Make products look fancy to brainwash you into buying an over priced device in reality you are really paying for art.


6. PROFIT!!!!!
6. PROFIT!!!!!
Line 342: Line 397:


[[image:Troll_mac.png|centre]]
[[image:Troll_mac.png|centre]]


==Apple Switch Ad Campaign==
==Apple Switch Ad Campaign==
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== Gallery ==
== Gallery ==
{{cg|Galleria de MacTard|AppleGallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
{{cg|Galleria de MacTard|AppleGallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Macbook2016.jpg| Bestbuy quote Ultrabook - Intel Core M (6th Gen) m5-6Y54 Dual-core (2 Core) 1.10 GHz - 8GB LPDDR3 RAM - 256GB SSD - Intel HD Graphics 515 L1920 x 1080 16:9 Display $1,332.00Cad Looks pretty much the same as the MacBook
Image:antimacfag.png|I don't wanna die a FAGGOT.
Image:antimacfag.png|I don't wanna die a FAGGOT.
Image:Macsuckshereletmeshowyou.png|Mac users get [[pwnt|boned]] again.
Image:Macsuckshereletmeshowyou.png|Mac users get [[pwnt|boned]] again.
Line 387: Line 442:
Image:ifail.jpg|What [[Steve Jobs]] is reduced to after Windows.
Image:ifail.jpg|What [[Steve Jobs]] is reduced to after Windows.
Image:Goatsemac.jpg|[[Goatse Security]] hack.
Image:Goatsemac.jpg|[[Goatse Security]] hack.
File:ITray.jpg
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:N1642560406_93935_9775.jpg|[[GG Allin|Jesus]] uses a Mac.
Image:N1642560406_93935_9775.jpg|[[GG Allin|Jesus]] uses a Mac.
Line 415: Line 471:
Image:AppleWonder.png|Apple has prowess in Computer Science III!
Image:AppleWonder.png|Apple has prowess in Computer Science III!
Image:Macfanboys.jpg|[[Truth]]
Image:Macfanboys.jpg|[[Truth]]
File:Apple weed.jpg
Image:FFFFFFUUUUUUMAC.jpg|You win teh prize!
Image:FFFFFFUUUUUUMAC.jpg|You win teh prize!
Image:Valvemac-lg.jpg| PCs are like [[TF2]] sentries - they're upgradable, can be built by yourself, it's rugged, etc. On the other hand, Macs are like [[Portal]] sentries - [http://www.apple.com/accessibility/voiceover/| they can talk] and piss off everything that moves.  Fucking great.
Image:Valvemac-lg.jpg| PCs are like [[TF2]] sentries - they're upgradable, can be built by yourself, it's rugged, etc. On the other hand, Macs are like [[Portal]] sentries - [http://www.apple.com/accessibility/voiceover/| they can talk] and piss off everything that moves.  Fucking great.
Line 448: Line 505:
File:Modding Mac thread.jpg
File:Modding Mac thread.jpg
File:Applefag.jpg
File:Applefag.jpg
 
File:Apple5.jpg
File:Apple-ipad-ipod-macbook-macbook-pro-someones-an-apple-fan.jpg
File:Apple - iPad - 19.jpg
File:Apple - iPhone - Stone.jpg
File:Apple-mailbox.jpg
File:Applecandlestickholder.png
<!--Image:EDApplebootlogo.png|What the apple logo should look like.-->
<!--Image:EDApplebootlogo.png|What the apple logo should look like.-->
<!--Image:Nigga with a mac.jpg|black person with a mac? This must be [[fake]].-->
<!--Image:Nigga with a mac.jpg|black person with a mac? This must be [[fake]].-->
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<!--Image:Who_Macs_were_made_for.png|Even OS X is racist.-->
<!--Image:Who_Macs_were_made_for.png|Even OS X is racist.-->
<!--Image:Steve Jobs retard.jpg-->
<!--Image:Steve Jobs retard.jpg-->
File:Applecoffeemaker.png
File:Appleghey.jpg
</gallery>|0}}
</gallery>|0}}


== List of Apple fanboys on JewTube ==
== List of Apple fanboys on JewTube ==
SoldierKnowsBest - [http://www.youtube.com/user/SoldierKnowsBest] <br />
*SoldierKnowsBest - [http://www.youtube.com/user/SoldierKnowsBest] <br />
justinsbigidea - [http://www.youtube.com/user/justinsbigidea]<br />
*justinsbigidea - [http://www.youtube.com/user/justinsbigidea]<br />
gobbypower - [http://www.youtube.com/user/gobbypower] <br />
*<s>gobbypower - [http://www.youtube.com/user/gobbypower]</s> <br />
[[CP|Chris Pirillo]] - [http://www.youtube.com/user/lockergnome] <br />
*[[CP|Chris Pirillo]] - [http://www.youtube.com/user/lockergnome] <br />
Mrseanryan25 - [http://www.youtube.com/user/Mrseanryan25] <br />
*Mrseanryan25 - [http://www.youtube.com/user/Mrseanryan25] <br />
AppleSoldier - [http://www.youtube.com/user/AppleSoldier] <br />
*AppleSoldier - [http://www.youtube.com/user/AppleSoldier] <br />
gixG17 - [http://www.youtube.com/user/gixG17] <br />
*gixG17 - [http://www.youtube.com/user/gixG17] <br />


== List of Apple fanboys on ED ==
== List of Apple fanboys on ED ==
Line 469: Line 533:
*[[fl0ss]]
*[[fl0ss]]
*[[wattage]]
*[[wattage]]
*<span class="plainlinks">[https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/members/quence.10/ Quence]</span>


== Other Apple Products ==
== Other Apple Products ==
Line 502: Line 567:
== External links ==
== External links ==
* [http://www.yfsgt.com You Fags Sure Got Told: Applefags getting told]
* [http://www.yfsgt.com You Fags Sure Got Told: Applefags getting told]
* [http://www.forgetthebox.net/mag/culture/forum-m/macs-ipods-ipads-iphones-%E2%80%93-irefuse-to-conform.php Macs, iPods, iPads, iPhones -- iRefuse to Conform]
* [http://archive.fo/d4pp5 Macs, iPods, iPads, iPhones -- iRefuse to Conform]
* [[Maddox]]'s [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=macs_cant stance on Apple]
* [[Maddox]]'s [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=macs_cant stance on Apple]
* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uC4TDxumWI - How to hack into a Mac
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmFVJMFvIRg How to hack into a Mac]
* [http://www.facebook.com/pages/I-hate-Apple/51127772446 I hate Apple Failbook Group]
* [http://www.facebook.com/pages/I-hate-Apple/51127772446 I hate Apple Failbook Group]
* [http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=18885458821 iHate Mac Smuggery Failbook Group]
* [http://archive.fo/Dhqn iHate Mac Smuggery Failbook Group]
* [http://andimapc.com/ Make your own Mac vs. PC!]
* [http://andimapc.com/ Make your own Mac vs. PC!]
* [http://www.apple.com/switch/ Apple's Switch website]
* [http://www.apple.com/switch/ Apple's Switch website]
** [http://www.apple.com/pr/library/2002/jun/10switch.html Press Release from the launch of the Switch campaign]
** [http://archive.fo/MA9k5 Press Release from the launch of the Switch campaign]
* {{ljuser|user=mymacsucks}}
* {{ljuser|user=mymacsucks}}
*[http://arstechnica.com/microsoft/news/2009/09/microsoft-helps-best-buy-employees-troll-mac-users-too.ars Microsoft helps bestbuy troll mac users]
*[http://arstechnica.com/microsoft/news/2009/09/microsoft-helps-best-buy-employees-troll-mac-users-too.ars Microsoft helps bestbuy troll mac users]
* [http://www.mac-how.net Mac How]
* [http://www.mac-how.net Mac How]
*[http://forums.macrumors.com/showthread.php?t=194601 If this doesnt make you rage nothing will]
*[http://forums.macrumors.com/showthread.php?t=194601 If this doesnt make you rage nothing will]
http://www.quickpwn.com/2010/06/leaked-iphone-4-and-ios4-secrets.html/ APPLE JUST BECAME THE FINAL BOSS OF THE IPHONE. NOW THOSE BASTARDS CAN TRACK EVERYTHING YOU DO. DELETE YOUR FAP FOLDER.
*[https://web.archive.org/web/20100701085109/http://www.quickpwn.com/2010/06/leaked-iphone-4-and-ios4-secrets.html APPLE JUST BECAME THE FINAL BOSS OF THE IPHONE. NOW THOSE BASTARDS CAN TRACK EVERYTHING YOU DO. DELETE YOUR FAP FOLDER.]
* {{archive|RK9G|Steve Jobs offers world freedom from porn}}
* {{archive|RK9G|Steve Jobs offers world freedom from porn}}
*[http://quocomputer.com/ '''DONT BE A FAGGOT''' Get your high-end PC with OSX installed here. ]
*[http://archive.fo/j5L3S '''DONT BE A FAGGOT''' Get your high-end PC with OSX installed here. ]
*[http://www.forgetthebox.net/mag/culture/forum-m/apple-set-to-battle-q-ray-with-release-of-new-iray-ionized-bracelet.php Apple Set to Release new iRay iOnized Bracelet]
*[http://archive.fo/c1Kpo Apple Set to Release new iRay iOnized Bracelet]




Line 523: Line 588:
{{Business}}
{{Business}}
{{Softwarez}}
{{Softwarez}}
{{Language}}
{{Indie}}
{{Timeline|Featured article September 27, [[2006]]|[[The Matrix]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Bill Gates]]}}
{{Timeline|Featured article September 27, [[2006]]|[[The Matrix]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Bill Gates]]}}
{{Language}}


[[category:Memes]]
[[category:Memes]]
[[category:Hipster Shit]]
[[category:Hipster Shit]]
Anonymous user

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