God Hates Fags: Difference between revisions

'''God Hates Fags''' is a [[website]] founded by the [Batshit Insane|awesome]] Westboro Baptist Church, God-tier [[IRL]][[Trolls]] with the help of [[Adolf Hitler]] and [[Best Korea|Kim Jong Il]]. It is devoted to spreading the good word of[[God| the Lord]] and [[lies|truth]] to the uninformed and yet to be anally devastated masses.

{{quote|[[What|God doesn't hate them because they're fags. They're fags because God hates them.]]|Fred Phelps on the [[You|American people]]}}

Fred Waldron Phelps, Sr. (born November 13, 1929) was a man born with a [[drugs|vision]]. Since the day he left his mother's womb he was determined to be the world's best IRL troll. This was not an easy task and Fred knew this as he practiced his trolling techniques almost non-stop through his early life. It was not until much later that he started making "god hates fags" signs. This was an instant hit. Butthurt fags and fag enablers came from all four corners of the earth to try and protest his protests. Fred and his family got over 9000 lulz as they watched droves of retards make a fools out of themselves. He got so much pleasure from this he decided to create his own church, the Westboro Baptist Church. [[Lie|With this his power grew and so did his ability to troll fags.]] Fred has done so well with his works on earth that god put him 2nd in the line of godly succession, right behind Hitler. ([[Wat|When god steps down from power, Hitler will be the new god, then when Hitler steps down Fred Phelps will be new god]].)

On March 20th, 2014, Fred Phelps lost his battle with AIDS, and [http://www.cnn.com/2014/03/20/us/westboro-church-founder-dead/ died]. As a reward for spreading God's message of hatred for all things gay, Fred ascended to [[heaven]] at approximately 11:15 am. The faggots rejoiced, despite having sore anuses for [[butthurt|multiple]] [[buttsex|reasons]].

Although Wikipedia has recently removed these [[fact|facts]] due to their [[Nazi|no-lulz policy]], Fred Phelps' personal history is [[some argue|seen by many]] as fucking hilarious. For example, in the past he was known for his [[alcohol|alcoholism]] and methamphetamine abuse and while under the influence of these fine substances, he attempted  to [[an hero|fulfill his destiny]] with a [[gun|shotgun]] and '''[[fail|missed]]'''. Like much of his life, this seems to be some kind of world record for [[you fail it|failure]]. Medical evidence also shows that he [[Goofy Time|beat his children]] severely with a pickaxe (apparently he confused them with Lapis Lazuli), and when unemployed (which he was for quite some time) he was known to throw [[BAWWW|tantrums]], breaking all the available dishes before taking his wife into the bedroom for [[rape|sex]]. He has, in fact, publicly come out in support of the compassionate Christian tactic of "[[Domestic violence|beating your bitch]]."

Before forming his own [[cult|totally normal group of outstanding citizens]], Phelps first had to be kicked out of the congregation that he was previously a member of. How would he accomplish this? [[God]] had an answer. Fred was in church one day, fantasizing about buttfucking a large-rumped nigger, when his infant son began to cry. Should he [[Babyfuck|comfort the child]]? God had a better answer. Fred repeatedly punched the baby in the face, almost guaranteeing him as bright a future as his father had. Seeing this, those who were not busy getting him kicked out were inspired to join his next church. This one failed as well when he held a vote to kick out someone who was not sufficiently retarded, and the congregation instead voted to kick out Fred.

Before becoming a cult leader, Fred was a [[e-lawyer|lawyer]]. In fact, he has forced all of his children to become lawyers as well. This is convenient for him, because, although he eventually paid someone to testify to his "good character" in order to acquire a law degree, he was quickly [[banned]] from practicing. Along with frequently getting in fist fights, he attracted the authorities' attention by repeatedly calling a woman a [[slut]] in court.Because he gives no fucks.

Phelps and his followers believe that [[you]] are going to hell because you don't take to the streets everyday killing [[Homosexuality|fags]] and [[Jews]] with rusty butter knives (which you [[DO IT FAGGOT|should probably be doing]] regardless, you lazy fuckhead.)  

Although he hates fags, he says nothing against homosexual [[prison rape]]. He has been repeatedly asked about this and refuses to answer. In fact, some sources say that he supports this practice.

Phelps and [[Retards|his followers]] believe that [[you]] are going to hell because you don't take to the streets everyday killing [[Homosexuality|fags]] and [[Jews]] with rusty butter knives (which you [[DO IT FAGGOT|should probably be doing]] regardless, you lazy fuckhead.) Possibly the most remarkable thing about Phelps is that, unlike your run-of-the-mill [[homophobe]], he hates, and campaigns against, [[lesbians]] as much as he does against [[gay]] men.  No Penthouse Forum for THIS bad boy. Perhaps it is because he has managed to learn that [[lesbians]] are purported to perform superior [[cunnilingus]], and, through his general obsession with all things [[queer]], this has made him exceptionally fearful that they will convert America's daughters to a life of [[scissoring|wanton pleasures of the flesh]], OH NOES[[Oneoneone|!!!11]] Phelps has also targeted things like [[http://www.indyposted.com/136777/unbelievable-westboro-baptist-church-protests/ Swedish vacuum cleaners]] for indirectly infringing on his [[WTF|beliefs]].

{{fv|ghfvids|text-align:center;border:10px solid #cccccc;width:480px;height:320px;-moz-border-radius:35px;-webkit-border-radius:35px;background-color:eggwhite;padding-top:10px;padding-bottom:10px;|font-weight:bold;|<youtube>1ogeG6Qb7FM</youtube>|<youtube>mboRutd5ww0</youtube>}}

On June 6th, [[2007]], [[Satan|Shirley Phelps-Roper]], Daddy's little bitch and the most prominent Westboro member in recent years, [[pwned|had the book thrown at her]] when she went to town on a flag, and burned the hell out of it. Oh, and she endangered her kids or something. Shirley states that "[[Lie|It’s utter nonsense]]. I don’t know what else to tell you other than that we’ll see them in federal court." Considering that everyone and their dog hate the Phelps, Shirley should start praying to her Psycho-Lord to free her from guaranteed [[Bubba|prison]] [[rape]].

After trash metal band Slayer's guitarist Jeff Hanneman died of liver [[failure]] and who got bitten by a very [[cute|scary]] [[spider]] who can [[sex|make love to|scare]] your little sister, [[redundant|they protested his funeral]] and planned to make the Bible thumper Christfaggotry-filled version of [[Britfag|Ozzy Osbourne]]'s song "Crazy Train" with their power of lyrics to thump [[up yours]] bible.

<youtube>RjAuhrLaCIc</youtube>

[[Image:Shirley_phelps_jewtube.jpg|thumb|{{ytlink2|communityyou|Note the purple background}}.]]

UPDATE: It appears that WBC has returned to the land of Tubes relating to You, showing us all how not gay they are with their choice of background color (because they couldn't figure out how to make rainbows in MSPaint).  They are under the guise of {{ytlink2|communityyou|communityyou}}, and they are employing stealth levels unseen before now, cleverly hiding their identity by listing their hometown as Topeka, linking to one of their sites as their homepage, and using a picture of their [[Masturbation|protesting]].  Clearly, they learn from [[Metal Gear Solid|the best]].

  And release! And and release!

As the Good Book says: Do under others as they have done unto you. So it's only fair.  Besides, who doesn't love an sexorcism, followed by a lizard corpse bonfire followed by a church-full of fundie jackasses being forced to martyr themselves for their irrelevant Cosmic Jewish Zombie deity?<BR>

 

{{truth}}

{{trolls}}