Ben Ford: Difference between revisions

{{quote|I'm a worthless, ignorant, selfish gutter-turd.| Benford21.}}   

His hobbies include [[lurking]] on forums full of thirteen-year-old girls, raging to said thirteen-year-old girls about how [[Jews|Arabs]] did WTC, jacking it (often while talking to unsuspecting persons on Skype), and [[Do not want|writing, posting, and fapping to numerous pornographic fanfiction stories in which Tig Trager from Sons of Anarchy fucks Bellatrix Lestrange from Harry Potter]]. Benford, or Ben as he's known to his [[trolls|friends]], is notable for his tendency to [[TMI]] '''and [[Bestiality|his disgusting habit of feeding his semen to his cats.]]'''

Ben continued to harass other girls with vaguely [[rape|sexual]] comments, ham-fisted romantic overtures, and one apathetic proposal to the forum’s admin, until he [[suicide|banned himself]] for sockpuppeting (and afterwards he admitted that he didn't even know why he created the sockpuppet, which didn't do anything except discuss [[Ben Ford#What's wrong with him?|sharks]] and [[Ben Ford#What's wrong with him?|the military]]), which happen to be [[Autism|fixations]] of Ben's.

I love Bellatrix because she's just awesome.<br>

=Politics=

Ben has a habit of [[cock|sucking]] up to women in the hope they might give him tits. Because he is a disgusting, smelly manchild (read up and down for evidence), they never do.

The most important woman in Ben's life is his [[Incest|mother]]. At 20 years old, Ben asked her permission to join fanfiction.net, and to download Skype, and to chat with people. His reasoning is "Her house, her rules", which he [[autism|repeats every time]] somebody points out how completely [[Castration|emasculated]] he is. Ben has been photographed wearing her clothing, which makes him a transvestite. He apparently likes older women, too. The implications are disturbing, yeah?

===Ben and the Women===

The number of stupid little bitchfights he gets into with his friendzonefriends is so high it cannot be counted in numbers, and few are worth mentioning, but the pattern typically goes like this: Ben says something insensitive/creepy/really retarded; people get freaked out and tell him to stfu; Ben spams the [[offended]] [[lemonparty|party's]] friends with self-loathing messages; these friends call him a stupid douche. This happens regularly until people start blocking him.

Image: ass to mouth to lolis.jpg|Oh hey thar little suzy, whacha think of ass to mouth?

Image: Ben implying.jpg|Sadly they do not catch on and relieve him of his burden

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=Ben and the Magic Hobo=

After receiving an onslaught of nonsense messages and the full text of Moby Dick in Russian from [http://www.fanfiction.net/u/3736111/ofMiceandBen ofMiceandBen], Ben turned to TuesdayNovember for help. The result was Ben in his mother’s bra. The lead-up to that involves traumatic head-injury, massive boners, and a prophet hobo.

Ben also confirmed later to Jim Crow, [[KKK|David Duke]], and [[Holocaust|1000 dead jews in the oven]] that the bra picture was his after it appeared on /b/. Due to the massive amounts of spam text between the lulzy parts, this side of the conversation is presented in text quotes.

|hey do you want to see a picture of my enormous schlong? i'm selling them for 50 cents apiece to get hooker money|He does, secretly

{{quote| Apparently, she convinced Ben that he had been possessed by a hobo I brought home one day. He told me to "Pray the hobo out" or something, and he was dead fucking serious when he said it. I told him the hobo demanded pictures of people named Ben in their mother's bras. So he took a picture of himself wearing his mom's massive bra and put it on Photobucket.|As told by Jim Crow}}

=Cat Monglers [[Anonymous]]=

And this.... Feast your eyes upon this festering turd of an OC which may in fact rival [[My Immortal|Tara Gilesbie’s Enoby Way]] in sheer faggotry and retardation. Keep in mind that this shit is entirely, 100% serious.

Nickname: "Banshee"

Bio: Emily O'Neal was born on the first hour, in the first minute, of Halloween, 1975, in Belfast, Northern Ireland to two purebloods. She earned a reputation quickly, because when '''the Doctor who delivered him spanked her, she screamed and he died 2 days later.''' At age 11, she was accepted into Hogwarts. At age 20, she joined Voldemorts ranks, quickly rising through the ranks. Crazy, bloodthirsty and cruel, she earned a reputation as a cold blooded [[Whore|bitch]] because she was usually the only one who came back alive in a mission. Many Death Eaters believe she kills her teammates herself. She will stop at nothing to reach her goals.

'''(...some tl;dr shit)'''

|A second version of this profile can be found [http://www.fanfiction.net/topic/56802/35032128/64/Newest-Introduce-Yourself-Thread here.]}}

Before continuing with this section, why don’t you have a look at a sample of his ‘hard work’. It will make it clear to you exactly how bad he is at his trade.

On one thread, Ben offered to show people, and I quote, “My stories wedding vows”. Here, you can see just how fucking retarded Ben is about his fixation.

<br>

(Bellatrixs Vows): I absolutely can. Tig Trager, before I met you, I was a cold hearted [[Whore|bitch]] and I never thought I could feel anything but hate. Before you, I never dreamed of sleeping with or even talking with [[Harry Potter|Muggles]]. I was the right hand of a [[Psychopath]] and a cold blooded killer, I could commit crimes without any remorse or regret, but with a [[http://www.meatspin.com/ song in my soul]]. I used to be jealous of my two sisters, because [[Kitchen|they got married and had kids]] while I dedicated my life to following a Dark Lord. But then [[Shit nobody cares about|I challenged you to a drinking contest on that fateful night in London]]. It changed my life. So I ask you, can you, knowing what I was and all the sick stuff I've done, spend the rest of your life with me and love me anyway?|Spoiler: nope}}

Be warned... these will rape your eyes, ears, brain, soul. You can find him [http://www.youtube.com/user/MrRambo1037 here]

{{quote|I can't imagine a more retarded idea.|[http://www.youtube.com/user/CPRailRTC CPRailRTC] on Ben's obsession.}}

Ben claims to have ADD and OCD, both of which are impossible due to not being real, as we all know. Some of the people trolling him think that he has [[Kevin Havens|fetal alcohol syndrome]] and is [[retard|retarded]], and Jim Crow believes he had [[autism]], but these are also is not real. On the other hand, Ben hates being called autistic. Nobody knows why this is, but we're going to pipe to the article a lot because of it.

{{quote|[5/2/2012 9:28:46 PM] Mr. Bean: Just talking with another person on FF. Red Molly.<br>

Ben: Okay.|Ben in a skype conversation}}</center>

<br>

{{story|<pre>[29/04/2012 11:04:42 PM] Benjamin Ford: But you guys don't mind if I shout?

="I need a life" - Benquotes=

Eliza's Perphekt: we want to know your secrets<br>

Benjamin Ford: And yes. I know what it means.<br>

=Gallery of Ben=

<center>

Image: cat mongler 2.jpg|So many cats, so little time

Image: a man of deep thought.jpg|Ben thinking deep thoughts

Image:poor kitty cat.jpg| God damn look at that pedostache god damn

Image: ben with some skinny guy.jpg|Caveman looks [[Rape|way too enthusiastic]]

Image: cumcat on toilet.jpg|Jesse Arbogast sitting on a toilet

Image: header of ben.jpg|The header from his Twitter. Note the retarded fanpicture

Image: ben is a troper.jpg|Like many retards who spend too much time on TVTropes, he has a tendency to point out irrelevant things that fit into trope categories. He also uses them in his OC profiles.

Image: ben declares war on a pairing.jpg|Ben declares war on a pairing nobody cares about.

Image: Ben is grinding with bellatrix.jpg|Somewhere else in that clusterfuck, he said he was married to her.

Image:1920s  benford.jpg|Artist’s impression of Ben, or so we’re told.

</center>

=External Links=

* [http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1712564/TellatrixForever His Fanfiction.net profile]

* [http://www.fanfiction.net/u/3533067/Loyal-to-a-fault His sockpuppet account, “Quinn”]

* [http://s1167.beta.photobucket.com/user/mrdeath4/library/#/user/mrdeath4/library/?&_suid=13615650952430510870365418466 his Photobucket]

* [http://phoenixteaparty.ning.com/profile/BenjaminDavidFord His account with some crazy Tea Party faggotry]

* [[JustinRPG]]

* [[Tanner Weed]]

* [[Rootbrian]]

* [[USI]]

* [[Shit]]

{{dyingalone}}

{{fanfics}}