Dog
How many of you love Dogs? Your best friend, your protector, etc. GodJesus said in Mathew 7:15-16 to beware of a wolves in sheeps' clothing--do you know what he referred to? That's right, dogs! Dogs are wolves that were selectively bred since 100,000 BC by Satan (since people didn't exist till 6000BC) and then bred by humans since 6000BC to appear like little sheep. But inwardly dogs are ravenous wolves.
Dogs love to:
- Scare people
- Attack people
- Smell like rotting garbage
- If the dog big enough, then eat young children
- If the dog any size, then eat whatever is smaller than it
- Bark at 150 decibels like a broken record 24/7 nonstop
- Rape humans, including young children
- Eat feces
- Eat their own regurgitation
And all the while because of their sheep disguise it's illegal to shoot them, poison them, do pet dressing, or even have sex with them. And of course, dog sex is the best. In fact, according to a recent study, having sex with dogs is shown to increase midiclorian count. If somebody walks in accidentally on you in the middle of the act, many lulz are bound to ensue, because the dog penis locks inside whatever orifice it has been put into for at least an hour and a half. Of course, you'll never get any dog pussy because you are you, and therefore, you fail at life. And have a small penis.
Dog hunting
You can't shoot dogs, that is, unless they're "coyotes", which are mostly dog but aren't completely retarded and can survive in the wild. Then you can blast away at them 24 hours a day and the animal freaks can't give you shit about it. Of course, Americans don't know how to cook them, but Cantonese cooks can make anything taste good. Whether you enjoy the meat or not, it's nothing compared to the priceless expression when you invite over the PETA members and they see all those heads mounted on the wall!
Working With Dogs
You can make some dough off this much beloved family pet.
- Vet: A wonderful profession where you will have the chance to stick thermometers up dog's asses, be exposed to multiple diseases that can be passed from animals to humans and be privy to Fido's daily bathroom schedule. Get paid a buttload of money by prescribing drugs meant for humans at twice the price to fucktard owners. On the plus side you get to put dogs down.
- Groomer: A great alternative if you are too stupid to pass Med school for animals. You'll have a fun-filled day of being slashed bloody by newly cut nails, cleaning around Fido's ass and listening to the yapping of small purse dogs owned by prominent female celebrites. You won't get paid fuck all, but the fun part is making dogs looking even more fucking retarded than they already are.
- Trainer: Make shitloads of cash on people too fucking lazy/retarded to teach their own pet basic commands.
- Police : Train big fucking dogs to maul criminals.
- Breeder: Dogs need human help doing such natural things as fucking. Make Profit from purebreds and make even moar by mating two different types of dogs together to create a fun new hybrid with the worst traits of both parents.
Did you know?
Other species keep pets too. Ants tend to beautiful lycaenid caterpillars night and day. Birds keep cuckoos, who grow larger and larger and more and more demanding, giving the parent birds endless entertainment. "Awww, did my little cuckoo knock that egg out of the nest? Bad cuckoo. Let me get you a snack!" Like dogs do for humans with a breeder instinct, cuckoos give birds a fulfilling alternative to parenthood.
Famous Dogs
- Cujo - what most dogs aspire to be
- Snoopy from Peanuts - an unfunny dog. Apparently he has Herpes of the mouth, which sucks because he likes to Lick little girls.
- Brian from Family Guy - a Snoopy copypaste
- Balto - a sled dog, proving dogs will do fucking anything, also a favorite movie of furries and wolfaboos
- Greyfriar's Bobby - a dog noted for starving to death on his owner's grave
- Hachiko - the weeaboo version of the Greyfriar story
- Scooby-Doo - a retarded talking cartoon dog
- Lassie - a collie dog from from a fucking old tv show
- Benji - a mutt dog from a fucking old movie
- Toto - Dorothy's companion in The Wizard of Oz
- Ren - "You EEEEEEEEEDiot!!!"
Videos and Gallery
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THE ONLY WAY TO DEFEAT THE DOGS TRYING TO STOP ANONYMOUS.
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Dogs love lulz.
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Dogs are very intelligent.
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Humans are just like dogs.
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Furries love dogs.
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The dumbest of all dog breeds.
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The wholesome career of dog breeding.
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Boo and a Pedobear Plush.
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Some dogs are huge. Like Giant George!
See also
Examples of Dog Abuse:
- Bestiality
- Bill Torres
- Bolts-BIGGEST-Fan
- Dracoguard
- Esachasa
- Furries
- Poeticirony
- Pumba Jeffery Larocque
- Puppy Pitcher
- WolfJLupus
Others:
