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Jake Roberts: Difference between revisions
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[[Image:Jake.jpg|thumb|right|150px|How do I played Wii?]] | [[Image:Jake.jpg|thumb|right|150px|How do I played Wii?]] | ||
'''Jake Roberts''' was a [[13 year old boy|13 year old]] who was reported to have died [[Last Thursday|last Thursday]] after a [[Suicide|tragic accident]] involving him "accidentally" hanging himself with | '''Jake Roberts''' was a [[13 year old boy|13 year old]] who was reported to have died [[Last Thursday|last Thursday]] after a [[Suicide|tragic accident]] involving him "accidentally" [[Autoerotic asphyxiation|hanging himself with his school tie]]. In truth, it was because his father wouldn't let him play [[Wii]] since Jake's sister was watching TV. So, he proceeded to [[emo|off himself]]. Silly Jake, he could have just waited for his sister to finish and [[in the kitchen|gb2 kitchen]]. | ||
Someone should have gotten this kid an [[Mitchell_Henderson|iPod]]. | Someone should have gotten this kid an [[Mitchell_Henderson|iPod]]. | ||
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[[Image:Gratitude.PNG|thumb|right|150px|Jake Roberts shows gratitude.]] | [[Image:Gratitude.PNG|thumb|right|150px|Jake Roberts shows gratitude.]] | ||
Jake had bought a Wii game earlier that day, and was planning on playing it. | Jake had bought a Wii game earlier that day, and was planning on playing it. His sister, however, was already watching TV where he intended to play. So, rather than [[asking for it|slapping the bitch]], he had a [[butthurt|temper tantrum]] and stormed into his room. He was [[Raped|discovered]] hours later by his attentive father, hanging by his neck to the cabin bed by his school tie, becoming [[an Hero]], (or should I say [[Unfunny|an '''Wii'''ro]]? Oh ho ho ho ho!) | ||
Fortunately, [[Lori Drew|his mother]] clarified the situation by stating that her "[[Asperger's syndrome|sensitive child]] with a [[Drugs|fantastic imagination]]" hadn't meant to die when he hanged himself; [[retard|he just did something stupid.]] Good thing she was around to point this out, as a line of people was already forming outside the door to praise Jake's intelligence. Jake was declared dead two days after he hanged himself, which shows how [[England|Britfags]] can't do anything right. | Fortunately, [[Lori Drew|his mother]] clarified the situation by stating that her "[[Asperger's syndrome|sensitive child]] with a [[Drugs|fantastic imagination]]" hadn't meant to die when he hanged himself; [[retard|he just did something stupid.]] Good thing she was around to point this out, as a line of people was already forming outside the door to praise Jake's intelligence. Jake was declared dead two days after he hanged himself, which shows how [[England|Britfags]] can't do anything right. | ||
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But a coroner said that Jake had [[Fail|killed himself by accident]] and there was no evidence he has been influenced by the program, because coroners are also licensed mind readers. | But a coroner said that Jake had [[Fail|killed himself by accident]] and there was no evidence he has been influenced by the program, because coroners are also licensed mind readers. | ||
The real [[truth]] of the story is that Jake Roberts was deeply into [[autoerotic asphyxiation]]. All the "[[fail|cool]]" kids at school were doing it and Jake really wanted to [[Buttsecks|"fit in"]] with the guys. His friends told him all the [[whores|girls]] would think he was TOTALLY [[hawt]] if he did it. So when he couldn't play with his [[penis|Wii]] he figured the next best thing would be to strangle himself into a [[high]]. Sadly he "[[orly|accidentally]]" killed himself in the process. | The real [[truth]] of the story is that Jake Roberts was deeply into [[autoerotic asphyxiation]]. All the "[[fail|cool]]" kids at school were doing it and Jake really wanted to [[Buttsecks|"fit in"]] with the guys. His friends told him all the [[whores|girls]] would think he was TOTALLY [[hawt]] if he did it. So when he couldn't play with his [[penis|Wii]] he figured the next best thing would be to strangle himself into a [[high]]. Sadly, he "[[orly|accidentally]]" killed himself in the process. | ||
==Instant An Wiiro== | ==Instant An Wiiro== | ||
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[[Image:Genna_nadine.jpg|thumb|right|150px|[[internet disease|Lulz, what a fatass.]]]] | [[Image:Genna_nadine.jpg|thumb|right|150px|[[internet disease|Lulz, what a fatass.]]]] | ||
Genna-Nadine Smith-X is a [[Attention_whore|girl]] [[retarded|brave]] enough to head into the shit storm | Genna-Nadine Smith-X is a [[Attention_whore|girl]] [[retarded|brave]] enough to head into the shit storm ensuing on Jake's Bebo memorial page. She soon became an [[Internet tough guy]] and proceeded to call out all the raiders on the page. Jake was her friend's uncle's nephew's second cousin or some shit like that, so of course she got all pissy and started arguing with all the people on Jake's comments. All she really succeeded in doing was making herself look like a [[Woman|stupid cunt]]. | ||
After threatening to kill a few people | After threatening to kill a few people, she also claimed that she could find their IP addresses because [[lie|her dad has access to the bebo admin]]. This was an obvious lie (made funnier by the fact that her page says [[idiot|she hates liars]]). When she realized no one cared, she soon [[STFU|fell silent]]. | ||
{{quote|yeah know your IP no matter [[7 proxies|how many proxxy's your behind]] my dad has access to bebos admin, and its against british law.|OH NOES GUIS, SHE GONNA GET OUR IP'S!}} | {{quote|yeah know your IP no matter [[7 proxies|how many proxxy's your behind]] my dad has access to bebos admin, and its against british law.|OH NOES GUIS, SHE GONNA GET OUR IP'S!}} | ||
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==[[A Challenger Appears|A Challenger Appears!!11]]== | ==[[A Challenger Appears|A Challenger Appears!!11]]== | ||
Over the [[Canada|Canadian]] Thanksgiving weekend [[Brandon Crisp]] ran away from home because his parents took away his Xbox 360. Apparently the | Over the [[Canada|Canadian]] Thanksgiving weekend, [[Brandon Crisp]] ran away from home because his parents took away his Xbox 360. Apparently, the massive amount of ''[[War|Call of Duty 4]]'' was negatively affecting his sleeping habits and [[Nobody Cares|social skills]]. His body was found on October 24. [[Some argue]] that Brandon is an hero, but others say not. The debate is under top priority at the official An Hero headquarters in [[gay|Antartica]]. | ||
==[[Bel-Air]]== | ==[[Bel-Air]]== | ||
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*[http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1029685/Schoolboy-hanged-family-argument-new-Wii.html Additional Coverage] | *[http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1029685/Schoolboy-hanged-family-argument-new-Wii.html Additional Coverage] | ||
{{Anheroes}}[[Category:People|Roberts, Jake]] | {{Anheroes}}{{Britfags}}[[Category:People|Roberts, Jake]] | ||