Cyde
—Cyde, In regards to Danny Wool | ||
Cyde Weys, or simply Cyde, is a pseudonym of Benjamin McIlwain living in Potomac, Maryland, and Meepsheep's fursona (a ferocious grizzly). Cyde is a fat Wikipedia undergraduate admin, best known for being the responsible of the Great Anti Userbox Rampageof May 2006, along his pseudo-intellectual friends Tony Sidaway and Conrad Devonshire.
Origins
Cyde did not have it easy as a little boy. He was rejected by all the girls because of his physical impediment, although he did find redemption in macrobiotic food, top notch entertainment, and, of course, meditation. When he was 16, some argue he tried getting infected with teh ghey, but his ass was so damn huge not even gay boys wanted anything to do with it.
Noone loved him. Not even God, because god hates fats.
What was Cyde supposed to do?
The College Years
College life gave Cyde a chance to start anew and that he did, as the largest porn distributor on the campus file sharing hub. At its peak, his collection was over 9000 gigabytes (srsly) with 90% of it being scat, dog farts, and amputee. The other 10% was shotacon, so you have to give the guy some credit. For the first time in his life Cyde felt loved and appreciated, but began to crave more and soon turned to IP spoofing in order to increase his distribution bandwidth and block rival distributors.
The hub admin caught on to his shenanigans but couldn’t pinpoint Cyde’s real address, so he banned Cyde’s entire community block of 1,500 people and put his IRL info on the ban message. The university had to step in to protect Cyde after wanted posters were placed all over campus. Faced with losing his adoring public, Cyde did the only thing he knew how to do: spoofed the university’s DHCP system to get around the community ban.
The university’s IT department caught on to his shenanigans but couldn’t pinpoint Cyde’s real address immediately, so they freaked out and blocked all internet and network access for the community block for a few hours. Monitored 24/7 by university IT and hated by the entire student body, Cyde’s dream of a new life had been crushed like everything else his gigantic ass touched.
Enter Wikipedia
It was then that Cyde, upon one busy night after a frat party, discovered the wonderful world of Wikipedia.
Allege, this was the first step towards the end of the lulz.
Cyde worked his way up to adminship by befriending Jimbo Wales and the rest of the fucktards, and he was finally granted the mythical banhammer. Since it's common knowledge that the requisites for being a Wikipedia Admin Gallery are being fugly, a transsexual (see Tony Sidaway and Kelly Martin), and/or batshit insane (see MONGO), it was obvious that his lonely childhood had left him scarred for life. By becoming an admin at the greatest page eva, as e-psychiatrists have determined, Cyde obtained biblical amounts of unwarranted self importance and divine rights over every single other user in not only Wikipedia, but the Internets itself. Such is the fate of a Wikipedophile admin— one who forgets that being on a special elite does not erase prior fucktardery.
In fact so much power this adminship means to him, that it seems to be the only trait worth of recognition according to his user page, which goes like this:
"I am an administrator on Wikipedia. I'm mostly interested in anything having to do with science, including but not limited to, evolution, encryption, astronomy, science fiction, SETI, and computer programming. I'm also interested in politics, mostly because of the negative influence on science it's been having lately. I am an unabashed naturalist."
Needless to say, drama soon followed.
The Great Userbox Drama
Since Cyde never knew what was it like to be happy, he lashes out on the entire Wikipedia community. Nobody in Wikipedia is supposed to laugh, according to the policies WP:DNLAED, WP:ITA, WP:DICK, WP:LMAO, and WP:CNSPIRCY, official policies Jimbo Wales (the equivalent of a fuckable God on a Wikipedophile's mind) allegedly wrote himself -- although Cyde probably blackmailed him into it, since Jimmy appears on every single picture ever seen of him laughing like it's lulzcon.
So it was just a matter of time until Cyde, between blocking ppl in the ass and deleting their talk pages so they couldn't complain about it, noticed something.
Something terrible.
Something funny.
Encyclopedia Dramatica:Userboxes.
These tiny little colored fellas gave joy and fun to everybody in the green, bunnyfied Wikipedian fields.
Of course, something had to be done, because in Cyde's mind, nobody is ever to have a queer old good time. Because for him it was obvious that queer old good times have tragic consequences.
"The Internet is serious business. There should be no lol ever again", thought Cyde. And indeed he did something. Something that would change Wikipedia forever.
What he did
Instead of calmly doing shit like most Wikipedia admins try to, coming off as civilized and smart, Cyde went OMG LIEK TOTALLY BATSHIT one mythical May the 13th, when he and his special friend Conrad Devonshire nominated every motherfucking single userbox they didn't like for deletion, despite the fact that some of them were being used in at least 100 userpages.
This drama bomb continued, much to the amazement of everybody, and by May the 14th, Cyde and his buddy had already nominated a grand fucking total of 88 userboxes to deletion, based on these main three claims:
- "Unencyclopedic template, does not belong in template space. Opinions like "Oh but it's funny" are irrelevant, as humor is relative, but our encyclopedic goals are not." - Cyde Weys.
- Uncyclopededic template, simply not funny, no point in having around. Get this junk out of template space. - Cyde Weys.
- "Stupid and lacking in humor. Pointless to have around." - Conrad Devonshire.
Mind you, some of them were nominated by Conrad and "speedy deleted" by Cyde in less than what it takes you to say MILF. Not to mention many userboxes were nominated without a deletion warning, thus preventing Wikipedia users from knowing the truth.
However, the truth WAS made public, and a wave of outrage filled Wikipedia's userpages, where userboxes' warnings of deletion were screwing up the designs. Soon afterwards thousands of "KEEP n stfu syde(sic) kplzthx" comments appeared on the deletion voting logs. Since most of Wikipedia users are not assholes, with the exception of a select few, most userboxes did survive Cyde's vendetta, thanks in large to an admin known as Mailer Diablo, who tried to end the madness. A few ones, however, fell victim to "speedy deletion" (i.e. nominate for deletion at April 1 8:00 pm, delete at April 1 7:59 pm) by Cyde's adminship.
Thanks in large to the unity of lolsome Wikipedians, the userbox fad stayed. Of course, Cyde kept on bitching so eventually userboxes stopped being templates, or something, but that's another story.
The aftermath
From the Great Userbox Drama comes the (by now) ancient wikipedian song of the Bonfire Userbox:
- Remember, remember, the thirteenth of May,
- the deletion of lulz and the box
- I know of no reason why the lolercaust of the box
- should ever be forgot.
- Cyde Weys, Cyde Weys,
- t'was his intent
- To speedy delete up the lulz and the lol
- A suckpuppet and a tranny below,
- poor old Wikipedia's lulz to overthrow!
- By God's providence he was stopp'd,
- With a black person carrot and a banhammer in the belows.
- Hip hip Hoorah!
- Hip hip Hoorah!
United Kingdom Wikipedia users celebrate the 13th of May by burning an effigy of Cyde Weys with a stash of faggots.
Other Drama-Generating Techniques
Cyde's attempt at "serious lulz" (the "serious" here being unfunny) is something called Rouge Clinic, but quite frankly, nobody gives a shit. Additionally, Cyde has written various essays, such as the Don't Be a Fucking Douchebag (Irony!) reply he gives to anybody who doesn't agree with him.
Userbox Generator
Why would Cyde, the one who deletes all the userboxes, have a userbox generator? It is at his ugly website. And his userboxes page is the page with the most userboxes on THE WHOLE WIKIPEDIA according to Interiot's list.
His USERBOX page is here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Cyde/testboxen.
Why the hell would CYDE, the hater of userboxes, have a USERBOX GENERATOR? It really gets you wondering who Cyde really is....
—Kato, The Wikipedia Review | ||
Controversy
Some argue that Cyde Weys is nothing more than Tony Sidaway's sockpuppet. This conspiracy theory is based on the fact that Cyde's full name is pronounced exactly like Tony's last name. Also because they work in teams of injustice - Cyde bans a poor bitch and Tony deletes the poor bitch's talk page, contribs, and existence from the universe. Shit, there's even a Cydebot, further increasing the drama bomb range.
Also, hanging around with Tony Sidaway is already controversial, because srsly, wtf mate.
Which one of the four is true?
02:31, 21 August 2006 Cyde (Talk | contribs) blocked "CYDE SUCKS JIMBO SUCKS SNOPAKE IS A SLUT SCEPTRE IS DEAD (contribs)" with an expiry time of indefinite (Only one of the four is true, dumbass.)
Which one of the four is true?????
Moment of Brilliance
Cyde showed that he's more than just a pretty face by banning a probable puppet of Slime Virgin setting off days of massive drama.
See also
External links
- His userpage on Wikipedia
- Where people bitch about his existence
- The Great Userbox Drama, Part 1
- The Great Userbox Drama, Part 2
- The Great Userbox Drama cannot be stopped
- His obese website
- wtf?
- Nick White?
|
Cyde is part of a series on Visit the Wikipedia Portal for complete coverage. |
|
Cyde is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |