Encyclopedia Dramatica:Article of the Now/June 24, 2023
Naruto (also referred to as "Ninja Brokeback Mountain") is an animu about sand ninjas and eugenics. It is a gateway anime of the worst kind riddled with one-dimensional characters who lack development, poor pacing, numerous plot holes, shitty villains who "aren't really so bad in the end", an anime saturated in filler arcs, a final arc with a complicated mess of a plot that stretched on for a year, massive abuse of plot armor to cover up shitty writing, and a story of "friendship" which somehow makes Boku No Pico look like Metal Gear Solid in comparison. Despite this, it is one of /a/'s guilty pleasures due to being a massive lolcow which has provided them with lulz for 15 years. The story is about a blonde-haired, afro hairstyled, blue-eyed, half-emo, foreigner half-demon ninja teen struggling to be accepted into society by being a whiny faggot who annoys everyone around him, including the viewers. His goal is to become Ninja Obama and change the world. To accomplish this he becomes a ninja who dresses in bright colors, doesn't into stealth, announces his presence to his enemies, literally only uses 2 Jutsus for the entirety of the series, forgives mass murderers, and rather than killing enemies would rather give gay speeches about bonds and friendship and other shit. In fact, He is such a failure of a ninja that the plot replaced him with Sasuke "Edge-Lord" Uchiha as the main character halfway through the story due to Kishimoto's boner for his favorite character. One of the many themes in Naruto that are ultimately ignored is that hard work surpasses talent which is shown in how Naruto and Sasuke become the most overpowered characters by having perfect bloodlines and literally being handed power-ups while characters like Rock Lee are ultimately forgotten by the plot. Great writing there, Kishimoto! Another lesson Naruto teaches is that if you stalk someone long enough, they will change their mind about you and will run back into your arms. Considering that the entire lolcow of a fanbase is full of basement dwelling beta-male autists whose last encounter with a real vagina was during their birth and obese 16-year-old fangirls who devote their entire lives to their OTPs, It's easy to see why Naruto has managed to last as long as it did by appealing to autistic weeaboos. All 700 fucking chapters of this shit.
Legend has it that there may actually be female characters in this series. However, a closer investigation has proven that most female characters either tend to be useless or dead. One example is Tenten, a character so useless that the anime was thankful enough to show her fighting, just so they can create filler space (Which they already do with Hinata). It should also be noted that this anime has no actual Japanese martial arts or anything even related to actual ninjas. The final irony is despite being THE anime of choice for edgy 13-year-olds, no matter how many fansubs insert the words "Fuck" or "Cunt," Naruto is still A FUCKING KID'S SHOW.
According to press reports, Naruto is "a cartoon about Arab on television."[1]
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