Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
Not to be confused with Star Wars: The Old Republic.
Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic is a western RPG by BioWare for the Xbox and PC. Abbreviated "KotOR", it is wildly popular, especially because of the faggy Star Wars: The Old Republic MMORPG that has been released. It is set over 9000 years before the original Star Wars movies. The first game (considered the better of the two) has you, an amnesiac person working for the Republic, and over time you gain pals who will assist you in your quest for finding the Star Forge. The first game was one of BioFail's last halfway decent works before going completely to shit, so it should come as no surprise that they retconned the lore to make Revan into a complete pussy who failed to accomplish anything meaningful and spent most of the time between the time of the games and "modern" starwars canon as the Sith Emperor's personal fuccboi, torture doll, and on-demand piece of ass.
Gameplay
It's a BioWare game. Expect a lot of tl;dr shit about how some woman's family was blown up by the Mandalores or some shit. But anyway, you can either choose from the soldier class (fighter type, upgrades to Jedi guardian), scoundrel (low health/high damage type, upgrades to Jedi consular), and scout (balanced class, upgrades to Jedi sentinel.) If you want to not have a headache throughout the first planet, Taris, you might as well pick the soldier class.
You can also do good and evil things. For example, when you see a hurt alien, you can either give him medicine for +light side points, or tell him to fuck off and die for +dark side points. It's impossible to be totally neutral because you're given a choice at the end when you must join the evil Bastila or try to stop her later on. The coolest thing you can do if you're evil, is to blow up a shark on Manaan and poison the water all while still avoiding being b& from there.
Also, be prepared to spend a lot of time looking at the map and backtracking all the fucking time on the beginning planet, Taris, or the water planet, Manaan. Especially Taris.
Characters
Every single goddamn party member has some sort of backstory they don't want to talk about and it gets resolved somehow by the end of the game. Except T3-M4 because he just beeps.
- The Main Character: The main character of the game. When you start the game, you can make the character a dude or a chick and choose what they look like. Even an Azn woman. Or a blonde bulldyke.
- Darth Revan: Canonically male, but can be female if the main character is one too. That's because Revan is the player character. Darth Malak tells Revan this when s/he is captured on the Leviathan. It turns out s/he and Malak went evil from their search of the Star Forge. When the Jedi boarded the Sith's ship, the Leviathan, Darth Revan was almost killed by Bastila but saved at the last second, causing him/her to get amnesia.
- Darth Malak: Darth Malak is a guy that looks like the fag from that kind-of-animu show except he's actually tough. He's missing his jaw because Revan accidentally knocked it off with a lightsaber. He used to be the apprentice of Revan, until both went evil from trying to find the Star Forge.
- Carth Onasi: Carth is a human guy in his late thirties that whines all the time. It turns out he was betrayed by someone from the Republic, leaving his wife to be killed and his son to join the Sith. If female Revan is not a lesbian, Carth may end up falling in love with her. Even if she's evil. This shipping is supported by 99% of the female fans and they wish it was canon.
- Mission Vao: A loli blue Twi'lek who is first seen in Javyar's Cantina with her Wookiee BFF Zaalbar on Taris. After he's rescued, Mission slowly begins to talk about her deadbeat brother who has a thing for money and getting in trouble. Turns out the Sand People captured him, and he offers his sister a lot of money when freed. He never comes back. If you're evil, you can tell her to stfu forever by killing her and Zaalbar... or getting Zaalbar to pwn her death. Awesome.
- Zaalbar: A Wookiee and the BFF of Mission. When Revan, Mission, and Carth save him from Gamorrean slavers, he pledges his life to Revan. Then on his homeland of Kashyyyk he gets taken away because he said that Chuundar sucked as a leader and is selling their own people to the man. If you're good, Zaalbar helps the exiled old leader Freyyr take back leadership. Experts agree killing Mission was the only interesting thing he ever did.
- Bastila Shan: Pigtailed, huge titted, Jedi cunt who's captured on Taris and you have to save her. Upon her rescue, she claims that she was able to handle it and she was faking. She continues to be a bitch until she realizes who exactly Revan is and begins to share dreams with him/her. Then, on the Leviathan, she butts in a fight between Revan and Malak and is stuck fighting the latter, who captures her and seduces her to the dark side, making her a complete bitch AGAIN. You can go with her, try to save her, or kill her off at the end of the game. If you talk to her every fucking time you enter the ship, you can eventually have buttsex with her. This doesn't really affect or change anything in the game other then giving you an overwhelming sense of shame.
- T3-M4: An annoying little droid that beeps and fires lasers and stuff. A fun fact, he's fucking useless outside of that like one door he opens on Taris. Most people probably don't even know he exists, because you have to go through a rather obtuse sidequest to get him, and you can only get him on Taris, which can't be revisited after you leave for obvious reasons.
- Canderous Ordo: Man, this guy with graying hair is such a badass. He carries a big-ass gun and lives for war and honor. He's a Mandalorian. You know, like Boba Fett. He and Juhani don't like each other. When he first meets Revan, he says "I'm someone you don't want to get on the bad side of.". While he's the first evil person that joins you, he still bitches you out for doing really asshole things like stealing shit.
- Juhani: A lesbian Jedi with a vaguely Eastern European accent. Do not fret, though! While she's a Cathar, she barely even qualifies for kemonomimi. Really all she has is pointy ears and a topknot and funny eyes. She freaked out and killed her Jedi master, but if you don't kill her, she'll be forgiven by everyone. She had a friend named Belaya that she "spent so many nights under the stars with." Riight.
- HK-47: The robot people actually care about. He's an evil robot that wants to kill fucking everything and is only restrained by his master. He likes to refer to humans as meatbags. When he's fully repaired, he recalls that Revan actually built him. By far the most popular character.
See why here!
- Jolee Bindo: A neutral Jedi that lives in a tree on the forest floor of Kashyyyk. He's a wise old black man who gets grumpy and cranky all the time. His wife fell to the dark side and he just couldn't kill her, and let her go. She was eventually killed in a war. Some of the Jedi Council said he learned a hard lesson and he got sick of their crap and left. He does not want to talk about this shit until Revan keeps bothering him over and over and over. If Revan is evil, he and Juhani will get killed off at the end when they are like "REVAN NO BEING BAD IS BAD!"
Fandom
The fandom may be scarier than any other sect of the Star Wars fandom. Why? Ship. And how.
Carth/Revan Fangirls
Holy Jesus. It's like the fangirls use female Revan as some sort of Mary Sue. This gallery speaks for itself.
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REVAN SHOT FIRST
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Uh
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This never happens, fangirls.
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YAAAY
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HO HO HO
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TOGETHER!
Bastila/Revan Fans
The fangirls that are sick of Carth's bitching instead like the bishie kawaii version of [male] Revan and Bastila. See here.
Juhani/Revan Fans
Canderous/Revan Fans
The 1% of fangirls that see Carth for what he truly is. While Carth/Revan fanart is 99% love and only 1% pr0n, Canderous/Revan fanart is the other way around. Some argue that this is because Mandalorians have bigger cocks.
The Sequel
Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords: Electric Boogaloo (called KOTOR 2 because of the fucking long name) is the sequel made by Obsidian for the PC and Xbox. It was considered a disappointment in comparison to the first game since it was buggy, and because there is a lot of cut content. Some of the quests felt like they were lifted from a MMORPG, such as run here, talk to this person, go back, kill something, go to the person again. Also, the plot felt like a fanfiction at the end because Kreia tells the Exile what happens to everyone, and then a 30-second cutscene of the Ebon Hawk flying away leads to the credits.
Characters
- The Jedi Exile: Canonically female, the Exile was told to GET OUT by the Jedi Council for running off to fight the Mandalorian War with Darth Revan. Because of this, the Force was stripped away from her. As she levels up she gains powers back slowly, whether she is light side or dark side. She also has problems remembering things and-OH WAIT WHERE DID WE SEE THIS SHIT BEFORE? KOTOR 1.
- Kreia: A manipulative old woman who hates the Force. She's neither good or evil until the very end, where she aligns with the dark side and becomes Darth Traya. Darth Sion pwns her hand off at the start of the game, making her the first playable elderly amputated woman in a game. She yells at the Exile all the time and scolds her for being nice, for being a jerk, for breathing, fucking everything. She also explains what happens to the other party members at the end, fanfiction-style, right before dying.
- Atton Rand: A gambler that, after some twi'leks bring it up, deals with his crazy past where he choked some woman he loved to death. He has major trust issues. He also plays a card game called pazaak in his head, so he probably has Asperger's Syndrome. When the Exile first sees him, he stares at her tits. Really. According to Mical, he doesn't bathe.
- Darth Sion: The Lord of Pain. He actually made the Pain Series himself, no seriously, look it up. He looks undead, with his skin falling off and everything. The Force is the only thing keeping him alive. He admits he thinks the female Exile's hawt before dying.
- Darth Nihilus: Some clown-faced Sith that bosses Visas Marr around. He talks some language that sounds like "FhshdkahwJHAKHShkshadhkaw" and that's it. Really. He also represents one of the most hyped-up but ultimately lame boss characters in any game up to date. Nihilus manages to get himself chopped up in a matter of seconds and with zero effort. Oh, and he appeared on Howard Stern once.
- Bao-Dur: An Iridonian cyborg who built his own floating sphere thingy, and served under the Exile in the Mandalorian War. He's very soft-spoken and fangirls fucking love this. His arm isn't just for show, General.
- Bao-Dur's Remote: The little droid that follows around Bao-Dur. This is the most developed character in the game, and many scholars have written thesis papers on it.
- Visas Marr: No relation to Mithaniel Marr. Visas is a blind Sith who wears a veil over her head. Her home planet, Katarr, was blown up. Her master is Darth Nihilus who chokes her and throws her around and goes Josef Fritzl on her all the time.
- G0-T0: A floating fat black droid that bullies around Bao-Dur's remote. He was a gift to the Exile after the crime lord Goto captured her. Aside from HK-47, he's the least annoying droid.
- HK-47: Fuck yeah, he's back! Except he needs a fresh coat of red paint. Like Hanharr, if you pwn some random innocent fag, he high-fives you and praises you. You can put a pacifism chip into him to make him less bloodthirsty, and turn him into flower-picking peace-loving hippy. It's so disturbing that the chracters make him back to normal.
- T3-M4: He returns as well, and is actually useful this time because he stores data and can upgrade shit. Bao-Dur fanboys all over him.
- Mandalore: HOLY SHIT IT'S CANDEROUS ORDO, under the new name of Mandalore. He leads the Mandalorians, and is still all uppity about honor and shit. He's still a badass though. Your faggot ass cant wear his armor, however. Ironically, he's much better at using melee weapons then he is at firing a blaster
- Mical, the Disciple: A blonde-haired scholar who reads books all the damn time, and falls for the Exile if she's a she. He is hated by Atton fangirls who like to draw him being choked and maimed. Because a gambling pervert who murdered a girl once is better than some fag who reads books and is actually employed, amirite? He only joins if the Exile is female.
- Brianna, the Handmaiden: Aside from Visas, this is the other male Exile's love interest. Her sisters tell her off because she assisted the Jedi Exile. She only joins if the Exile's male. Oh, and she duels in her underwear.
- Hanharr: An evil wookiee who only joins you if you're evil as well. He's fucking obsessed with tearing the shit out of Mira. He also has a tard rage mode that boosts his attacks.
- Mira: Feminist ginger with a gun, who has man problems. If the main character is male, he can ask her out, but she'll tell him off. It's probably for the best because she's obsessed with "hunting." Also, she dresses like a whore because it makes men easier targets for her.
Cut Content
What pissed off KOTOR fans the most was that so much content was cut. This is because LucasArts forced Obsidian to rush the game for it to be released in time for the 2004 holidays. There's a whole list of this shit. Some stuff that stands out is Atton getting a lap dance, Carth's son's dead body, the entire fucking planet of M4-78, Atton getting his arm chopped off by Darth Sion, Revan killing Bastila, and Bao-Dur killing himself.
A group of fans called Team Gizka are attempting to restore most of the cut shit. Some other modders named Team Exile tried to get at the stuff that Team Gizka didn't touch, but then a drama-fest erupted and people bitched at some guy called Darth Balor. They then disbanded.
Darth Balor came back as "Pikmin" and started another project but people found out.
All this over cut content like G0-T0 mentioning he shouldn't be in Vogga the Hutt's chambers.
The MMORPG
Over here, faggot.
Gallery of the Old Republic
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ALL HEIL LADY REVAN!
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What happens if Revan is a male and DOESN'T like Bastila.
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Bao-Dur as a girl.
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Bao-Dur being gay.
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Atton Rand in My Immortal.
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The pussy ending of the first game.
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Visas Marr pwning some sort of HK droid. Don't fret, it's not HK-47.
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Mission and Zaalbar bff4lyf.
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Piss Wars. Carth has a bigger dick.
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This is getting to be a bit much.
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Bao-Dur has jungle fever.
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Star Wars: Videos of the Old Republic
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See Also
- Star Wars
- Mass Effect
- Dragon Age: Origins
- Unidentified Rodian with jacket
- Some comics by Madolin
- Bao-Dur sex flash
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