Porn Advertisements
| Hey! | 
|
This article isn't lulz just yet, but its coverage can spark a lollercoaster. You can help by reverting people who delete shit, and vandalizing their user pages. See this article on The Google? Want to add something? Join us! |
|
pr0n! A Brief History Of Semen-Soaked Tissues
There are people on the internets that hold the belief that you are dumb, virginal, and horny enough to wank to poor-quality porn, and coincidentally these people also have a great deal of money to throw around (because some people pay for porn instead of going directly to MySpace). In turn, there are also a great many sites that are operated by deviant pedophiles who are more than willing to sponsor violent, anal goat-rape if it scores more checks in the mail. These sites are usually orientated towards L33T Haxors and gamers who, despite their intimate knowledge of Counter Strike and C-Basic, don't fully grasp the concept of free smut and its infinite variety and availability. That's right, your son isn't just buying WoW time with your credit card, he's buying Hymen-Busting, Russian Ex-Gymnasts Deeply Penetrate Starving, Nubian Children With AIDS And Distended Stomachs.
(note: If some bright spark finally gathers up all the Wapanese TARTlets and launches a pr0n site dedicated to Night Elves, the profits will be equivalent to the amount of fail on deviantart.)
Typical Dirty Tricks
Because so many fucking mongoloids are easily scammed out of their life savings in a desperate attempt to get some fapping material, the next logical step for those wanting to make a quick buck off of you is giving "free" limited time offers, usually a few days worth of membership. All that these businessmen need is your Credit Card number, and of course that limited time offer becomes a lifetime membership. Next thing you know you're on the street. Your house repossessed because you couldn't pay your bills. All this because you wanted to see britney spears nude, the next thing you know you are giving some angry black person a blowjob for 20 bucks and some crack.
Another powerful marketing technique is to present you with several banners (see below) filled with blind links and pop-ups which trick idiots into thinking that they can finally live out (read: pursue a lonesome masturbation session in an attempt to live out) those kinky fantasies your wife will never try with you, because she is such a fucking prude.
Source of Lulz
Many shitty Memes and every member of The Power 5 started off as pr0n. Even the Happy Negro smiles because he earns his money from wankers on Bangbus.com. So:
- Follow an advert
- Join, H4xx0r or torrent the website
- Find a lulzy picture
- Post it on 4chan's /b/ or /s/
- Wait for the posts (omg I just fapped so brutally I made my dick bleed and came all over my keyboard) to roll in
- Masturbate to all the attention you're getting
- Spam said picture repeatedly over the course of the next couple weeks until it catches on
- Go back to Step 1 and repeat ad infinitum
Exercise caution, you might stumble upon something that's a little too "unique" for the average human to tolerate. Note also that joining shady Russia CP sites will get you Party Van somewhere on the order of hours to days.
Typical porn advert (from ED)
Examples Of Being One With The Fap
Because everyone's favorite pornsites are the one's written in really bad English by a foreigner. You can always tell because the descriptions are laughable and the girls always have big, Jew. That and even the little girls have hair on their legs, which is weird. Not that I've ever been to an Eastern European child pornography site... Because I haven't, if that's what you think... I haven't.
.gif)
See Also
|
Porn Advertisements is part of a series on Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage. |
