Dildo: Difference between revisions

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[[File:Indian dildo worship.PNG|225px|right]]
[[File:Indian dildo worship.PNG|300px|right]]
A '''Dildo''' is one of Man's Worst Enemies. A jumbo-sized replica of a man's [[cock]] (because your dick is too small, [[faggot]]), usually named in a comical manner. Some are casts from real men. Though, even then, they've probably been enlarged. (You faggot, a cast of anything can't be enlarged once it's created. Learn2science.)  They are also [[zeta toys|sometimes a replica of an animal's cock]], and then given hilariously pretentious names like "Thunder" and "Spirit".
A '''Dildo''' is one of Man's Worst Enemies. A jumbo-sized replica of a man's [[cock]] (because your dick is too small, [[faggot]]), usually named in a comical manner. Some are casts from real men. Though, even then, they've probably been enlarged. (You faggot, a cast of anything can't be enlarged once it's created. Learn2science.)  They are also [[zeta toys|sometimes a replica of an animal's cock]], and then given hilariously pretentious names like "Thunder" and "Spirit".


Dildos are sometimes a good substitute for real [[cock]], because dildos can last for more than two minutes in bed, and won't stop [[fuck]]ing you until [[YOU]] [[cum]] (they're probably larger than [[Brian Peppers|your boyfriend]] anyway). They won't leave you cold, alone, and unsatisfied. Unless you want to [[Fellatio|deepthroat]] that baby, in which case, you need to pay a visit to your local glory hole (if you're a faggot and you want the [[AIDS]], that is), because latex and or rubber doesn't taste too good.
Dildos are sometimes a good substitute for real [[cock]], because dildos can last for more than two minutes in bed, and won't stop [[fuck]]ing you until [[YOU]] [[cum]] (they're probably larger than [[Brian Peppers|your boyfriend]] anyway). They won't leave you cold, alone, and unsatisfied. Unless you want to [[Fellatio|deepthroat]] that baby, in which case, you need to pay a visit to your local glory hole (if you're a faggot and you want the [[AIDS]], that is), because latex and or silicone don't taste too good.


== The First Dildo ==
== The First Dildo ==
Line 8: Line 8:


Its name, roughly translated, meant "[[Heavy unexplained bleeding|empathy of blood]]".  It was communal in use until another woman discovered a similar rock that wasn't hackly - this one was named "son of mothering tribe" and had a vastly smaller fatality rate.
Its name, roughly translated, meant "[[Heavy unexplained bleeding|empathy of blood]]".  It was communal in use until another woman discovered a similar rock that wasn't hackly - this one was named "son of mothering tribe" and had a vastly smaller fatality rate.
== The modern dildo ==
[[File:Samsung Galaxy S III - dildo.jpg|thumb|High-end dildo with built-in Internet connectivity ([[Samsung Galaxy S III]]). ]]
In 2012, Samsung Electronics released a dildo with Internet connectivity and built-in cameras and video telephony, the [[Samsung Galaxy S III|Galaxy S III]]. Unlike conventional dildos, the S III is controlled through touch input. With over 70 million sales, it is the best-known selling dildo of all time.
<div class="clear" style="float:none; clear:both;"></div>


== Pejorative ==
== Pejorative ==
Line 13: Line 18:


== Sex Toys and Society ==
== Sex Toys and Society ==
In some unfair twist of fate, It is perceived of as more acceptable for females to seek fake penises for their own personal pleasure whilst males are shunned from seeking the benefits of fake vaginas. This Is due to the eroneous belief that women can get dick whenever they want, and don't want to hassle with what the dick is attached to to get it. Whilst men who seek fake vagina are incapable of procuring one. In reality anyone who uses a sex toy or masturbates will be [[forever alone|a permavirgin]].
[[File:Ass-flute.jpg|thumb|right|[[The Song Of My People|Dildos can also make lovely music]].]]
[[Image:Dildo_-_Dildo_Newfoundland.jpg|thumb|220px|right]]
[[File:Gun control dildoes.jpg|thumb|220px|right|Why the dildo industry lobbies for gun control]]
[[File:Transformers for girls.jpg|thumb|220px|right|Brace your anus for the Dildotron]]
Dildos play many roles in society depending on what part of society the user is in.
 
[[Gay|Gay males]] view dildos as a safer alternative to getting a boyfriend. It's better to suck and ride a rubber pole than to end up with [[GRIDS]]. It's also ideal for [[Republican|closet homosexuals]] as a rubber dong won't out you on Facebook because he was feeling catty that day and [[BAWW|yes, I mean you, ''Steve'']]! In the case of [[furfag|furrie]]s where said boyfriend is most likely imaginary and can never exist because sexy dog men aren't real, the dildo becomes a physical representation of the imaginary boyfriend so the furfag can claim he [[sarcasm|totally got laid last night]].
 
[[Lesbian|Gay females]] view dildos as the [[win|best thing since sliced bread]] as it allows two chicks to get it on in a way that doesn't involve just hands and tongues. In the case of a Bull Dyke or a [[Lesbian|"straight" trans man]] the dildo basically is used as a prosthetic penis for all intents and purposes. If she says she pees standing up she just '' might'' thanks to dildos. And then there are the [[Cotton Ceiling|trans female lesbians]] where [[Trap|that isn't a dildo]]. They don't get laid at all because [[Captain Obvious|lesbians don't like cawk]] unless it's 100% fake.
 
Straight females can supposedly get cock whenever they want so a dildo is them preserving their chastity. There is much irony in this concept. Chastity denotes an abstinence from carnal pleasures. Fucking yourself silly with a dildo is still carnal pleasure therefore using a dildo is not chastity. Also many females have excessive [[Man The Harpoons|curves]], [[Feminist|individuality]], [[bitch|spirit]], [[fugly|character]] or other [[bullshit|"positive traits"]] according to the [[SJW]]s and no man would touch them with a mile long pole. These creatures will typically pick the least penis-shaped dildo possible in an effort to stick it to the [[patriarchy]]. [[Sarcasm|Oh yes, that will'' totally'' work]]....
 
Straight males do not use dildos unless they are closet fags or [[French]] and trust us, ''nobody'' wants to be French. [[Trap|Straight Trans Women]] use dildos to prove they are women. The dildos are also [[truth|used as part of the process of getting a fake vagoo]] and prevents the entire thing from sealing itself shut into a flat panel of nothingness with a tiny nub of flesh sticking out. This nub of flesh is known as an "[[RAGE|Angry Inch]]" so if you see an angry [[Trap|transwoman]] now you know why he's pissed. Fake vaginas prevent weak, unwanted male specimens like [[Weeaboo]]s and [[Bronies]] from attempting to reproduce so their use should be encouraged.


== Jews and dildos ==
== Jews and dildos ==
Line 20: Line 37:
== New-found-land ==
== New-found-land ==
[[Canadian]] dildo use is so entrenched that they named a town after them. Although, during its early colonial days, there was a dispute as to where the dildo should go and, subsequently, the smaller township of South Dildo was [[I See What You Did There|erected]] close by.
[[Canadian]] dildo use is so entrenched that they named a town after them. Although, during its early colonial days, there was a dispute as to where the dildo should go and, subsequently, the smaller township of South Dildo was [[I See What You Did There|erected]] close by.
== Dildo videos ==
{{center|
{{fv|DILDOvids1|background-color:white;|font-weight:bold;
|<youtube>TnmDFMrByOs</youtube><center>'''Dildo fight!'''</center>
|<youtube>XIWoiUALFwU</youtube><center>'''Literally a town called "Dildo" in Candyland... I mean Canada'''</center>
|<youtube>4nOjIHzO8MY</youtube><center>'''"the dildo prank in the hood"'''</center>
|<youtube>bs2rjL-OqcU</youtube><center>'''"the dildo prank"'''</center>
|<youtube>mdIOKW1akC8</youtube><center>'''"The Dildo Prank Part Two"'''</center>
|<youtube>hvMcdHDfHI4</youtube><center>'''"The Dildo Prank Part Three *HOVERBOARD GIVEAWAY*"'''</center>
|<youtube>SJlfw8kZn88</youtube><center>'''"DROPPING DILDOS IN PUBLIC BATHROOMS PRANK" - dudebro version'''</center>
|<youtube>84TAewqNDUg</youtube><center>'''"Dropping A Wet Dildo On Girls Bathroom Prank!"'''</center>
|<youtube>3GnACI2GWrs</youtube><center>'''"EXTREME Girls Dildo Prank In Public Bathroom - Dildo Pranks Gone Wrong"'''</center>
|<youtube>XMV5r31flZM</youtube><center>'''"Dildo prank - Your a dickhead"'''</center>
|<youtube>0J3FMNxKWi4</youtube><center>'''"Dildo birthday hot video"'''</center>}}
}}
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=998_1443354005
== Gallery ==


==Gallery==
{{collapsegallery||Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
{{collapsegallery||Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Niggerdickcaught.jpg|A dildo can be really useful for niggers while filming porn
File:Niggerdickcaught.jpg|A dildo can be really useful for niggers while filming porn
File:Pinkuh elitewang.jpg|[[Halo]] fans shove these up their asses.
File:Pinkuh elitewang.jpg|[[Halo]] fans shove these up their asses.
File:Almost new toy sale.jpg
File:Night Fury dildo.jpg|Specially-made Night Fury edition for [[DreamWorks|How to Train your Dragon]] [[Furfags|fans!]]
Image:Obama dildo.jpg|What '''ALL''' Obama fans own.  Get your [[goatse|big O]] [http://www.headostate.com/ here].
File:Obama dildo.jpg|What '''ALL''' Obama fans own.  Get your [[goatse|big O]] [http://www.headostate.com/ here].
File:Nothing can replace the real things.jpg
File:Nothing can replace the real things.jpg
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Dildo seesaw.jpg
File:Dildo seesaw.jpg
File:Almost new toy sale.jpg
File:Doradong.jpg|A dildo designed for [[Loli|female children]].
File:Doradong.jpg|A dildo designed for [[Loli|female children]].
File:Dog dildo.jpg
File:Dog dildo.jpg
File:Best Man hit in the head by flying dildo.jpg
File:Best Man hit in the head by flying dildo.jpg
Image:ElypseArt Vixen1.jpg|ElypseArt.com Silicone animal Dildos
File:ElypseArt Vixen1.jpg|ElypseArt.com Silicone animal Dildos
Image:Frozen-dildo.jpg|Women imagine anything vaguely [[Cock|phallic]] is a dildo.
File:Frozen-dildo.jpg|Women imagine anything vaguely [[Cock|phallic]] is a dildo.
Image:ProlapsePinkSockAssTulip.gif|The wonders of automation.
File:ProlapsePinkSockAssTulip.gif|The wonders of automation.
Image:Dongcopter_Falcon_Punch.gif|Flying remote control dildo for [[americunts]], who are too fat to actually reach their own [[pussy]] or arse.
File:Dongcopter_Falcon_Punch.gif|Flying remote control dildo for [[americunts]], who are too fat to actually reach their own [[pussy]] or arse.
Image:Chicken man ass.jpg|[[Fucktard|A chicken is no substitute for a dildo]].
File:Chicken man ass.jpg|[[Fucktard|A chicken is no substitute for a dildo]].
Image:Lirdildo.jpg|[[Cunt|All women]] do this.
File:Dildo duck.jpg|A duck is not fine, too
Image:Dildo_woman.jpg|All women also do this.
File:Lirdildo.jpg|[[Cunt|All women]] do this.
Image:Oral dildo pleasure.gif|how to use dildos orally
File:Dildo_woman.jpg|All women also do this.
Image:Mananddildo.jpg|[[Faggot|Some men]] are also fond of dildos.
File:Oral dildo pleasure.gif|how to use dildos orally
Image:Tulledildo.jpg
File:Mananddildo.jpg|[[Faggot|Some men]] are also fond of dildos.
Image:Weirddildo.jpg|A dildo. It looks [[wat|inflatable]].
File:Tulledildo.jpg
Image:Whitedildo.jpg|A pale dildo. It might be a cast from an [[AIDS]] victim.
File:Weirddildo.jpg|A dildo. It looks [[wat|inflatable]].
Image:JackhammerJesus.PNG| Jesus my penetrator
File:Whitedildo.jpg|A pale dildo. It might be a cast from an [[AIDS]] victim.
File:JackhammerJesus.PNG| Jesus my penetrator
File:Vamp-dildo.PNG|What all [[Twilight]] fangirls crave.
File:Vamp-dildo.PNG|What all [[Twilight]] fangirls crave.
Image:GlassDildo.png|Even dildo users know about fine art
File:GlassDildo.png|Even dildo users know about fine art
Image:Dr_Phildo.jpg|The Dr. Phildo provides both emotional support AND sexual stimulation, making it perfect for [[you|lonely loser fucks]].
File:Cor blimey what a big one.jpg
Image:Poopdildo.jpg|Giant shit should not be mistaken for a black dildo.
File:Dr_Phildo.jpg|The Dr. Phildo provides both emotional support AND sexual stimulation, making it perfect for [[you|lonely loser fucks]].
Image:Nfld_dildo.jpg|South Dildo sculpture commemorating the invention of the whale dildo.
File:Poopdildo.jpg|Giant shit should not be mistaken for a black dildo.
File:Nfld_dildo.jpg|South Dildo sculpture commemorating the invention of the whale dildo.
File:Dildogun.jpg
File:Dildo_-_Has_A_Smoke.jpg
File:Dildo_-_Therapeutic_Back_Massager.jpg
File:Wood dildo gift.jpg|The best gifts come from the heart.
File:High heels you can fuck with.jpg|High heeldos you can fuck with
File:A dildo is ass born.gif|A magic trick to impress the children
File:Huge anal dildo in womans ass.gif|As big as a tank shell
File:Ass to ass gay dildo.jpg| your biological parents
File:Dildo for hentail lovers.jpg| What [[Hentai|Hentai]] lovers rape themselves with
File:The dildo man cosstume.jpg| The walking hole magnet
</gallery>}}
</gallery>}}


==See Also==
== See Also ==
*[[Aneros]]
[[File:Unexpected home alone sequel movie starring dildos.jpg|right|200px]]
*[[Mecha-Dildo]]
[[File:Penis Theft.jpg|250px|right]]
*[[DILDOlover]], a jewtube user who claims he loves dildos!
 
*[[HTS-Noob]], who used a [[Highlighter]] as a dildo in his ass, with hilarious results!
* [[Aneros]]
*[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dildo Wikiphilia] Scroll down to <b>Uses</b>. You can't get better instructions than <i>that</i>.
* [[Mecha-Dildo]]
*[[Giant dildo of death]]
* [[DILDOlover]], a jewtube user who claims he loves dildos!
*[[Goatse]]: what happens to [[fags]] if they liek it too much.
* [[HTS-Noob]], who used a [[Highlighter]] as a dildo in his ass, with hilarious results
*[[Zeta toy]], a company that makes dildos of animal cocks. Inform the furries and save a puppy from [[rape]].
* [[Wikipedia:Dildo|Wikiphilia]] Scroll down to &sect;Uses. You can't get better instructions than ''that''.
*[[Bad Dragon]], a site that sells silicone otherkin cocks
* [[Giant dildo of death]]
* [[Goatse]]: what happens to [[fags]] if they liek it too much.
* [[Zeta toy]], a company that makes dildos of animal cocks. Inform the furries and save a puppy from [[rape]].
* [[Bad Dragon]], a site that sells silicone otherkin cocks


==External links==
== External links ==
*[http://www.elypseart.com/ '''ElypseArt'''.com] Ultra-Realistic Canine Dildos With Inflatable Knot, Medical Grade Silicone
* [https://gendertrender.wordpress.com/2015/09/26/babys-first-dildo-courtesy-of-the-transgender-movement/ Baby's first dildo] -Brought to you by the cultural marxists of [[President Obama|post-america]].
*[http://www.headostate.com/ Obama head o state dildo.]
* [http://www.elypseart.com/ '''ElypseArt'''.com] Ultra-Realistic Canine Dildos With Inflatable Knot, Medical Grade Silicone
*[http://www.divine-interventions.com/ Divine Interventions] Classic site that sells dildos shaped like religious figures; I am disappoint at the lack of [[Muhammad]].
* [http://www.headostate.com/ Obama head o state dildo.]
*[http://www.redtube.com/5088 The dildo cart will fuck you in the ass or cunt while it drives along]
* [http://www.divine-interventions.com/ Divine Interventions] Classic site that sells dildos shaped like religious figures; I am disappoint at the lack of [[Muhammad]].
* [http://www.redtube.com/5088 The dildo cart will fuck you in the ass or cunt while it drives along]
* [http://www.adameve.com/5185.html Sex Toys, Vibrators, Anal Sex Toys, and Dildos at Adam & Eve]
* [http://www.adameve.com/5185.html Sex Toys, Vibrators, Anal Sex Toys, and Dildos at Adam & Eve]
* [http://www.fleshlightsleeves.com/ Fleshlight]
* [http://www.fleshlightsleeves.com/ Fleshlight]
{{sex}}
{{sex}}
[[Category: Sex]]

Latest revision as of 12:24, 12 October 2023

A Dildo is one of Man's Worst Enemies. A jumbo-sized replica of a man's cock (because your dick is too small, faggot), usually named in a comical manner. Some are casts from real men. Though, even then, they've probably been enlarged. (You faggot, a cast of anything can't be enlarged once it's created. Learn2science.) They are also sometimes a replica of an animal's cock, and then given hilariously pretentious names like "Thunder" and "Spirit".

Dildos are sometimes a good substitute for real cock, because dildos can last for more than two minutes in bed, and won't stop fucking you until You cum (they're probably larger than your boyfriend anyway). They won't leave you cold, alone, and unsatisfied. Unless you want to deepthroat that baby, in which case, you need to pay a visit to your local glory hole (if you're a faggot and you want the AIDS, that is), because latex and or silicone don't taste too good.

The First Dildo

Early Man made his bid to sentience by discovering he could kill animals and eat their sweet brain meats - unfortunately, animals ran away a lot. As a result the men had to hunt them over great distances and women, with their valuable wombs, were left behind - guarded by their children. Since children invariably have a penis too small for adequate penetration these women, with their biologically programmed lust for cock, inevitably invented a way of pretending that they had a strong, providing man with a prominent forehead. Thus was born the world's first dildo, and the women's famous propensity of living in a fantasy world.

Its name, roughly translated, meant "empathy of blood". It was communal in use until another woman discovered a similar rock that wasn't hackly - this one was named "son of mothering tribe" and had a vastly smaller fatality rate.

The modern dildo

High-end dildo with built-in Internet connectivity (Samsung Galaxy S III).

In 2012, Samsung Electronics released a dildo with Internet connectivity and built-in cameras and video telephony, the Galaxy S III. Unlike conventional dildos, the S III is controlled through touch input. With over 70 million sales, it is the best-known selling dildo of all time.

Pejorative

"Dildo" is also in pejorative use - like any good word - and is identical in use as words which refer to real penises but for the additional implication that one is not even real. Pinocchio was commonly called a dildo.

Sex Toys and Society

Dildos can also make lovely music.
Why the dildo industry lobbies for gun control
Brace your anus for the Dildotron

Dildos play many roles in society depending on what part of society the user is in.

Gay males view dildos as a safer alternative to getting a boyfriend. It's better to suck and ride a rubber pole than to end up with G.R.I.D.S.. It's also ideal for closet homosexuals as a rubber dong won't out you on Facebook because he was feeling catty that day and yes, I mean you, Steve! In the case of furries where said boyfriend is most likely imaginary and can never exist because sexy dog men aren't real, the dildo becomes a physical representation of the imaginary boyfriend so the furfag can claim he totally got laid last night.

Gay females view dildos as the best thing since sliced bread as it allows two chicks to get it on in a way that doesn't involve just hands and tongues. In the case of a Bull Dyke or a "straight" trans man the dildo basically is used as a prosthetic penis for all intents and purposes. If she says she pees standing up she just might thanks to dildos. And then there are the trans female lesbians where that isn't a dildo. They don't get laid at all because lesbians don't like cawk unless it's 100% fake.

Straight females can supposedly get cock whenever they want so a dildo is them preserving their chastity. There is much irony in this concept. Chastity denotes an abstinence from carnal pleasures. Fucking yourself silly with a dildo is still carnal pleasure therefore using a dildo is not chastity. Also many females have excessive curves, individuality, spirit, character or other "positive traits" according to the SJWs and no man would touch them with a mile long pole. These creatures will typically pick the least penis-shaped dildo possible in an effort to stick it to the patriarchy. Oh yes, that will totally work....

Straight males do not use dildos unless they are closet fags or France and trust us, nobody wants to be French. Straight Trans Women use dildos to prove they are women. The dildos are also used as part of the process of getting a fake vagoo and prevents the entire thing from sealing itself shut into a flat panel of nothingness with a tiny nub of flesh sticking out. This nub of flesh is known as an "Angry Inch" so if you see an angry transwoman now you know why he's pissed. Fake vaginas prevent weak, unwanted male specimens like Weeaboos and Brony from attempting to reproduce so their use should be encouraged.

Jews and dildos

It is a little known fact that Jews don't use dildos - they use cucumbers because it's cheaper and when they're done they can get a nickel for it from some homeless shelter. Jews experimented with hot dogs but later found out the kosher hot dogs would cost at least 100 more cents than they thought and that in most cases, they would break often falling inside, never to be seen again (and depending on if you did it anally or not, that shit can be hard to get out).

New-found-land

Soviet Canuckistan dildo use is so entrenched that they named a town after them. Although, during its early colonial days, there was a dispute as to where the dildo should go and, subsequently, the smaller township of South Dildo was erected close by.

Dildo videos

Load video
YouTube
Dildo fight!
Load video
YouTube
Literally a town called "Dildo" in Candyland... I mean Canada
Load video
YouTube
"the dildo prank in the hood"
Load video
YouTube
"the dildo prank"
Load video
YouTube
"The Dildo Prank Part Two"
Load video
YouTube
"The Dildo Prank Part Three *HOVERBOARD GIVEAWAY*"
Load video
YouTube
"DROPPING DILDOS IN PUBLIC BATHROOMS PRANK" - dudebro version
Load video
YouTube
"Dropping A Wet Dildo On Girls Bathroom Prank!"
Load video
YouTube
"EXTREME Girls Dildo Prank In Public Bathroom - Dildo Pranks Gone Wrong"
Load video
YouTube
"Dildo prank - Your a dickhead"

Previous Video | Next Video

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=998_1443354005

Gallery

  • A dildo can be really useful for niggers while filming porn

    A dildo can be really useful for niggers while filming porn

  • Halo fans shove these up their asses.

    Halo fans shove these up their asses.

  • Specially-made Night Fury edition for How to Train your Dragon fans!

    Specially-made Night Fury edition for How to Train your Dragon fans!

  • What ALL Obama fans own. Get your big O here.

    What ALL Obama fans own. Get your big O here.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See Also

External links


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