Emotes

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Emotes are words or phrases with asterisks around them, indicating that some sort of action is being performed. It is typically used on instant messaging clients and on IRC, thus making it old meme by definition.

*blinks*

This is about the human function. To read about lolzing people up with Blink HTML tags, see Blink.

Some people are so pitifully Internets-obsessed that they've almost completely lost the power of blink. Occasionally they muster enough brain activity to blink just once, making them so excited that they have to announce it. In many cases this happens so frequently you wouldn't think it was all that exciting, but it's all these people have in their lives so it's best to humour them.
If Terri Schiavo had been on IRC she'd probably have blinked. Well done Terri.

*penis*

Moar info: Cock.

This emote, usually depicted as <==3, or sometimes 8==D, represents the testicles (indicated with a 3 or 8) and penis (closed-off, extended object with some notable girth) of a human male. Often used to invite oral sex, as in 'eat a <==3'. Not to be confused with <3, meaning 'I have an incredibly short, but pointy, penis'.
Other depictions include "(_)_)===========D" and "UUIIIIIIIID", and can also be rendered as squirting semen: (_)_)IIIIIIIIIID~~~~~~~o~~~oO~O~oOO~o OO

For masturbation, one would scroll a repeating macro of the following in a chat room, many, many times:

(_)_)=/=UUUU=====D
(_)_)==/=UUUU====D
(_)_)===/=UUUU===D
(_)_)====/=UUUU==D
(_)_)=====/=UUUU=D
(_)_)====/=UUUU==D
(_)_)===/=UUUU===D
(_)_)==/=UUUU====D
(_)_)=/=UUUU=====D

*headdesk*

This emote conveys the act of slamming one's head into their desk. This is generally assumed to be due to extreme frustration -- perhaps because the store is out of donuts, or because someone totally took Harry out of context in that last fanfic. Repeated impacts of the human skull upon inanimate objects can cause head or brain trauma, and subsequently the belief that emotes are funny and useful methods of communication.
Variations include: *headkeyboard*, *slaps forehead* and *handpenis*.

*facepalm*

Moar info: Facepalm.

Facepalm is both a meme and an emote, and has generated hundreds of lulzy pictures of Patrick Stewart and others covering their face with their palm, in an ostensible expression of "Goddamn, WTF is this shit?" There is also a furry-based variation of this emote known as *facepaws*.

*ellipsis*

Moar info: ellipsis.

...........

For even bolder and more fail-filled irony, say "Ellipsis" IRL rather than trailing off like a normal human being.

See Also

• Emoticon
• Faggot
• Grammar Nazi
• IRC
• Clue by four