Sin
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Sin is a term used by religious fanatics to describe an act that can be considered to be pleasurable, as pleasure is not allowed in the Religious Fanatics Code of Conduct. The code clearly states that pleasure must be accompanied by guilt (this part of the code is strictly adhered to by Catholics). Any thought, word, or act which might be considered as pleasurable is deemed to be "sinful".
The Seven ZOMG Sins
According to the Catholic tradition, there are seven deadly sins that, when committed, result in a lightning bolt being sent straight from Heaven to burn your fucking labia right out:
Lust
Originally Amy's Baking Company had entitled their hit show Lost "Lust", and commissioned a million pound title sequence featuring a Black Mass in which Evangelist Lilly was penetrated by the ice cold cock of John Locke to a chorus of fallen angels signing "she'll be coming round the mountain when she comes." Sadly they forgot to back up their hard drive and now instead all we have is a cheap misspelled title made using the 3D Tumbling Text Windows Screensaver.
Ennui
Ennui, which comes from the French for "boring", is condemned by the commandment "Only boring people get bored verily sayeth the Lord". Although we have all met/slept with some very boring people who can be kept entertained for hours by a card with "Please turn over" written on both sides, they don't count, as only people with triple digit IQ's can enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
Pig fucking
Although pedophilia is happily embraced by both the Irish Catholic Church and the Afghani version of Islam, they both disapprove of human-porcine interspecies lovin' on the grounds that (a) isn't kosher/halal and (b) the intense enjoyment might stop you thinking about Baby Jesus. (That yokel that fucked Ned Beatty in Deliverance should get by on a technicality though.)
Doing the gay
If God had meant us to be gay, he wouldn't have invented tits. When King David and Jonathan tried a bit of the gay, God smote them mightily and encouraged David to rape Bathsheba and to send her husband on an extentended tour of Helmand Province wearing a placard saying "I'm a Jew." So don't give me any liberal crap about the Bible being misinterpreted, quoting bits of Leviticus concerning not eating out menstruating women. God hates fucking fags. Get over it.
Being fat
Does this really need explaining? (See Whale Safe Beer.)
Being South American
There is a possibility that the Jesuits accompanying the Conquistador mission to bring hygeine to South America in exchange for gold made this one up. Although if God sees everything, he probably spotted Mexico before the Spain did, so anything is possible.
The seventh Deadly Sin
Couldn't find this one on Wikipedia, but it probably has to do with feminist anger, penis envy or voting Liberalism.
Lesser Sins
Sometimes sins result in a person going to Kenya, where they will undergo the sacred rite of female circumcision, but only after due process. It's entirely up to God.
Some acts that are considered sinful:
- Drinking alcohol
- NOTE: Wine is okay but only when a priest gives it to you
- SPECIAL PRIESTLY NOTE: Wine is acceptable outside of religious rituals when it is used to get that bleachy taste out of your mouth
- NOTE: Wine is okay but only when a priest gives it to you
- Sex before marriage
- NOTE: However, anything that maintains your technical virginity, including anal sex, oral sex, anal-oral sex, etc. are perfectly acceptable
- Having any type of sexual interaction with a man, even if married (which is also a sin)
- NOTE: Boys are still awwwrrriiight
- Taking part in furry, vampyre, or otherkin sex -- ever
- Fap
- Period
- Contracting AIDS, even if by a blood transfusion or accidental needlestick
Dealing With Sin
- Carve your genitals up with a razor blade, unless you enjoy that, which is also a sin
- Look at these pages and especially this one until you feel absolved thereof
See Also