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Gambling: Difference between revisions
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{{Spoiler|I GAMBLED MY ENTIRE LIFE AND ENDED UP IN A COFFIN!!!11}} | |||
{{Spoiler|69, 42, 0, 1, 3, 3, 7 WERE THE WINNING LOTTO NUMBERS, THE PRIZE WAS 69 SEXTILLION DOLLARS AND I LOST}} | |||
{{Spoiler|YOU HAVE A HIGHER CHANCE OF DYING FROM A FALLING COCONUT THAN WINNING THE LOTTERY!!!!1111!!}} | |||
{{Spoiler|90% OF GAMBLERS QUIT BEFORE WINNING BIG}} | |||
{{Spoiler|the lottery is just a tax on poor fucking people}} | |||
[[Image:Russian-roulette.jpg|thumb|Popular gamble in The Game of Life.]] | [[Image:Russian-roulette.jpg|thumb|Popular gamble in The Game of Life.]] | ||
'''Gambling''' is a multi-faceted phenomenon popular in both [[IRL]] and [[OTI]]. Sometimes 'legal' and sometimes 'illegal', gambling is almost always a good way for you to become [[FAIL|very poor]], very quickly and to make [[WIN|rich men]] of those who conned you into playing whatever game you're [[addicted]] to and betting your mortgage, kids' [[college]] funds and your [[marriage]] on. | [[Image:Gambatruth.png|thumb|The truth of gambling.]] | ||
'''Gambling''' is a multi-faceted phenomenon popular in both [[IRL]] and [[OTI]]. Sometimes 'legal' and sometimes 'illegal', gambling is almost always a good way for you to become [[FAIL|very poor]], very quickly and to make [[WIN|rich men]] of those who conned you into playing whatever game you're [[addicted]] to and betting your mortgage, kids' [[college]] funds and your [[marriage]] on. Gambling is also a good speedrun of throwing away money and your life apart. | |||
Often described as "A GAME FOR REAL MEN, YOU [[Fag|FAG]]." | Often described as "A GAME FOR REAL MEN, YOU [[Fag|FAG]]." | ||
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== Online Gambling == | == Online Gambling == | ||
A big favorite with [[13-year-old boys]] and [[16-year-old girls]], this form of gambling usually involves their [[parents]]; in that the parents don't know you're running up huge losses on their Visa cards. | A big favorite with [[13-year-old boys]] and [[16-year-old girls]], this form of gambling usually involves their [[parents]]; in that the parents don't know you're running up huge losses on their Visa cards. Newfags of gambling will oftentimes lose all money. | ||
=== Online Poker === | === Online Poker === | ||
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== Legal Gambling== | == Legal Gambling== | ||
===The Lottery=== | ===The Lottery=== | ||
Many cities, states and countries around the world have legalized gambling in the form of '''lotteries'''. These take place in various forms but are totally not evil like regular gambling since all the money that a bunch of glue factory workers from some crap town you | Many cities, states and countries around the world have legalized gambling in the form of '''lotteries'''. These take place in various forms but are totally not evil like regular gambling since all the money that a bunch of glue factory workers from some crap town you never heard of doesn't win is supposed to go to schools or some shit. | ||
Lottery winners are usually the [[Gaia Online|scum of the earth]]. Even when they win millions of dollars they remain [[white trash]], kind of like [[Wigger|Eminem]]. Lottery winners also run into horrible fates with uncommon frequency: | Lottery winners are usually the [[Gaia Online|scum of the earth]]. Even when they win millions of dollars they remain [[white trash]], kind of like [[Wigger|Eminem]]. Lottery winners also run into horrible fates with uncommon frequency: | ||
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[http://www.rotten.com/library/culture/lottery-winners/ Rotten Library article on Lottery Winners] | [http://www.rotten.com/library/culture/lottery-winners/ Rotten Library article on Lottery Winners] | ||
===Typical Lottery players when they win or lose=== | |||
<center> | |||
{{frame|{{fv|Lottololz|margin: auto; font-weight: bold; text-align: center;|font-weight: bold;| | |||
<youtube>Vs441Fv1M3E</youtube><br />When you win you become fucking entitled and when you lose you're more fucking entitled| | |||
<youtube>0N6bklVSkEo</youtube><br />Woman claims she regrets winning the lottery because the lotto gave her "a curse"| | |||
<youtube>D9QCvgKW7fk</youtube><br />The only legendary lottery player ever| | |||
<youtube>39YHNyNi_Ho</youtube><br /> The reality of gambling| | |||
}}|border=#FFFFFF|background=#FFFFFF}} | |||
</center> | |||
===Horse Racing=== | ===Horse Racing=== | ||
[[Image:Deadhorserace.jpg|thumb|right| Wilbur? Why?]] | [[Image:Deadhorserace.jpg|thumb|right| Wilbur? Why?]] | ||
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Paper beats Scissors because when the Scissors is safely wrapped in Paper you can even run holding them. Even if you trip over a Rock. | Paper beats Scissors because when the Scissors is safely wrapped in Paper you can even run holding them. Even if you trip over a Rock. | ||
==Gambling tips and strategy guide <s>to becoming a depressed, poor, and an hero</s>== | |||
<small>[[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] does not undertake any responsibility and/or liability for any losses and/or damages sustained by any person or persons using services on our site and we shall not be responsible and/or liable for any losses or damages due to any information or otherwise contained on this web site or through links, sponsors and email correspondence, whether due to inaccuracy, error, omission or bad judgment or any reason whatsoever. We do not take responsibility in any way regarding picks and predictions posted on this or any site, so if you lose your house, your wife leaves you, you end up on a street corner downtown, sucking dick for crack rock while you live behind a restaurant dumpster, it isn't [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|Encyclopedia Dramatica's]] fault. If you feel you have complaints, comments, or wish to contact us, please see [[Offended|this page,]] where your issues will be resolved. We advise all viewers to use discretion when viewing our picks and predictions page. If you encounter gambling problems of any kind, please contact the gambling help authorities in your area. This website is '''NOT''' responsible for the losses of any of its users or traffic in general. The gambler is to be responsible for his or her activity and transactions online. It is the mere and sole purpose of the site to recommend gambling alternatives online, poke fun at them, and to display this information for entertainment purposes only. But you won't do that, sucker.</small> | |||
Most gambling addicts have no idea what the fuck they're doing and when to stop. Even professional gamblers make mistakes! This often makes them feel miserable, lose everything and even turn into an hero. These pro tips will help you make more money quickly than teachers and Mcdonald's workers in the USA! | |||
*If you're in America winning the lotto expect a good chunk of your savings to be paid by taxes. | |||
*When you run out of money borrow a chunk of money from someone =) | |||
*Remember, always expect to lose, and if you lose money just deal with it BITCH | |||
*Always expect bullshit rigging to happen 100% of the time. | |||
*KNOW WHEN TO STOP and PLAY WITHIN YOUR LIMITS!! | |||
*Bet how much your nut feels which is your life savings. | |||
*Gamble!!! | |||
*??? | |||
* PROFIT!!! | |||
==How to troll Gamblers== | |||
*Tell them that gambling is not an INVESTMENT | |||
*Say the casinos/online websites will always win and make you lose REGARDLESS. | |||
*Tell them that gambling is worse than drug and alcohol ADDICTION | |||
*Gambling is not cool and only makes you an entitled ego person | |||
*Say that Gambling is for mentally ill people | |||
==See Also== | ==See Also== | ||
*[[Pwnt]] | *[[Pwnt]] | ||
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*[[Squid Game]] | *[[Squid Game]] | ||
{{gaming}} | {{gaming}} | ||
{{money}} | |||
[[Category:Locations]] | [[Category:Locations]] | ||
[[Category:IRL Shit]] | [[Category:IRL Shit]] | ||
