Evolution

Offended?
If you have been offended by "Evolution",
please click here and slowly scroll down to the bottom of the page.

Good News, Everyone!
Scientists have found a way to condense this page into a Timeline of evolution!

Evilution is a theory (a guess- er, unified explanation of scientific fact that encompasses all the facts and laws in a given field of study) to make people buy jew shots and be scared of the Jew flu. Evolution comes in two flavours(according to Tards): the observable phenomenon responsible for turning wolves into poodles and lions into lolcats, and the as-of-yet unobserved but still PROVEN!!!11 concept that we all originally came from apes, who all originally came from rats, who all originally came from fish, who all originally came from soup, which originally came from nothing. Thanks to the the atheists' unceasing desire to convince the dull-witted masses of the latter form, said masses reject the former, making their quest even harder and thus resulting in epic irony and butthurt for the atheists who believe soup theory to be the key to killing Christianity and religion in general by proving we are all hairy, stupid, stinking monkeys.

In response to the Bible-trolling by basement-dwelling atheists everywhere, fundamentalist Christians wage an epic war against them wherever they may lurk, trying to prove they are NOT hairy, stupid, stinking monkeys. The ensuing battles between the Alliance and the Horde nearly always result in epic fail and bad science all around, go on for at least 100 pages, and have caused the deaths of over 9000 Wikipedia accounts.

File:Conservativecartoon.JPG

Conservapedia on evolution.

And How to Kill off the Lesser Members of Your Species

File:Evocide.gif

Evolutionists are all sadistic murderers. We know this for a fact because evolution says that nature intentionally kills off the lesser members of a species for the benefit of the stronger members. Thus evolutionists must help this process along, just as believers in heliocentrism must help the planet revolve around the sun. Evolution is directly responsible for the following:

The Holocaust

‎

Mr. Hitler tried to maintain the purity of his beloved race by trying to exterminate the Jews, niggers, faggots and gypsies who were contaminating his country. As well as sampling deep-fried kike, Hitler also used a much older and more friendly method of ensuring these undesirables could not breed:

Eugenics

“	It has now become a serious necessity to better the breed of the human race. The average citizen is too base for the everyday work of modern civilization.	„
—Sir Francis Galton, Charles Darwin's cousin.

“	If nature does not wish that weaker individuals should mate with the stronger, she wishes even less that a superior race should intermingle with an inferior one; because in such cases all her efforts, throughout hundreds of thousands of years, to establish an evolutionarily higher stage of being, may thus be rendered futile.	„
—Hitler, expressing evolutionist sentiment in Mein Kampf.

Sadly, Hitler couldn´t finish the fucking job and now the Jews rule world. Thank you very much Adolf.

Eugenics, basically, is cutting off a person's balls, or ovaries, because they are too stupid to breed. However noble this may sound, for some odd reason the vast majority of people who believe in evolution don't like it. Hypocrites.

The Darwin Awards

Instead of killing other lesser lifeforms, some especially inferior humans helpfully exterminate themselves. This has led to a set of awards named after Charles Darwin [1].

Niggers and Evolution

Niggers were the result of a government plan to cross-breed a human and a big gorilla. It was thought that the niggers could work for humans and yet be intelligent enough to take orders from them and like them enough to even have sex with them. Unfortunately niggers ended up having a disease called AIDS and demanding equal rights. However, we got to keep in mind that, apparently, we evolved from african niggers. It means that everyone who isn't a nigger is on a higher biological step than the latter.

Since the birth rate in Europe has gone way down, while the arab immigrants multiply like bunnies, this means that Europe will be sand nigger country in a few years.

Evolution Across the World

A brief history of evolution variables from country to country.
It should be noted however that not all humans evolved beyond apes.
An unusual case of an unevolved black person living in a semi-evolved country.
Unlike niggers, white people did evolve. But not for long.
Humans will apparently split into two different species through evolution.
Evolution of the True Master Race
Evolution in American Southwest. Notice the woman's missing finger[s].

Evolution in American Southwest. Notice the woman's missing finger[s].

Famous Evolutionists

Charles Darwin

Charles Darwin contributed to the theory of evolution after examining his black person slave, Harpo, on his secret cotton plantation one day in Sussex England and determined that there was no possible way that he wasn’t a descendant of the bastard love child of Curious George and Alvin the Gorilla. However, due to growing racial sensitivities in Europe and abroad, Darwin decided to hide this fact and lied claiming some bullshit about how he had discovered transitional changes within a species after examining the penises of dodo birds on some Pacific island that no one gives a fuck about. Apparently, one bird on the right palm tree had a foot long penis while the one on the left had a two inch penis when fully erect.

After his new book, “Origin of Species” totally pwned biblical creation and became accepted by virtually everyone, ~~revised Greek Naturalism~~ Darwin’s new theory of human origins made Charles Darwin one of the richest and most illustrious men in the world while Harpo received little to no credit for his master’s discovery leaving him irate and pushy, thus coining the phrase “Harpo know sumpn you don’ know!” In later years, Harpo also became a central figure for failed fiction authors who wrote novels based upon the life of Harpo such as “Harpo ‘n’da white woman” and “Memoirs of Harpo while hangin’ from da ole’ oak tree one Sunday evenin’ after rapin’ ‘n’ killin’ dat white woman and throwin’ her body in da dumpsta”. These books were highly unsuccessful compared to the much more popular latter works like “Harpo goes to town”, “Harpo in Space” and “Harpo don’t know nuttin’ bout buthin’ no babies”. Twentieth Century Fox contemplated buying the rights to “Harpo in Space” and turning it into a major motion picture but decided against it at the last minute and came up with some extremely gay shit called “Planet Of The Apes” instead starring Moses and that yuppie, faggot from New Kids On The Block.

“	The main perpetrator of this monkey lie is Charles Darwin. He claims to have developed this “theory” after studying “finches” on the Galapagos “Islands,” but I can guess why he really came up with it. He was on the Galapagos Islands for spring break, got smashed, woke up in bed next to a monkey, and then had to come up with a theory that made it all okay.	„
—Stephen Colbert on Charles Darwin.

Richard Dawkins

Noted troll of Godfags Richard Dawkins uses the theory of evolution to prove God does not exist and that anyone who thinks so is a monkey who should be sterilized. He's also an advocate for animal rights, though obviously this does not include the right not to be castrated. Dawkins is noted as having sex with a bald transvestite teacher from a town known as south park.

Stanley Miller

Last Thursday, Stanley Miller created piss out of soup and electricity, compelling every evolutionist around the world to simultaneously jizz their superior laboratory coats. After forcing their pet monkeys to lick their coats clean, they issued a public announcement that the creation of urine is infallible proof that a living, metabolizing cell arose from the aforementioned prehistoric chowder.

The Future of Evolution

Moar info: Biofurs.

The next step in the evolution process for man is androgyny, as represented by Marilyn Manson. Most agree that this is fucked up, however most evolutionists have the desire to evolve into such a form, as they are sick fucks who want to suck themselves off and fondle their own breasts.

The concept of de-evolution states that mankind is devolving into violent, brain-eating apes. ~~Another~~ This concept more specifically states that we are devolving into LJ Users and shitty Linux groupware suites.

The Pope South Park Explains Evolution

"In the beginning we were all fish... okay... swimming around in the water. And then one day a couple of fish had a retard baby, and the retard baby was different, so it got to live.

So retard fish goes on to make more retard babies, and then one day a retard baby fish crawled out of the ocean with its... mutant fish hands... and it had... butt-sex with a squirrel or something, and made this retard frog-squirrel, and then that had a retard baby which was a monkey-fish-frog, and then this monkey-fish-frog had butt-sex with that monkey; that monkey had a mutant retard baby that screwed another monkey and that made you. So there you go.

... You're the retarded offspring of five monkeys having butt-sex with a fish-squirrel. Congratulations!"

Techniques For Promoting Evolution OL

There's no way I came from an ape, d00d.

Present A United Front

Evolgen.net - Ripping someone a new asshole using only a single genome.
- Response: "It seems that you seem to be in need of a second asshole yourself, since you're so entirely full of shit. please allow me to rip you a new one (as you so eloquently put it). it is short-sighted, sorry excuses for (amateur?) scientists like yourself that make evolution such easy prey for the creationists."

Apply Diplomacy

"TitansGo.net - "I have trouble believing in this theory..."
- "Yes, social Darwinism is based off of Darwin's theory, but if you're for social Darwinism, you're a moron. Using Hitler as an example doesn't prove anything other than the fact that he was a big douchebag."

Use Logic

Sci Thread Archive from Usenet.com
- "Soroty? What's a sotory, you illiterate fuck? What are eys? I'll tell you what they are - yet another in an endless blather of excuses from the asswipe who claimed there were colossal holes in the Theory of Evolution."

Tactfully Renounce Creationism

The science curriculum -- Why teach evolution?
- "Are you fucking calling me a fucking creationist??? I am deeply insulted to be thought of as such a low life piece of shit motherfucker who doesn't reason, and believes all the shit the churches tell them! I hate the sons of bitches who stop at nothing to destroy science just so they can stay in the dark ages! You motherfucker!"

Featured article September 18, 2005
Preceded by Punk	Evolution	Succeeded by Zabasearch

Evolution

Contents