Charlie Hebdo
Charlie Hebdo AKA Charia Hebdo, Shoah Hebdo, Al-Qaida Hebdo, Talmud Hebdo, Charlatan Hebdo, Cholera Hebdo or Chitface Hebdo, is a shitty satirical comic cabbage leaf magazine of completely retarded and useless drawings founded in 1960 by Prof Choron and hailing from the historical home of spinless faggotry, France. Charlie used to be cool. Kind of. Go there to see its early history.
Now ran by a bunch of oldfag atheists, Jews, lesbians, Trotskites, feminists and cucks, they took the Catholics and Muslims hating business to another level and also ironically pose as humanists but are in fact in the same ideology as the American neocons and use the same fucktarded social justice and anti-racism rhetoric than the left.
tl:dr: Created 100 years ago as a former independant satirical lefty paper, now a neocon shitrag owned by a big company with funny drawings that is the lovechild of a Jewish lesbian socialist and a gay atheist Trotskite.
Without cultural grant it would have slowly start to derelict and finally meet its ineluctable fate. But since the January 2015 attack, money have been flowing into CH coffers at a faster rate than quantitative easing is reaching the Wall Street bankster deep ((( pockets ))) so prepare for a major irl shitposting storm of a gigantic retardation. (that means don't give them more money now you idiot!)
After years and years of regular group masturbation what's left of the editorial team is now whether dead, a faggot that forgot who it was or is a completely lefty brainwashed tool. The only thing they do on the right-side of the political spectrum is bash the Muslims, which really is a thing the left always did, only hypocritically, because we know the're all godless communists, and they only did it because they were tired of solely trashing the 'lics and were too afraid to do it to the Jews.
Once an icon of printed French counter-culture, Charlie Hebdo is now a media outlet like most other newspapers in France as it runs with the mainstream old media narrative. Also, Charlie Hebdo like a lot of other newspapers, is not able to justify his shitty existence in French newstands other than being in a position of getting public subsidiaries.
Having sucked to the nipple of the French Republic's treasury and being populated by people that hates France Charlie have shown its true colors when they campaigned for the repeal of repressive laws that make it a criminal offence to boo the French national anthem, or to "desecrate" the French flag. (€7,500 fine and six months on Devil's Island with Steve McQueen).
This didn't bare them to keep spitting on the glorious flag that 1500 hundred years of blood shed has preserved, making sure French arts, culture, food and faggotry could radiate all around the world, and since the french government always gives pussy sentences or none at all there was no incentive not to do it. Vive la France!
Christians and Muslims have recently been a target of choice but very rarely, if not ever the Jews receive the same satirical treatment because Charlie knows Jews are a no-go zone, specially in France (a rule temporarily untrue for the time Choron ran the mag in the '60s and '70's). Therefore, Charlie Hebdo has predictably steered clear of Holocaust jokes and other puns but has boldly published depictions of the prophet Mohamed, citing the right of offending for satire purpose. Vive la différence!
This transparently hidden double-standard is a proof among many others that Charlie Hebdo CANNOT be seen like an icon of freedom of speech as they are cherry picking their causes, not taking a real political stance that includes risks and thus are not being serious in their militantism. That makes them full of shit. #FuckCharlie
Where I want to go with this? I mean, You are a stupid idiot to have hold this Je suis Charlie sign and stick these JSC stickers. Don't deny it, we know You did.
How we get pwned
Non-cucks, Pepe the Frog, intellectuals, the cab driver, Donald Trump, writers, Alain Soral, your mother, me, Slenderman, You, Dieudonné, the plumber's wife, Jean-Marie Le Pen, my left ball and anyone with a functional right hemisphere living in France really, know that Charlie Hebdo is still today and before anything a small part of the French propaganda machine for the leftization of the masses. Not genuinely bought by many readers and surviving on subsidiaries, Charlie serves the purpose of certain influence groups and (((organisations))) by antagonising and preventing the assimilation of certain part of the population (that's the Mudslims) and get them in a confrontational posture toward other parts of the population (that's the White Devils Catholics).
Like the whole goddamn French press in the '80's and '90's, Charlie was already working with the Anti-Racism movement by being a political armed arm for the neocon american right in Europe, combating the traditional right and supporting the left, like the good little Trotskites they were.
We got it, everybody is sickfuck tired of the 'slims coming into France and others country in Europe and adopting an attitude of conquest and trying to bring their way of living from their shit country but all of this shit shouldn't be a reason to give in the neocon programmed racial and religious civil war so that the globalists can screw us over!
While it can be cool to laugh at religion because everyone needs not to be so serious all the time, what the current lefty cucked and Americanized Zionist French press is doing is not OK, specially when the're the very fucks that promoted massive immigration for the last four fucking decades so that the French people could become divided as a society in order to bring the European project and this massive homo-judeo-communist New World Order! #StoptheCucking
Proof, Caroline Fourest, feminist and lesbian (isn't the same thing?) activist worked with the Charlie Hebdo editorial team from 2007 to 2009. She supposedly defends women rights but is really more a militant for the feminist lobby nourished by the same illogical bullshit that the American feminists are throwing around all day on social media, like the cancer spreaders they are.
with Caroline Fourest: a hardcore feminist |
History: the birth of a prodigy
Charlie Hebdo's history is very erratic, complex, mysterious and entangled in controversy and intrigues. Here's a small retrospective to help you figure it out.
Charlie Hebdo was launched in 1960 by Professeur Choron and François Cavanna under a different name that we know today: Hara-Kiri: journal bête et méchant. Hara-Kiri being the well known Japo suicide method and the slogan was dumb and mean paper. At that time Professor Choron was still a credible figure and had the merit to equally critize everybody and trying to satire our society and make people thinks. Fortunately enough for him he didn't have to witness the recent shitshow as he passed away in 2005.
- Prof Choron
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Prof Choron poopoo chocolate
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Heartbreaking! Eddy Mitchell find back his daycare nurse
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Nice neckbeard Prof!
The HK team decides in 1969 to work simultaneously on another monthly magazine: Charlie mensuel (Charlie Monthly) that would be different from Hara-Kiri. The publication will go on until 1986, outside Charlie Hebdo's realm and editorial line. The mag was basically big in drawing porn and publishing counterculture content.
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Charlie Mensuel Alice
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1978 From Madagascar artists Xhi et Maa
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Charlie Mensuel 49
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ft Peanuts Avril 1962
Still in 1969, Hara-Kiri starts publishing the magazine weekly and calls it l'Hebdo Hara-Kiri. In November 1970, France's largest icon, former President Général de Gaulle, dies. Referencing to a previous fire incident in a Colombey's dance club that killed 146 people, Hara-Kiri Hebdo releases his front cover with the line Tragic Bal in Colombey: 1 dead. The journal is then permabanned by Ministry of Interior for "pornography".
The General de Gaulle's name was Charles. With that in mind, Hara-Kiri Hebdo's crew changes the magazine's name to Charlie Hebdo and gets around the magazine ban. Already then the staggering level of idiocy and foolishness of this paper was very palpable.
Since those sweet SJW didn't want advertisement in their pages and rely solely on subscriptions (or maybe no one in their right mind would have wanted to be associated with them, a feeling many EDiots have to deal with everyday), issuing halts in December 1981 due to a lack of sales. A single issue will be published to comment Choron's TV appearance on Droit de Réponse that caused turmoil.
Charlie Hebdo officially disappears in 1982.
- How to get pwnt in 3 steps
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The idiotic games of professor Choron
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Tragic bal in Colombey: 1 dead
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At Christmas, think of the unloved: invite a cop!
CH back from the dead in another form
In 1992, Phillipe Val and Charb, following a beef they had with another magazine they were employed with (The fat Bertha), decide to resurrect Charlie Hebdo's concept because these power-thirsty cunts wanted their own newspaper. They gather Charlie Hebdo former associates in a dinner-meeting (French always do that: finding an excuse to eat, drink and smoke weed over some "work reunion") and after hours of deep brainstorming, they decide to name their new venture out of outright originality: Charlie Hebdo. Wow, the name is no more secured by trademark rights. Let's use it again to surf on the name's popularity. They don't even try to hide that fact: they claim it's not a new magazine but a reissuing of the late Charlie Hebdo.
Anyway, they kept trying to offend everyone and initiated a purge of the original crew of Charlie Hebdo. Philipe Val is now known as a dictatorial boss with ruthless methods while Charb, now holding important responsabilities, is sucking Val's cock because maybe eventually he will get to take his place as director of publication. Many CH collaborators quits or are fired because they don't go along with Val's new editorial line.
In 2006, CH published Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten's Muhammad Cartoons, notorious for starting a shitstorm around the Muslim world. CH was already walking on the slippery slope of demagogy and brainless stigmatization of Muslims and Catholics, while publishing columns on how [[no|great] the European Union was.
TL;DR Charlie Hebdo was once subversive and useful but it lost it's virginity when it got bought back by l'Elizée's secret fund office under President Mitterand in 1981. And maybe even before that. Here we are now in 2015, and everybody is whishing without admitting it that we should plainly and simply pull the plug on that irrelevant agonizing avorton.
Reactions by Muslims till now
There has been many reactions by Islam because no one should make fun of Mohammed for being a pedo those include:
2011: Cyber rape in the ass and cocktail molotov
They got pwned by a fire bomb and they got their website haxed by 1337 Muslims group Akincilar after they made a special release named Charia Hebdo with Muhammad as invited editor in chief. After a good night of arab pwnnage with his pals at Charlie Hebdo, Charb left the office while still laughing at all the jokes he made; only to come back the next day to discover CH office destroyed by a cocktail molotov and his website hacked, redirecting to an Islamic website (apparently no redirect they just took over CH's domain). Bluevision, Charlie Hebdo website hoster, after originally putting it offline refused to put it back online, scared to shit by numerous incoming death threats.
That lead CH gang to flee and take cover like a bunch of chimps with mad-cow fever in the office of other newspaper Libération, very happy to welcome them for some thorough work. But 4 days after the hacking of charliehebdo.fr, Akincilar threatened Libération through hacker ekber AKA black apple: If they keep publishing these drawings we'll take care of them too.
It is believed that the molotov bomb could be a simulated attack to get insurance money and a publicity print in the while. Ironically, they were already calling it the 9/11 of Charlie Hebdo, oblivious of what was coming up for them.
2012: Charlie Hebdo stroke of a genius
Being the great trolls they are, they published leaked n00dz of mohammed during the time the Americunts embassies were being bombed for the innocence of Islam movie, the France, being the pussies they are, made sure their embassies all over the world be surrounded by riot police, needless to say this plan really worked!
Another hacking attack on their website occured on september 19th, 2012.
2015: Charlie Hebdo shooting
I don't fancy yours much. The faces of blasphemy
The Paris Terror Attack is a recent event, therefore we will do our best to present you the facts from the informations available. It is too early to clearly identify the whatifs and whatnots, whether the attack is a false-flag or an isolated act, or if western secret services or radical Islamist groups are involved. Please note that this timeline is subject to change.
We're in 2011. Not learning from past mistakes, they continue to make fun of Mohammed more than ever in a new batcave, unknown to the public to avoid further pwnage.
Meanwhile some Sand niggers, The Kouachi brothers, after have read a whole box of Charlie Hebdo back issues from the last two decade, decide they are done with those mandy dogs of Charlie Hebdo. At least that's what the media want us to believe. Anyway they would be from now plotting an attack on CH along their associates from the Paris' 19th district gang, all of them known by French secret service.
Subsenquently, on January 7th 2015, they attack CH temp headquarters and sucessfully conduct a full commando operation armed with kalasnikovs and a rocket launcher killing 12 people in the process. Magazine director 'Charb' get killed among four other cartoonists and some economy journalist. Of course, nobody gives a shit in the media about the three cops, the maintenance guy, other journalists and the text corrector because only the death of old talentless frenchfag illustrators matters after all.
A third terrorist, coulibaly, does a simultaneous attack by rolling in Porte de Vincennes square, shooting a female cop that was doing traffic control, and by finally storming HyperCacher foodstore and taking hostages. Four of them will perish.
At total of 8 civilians has died in the attacks for a toll of 20 person deceased.
Everyone in the (Christian) West was offended that it was not possible in this instance to deeply insult the religion of religious fundamentalist terrorists repeatedly over a ten-year period and get away with it, so they all got together to hold hands in Paris and wear totally gay "Je suis Charlie!" t-shirts. But everyone studiously avoided mentioning the word "Palestine", because that might make it a pro-Palestine demonstration in the eyes of the haw-he-haw-law, and pro-Palestinian demonstrations are outlawed in France (€15,000 fine and a year on Devil's Island, rising to €75,000 and three years if you hide your face).
As you might expect, World leaders clambered aboard the bandwagon like flies on shit (although America "forgot" to send anyone important, saying "We have enough Islamic terrorist problems of our own already, thanks, so we'll just sit this one out").
Among those who were desperate for some good publicity were representatives from those havens of free speech and unfettered journalism Russia, Egypt, Turkey, Algeria and the United Arab Emirates. Israel got its hook-nosed face in the frame too, despite the fact that orthodox Jewish papers photoshopped female leaders out of their coverage of the demonstration because "images of women are indecent". Oh, and an honourable mention to David Cameron, the Prime Minister who personally appointed a paedophile to censor Britain's internet, who rules over a country where you can be arrested for calling a horse "gay" or convicted of a criminal offence and sentenced to 100 hours public labour for shouting "No public sector cuts!"
But no-one made a fuss about any of that, because, you know, ISLAMIC TRRRSM.
TL;DR: Despite warnings about what was fucking obviously going to happen, a bunch of dumbass art school dropouts who were completely and totally asking for it finally got it, and nothing of value was lost. Also, the bleeding-heart Liberal west got trolled hard. Ragheads: 1, Cultural Marxists: 0.
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Je suis Charlie
Je suis Charlie (translates as: I am a fucking faggot and I need Charlie's meat) is the biggest display of faggotry we have been brought to witness so far in 2015, featuring a bunch of celebrities and moralfags uttering "Je suis Charlie" as if they are making some sort of bold statement about the importance of free speech. No one gave a shit about Musfags murdering people in Benghazi or the fact that they've been raping the eurofag women like it's going out of style and genuinely being a shitstain on humanity, yet they all unite when vulgar and completely pointless newspaper gets shot up. Perhaps this time it hit a little too close to home?
Brilliantly, the first post-massacre edition of Charlie Hebdo features the prophet Muhamed on the front page again but this time with the caption "All is forgiven", which of course shows a perfect understanding of the thought-processes of Islamic fundamentalists and will not result in any further confusion as they suddenly re-think their plan to murder non-Muslim blasphemers due to the mighty world-changing power of satire.
- "What were we thinking?" sob 100,000,000 guilt-ridden Muslims
- "Hey, guys, that new cartoon's actually kinda funny!" agrees Pakistan
- Turkish delight at new cartoon
- Eager Kuwaitis hungry for more irreverent rib-tickling
- Niger paralysed by fun-loving Muslims rolling around with hysterical laughter on major highways and in shopping centers.
- 800,000 cheerful Chechens chuckle at Charlie Hebdo
- Iran's French embassy besieged by satire-starved students demanding moar
- Smiles all round in Sudan
While the entire world was literally shaken off its axis by the deaths of 17 clapped-out loltwats and the aftermath, another bunch of Islamic nutjobs killed an estimated 2,000 Nigerian civilians in just 24 hours. Everybody's shrugged the fuck out. No-one cares, 'cos the dead were all niggers and don't you see we're mourning Charlie?
- Troll Je suis charlie with these fan made
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Killing at Hebron. Talmud is shit: your guide for the Holocaust business
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Talmud is magic: it transforms water into gaz and gaz into gold
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Al-Quaida Hebdo: The French love to troll Charlie Hebdo
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1 million in discount on the 6, in exchange of Palestine!
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Cabu overwhelmed by the fundamentalists: it's hard to be killed by idiots
Butthurt ensues
Some people in France that managed to not go complete batshit insane, pointed out the complete bullshitness, hate and biggotry of Charlie Hebdo, and that after all, they might have a little bit asked for it, then fully managed to ignite a massive wave of butthurt among the brainwashed population, that in return started to troll everyone in sight that was not effectively and copiously sucking Charlie's cock.
To this mandatory question everyone in France asks now there is only two option (no exception, you have to choose one):
Are you Charlie?
- Yes! of course, I am Charlie! Please take advantage of me, take all my money and abuse me!
- No, are you nuts!?! I would rather die than support these criminal scumbags! Warning: this option may result in permaban.
So, in other terms, it has become very politically incorrect to repudiate CH in France, which is odd, but rejoice! We have many new lulzy opportunities laying ahead as I'm sure somebody will say something soon that will cause a lot of drama.
In fact, just recently, humorist Dieudonné has been pwned by police and arrested on charge of 'apology of terrorist acts' because he trolled 'Je suis Charlie' saying "I feel like Charlie Coulibaly"; Coulibaly being the name of the third terrorist. Vive la liberté d'expression!
- Je suis Charlie
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All right, so you were the ones drawing these things?
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Dear enemies of freedom of speech, we're pissed: we won't stop drawing (gay)
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No! Our liberty thou cannot kill
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In the twisted mind of palestine cocksucker Latuff, an attack launched by muslims is an attack towards muslims
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Je suis Charlie by Latuff, 2 years before
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y'all try that next time niggas point a gun at you
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Luke, I am Charlie (notice Luke reaction when he realizes he must suck Charlie)
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Women about to burn Je suis Charlie signs
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WTF
Some Jews got snuffed so it's all about Israel yet again
Coulibaly upped the score by taking out some yids in a bagel shop before getting pwnt himself. This prompted the usual calamitous whining from Isræl about how it was just like Krystalnacht and everyone was very polite about it all while secretly wishing through gritted teeth that the kikes would stop hogging the limelight.
Israeli Prime Minister Binman Netanyahu was even asked by France to stay the fuck away, but couldn't resist shoving his malignant smirking fat face in front of the assembled cameras while pushing his way to the front of the queue.
He had decided to invade France because competing Israeli politicians would be there too and so he told French officials that Hollande could go fuck himself. Furious, the French decided to invite Sand nigger leader Mahmoud Abbas because that would teach a lesson to this war criminal pig. But Abbas, the little yid-fearing cunt that he is, declined the invitation because of heavy snow disregard this he finally went and the genius managed to be caught smiling in front row by blood-thirsty Israeli media!
After crashing the magazine's memorial party, Netanyahu managed to transform the ceremony into a pro-Israeli propaganda meeting by urging French Jews to flee to Israel, where it is an offence to call for a boycott of Israeli goods, with a massive fine regardless of whether or not it led to any economic harm, where 46 per cent of citizens want criticism of Israel criminalised and where they do nothing but whine and whine about cartoons that depict Jews in a bad light. Enjoy your liberal democracy, Jew-bags.
- "Jews should emigrate to Israel because there have been 8,000 anti-Semitic incidents... in the last 15 years."
The kind of shit that caused beef after beef for the last four decade
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"Killing in Egypt: The Koran is shit: it doesn't stop bullets!!"
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"The Life of Muhammad part one: Beginning of a prophet..."
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Muhammad being overwhelmed by fundamentalists: It's hard being loved by idiots!
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"100 lashes if you're not laughing!"
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If Muhammad would came back -- I'm the Prophet you idiot! -- Shut up, Infidel!
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Typical CH headline
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"Untouchables 2: Don't mock. Muhammad - a star is born."
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"A stupid film on Islam triggers fundamentalists' rage: Show us an intelligent one and we'll start World War 3!"
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Sharia in Libya with DSK: Weather is better than Lile and we're not bothered like in New York
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An Arab licks the ass of a Jew
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The Pope in Paris: The French as dumb as the niggers
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Egypt: Finally a President's wife that doesn't tweet -- I got my hands full!
- Moar trolling front pages (use them abundantly)
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"OIL: Enough mucking around! When do we go kick the Arabs' ass?"
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"Finally we can say it: Hitler is super cool"
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The cross of happiness: thanks to my cross of happiness, I win at the lottery and I am never impregnated (use it to troll Femen for +5 damage and +1 roll dice!)
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Ass of a Jewish Girl: Does racism help to sell? We'll tell you next week.
See also
- Freedom of speech
- Everybody Draw Mohammed Day
- Old media
- MAD magazine
- Private Eye
- Islam
- Liberal media
- Muhammad Cartoons
- Nice Truck Attack 2016
- ISIS Paris Attack 13-11
External Links
- Article about the first cyber attack and cocktail Molotov (French)
- Article on 2sd cyber-attack on September 19th, 2012 (French)
- Article on threats to Libération by CH hackers (French)
- Their shit website - Warning! risk of cross-fire causality while visiting the website!
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Charlie Hebdo is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
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Charlie Hebdo is part of a series on Visit the Truth Portal for complete coverage. |
| Featured article January 20th & 21th, 2015 | ||
| Preceded by Ben Kuchera |
Charlie Hebdo | Succeeded by Low Tier God |