Dead or Alive

Dead or Alive
is part of a miniseries on
Lulzy Games
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Angry Goy ✮ Angry Goy II ✮ Black Lives Splatter ✮ Bullet to the Head of the NRA ✮ The Clown Prince Rises ✮ Dead or Alive ✮ George Zimmerman's Big Game Hunter ✮ Harvester ✮ Hatred ✮ IS Defense ✮ JFK Reloaded ✮ Kill The Faggot ✮ Muhammad Sex Simulator 2015 ✮ Nigger in the Wonder-Land ✮ Space Station 13 ✮ Postal 2 ✮ Rape Day ✮ RapeLay ✮ School Shooter: North American Tour 2012 ✮ The Slaying of Sandy Hook & V-tech Rampage ✮ Super Columbine Massacre RPG

All 16-year-old girls typically have a 36" bust size, apparently.

Admit it pervert, right now you're wishing she had a plastic shovel, bucket and a starfish patch in her ass

Dead or Alive is known for its gorgeous graphics

A typical screenshot from DOA Beach Volleyball. This is pretty much the entire game.

Dead or Alive is a fighting game series that understands typical video game players and thus focuses on a bunch of females who fight each other in martial arts battles only wearing thongs. Despite having a bunch of nubile whores bouncing around and making out, the games are terrible and testament to the idea that sex sells.

Characters

Kasumi - The most hottest vidya gaym character evar!1 according to GameFAQs and IGN. Has the personality of a brick.
Ayane - 16-year-old girl second hottest vidya gaym character evar!1 She was abandoned as a kid and thus the weeaboos who play these games think she is "deep".
Ryu Hayabusa - Yes, that Ryu Hayabusa from the Ninja Gaiden games. He can take out a city block by reciting ancient Japanese poetry and can literally make Naruto fantards cry because he represents what it means to be a bad ass ninja. Seriously, this guy can kill 12 evil gods, destroy a small, first world country and kill countless, unnamed bad guys in the same amount of time that it takes Naruto and Sasuke to finish up one of their fan service fights to figure out who's going to be on top. If he was in Dragon Ball Z the series would be 3 episodes long.
Tina Armstrong - A modern, liberated western woman.
Bass Armstrong - Hulk Hogan knockoff.
Leifang - Catering to the yellow fever and foot fetish crowds and empowering girl gamers everywhere by making her reliant on some other chink named Jann Lee to finish her fights for her.
Bayman - 1. Take Russian bad guy from Call of Duty. 2. Put him in this game 3. ???? 4. PROFIT!!
Jann Lee - Bruce Lee knockoff
Zack - Token nigger of the series. He bankrupted Las Vegas, bought his own island, and invites all the girls there so he can film them sleeping.
Gen-Fu - Obligatory creepy old Asian man. Also Elliot's mentor. He joined DOA to raise money for his grand daughter's operation, but now just fights for all the boobies.
Hayate/Ein - One of only two male characters in the game that aren't shit-tier fighters. A magnet for yaoi fangirls that ship him with Ryu.
Leon - Leon from Leon the Professional.
Helena - Queen of the world or some shit. Despite hating her daddy and his company DOATEC, she inherits it and gets suicidal when it was destroyed by some ninjas riding rockets and fighting without bras.
Hitomi - The waifu of every non-ninjaboo DOA fan. At least she knows her place because her favorite hobbies are cooking and cleaning. She is part-German, part-Japanese.
Christie - Some super assassin who accomplishes her missions by dressing like a porn star and getting bukkaked.
Brad Wong - A random alcoholic chink who wandered into the tournament and never went home.
Rachel - A "fiend" hunter from Ninja Gaiden with a Warhammer bigger than Cloud's buster sword, and even bigger big'uns.
Kokoro - A Geisha (a.k.a. Japanese courtesan) in-training. She fights in DOA to test her porn skills.
Lisa "La Mariposa" - Negress that not even the most hormone-addled 13-year-old boy would fap to because, you know, she's a nigger.
Elliot - Androgynous twink who meets the requisite girlyboy requirement for a Japanese game.
Tengu - Ugly bastard character no one played as due to not being a cute anime girl. Eventually BTFOd by the superior Nyotengu.
Momiji - The super badass Ninja's apprentice. A favorite of the ED staff and many coins have been wasted trying to wish her real so they could motorboat her boobs for just five minutes.
Mila - Female MMA fighter and certified Q.T.Π. Despite being the new girl introduced in DOA5, she didn't even get to be in DOAX3 because Nips need more underage schoolgirls.
Marie Rose - obligatory jailbait loli who is listed as 18 so Tecmo isn't accused of being pedophiles. They created her as a Swedish girl without secondary sex characteristics in spite of having the game banned there (see below). Popular with the pedos and the boys who are afraid of girls who look like girls. Voted by the ED staff as the character most likely to have her dick suddenly appear out of her ass if she's kicked hard enough.
Nyotengu - Sexy nipponese dominatrix with wings that replaced the OG Tengu.
Honoka - Another "18-year old" neckbeard-bait added because moe shit ruins everything.
NiCO - A flat chested lolicon like Marie-Rose but with blue hair. Introduced in DOA6 due to her predecessor's popularity but was forgotten due to DOA6 being an epic fail.
Diego - Boring focus tested spic added to pad the list of already neglected male characters.
Tamaki - Art hoe DLC character.

Games

Dead or Alive - Virtua Fighter ripoff. Nobody cares about this game, not even fanboys who have Kasumi as their waifu.
Dead or Alive 2 - The game that got Dead or Alive noticed for having girls with giant tits that bounce like water balloons.
Dead or Alive 3 - Itagaki trolled the weeaboos that loved DOA2 on the Dreamcast and PS2 by making DOA3 an XBox exclusive.
Dead or Alive 4 - Got more 13 year old boys fapping to the game by including a female SPARTAN from Halo.
Dead or Alive 5 - The incredibly shitty revival of Dead or Alive after its creator Tomonobu Itagaki got fired for raping female coworkers. Tecmo was envious of Capcom for shithousing its beloved franchises with DLC on disc and thus made over half of the game inaccessible unless you pay out over $300 on shitty bikinis for the females. Tecmo also acknowledged how much of a ripoff DOA is of Virtua Fighter by having VF characters appear as guest stars in the game. Due to the DOA series being well known for its innovative gameplay and deep, complex storyline, the PC version of the game received a fan patch the first day it came out. It was popular enough to receive five years of support.
Dead or Alive 6 - It was announced that the fanservice would be toned down for the game, leading to massive butthurt among horny 13 year old boys all across the internet. (see below). No one bought the dlc that was more expensive than the base game so Team Ninja gave up on it after a year.
Dead or Alive Dimensions - A retcon game for the 3DS so you can see 3D titties. It was banned in the once-Viking, now SJW, multicultural shitholes of Norway, Sweden, and Denmark because you can see up Japanese schoolgirls' skirts. OH NOES!!1 [1] Ironially, mud slimes are well known for being actual pedophiles in these countries, which ironically enough, is never prosecuted for fear of appearing racist against a religious belief system.
Xtreme Beach Volleyball - What do you get when you cross a shitty game about a boring sport with bad gameplay, crappy music, a hentai dating sim, and 3D rendered boobs? One of the XBox's greatest hits. This steaming turd has gameplay so horrible that anybody except the sex-starved 13 year old boys who play this game would use the disc as a coaster. The Controls were actually designed as such that it could be played with one hand, allowing those who employed a bit of hormone-induced ingenuity to use their cock as a joy stick simultaneously. Unfortunately, the hand used to handle the controller is the right hand, as the game requires use of button mashing, meaning its demographic is once again made more exclusive by appealing mainly to the left handed. The game is quite popular among males. All they do is chose a character and masturbate. However, the cum sometimes shorts out the television screen. Its popularity was derivative of the fact that it has better graphics than real life and more boobs than Playboy. Also, it's the closest thing most of its players will get to boobs for a long, long time. The advent of DoA hentai/doujin has made this game utterly obsolete; that is, unless, like some virgins, the actual sight of graphic hand-drawn cocks in hand-drawn vagoo action is more than enough to make one queasy. Also, like any form of hentai, there is nothing to keep you from accidentally stumbling upon futanari, tentacle raep and shitting dick nipples.

Dead or Alive Xtreme 3: The Triggering

In 2015, the closeted pedophiles of Koei Tecmo announced the release of a new version of their masturbatory material and weeaboos around the globe rejoiced for such great news. Unfortunately for the ones who don't live in Moonspeak speaking countries, Tecmo was savy and decided to not to release a version for the USA and Europe, as they fear a twitter boycott Clusterfuck from Feminist Blue-haired hambeasts would arise if they do so.

Soon the butthurt opportunists of gamergate with their usual cry of SJW STOLE MAI GAYMZ!!!11!! infested the social networks demanding their demands to be catered (just like the people they hate the most).

Don't forget to clean the jizz stains of your console after play it.

Don't forget to clean the jizz stains of your console after play it.

Don't forget to clean the jizz stains of your console after play it.

Don't forget to clean the jizz stains of your console after play it.

The same dumbasses bitching about Star Wars: Battlefront II lootboxes
are willingly to pay shekels for less than 10 seconds of CGI nippleless tits

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This fake outrage bandwagon got the attention of play-asia.com who decided it would be very lucrative to import the game if finally no official release will be issued. Within minutes of their announcement, Play-asia.com received several veiled threats against them from concerned people with women's representation in Videogames, which prompted a ridiculous twitter exchange so unfunny that make a ghetto "Yo mama" nigger contest, looks like the fucking debate between Robert Hooke and Isaac Newton.

No gaimu for you, Baka Feminist Gaijin!

For some shekels we keep your fap stash updated!

"

No Fun Allowed" by a SJW nobody who writes for the Jimmy Fallon's Tonight Show.

As a marginalized woman by the patriarchal capitalist system,

I will use my powerful connections with the industry to get your business closed.

Jim Sterling of Destructoid doing what he knows best: Blaming it on Gamergate.

I'm going to boycott this site that is the first time I heard of.

Yes I fight for Social Justice. No I don't give you consent to call me a Social Justice Warrior!

Kotaku Editor joining the SJW inquisition

Indeed you honor your name, Mr. Cocks!

Greentexting on Twitter

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The exposure SJW's give to PlayAsia.com with their lame attempts to boycott the import of the game result in them having more than 50% new followers and breaking their sales record worldwide. Even other game enterprises offered Koei Tecmo millions of dollars for exclusive distribution rights. Unfortunately for Koei Tecmo, who despite having the game sold out in Japan, they have no Hideki Kamiya to defend it from the stupidities of over-sheltered hipsters obsessed with 3rd wave feminism and identity politics. So the best way for them to respond to this waste of time was to surrender peacefully to the evil forces of The Woman.

The Samurai fear the SJW

Do you want some salt with it?

yes, this is

At least you tried. Have a nice day!

Trolling the Fat Acceptance Movement

Bad publicity is GOOD publicity

Play Asia April fools' Prank

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Dead or Alive Xtreme 3 for Playstation VR

	“	やだ！　ダメ！　きゃああああああ!!!	„
	—Kasumi, Excerpt from her new, deep and complex dialogue for DOAX3 VR

>tfw no gf

Now that apparently Virtual Reality is a thing, the Asian Jews of Koei Tecmo finally were capable to merge three official pastimes of Japanese Men within the new iteration of DOAX3: Not leaving the house, obsessing with female fictional characters and harassing women. Kissless Virgins and Incels were delighted because finally they don't have to deal with the burden of trying to ask roasties out on a date anymore.

Despite this update is not going to be officially released in the Western World, that didn't stop hack "journalists" from clickbait sites from writing their fake outrage articles about women objectification and how everybody who wants the game is a loser who hates women and will never get laid.

Not this shit again! About missing Pics

Apparently, 'no means no' doesn't apply to virtual reality.
DOAX3 is not designed with female players in mind – rather, horny men who want the full buxom avatar experience.
Never change Kotaku. Never change.
Why a publication dedicated to Business and Finance is publishing articles about Japanese videogames?
"I’ve come across something that genuinely made me angry."

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At least learn how to write your clickbait shit article
Is The Current Year and virtual Japanese girls are being sexually harassed! I mean, Come on!
I'm not a SJW guise, but plz check ur cishet male privilege
"anymoe" who play this game is a basement-dweller loser
Afraid because you'll never be noticed by men anymore?
Those evul scoundrels of Glippity Gloppity-gloop harassing virtual women. You will be never loved by a real one!
Please refrain from misgender the sexist male white porcine.
Motorboat! Motorboat! :D
The future is now!
A "sexual attack" on a virtual character that resembles a woman is a real attack on women.
You find eloquence in the most weirdest places nowadays

Expect Play-asia.com to import the game, more clickbait outrage, more youtube reaction videos, rinse and repeat, you know the drill.

Dead or Alive 6? More like Dead on Arrival 6.

>muh realism

Despite earning lots and lots of shekels with their freemium with lootboxes version of DoAX3 called Venus Vacation, the idiots of Koei Tecmo finally bent the knee before the western hacks with blue checkmarks and announced they will stop sexualizing their characters by reducing the boob jiggling and trying to improve "realism" in order to make the game suitable for European and US eSport competitions.

The only people happy about this literal shooting in the foot were, unsurprisingly, the insecure SJW blue haired hambeasts and their soyboy white knights, because finally those pesky cishet patriarchal Japanese developers understood that virtual women's rights are human rights and games must be more inclusive towards diverse and historically oppressed communities.

This strategy proved to be a massive failure. Despite being a totally serious fighting game, the devs still wanted to sell $90 dlc season passes ($30 dollars more than the base game) featuring fan servicy costumes for the girls. Team Ninja pissed off its core demographic by pandering to social justice warriors that only play pretentious indie walking simulator games. Team Ninja took Dead or Alive 6 off life support a year after launch to focus on the volleyball gacha games because it turns out coomers are way more likely to buy lootboxes and overpriced dlc.

Never listen to Videogame Journos About missing Pics

Vice is ready to shit on the game if it's not diverse enough

Vice is ready to shit on the game if it's not diverse enough
Destructoid thinks it's OK to depict women get beaten as far they don't look sexy.

Destructoid thinks it's OK to depict women get beaten as far they don't look sexy.
IGN thinks it's a symbol a maturity when a videogame stop using their selling gimmick and listen to them.

IGN thinks it's a symbol a maturity when a videogame stop using their selling gimmick and listen to them.
Dualshockers trying to push the "muh kewl" meme

Dualshockers trying to push the "muh kewl" meme
One Angry Gamer throwing a tantrum because the boob jiggle is gone

One Angry Gamer throwing a tantrum because the boob jiggle is gone

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{{{5}}}

As usual, the reactions towards this Japanese SFW version of Mortal Kombat are mixed, from dyke feminists defending a game where women are getting beat to a pulp (as far they are not showing pantsu), to Glippitygloppity-gloop once again crying and bitching because 3DPD are not allowing them to have fun with their attempts to impose the "Inclusive PoC LGBTBBQWTF+ Agenda". Many are suspecting that this is just Koei Tecmo and Team Ninja being the greedy jews they always are, and they will sell the Gravure Outfits and the giggling tits and asses as a DLC.

It's just a goddamn videogame About missing Pics