Daddy
What is a dad?
A father, aka dad, aka daddy, aka papa, aka paw in the Confederate States of America, aka a motherfucker, aka the man who will never love you, is a man who shoots hot loads up a cunt, also known as a creampie, and after 9 months give or take, his cum mutates into a shrieking meatbag piss-and-shit machine that controls a skeleton, unless the cock-loving female pays a hitman (who might even wear a labcoat) to kill her babby and stick an egg-beater up her vag and stick a vacuum up her coose to suck up all the bloody baby pieces that were the result of the beautiful time she caught a hot sticky load with her smelly meathole in order to make her bean tingle and fill the bottomless void inside her body and soul. Just kidding, people don't have souls. That means if you're dad is retarded, you will be too! Aww, thanks dad!
Why Daddy Doesn't Love You
Men are not designed to look after children; however, they inevitably have them because of "muh dick", not fully realizing that babby is the effect of nice penis feeles via a warm wet hole. Recent studies have shown that at least 100 out of 100 men are cock-sucking retards and/or pedophiles. However the Bible says men are the head of the family—therefore, he has the right to beat the living shit out of you because it's your fault you look up to him.
Daddy is the man who created you.
Approval Rating: 0
With every camwhore and stripper you can impartiality understand their relationship to Daddy.
Unfortunately, in trashy families, everything is more important to Daddy than his daughter. For example: Crystal meth or hardcore gay pornography. Instead of this lack of attention turning the girl against men, it usually makes girls desperately want attention and approval from whatever asshole they happen to run into or get molested by in the future. Why? Here are some possible reasons for this pathetic behavior:
- Electra Complex
- The neglect she received from her father is the form of relationship with men she accepts as normal so that type of treatment is what appeals to her.
- God's gift to sketchy sociopathic males.
- Women are just crazy.
Ultimately it doesn't really matter. They're on the Approve-ME!-Daddy train. Why should you be the one who has to hit the brakes? You might even get a hummer out of it if you have that certain unfakeable asshole quality as dear old Dad.
So carry on, asshole, absentee fathers! Hundreds of sleazy strip club owners are counting on the girls your shafty treatment will churn out.
—One man's experience | ||
Boys vs. Girls
Most rants against Daddies are written by 16-year-old girls whose father has married a female 3 years younger than they are, meaning they are even less likely to get a piece of Daddy's throbbing hot meat. Women who get ignored by their Daddies are usually hardcore Feminism who claimed they've been raped by 12 different men over 100 times. Luckily when they hit puberty, Daddy will make sure this dream comes true.
Boys disappoint their Daddies by becoming their clones: fat, zitty slobs, with glasses and no accomplishments. Some lucky boys have fathers who will turn them into fuckworthy but otherwise useless bags of shit in an attempt to cover up their blatant homosexuality: until your mom falls asleep.
Daddy & Sex
- Some children get too much attention from their daddy. Such children will end up becoming whores—proving that whether they get too much or too little attention from Daddy, they will always become depraved sex maniacs. Turns out the pedos were right.
- Daddy is always the dominant one. You should not be surprised when you hear your mom crying and Daddy grunting like a pig in heat late at night. He is doing what God intended. One day, if you're lucky, you might take mommy's place.
- Some daddies don't have sex with your mom (believe it or not). These Daddies secretly sneak out at night to places with "XXX" in the title—not to watch strippers like normal Daddies, but to pretend, for at least a little while, that they are the mommy. It's the reason your real mommy prefers Jack Daniels or Crystal Head Vodka.
Faggot
Some people claim to have two daddies thanks to a society which accepts people as different. This is a lie—in order to be a true daddy the kid has to be created from your own thick sticky white juice or via giving birth. Tough shit.
Funny thing is that homosexuality is usually caused by their daddy loving them too much or not enough. Some men try to escape this by showing women how it feels—but since being gay is a mental illness they inevitably end up doing it wrong. Instead, they crave hot daddy cock so dearly they seek out only other males. They end up adopting a child (always a boy) who in turn will become a raging spunk-bucket, thus screwing up evolution even further.
Remember—you were an accident. Daddy thought your mom was a guy.
Types of Daddy
- Rich daddy: In lieu of disappearing into a beer bottle or just disappearing altogether, Rich Daddy is an absentee parent because he's actually doing something productive. Rich Daddy's long-distance parenting will produce emotional scars, but they typically won't be ones that turn their daughters into serial rape victims. Instead, Rich Daddy will generate Daddy's Money Lesbians and various other types of vapid, but well funded and more or less stable, suburbanites.
- Nigger Daddy: Little is known about this daddy because he is gone for over 9000 years after his niglet's birth. "I'm going out for some cigarettes" is the common leaving call of this daddy. Unfortunately he keeps it too real to ever come back home. Considering most are giant man-children who collect jewelry and debts their being gone is rarely a deep impact on the broken-home they create. His babby's momma is know as a "Welfare-Queen".
- Leather daddy: Nothing wrong with this kind of daddy.
- Nerd daddy: a low-testosterone cunt whose occupation is usually computer programmer, engineer, accountant, or something upper-middle class like that. He has gainful, regular employment but isn't filthy rich. He would vomit at the idea of cheating on his wife; he drives a Toyota or a Volvo depending on income level, unless he rides a Vespa or Honda scooter in an attempt to make a "positive impression" on his kids about the importance of conservation, being economical, and reducing your "carbon footprint" on this forsaken ball of mud. He attends his children's sporting events, helps them with their homework, and other stuff that implies he actually isn't a self-absorbed asshole. Nerd Daddy is rarely seen in the wild, due to his lack of potential to produce coke-addled teen starlets, serial killers, attractive girls who disappear during spring break drinking binges, and other types of people the media cares about.
- Sugar daddy: The best daddy of them all. You can have the world for the low low price of your vagina and/or other assorted cavities.
- Broke daddy: (see: Uwe Boll)
- Big Daddy: Giant, burly men with elaborate tools on their hands. You'll face many in your travels, as they always seem to find you, and almost always have what you want. DO IT FAGGOT.
- Jigaboo daddy: A rapper daddy with a lust for children
- Insane daddy: What may seem lulzy at first quickly turns into a reenactment of The Human Centipede when two of your friends come to stay the night. Guess what? Daddy knows definitely that you are the middle piece!
Step Daddy
A step dad is the worst possible thing that could to happen to you (especially if you happen to be Ginger). If you thought your Daddy was bad, you're going to beg for him to come back at least 100 times and tell the police it was all a lie.
Most step-dads enter your life and when your mom hates your real father, throws him out of the house, steals all his money and stuff and then you only see him every other weekend. He moves in and starts trying to replace your real father by drinking and beating your mom. Just like dad used to. Don't worry, he's just trying to make you feel comfortable and letting you know he really cares about you.
Most Step-fathers are fans of CP, namely loli. His computer is a good source of CP. Stepdads liek to beat their children because they can hide behind the fact he has no real obligation to look after them. More affectionate stepdads only hooked up with your mom to get to you - and some sick fucks like it. Since you're not related it's not really incest - amirite?
It is possible to have moar than just one dad? You can have up to 4. This is Do-able when you parents get a divorce and your mum gets a sex change and marries another man, then your dad turns gay and marries another man, so you have 2 real dads and 2 step dads.
Evolutionary psychology
These retards are not biologically predisposed to care about you as much as your biological daddy and are more likely to abuse or kill you for being an annoying fuck and or cockblock.
Humans are primates that still retain remants of our embarrassing past; and child abuse by step daddy is likely due to the once very popular reproductive strategy of killing some other guy's kid so the mommy would be capable of being "in heat" (this happens so often in the animal retarded furry kingdom that female baboons have a mechanism to counteract infanticide[1]). Thus, the child murderer could then fertilize mommy himself.
Gallery
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White kids love black stepdads.
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A stepdad for Basement-dwellers.
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Saturn ate most of his sons in fear that they'd overthrow him. In the original uncensored version of this painting Saturn was drawn with an erect penis, lulz.
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An early artistic depiction of this Greek mythology.
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Did you fuck my daughter?!
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Come to daddy.
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See Also
- Josef Fritzl
- Your Mom
- Feminist
- Feminism
- Emodad
- Men
- Redneck
- Nigger
- Incest
- Grandmothers
- I am disappoint
- Crazy Dad
- Lesbian
- Staredad
- Trollface
- Blastoise - If he was your dad, things'd be different around here...
