Gun
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A Gun is a very effective point-and-click IRL banhammer, often deployed by impotent wankers who are butthurt because they won't get what they want through hard work, intelligence, love, creativity, enterprise or other human virtues, and want to act out their frustration and inadequacy through IRL trolling and pwning others. Guns are what Americunts have instead of penises, while britfags (the major proponents of gun control) are forced to suffer through their microscopic penile reality by taking party drugs and drowning themselves in tea and crumpets. The Internets has a huge guns, weapons and military related subculture, with numerous websites catering for all preferences. Some are filled to the brim with 16 year olds who don't have a fucking clue and generally just spout the latest bullshit from Future Weapons, the weapons menu on Counter-Strike, Modern Warfare 2, or the latest article from Soldier of Fortune if they are really advanced. Below is your guide to this delightful phenomenon.
Controversy
There are four types of people:
- Cool people who understand that the right to own guns is awesome
- Idiots who believe the above are compensating for tiny dicks and demand that only the army and police be allowed to have guns
- Non-idiots who actually use guns, and know that both of the above are correct at times
- Moralfag from countries other than the USA, who think that Americans are the funniest people in the world, particularly when it comes to guns.
The Brady Bill: The Brady Handgun Lulz Prevention Act, more commonly known as "The Brady Bill", was put into place in 1993 after John Hinckley Jr. tried to kill Reagen. His press secretary, Jim Brady got in the way of this very lulzy act and was left paralyzed. Common consensus is that he deserved it. Brady, butthurt as hell, became a gun law supporter. Proving that they have no sense of humor, Shit then put into place this act which would require a background check on firearms purchasers and a waiting period for handguns. According to liberals, these provisions have prevented any subsequent tragedies of any kind whatsoever; Democracy works! Gun Nuts have a strange sexual relationship with this act, because on one hand it takes away their rights!!!one!!!OMG11!. But on the other hand, they tried to kill their god Ronald Reagan, who can do no wrong in their books, and because he signed this act into law, it must be obeyed, even if stricken down by later acts of congress.
The Way of the Gun
Guns were made by Jesus Christ after realizing his favorite country, the United States, needed something to spread the gospel to savages. Jesus himself invented the first gun, and armed with the power of Christian, and a factory of Indian sweatshop workers, to bring peace and justice to the free world, by ridding us of the lesser races and non-believers.
Choose Your Weapon
| Choose Your Weapon | |||||
| Rifles | Handguns | Submachine Guns | Machine Guns | Other | Calibers |
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AR-15 / M-16 / M4 Carbine
The AR-15 is the iconic weapon of the red-blooded 'murricun. If you carry this piece you are out on a holy crusade to end the lives of all communists, Nazis, Democrats, towel-heads, Batman fans, evolutionary biologists, Jews, and the occasional Catholic, 'cause we all know those Mary-worshipers have it coming.
During development, the M16 was picked up by the U.S. Army which was struggling because potheads, the primary demographic for recruitment in the 1960s, couldn't handle the hammering recoil of the M14. The M16A1 model helped resolve that problem by introducing a rifle that wouldn't fire at all. The A2 and A3 incarnations solved the reliability problems but introduced one of the worst features in modern firearms which quickly started showing up on every other assault rifle and SMG, the 3-round burst. Originally intended to save ammo and increase accuracy over a fully automatic fire mode, the 3-round burst was devised for those not smart enough to figure out that you don't have to go batshit and hold the trigger till the gun don't fire no mo'. The civilian version is the semi-auto AR-15. It's one of the cheapest (can be had for less than $1000), most popular (inbred rednecks love it), most accurate (many can shoot sub 1 MOA out of the box), most common (It seems like Christ and Everybody makes AR-15s, there are A LOT of AR-15 makers out there), and most modular semi-auto rifles used by Americunts. Many people who buy AR-15s then trick them out with scopes, foregrips, flashlights, and vibrators just to shoot at empty beer cans because they're hillbillies too stupid to join the military. When an AR-15 faggot is describing his weapon, you can be sure it will result in an immediate snorefest. The M16 is so prolific there have been many offshoots of the design, some of the most notable being the .50-caliber Beowulf slug launcher, many chambered in 7.62mm NATO, target shooting conversions for .22LR, foreign modifications like the Nazi HK416.
If you mention the M16/AR-15 on most gun boards or forums you'll spark a flame war more intense than the one that killed the Branch Davidians. Bonus points if you tell them they are all wrong and the M16 should have been chambered in .30-06, have a 100-round drum, and fire full auto.
AK-47
Designed to be easily used by child soldiers and poorly trained conscripts, the AK-47 was spread throughout the world by Tony Stark in a cave. The rifle is simple in construction and fairly robust, using a gas-piston made to looser tolerances than any other gas-piston rifle out there. It has great popularity amongst, well, Communists, terrorists, and guys that want to spree-kill their neighbors. And college Sophomores. Most that you'll come across in real life are Chinese or Eastern European knock-offs, actual Russian models being rare. The AK can be found wherever there are angry Arab and gooks. It's the single best way to ruin GIs IRL. The AK-47 is the most well known firearm in the world and is a symbol of both freedom and opression by those dumb enough to live in third world countries, it also withstands environmental situations (mud, underwater, etc) that most other guns cannot bear with. Actually, faggots, the AK-47 is an obscure early model, nowhere near as popular as the later AKM variant. Almost 99.8% of the AK-47s you see worldwide are in fact AKMs, distinguished by the stamped and riveted sheet metal receiver and muzzle compensator. The more you know...
AK-47 vs. M16 threads are woefully common in any weapons-related forum. The usual crap of accuracy vs. reliability is rehashed and fucked up for yet another inning. On many websites, Military Photos and AR-15.com notably, this kind of crap will get you raped by the admins. You deserve it, you little bastard, because no self-respecting Banned will tolerate under-deodorized 13-year-old boy bitching about the M-16 being so much more accurate than the AK-47 or the AK-47 being so much more durable than the M16. Either way, both guns can still clear a middle school classroom faster than kicking down the door and shouting "Immigration and Customs Enforcement!" at a LULAC meeting.
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The AK-47 can be a formidable weapon in the right hands
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Aks-74u
This is a miniature version of the AK-47's modern equivalent, the AK-74. It's small enough to fit in your jeans pocket and to be carried one-handed. Perfect for school shootings, because it will give you street cred, even if you're a Wigger (and you are). Also good for drive-by's due to its compact size, the AKS-74U is every Floppy disk's dream. and, of course, the ultimate Arab Osama Bin Frickin' Laden carried one of these babies, ensuring that rule 34 applies even in a cave in Afghanistan. Some consider it an SMG, but just because they don't know how to properly use it.
PROTIP: Just because the dumbfucks who made Call of Duty 4 call this a submachine gun does NOT make it an actual submachine gun. The AKs-74u fires the same 5.45x39mm rounds as the AK-74, making it an assault rifle.
SVD
Like the M14, but tailor made for the same poorly trained 3rd world child armies that employ the AK-47. Except the ones that get SVDs are the ones that don't have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and actually paid attention and tried during target practice at Camp Durka. Also holds the title of Biggest Life Ruiner Of American Soldiers 1963-Now, largely in part due to Juba the Baghdad Sniper. However, Since Bill Clinton thought that genuine Russian-made arms like SVDs, original AKs and even the chink bootleg versions were nice things, which means we can't have them, SVDs are really rare and even chink copies go for over $3000 which means you and your COD4 buddies have a snowball's chance in hell of getting one and will have to settle for a Romanian PSL, which is basically a cheap AK with a long barrel and spiffy buttstock.
M14
Before the sweet-sixteen there was the M14, a beastly pure-bred American piece made of wood, iron, and cock. If you don't mind the fact it kicks like a date-rape scene gone horrible wrong then you can't go wrong with its 7.62x51mm NATO truck stopping power. If a Sand Mexican is having himself a little pow-wow with roasted marshmallows and sing-alongs behind that reinforced sandbag teepee, and your 5.56x45mm NATO ain't cutting it, never fear! Your M14 will punch right through that sandwiched dirt and give Haji a splintering sensation of our constitutional right to kick ass and take names (and lunch money in some cases), even if their names are written in squiggly lines. Just don't mistake it for a machine gun.
Unfortunately, the U.S. military made this mistake by implementing a full-auto function for this gun. The powerful kick of the 7.62x51mm ammunition caused such massive muzzle climb that soldiers in the jungles of Vietnam couldn't hit gooks in full auto, even when they were executing villagers at point blank range. Because of this, and despite the M14's major pwnage potential, it was replaced by the pussy-recoil M16 as a standard issue rifle.
Like the climax of every Disney sports movie, the M14 has made a sudden comeback, sans full-auto capability. With the rise of anabolic steroids and a need to spread democracy at ranges exceeding 400 meters, the M14 has met a revival with snipers and designated marksmen in the lulzfests of Afghanistan and Iraq. With generations of retards raised on counterstrike and a whole desert full of people in need of some democracy, the future for this once forgotten rifle looks brighter than ever!
FN FAL
The right arm of the free world. This rifle killed communists, savages and communist savages throughout the Cold War, and is still being used by dirt poor countries that we gave democracy to. Ironic, since it was made by the friendly Capitalism waffle-humpers at Fabrique Nationale who stole most of the design from the Russian SVT-40. Its XBOX HUEG 7.62x51mm round makes an example of every Russian, Arab, nigger, hippie, gook, Argie and protester that gets in its way.
H&K G3
Conceived by the God-like Aryan engineers during the closing months of World War 2, then stolen by the Spanish, then stolen back again by the Teutons, the Gerat 3 was designed from the ground up to kill anyone politically left-of-center. Chambered in the massively Epic Win 7.62x51mm NATO round, this gun combines advanced mechanical concepts and the crude ability to open up a bush nigger's head like a ripe watermelon at an impressive 600 meters. Used by most nations of the civilized world who wanted a 1.) rifle that wasn't designed by those dirty Belgians and 2.) had it's roots in the Third Reich. HEIL HITLER! 14/88!
H&K G11
Three words to sum up this gun? Kraut space magic. This West German commie killer took nearly 30 years to develop, and is quite possibly the most advanced weapon of it's kind. It's got a boxy, futuristic design, a 45 round magazine that is inserted parallel to the barrel, and fires a proprietary box-like caseless ammunition in a three-round burst at 2100 RPM, and thanks to some advanced mechanisms, all three bullets exit the barrel BEFORE you even feel the recoil! While all of this sounds awesome, and while every /k/ommando and their dog would literally kill for one, it had some serious design problems. For one, the internals were so fucking complicated, that you'd need a clockmaker just to fix a feed-failiure. I mean, LOOK AT THIS SHIT. Anyone who's been enlisted can tell you grunts are notorious for being able to break fucking anything, so this shit was basically a disaster waiting to happen. Secondly, the ammunition causes some problems of it's own, with the lack of a case, the propellant is free to foul up the firing chamber, and with sustained firing, it's actually possible for the propellant to go off before it's supposed to! Finally, the damn thing was so expensive that in the 90's, when the berlin wall fell, the West German government decided to rebuild the communist shithole next door than adopt the G11, because it was the cheaper option. After that, H&K Decided to sell the cheaper G36 to the bundeswehr instead. An M-16A2 ripoff that was notorious for melting. Way to go. Oh, and by the way, this rifle is only a prototype, with less than 1000 units made, all of which are probably rotting in some German Govt. Warehouse, so even if your broke-ass could afford this gun, it would still be pretty much impossible to get. Lol.
Mauser K98k
This bolt-action rifle was mass-produced by the Nazi to waste jews and it did so rather effectively. It fires Pwnt 7.92x57mm Mauser bullets. While it doesn't have the profile of its famous Russian contemporary - the Mosin Nagant - in Amerikkka, it is well famous elsewhere because everyone has them. It is fairly accurate (which is great for picking off jews from a balcony) but only carries 5 bullets in the mag. Almost useless for school shootings because they are too slow and will see you riddled with FBI lead while you reload.
Mosin-Nagant
Hated by women, children and anyone within 6 metres of it, the "Moist Nugget's" skull-fucking BOOM is a great way to clear out n00bs and IRL troll everyone at the range. The Soviets made millions and millions of them during WWII, and as a result you can get them at sporting goods stores in the U.S. for sixty bucks. Category:People has one, however few can fire them due to the fact that their bolt-action is intended for Popeye-armed Russia potato farmers. The problem is, the Mosin uses a slightly longer than usual .30-caliber round, so Americunts often charge their lazers with 7.62x51mm NATO instead of 7.62x54R. Boom! Natural selection continues.
Protip: The most successful military sniper of all time, "White Death", used this gun to rack up over 500 commie kills in the WintAr War. He also did this using iron sights... He is an hero to us all.
Carcano
This shitty bolt action rifle was used by fascist guidos in da war. It used the 6.5x52mm Mannlicher-Carcano round, a fat ass bottle neck cartridge that has a tendency to jam your gun. It's not very accurate, and the rounded diameter of the bullet causes narrow, straight through wounds. On the bright side, it does not deform easily and can penetrate without tumbling, so it's great if you're looking to pull that sweet 6 for 1 kill. Also good for turning presidents' heads into scrambled chowdah. Too bad the only company that still makes the ammunition adds an extra mm to the length of the bullet, making it even LESS accurate than before.
SKS
The official mantle-piece of mobile home owners everywhere, the SKS is another Soviet gun developed between a tree stump and the AK-47. While not used much by the Soviets themselves, it was mass produced in China and was widely used by communist /b/tards around the world. Uses a 7.62x39mm cartridge and the Chinese ones are über-cheap. This gun was also the favorite of the gooks before they laid their dirty mitts on 'Ks. However, because it doesn't pwn quite liek the AK it has fallen out of service with most squaddies, except the Russian display teams - who use them for ceremonial purposes and ass sex. And the shitty Russian SKS only has a 10 round internal magazine, you won't find those that common and instead you'll see the common Chinese Type 56 with detachable magazines.
Sturmgewehr 44
The worlds first true assault rifle was designed and deployed by the nazis in WW2 and was first issued as the MP-43 in 1943. Adolf Hitler hated it at first, believing it to be ugly, Jewish and impractical, and because he had no idea what a useful gun was supposed to do since his days in the first world war. After his troops convinced him it was a good rifle, he used it as propaganda, renaming it the Sturmgewehr (German for "Storm Rifle"). Odd additions to this weapon were created for special purposes, such as a curved barrel that could shoot around corners and an infrared night vision sight. If more were produced at an earlier time, the Germans may have won the war. Mikhail Kalashnikov conceived the AK while recovering from getting pwnt by this rifle in WWII.
Arisaka Type 99
Despite being a nip rifle made by the dirt poor Imperial Armed Forces of Japan, it was actually a pretty cool gun. Because of its long ass barrel, all of the powder burned, making muzzle flash non-existent (sneaky jap is sneaky). It fired the 7.7x58mm Arisaka, which shot at from 1,000 yards was the equivalent to being shot point blank by a .45.
QBZ-95
Designed by Duo Yingxian and used by the largest army in the world, in reality it is fail. The fire selector is all the way at the rear and the bullet ejects to the right. So if you hold it with your left hand your chin or nose can get hit by a burning brass. Also, the high sight line makes the front sight snag on shit. The newest model designed by Duo's students, the QBZ 95-1, claims to have fixed everything its predecessor failed at. Improvements range from moving the fire selector on the pistol grip, forward bullet ejection, rails, to lowering the sights. It's greatest improvement is making the gun look less like cheap plastic toys into something from Avatar, a.k.a. expensive plastic toys. With the improvements, in theory it has the potential to be the first fully ambidextrous bullpup fielded by a major army that doesn't jam like the F2000. However it has never been used in any major conflict other than pwning the occasional Tibetan insurgent or Falun Gong cultist, so time will tell if the "dash one" variant is reliable or not. Canadians can get the semi-auto version that fires the 5.56mm called QBZ-97, assuming they got the first batch of them numbering in the hundreds. All subsequent rifles are confiscated by the RCMP because they are simply converted from full auto. New and legal QBZ-97's are expected to arrive into Canada in spring 2013, although Canadians are still limited to 10 round LAR magazines. If you live in an igloo you can pay $900 for one p.s. It does not, I repeat, it DOES NOT have a 3 round burst mode, showing how much research Activision did. EA did it slightly better.
QBU-88
The QBU-88 is China's first indigenous design bullpup rifle. Designed by Norinco with Israeli support, it wouldn't be surprising if they end up being used against the Israelis in Syria or Iran. It can hit a coke bottle consistently at 600m, and it'll need the accuracy because at that range the only way the 5.8mm intermediate cartridge can instant-kill is if it penetrates the skull, spine, or the heart. Unlike the QBZ-95, China never bothered making a QBU 88-1 improved variant, so soldiers are stuck with the unwieldy buttstock fire selector and right side only ejection. They also can't mount any accessories onto it. Canadians can get the KBU-97A variant which shoots the 5.56mm NATO round. Apparently it shoots better than the Swiss Arms carbines, which makes sense considering it costs $3000!
Colt Model 1911A1
In 1911, John Moses Browning was deep in prayer when Jesus came forth from heaven bearing the Colt Automatic Pistol Model of 1911. And he did giveth the pistol to John, so that America, his chosen people, could kill colored people all over the globe easier than ever before. This emblem of America brought the USA into the 20th Century as the greatest nation on the planet, by killing Germans, Mexicans, Phillipinos, Nicaraguans, and Haetians with.45 of an inch in righteous hot-lead to the motherfucking sternum. 9mm? America doesn't speak metric, faggot!!!! USA! USA! USA!.
Well, that's what most gun-nuts (as in testicles) will say about it. The pistol is a legend in the Jewnited States of Americunts due to its long service with the military (about 70 years). And given that no one else in the world is allowed to own weapons, this leads it being the most talked about pistol on the webz0rz. Its reputation for accuracy stems mainly for it being bought and riced up for use as IPSC race guns rather than any inherent virtue in the design itself. Truth be known, the original service pistol was just a big, heavy, single-action motherfucker that was no more accurate than any other pistol of the time, and was only notable for being the first pistol chambered in the godly .45 Automatic Colt Pistol round (ACP). But when you spend $2,000 on aftermarket parts, you can do anything.
Beretta 92 a.k.a. M9
The 9mm guido gun that finally replaced the ancient and frail 1911. 1911fags hate it because it replaced their antiquated relic, SIGfags hate it because it does everything their exetershit does but less expensively, glockfags hate it because it beat out their grenade for the coveted position of the gun used to arm soldiers so they can rape delicious brown girls, and Navy SEALS hate it because it tends to blow up in the face of the shooter. This gun was only adopted because the USA wanted military bases in Italy and Beretta made them accept their handgun in return. No other gun in the history of mankind has caused so much drama among gunfags. The Beretta is also a great way to behead yourself! Just make sure the slide is at neck level and pull the trigger!
Glock
R' da bloods movin' in awn 'yo crip territry and ya'll need a piece to pop 'dem niggaz wif? Reach for 'yo glock nigga! Created by Austrian grenade and curtains manufacturer Gaston Glock, the Glock was widely adopted by niggers the world over for its ease of use while aiming sideways. Glocks are now used as much by wannabe badboy cops as they are niggers. Glocks, being standard issue to cops, niggers and mafiosi, are therefore owned by everyone. The Blazn Azn used one at his time at VTech! Further testament to its quality is Adam Lanza choosing one in 10mm. Glock Perfection indeed.
Springfield XD
The anti-Glock, fixing everything the glock fails at; like exploding when shot. Actually a Croatian pistol called the "HS2000", the American company Springfield Armory just stole the design and called it the "XD". A lot of Counter-Strike and Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare players love this gun, right after the Desert Eagle, because the "XD" looks like an emoticon. This gun is designed to function even with the muzzle pressed against a flat surface, such as someone's back.
S&W Model 29
You're going to need much, much more than luck when you stand up to this cannon. The S&W Model 29 .44 Magnum revolver is the closest you can get to an overkill without being impractical. This gun kicks like a mule, but has the power to dismember limbs, and is almost guaranteed to be a one-shot-kill anywhere in the torso. You have a better chance of escaping Chris Hansen at a bait-house than surviving this son-of-a-bitch. Unlike the Desert Eagle, it is still reasonable in terms of size, unless you choose to buy a fucking 12" barrel because you are too big of a pussy to handle the kick.
FN Five-seveN
Admired by Libertarians and spics for its ability to pierce body armor and kill cops. The FN Five-seveN (LOL SO CLEVER THEY MADE THE F AND THE N IN CAPS) is used in a lot of animes and video games, so of course all school shooters pick this up for the job, because, as we know, most school shooters are actually 13-year-old boy who have been fapping to too much violent hentai. However, anyone who is on the path to enlightenment will need to save up his allowance for a long time or use mommy and daddy's credit card, as the Five-seveN and its silly 5.7x28mm proprietary cartridge are quite expensive, but will worth the money if you can afford one.
Hi-Point C9
A 9mm pistol that runs about $120 brand new. It does the exact same thing as $700 pistols. Post a picture of one in any weapons related area on the internet and watch the sparks fly. A favorite of black person and Mexicans. They have a lifetime warranty (Which is in practice a Week At most before the Owner gets killed by a Nigger), but it's hard to make a claim with the slide sticking out of your fucking forehead.
Walther P22
Originally designed as a target pistol in weak .22LR, the P22 found a new home in the hands of The Blazn Azn. He dual-wielded it with a Glock in order to achieve the highest score in Americunts history! Walther was of course very pleased by this, and instantly issued a statement commemorating the occasion.
Sig Mosquito
Another target pistol chambered for .22LR that found a new notoriety in the hands of Pekka-Eric Auvinen. It should be noted that while Cho used both a 9mm Glock and a .22 pistol, PEA only used a single .22 pistol. This is a good explanation for why he achieved such a low score. Sig Sauer refused to issue a statement, since they were afraid crazy Finns would riot outside of their stores after the ensuing sales boom caused stocks of the Mosquito to run dry.
The Desert Eagle (Deagle)
The Desert Eagle is classified as a handgun, despite being bigger than most SMGs. It is a terrible, overrated, piece of shit that jams more often than New York City traffic. You can create lulz by going to a DE forum and saying the .357 and .44 are fired from more practical-sized guns like revolvers. Weapon of choice for many retards, such as ParkourDude91.
The Desert Eagle got notoriety in the U.S. when niggers got their hands on it. Unfortunately, they thought they were holding their Glocks sideways and when they pulled the trigger, they killed themselves from the impact on their head. This is the reason Desert eagles are now made in America instead of Israel, because killing brown people is America's job. If you fire the Deagle with only one hand, you'll break your wrist from the recoil of the .50 bullet, and then, just like with the Uzi, you'll never fap again. A fun fact about the Deagle is that while it is in just about every video game ever, no real military or police force has ever adopted it. This is likely due to the fact that it doesn't fucking fire properly. You would be playing Russian Roulette every time you tried to kill yourself with a Deagle, seeing as how it has about a 1 in 6 chance of firing.
Smith & Wesson Model 500
Oh yeah, make the niggers and spics bow down to you with this fucking .50 caliber revolver! This bad boy does everything that the Deagle should have. It can make bears shit themselves, implant holes bigger than goatse in people, and tear apart a concrete block like a block of cheese. Tired of playing with those baby toys like the .44 and .357? Just cough up $1,000 and fire away, if you can without breaking your wrists and smashing your face in, which you can't, you pussy.
Colt Peacemaker
Officially the Single Action Army. Despite being made obsolete literally at least 100 years ago, it's more popular than ever thanks to pretend cowboys and metal gear solidfags. It has a distinguished history of genociding filthy red savages, mexicans, the irish, chinese laborers, filipinos, freed blackies, and John Marston.
QSZ-92
Another Chinese weapon only available in Canada renamed as "CF-98", it fires just like any other modern 9mm, it handles just like any other modern 9mm, it is just as (un)reliable as any other modern 9mm, and it costs as much as any other modern 9mm ($500). Unless you've got a hard-on for modern Chinese weapons, Americans are not missing out on much.
Automatics firing pistol ammo used by the popo so they can brutalize niggers without penetrating through walls and killing innocents.
HK MP5 - spray 'n pray
So you decided to use one of these guns on this page to create a lulz fest at your local school, mall, and/or place of employment, and now you're wondering what's the fuzz is going to be thrown at you when you get to the final level of the game. Five out of five times, when you've got yourself a good score going and you live in an urban area, the swat bunnies will be plugging your socially mis-adjusted body with the HK MP5. Don't despair, the HK MP5 is the perfect firearm to get mowed down by on national TV. It was also the first closed bolt submachine gun with fine Nazi precision pedigree, so you can be assured that you are going out in style. The 9mm ammunition means that you won't die too quickly so you can have that dramatic last stand, just like in Scarface! Bonus points if you get killed by a beaner wearing shades, from behind, with a shotgun while you're firing your weapon of choice dramatically in the air, as the cops riddle your body with US government lead.
Uzi (Moar like JEWzi, amirite?)
The Uzi (Jewspeak: ?????) was invented solely to rape sand nigger babies. It's based on the Czechoslovakian series 23 to 26 submachine guns, and is further proof that Jews steal everything, amirite?. Every American should have two. You have two hands, after all, right? Ironically, it's the preferred weapon of neo-Nazi, skinheads and Tommy Vershitty (too bad Carl Johnson couldn't buy some in his country. Shooting this thing one-handed, though it may look cool, will either break your wrist (no more fapping) or turn you into an hero unless you're Bruce Willis...or Carl Johnson, who can hold two fuckin' Sawn-offs and can still walk away and fap afterwords. Lucky Bastard. Uzis, thus, look cool, but aren't as cool as a frickin' AK-47. Chambered in 9mm but having less power than MP5's, that explains why the fuck their magazines are loaded with 32 rounds and not 30. Jews just can't count right.
MP40
Known as the Maschinen Pistole 1940 to NeoNazis, this gun is favored by them because they just happened to be used by the original Nazis (though they automatically failed hard against Russian weaponry). This is as close as you can get to being Michael J. Fox with a pistol because it is semi-automatic.
PPSH-41
The Russia-made Papa Sha (Also known as a bullethose for it's ridiculously high rate of fire (900 rounds per minute)). Firing the small, but powerful 7.62x25mm Tokarev round, this thing has killed more nazis and americans than the showers at Auschwitz have killed Jews. Because the USSR loved to share with anyone who agrees with them, many gooks and Arab have gotten their filthy hands on these fine weapons and used them on foreign invaders. Even today, the PPSh-41 is used by terrorists in the middle east to fight decadent westerners. During WW2, entire platoons would be equipped with this firearm, giving them unparalleled close combat effectiveness.
Tec-9
The Tec-9 an unbelievably shite one-handed SMG made famous by Carl Johnson and the LOLumbine gays. It was made by Intratec 'til they went bust and so now only exists as cheap gook copies or as museum pieces. Somehow shooting it one-handed doesn't break your wrist, so this is the gun of choice for fapstars. It fires standard 9mm pistol rounds just like every other fucking gun out there. School shootings with this thang will make the media shit bricks and come out with shit like "LOLumbine REVISITED!" and "School Shootings - A PHENOMENON?!". That means it's perfect for the job; after all, what could be more satisfying to the average an hero than the thought of causing a media stir because of the gun they used, and maybe getting Michael Moore to ban the sale of its ammo?
Mac 10
The Mac 10 is basically a bootleg Mini Uzi made with an open bolt, so niggers and rednecks could bubbarig their guns in their garage and make it fire full auto. The Mac 11 is a version in .380 ACP that sucks even worse.
Thompson SMG
First and foremost, the Thompson is a submachine gun NOT A RIFLE, FAGGOTS. Most commonly used by WW2 Veterans and greasy Italians. It's one of the original SMGs and was invented by John T. Thompson under the close supervision of God At least 100 years ago. It is vastly superior to other guns of the time because it was made in Good 'Ole US of A. It fires .45 ACP pistol rounds, which are fucking huge, and jizzes them out at a fire rate of Over 9000 rpm, which is perfect for shooting up your high school. It unfortunately does not make a loud noise like the M14, but it does make a lovely clicking sound as it spits an unending stream of lead at any Jap on the beach. It will take any one of six magazines, including a humble 20 round stick to the batshit insane 100 round drum. Like the AK, you'd have to shit in the chamber to make this thing jam. It was originally marketed to rednecks to shoot rabbits, deer, niggers, and other undesirables. It was later adopted by law enforcement, the US Army, and the mafia to shoot Nazi, Japan, more Niggers, Jews, each other, and Themselves. Notable people who have used it are greaseball mobsters, G-Men, and Cops. Firing this gun from the hip will make you look like an absolute badass and it's a great idea.
LMGs (Light machine guns)
These are autos you can carry around, like the M240, M249 SAW, MG3, M60, BAR, RPD, RPK, MG34, M1919 and BREN. They can clear a room of students faster than yelling "YOU ARE THE FATHER!" at an NAACP meeting - plus they look teh awesome. They fire rifle-sized bullets so you don't need no high-capacity assault clips for your Bushmaster that will likely jam.
Heavy Stuff
Think Maxim, Vickers, M2, MG42 and DshK. These will gleefully slice 'n' dice your foes to over 9000 pieces, with big bullets. These are teh awesome, more so than LMGs, just because they pwn so well. Only Over 9000 rounds from a .50-cal can even scratch a long cat. However, against ordinary fools, you will win. Niggers can't get their chicken grease mitts on these 'coz they're even more expensive than Nike kicks!.
Don't even bother tooling one of these up for a school shooting, though; it weighs too damn much. Just leave it on a Hummer (for drive-bys) or on a tripod (for long ranged spraying) and let rip. Hurrah!
Gatling Guns
So you want a school shooting with a difference? A 6-barrel XM214 Gatling gun can fire 10,000 rounds a minute, at 3750 fps. Bye bye school, jocks, nerds, whores, and emos.
The Gatling gun comes in a variety of different flavors, not unlike slurpees, or condoms. Starting with the biggest, baddest motherfucker of all, the GAU-8 Avenger, a 30mm precision engineered lead-breathing dragon that has an A-10 Warthog attack aircraft mounted on top of it. This monster fires Depleted Uranium rounds the size of wine bottles meant for decimating rusted ruskie armor and sand nigger caves. It puts out over 4 tons of recoil force and the gun itself weighs 620lbs, but once you add n the magazine and the hydraulics system required to fire it, you're looking at over 4000lbs, then you'll need almost 2000lbs of ammo for about 15 seconds of blissful carnage. For best results, mount it on your bicycle.
A somewhat smaller version is the 6-barrel M61 Vulcan, capable of firing 20mm rounds at over 6000 rounds per minute that will blast Ruskie jets out of the sky when all the missiles are used up. Also used for blowing missiles out of the sky when mounted to ships and controlled by robots as the CIWS weapon system. The M196 is a 3-barrel version mounted on AH-1 Cobra's used for buttplugging terrorists at close range.
A 'smaller' Gatling gun gaining popularity as a mobile vehicle mounted system is the 3 barrel, .50 caliber GAU-19 GECAL ('jekyll'). It hits as hard as an M2 .50 cal heavy machine gun but has a rate of fire 4 times faster. This allows you to rack up points nearly as fast as a panty-waste M134 but with the added benefit of doing it even when their hiding behind three concrete walls and the nuke proof desks at your local school house.
Smaller still, is the General Electric M134, known commonly as the "Minigun." This 7.62mm beast was first used in the skies over Vietnam to spread freedom and democracy to the gooks, either as a door gun on the UH-1 Huey (no blackhawks in Vietnam dumbass), or as a offensive weapon on the versatile, AH-6 "Little Bird". Made most famous in Terminator 2 when the governator laid the smack down on some Californian police when they tried to take away his god given right to carry around large caliber assault weaponry. The ownage was so great, they appointed him their supreme ruler.
The smallest yet conceived was the 6-barrel XM214 5.56 Gatling gun. It fired literally over 9000 rounds per minute. But it offered no practicality over the M134 and little/no advantage in weight. Even this model put out more than 200lbs of recoil force, weighed over 30lbs, and required at least 100lbs in backup equipment, such as batteries and large cases of ammo, which is needless to say, more than your limp wristed faggoty ass can handle. So forget your dreams of recreating the scene in Predator unless you want to an hero yourself in possibly the most ridiculous fashion possible. On second thought DO IT FAGGOT.
But if you want to kick it old school, look no further than the original Gatling gun, invented by Dr. Richard Jordan Gatling at least 100 years ago, when Murka was waging war within her own borders. This old warhorse didn't have your fancy electric drive motors. No, you put good ole' fashion elbow grease into this antique, as you had to hand-crank the thing to shoot it. If you can find enough of the obsolete .58 caliber rimfire cartridges to fill the hopper of this old-timer, you can waste your school just like your great-great-great-great-great-granddaddy did to the jiggaboos who refused to work his fields.
Big Game Rifles
Not classed as ordinary rifles, coz they're so fucking huge. Best used to put holes in elephant's skulls, but if you want to terrorize the local niggers just load a .60 or .577 up and point it at 'em. Just don't fire it lying down (broken collar bone) or standing up (broken shoulder). Breaking your bones while pwning niggers will fail you, minussing your score by over 9000 points. Alternately, use them against other snipers, who will be using .50 BMG, 7.62mm, or, if they're real wankers, 5.56mm.
Shotgun
Use this bad boy to really fuck up someone's day. Sprays a lot of buckshot everywhere which means you can pwn a whole bunch of people or destroy one person at extremely close range. Very popular with hunters and cops and comes in many flavors like the pussy fuck .410 , the 12 gauge and the PWNAGE 4 Gauge Magnum that will fucking pwn the fuck out of any sandnigger you meet.
Alternatively:
1. Saw stock off
2. Shorten the barrel(s) to about 11 inches.
3. Fire one handed.
4. ????
5. PROFIT!!
Notable Shotguns:
- Ithaca Model 37
Arguably the first modern shotgun.
- Double Barrel
As if one wasn't enough, now you have double the pwnage. Arguably the best shotgun to use for sawing off, as it can be reduced much shorter than pump-action shotguns, maintain the internal ballistics, and has a higher capacity than the single barrel.
Unless you're Randy Robert Stair you really can't fuck up going with one of these.
- Remington 870
The most common pump-action shotgun in the world. Everybody in Jewnited States of Americunts and Soviet Canuckistan owns at least three of these.
- AA-12
Fully automatic. What else do you need to know?
- 12 gauge combat shotgun with Flachette rounds.
Have a problem with your enemies wearing kevlar style body armour? Well these little gifts from Heaven were designed during Vietnam just for that. Meaning little arrow in French, Flachettes are small javelin shaped projectiles with vaned tails for a stable flight. It's pretty much a war crime to use these pretty babies during battle in the modern age because of how hard they are to find in a human body because of their small size but that hasn't stopped the police from pumping them into anyone that says boo to them.
Fat cops fear the shotgun especially, since a 12 gauge slug reliably penetrates the Level IIIa body armor that they wear. They never expect getting owned in the face. Shotguns are also more effective if you're host or Bruce Campbell and are fighting demons in the past for some fucked up demon book.
The Barrett M82 Sniper Rifle
Known as the M107 to military types like Uncle Sam's Misguided Children and is probably one of the best penis upgrades you can buy for under $13,000. Trust me, you show up on the ranges with this bad boy, no one will ever question your size again.
If you have a problem looking your terrorist in the face or want them to be sitting down to dinner and have their head suddenly explode with no one ever hearing the weapon's report, with an effective range of 1,800 meters, or just over a mile and using a .50 BMG round, let me tell you stud - this is definitely the toy for you. As this weapon was originally designed for Anti-Material use meaning it was meant to be used to disable vehicles like trucks by ripping a hole the size of your fist through its engine, when used as an anti-personnel weapon, it literally will turn a human being into a puddle.
Flamethrower
on MySpaceThe closest you can actually come to playing Satan. Strap on 2 scuba tanks full of napalm and rain fiery death on gooks. Just be careful not to use it on a really windy day or you'll involuntarily become an hero. Much to the ire of leftards, you can legally own or build one. Srsly. The best part of this weapon is that you can take out a whole platoon in one shot, however if someone shoots the tank, prepare to suffer one of the most worst and painful deaths imaginable.
Grenade Launcher
This is a gun that shoots 25mm or 40mm grenades. Boom! The M-79 is a favorite from 'Nam, perfect for ruining Gook. Like a smaller Bazooka, basically. Watch out, though, it's illegal in California. Oh wait, so is everything else. Except weed. The M203 and M320 improve on the M79 by replacing the stock with a functional assault rifle. Now you can have the best of both worlds for just a few pounds more! The Heckler & Koch GMG combines the raw power of a 40mm grenade launcher with the fully-automatic convenience of a belt-fed machine gun. While it has a greater maximum range and rate of fire than the M79, its recoil and weight make it less than ideal for on-the-go use unless mounted to a vehicle.
Bazooka
Will ruin everything from goths to teenagers to the entire local mall in a glorious explosion of win. A favorite of Counter-Strike O.G.s. They don't like dat shit one-two bit. Only refers to the bazooka itself, the rest are called recoiless rifles, asshole.
RPG-7
Another great well-known arsenal rocket launcher. Beloved to death by the Arabs. This damn ruski-made launcher can blow shit up like military tanks instantaneously as well as helicopters or towers. Useful for blowing up furry conventions or any large place populated. Even if someone wears Body-armor or any armor protection they'll be PWNEDDD!. Shooting up schools with ARs and SMGs became really common and somewhat cliché, but with RPG-7 don't worry; use the RPG-7 to obliterate the entire school. It's ideal to fire it at a large group of people. Just make sure you have enough ammo to eliminate everything and then you will become untouchable like a badass.
Railgun
This does happen to exist IRL as it is being experimented with by the Navy as the new anti-warshit gun. It uses two electrostatic field creating rails and shoves a huge-ass block of metal at over 9000 times the speed of sound with a range limit of over 9000 miles away. Naturally this can be the next ultimate in pwning power, but the fields are so strong that when the bullet goes through, it breaks itself apart and requires a month of charging the electricity needed. Alternatively, you could build a Coilgun, which only hit as hard as an arrow, but hey, its legal!
Duct Tape
With duct tape, you can strap two guns together, like a shotgun and a machine gun. However, with duct tape you can also make A FUCKING MINIGUN WITH A FLAMETHROWER AND FIVE MACHINE GUNS AND SHOTGUNS on it (though you will have to operate each weapon manually, something your effete wrists are probably not meant to handle). Duct Tape is something not to be fucked with but if you happened to have purchased a cheaper mesh, don't expect anyone to be afraid of your death contraption when it's in pieces all over the ground.
Flintlocks, Caplocks, Matchlocks, Wheel-locks
These are the types of firearms that existed from 1337 AD until the days of the wild west. They were inaccurate as fuck, had extreme recoil, and you only got one shot until you have to spend 2 minutes reloading. Impossible to hit an apple from a distance of 10 feet. If it's raining, you have a 99.9% chance of misfire. Almost nobody uses these types of guns in the modern age due to their primitive and inaccurate nature. However, Sebastian Bosse is notable for trying to go for the High Score with some of these types of guns.
Gun food
.22 LR
Meant to be a training round for n00bs or to kill small animals for the lulz, so it's the cheapest and most common firearm round ever. Can be used from a snub nose revolver (which might as well be a pellet gun) to a rifle. NOTE: Will not kill anyone because it sucks. The problem with the .22 LR or .22 Magnum rounds are they are what is known as a commitment round, which means if you aren't commited to killing you target by firing at lethal areas like the head or heart then you might as well be standing there with your dick in your hand because as the .22 is not known for its stopping power, the person you're firing at probably won't even know that they were hit.
If you have a .22 LR or .22 Magnum and aren't willing to kill, you'd be better off using your weapon as a bludgeon to beat the shit out of your attacker then even trying to stop them by firing at nonlethal areas.
.25 ACP
Comes from a time when a man who was 5'6" tall was considered a giant and getting a staph infection was a death sentence. This puny little round is even less powerful than the ubiquitous .22 LR. It's used in pocket sized handguns by people who don't like hard recoil, such as faggots, women, and Oompa Loompas guarding Wonka's chocolate factory. Unless you have plans of getting in close to your target and sticking the weapon in their gut or sneaking up behind them and going John Wilkes Booth with a shot to the base of the skull keep it in your girlfriends panties where it is popularly known as a snatch gun because it was a favorite of hookers in the old west who would hide them in their garters which led men to think that they were hiding them up inside their vaginas when they were reaching up under their dresses to pull them out when trouble started.
.32 ACP
The bastard child of the Colt cartridges. Like the .25 ACP, it's for pocket pistols. Also is the minimum sized round for submachine guns. Doesn't wreck up a whole lot of shit, but it gets the job done.
.380 ACP
Introduced in 1908 by Colt because they knew the .32 ACP was an anemic piece of shit suitable for use only by limp-wristed Europeans, the .380 replaces the 7.65mm bullet with a 9mm bullet and removes the archaic rim for reliable feeding in magazines.
9mm Makarov
The Cold War-era pistol cartridge used by the Russians and their hostage nations so that in the event of war with NATO, the inevitably victorious West couldn't use their ammo in their guns. Da, take zat Americanski!
9mm Luger
The most widespread pistol cartridge in the world, used by militaries, police, niggers, school shooters, assassins, serial killers, Nazis, and suicide victims alike. The only people who don't use 9mm are rednecks, who think a .1" increase in caliber is somehow better, and American police, who use the explosion-causing .40 S&W.
.40 S&W
A ridiculously overpressure pistol round with a tendency to blow up your gun. It was created to appease dumb American cops who thought 9mm was too weak but wanted more capacity than the giant old ass .45 . TL;DR it's a solution to a problem no one ever had except for rednecks who won't use anything that doesn't start with a 4.
.45 ACP
A lot bigger, and more powerful, than almost every other practical semi-auto handgun round. Nobody but 1911fags use this bullet, for the obvious reason of compensating for their tiny penises.
.45 GAP
Probably the most pathetic round in existence. It was designed by Glock to be a shorter version of .45 ACP to be used in compact pistols. Despite .45 ACP being very well established in the US for over 100 years, Glock banked on their idiotic fanbase (known as Glocksuckers) to buy this round but it was too fail, even by their trailer-dwelling standards.
.357 SIG
Pretty much the same situation as the .45 GAP. SIG wanted to make a round to bridge the microscopic gap between 9mm Luger and .40 S&W so they took the .40 case and necked the bullet down to 9mm. Unlike Glocktards, SIGfuckers are retarded enough to actually keep buying this shit enough to keep it around.
10mm Auto
Ownage in the palm of your hand. Packing the power of a .357 into a frame the size of a .45 with the ammo capacity of a 9mm, the 10mm Auto was released to much fanfare of it's awesomeness. Well, no it wasn't. Actually, nobody cared.
The FBI adopted it briefly before crying that the recoil hurt their wrists, which were sore after they got done 'researching' all those CP websites. Smith & Wesson obliged by creating the .40S&W, which is believed to stand for either "Smith & Wesson", "Shitty & Weak" or the widely accepted "Shoop & Woop".
.38 Special
Small center fire casing mostly used in revolvers. They are complete shit. Srsly, no one but fat fuck crazy obsessed Beatles fans would use it. Hence the name "Special". It sucks so hard the police actually have a policy against issuing them. They launch the slowest bullets in existence, have low pressure and penetration, and they don't expand, even if it's a hollow point. If you get in a dual and go up against someone, armed with a .38, consider yourself an heroed.
.357 Magnum - BOOM! Headshot
Once you have returned home from killing the entire Viet Kong army, you have become the Pennsylvania state treasurer. You receive bribes and give your friends exclusive million dollar contracts as well as receiving $300,000 kickbacks. When you fuck it up and get convicted; facing 55 years imprisonment, you end it all by blowing your brains out with this baby in front of a live televised press conference. If you want to dramatically kill some one, make sure to shoot him in the lungs closer to the arm to let him live at least a few seconds more (according to Wikipedia you feel like "struck by lightning" when shot at), then let him crawl a little, then shoot him in the heart.
.44 Magnum
The .44 caliber is a classic pwner from the 19th century. Combine it with magnum (whatever the fuck that is) and you get the .44 Magnum, which is like the .357 on steroids. Fun to blow up watermelons with and make black people cry. Used by rednecks, police officers, and assassins alike.
5.56x45mm
Official rifle cartridge of NATO, along with the much more awesome 7.62x51mm which sadly is only used by snipers and medium machine guns. The M193, the original loading of this round, maimed gooks so bad in 'Nam that those pussy Europeans refused to use it when they adopted the 5.56 as standard issue because it was too "inhumane". Instead, they chose the M855 which is designed to penetrate through steel helmets that Arabs, niggers, and civilians don't wear. It will still fuck shit up but needs to travel though about 2 feet of tissue to do so past a supersoaker's range, and thus is far better suited for warfare against the Americunts who made teh bullet.
5.8x42mm
A bullet that only China uses. Adpoted so if Russia or America spreads their freedom and democracy there, they can't steal their bullets without stealing their guns. Standard 5.8mm DBP87 does even less damage than the standard 5.56mm against unarmored targets. However, has better ballistic trajectory than the 5.56mm, and designed specifically to defeat American body armor if nothing else. Proof that China is un-American.
7.62x39mm
Used in the AK-47 and all its derivatives. This bad boy does everything the 5.56 should be doing, like busting through soft cover and killing people. Unfortunately, the gay disease spread to the Soviets in 1974, when they replaced the 7.62 in service with the 5.45x39mm which sucks worse than 5.56. Even Comrade Kalashnikov said it sucks.
7.62x54mmR
A Russian mainstay since the 19th century, the 7.62x54R is the badass grandpa used by Russians before they were B movie villains. Used in several variations of the Mosin-Nagant (Moist Nugget), the Winchester M1895 (Levernugget), the SVT-40 (Autonugget), and the SVD "Dragunov" (Snipernugget) of FPS fame you can never buy because Bill Clinton Hates you.
7.62x51mm NATO
Also called the .308 Winchester by rednecks, this is the rifle cartridge soldiers should be using if they actually want to win a war. WARNING: shooting this round will make you cream your pants.
.30-06 Springfield
If you like the 7.62x51mm, well this is just 12 more mm of that. Same bullet, longer cartridge because crummy wartime gunpowder. Your great grandpappy put this in his gerund to punctuate grammar nazis and nip nips. Also, for some bullshit reason they named the round after the year it was invented (1906).
.50 BMG
Is an enemy of democracy being shielded by his village? Break out this motherfucker. The .50 Big Motherfucking Gun was designed to bust through brick and steel, which is overkill because civilians only wear wool at most. Download the AMERICA FUCK YEAH!! DLC to upgrade your ammo to the Raufoss Mk 211, which fucking explodes inside your enemies.
The Bullet to the Head of the NRA
A gun industry lobby organization formed in 1871 along with the Ku Klux Klan, the NRA was established to give White racists, gun-loving soccer moms and hungover rednecks the ability to focus their God-given talents on something much more important: shooting homosexuals, Muslims, Blacks and Scientists. The most noted savior of the NRA was Charlton Heston, who proved that the best reason for us to have guns is to defend ourselves from our government. This group holds that guns are good, and totally ignores studies done by bleeding-heart pseudosciences like "psychology," "sociology," and "political science". The NRA is always doing its duty saving us from the tyrannical grip of people who support gun control - like that godawful boring Noam Chomsky. Oddly enough, many liberals have begun to join the ranks of the NRA, for fear that gun control may render them defenseless against their crazy-ass redneck neighbors. Clearly, the best protection against dangerous nuts with guns is to give everyone guns and hope for the best.
Gun vs. Sword
Guns have replaced the archaic simpleton sword as the killing device of choice for a good many reasons, not least of which is the gun's superiority over hand-to-hand weapons. Some fanboys are in a state of denial about this.
- Myth: Swords are more honorable. Case in point: ninjas and samurai, Jedi and other knights used swords.
- Myth: You can block bullets with a sword if you are skilled enough.
- FACT: You can possibly (unlikely) block bullets with your sword but the bullet will shatter and then spread out into little pieces hitting eveything behind the sword, like say, the person using the sword. Or, if the gun is a shotgun, break the sword in half and send the large sharp upper half into the user's body. Plus, the pellets will probably spread around the sword. Besides, virtually all FMJ bullets will pierce the sword and go on to hit you. That's all while assuming you CAN react to a 700-800 m/s fast bullet fired from a rifle, and also that your hand is fast enough to block 4-8 bullets coming from an automatic rifle at you every second...
- Myth: You don't have to reload a sword, therefore you can use it forever.
- Myth: Guns are cowardly because you can kill people from a distance; swords take real skill to use.
- FACT: You will not be complaining about a gun's skill level when you have a bullet in your chest or head. Guns can kill at long range, but hitting the thing takes skill.
- Myth: You can run up to a guy with a gun real fast and slice him with your sword before he even gets his gun out.
- FACT: An attempt to do this will result in death on your part, unless you are invisible.
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Dr. Jones demonstrates the Superiority of the Handgun. Previous Video | Next Video |
1:05:00 to 1:10:00 of that movie clearly demonstrates the superiority of guns over sword in a large scale battle as the Brits in the Opium War completely wtfpwned the Chinese. 
HINT: You can save your time by watching that whole battle condensed in this link BUT in a lower resolution format The Chinese managed to hack and stab only a handful of Brits to death and most of the Chinese got pwned before they could even get close enough to kung fu the damn Brit's ass. So Guns>>>Sword in not only one-on-one combat but also full scale wars and battles as well (obviously).
Well technically the Zulu were using sword-like spears (called the ASS-engai) and a few stolen guns (which they stole from 'em white folks btw! Kinda like what they are still doing today amrite?). Note at 1:08 of that video a lucky Zulu shoots a Brit. Otherwise, another epic example of 'em whiteys demonstrating the superiority of guns over primitive spears, swords, and other bladed weapons to a bunch of primitive, backwards, non-white troglodytes! White imperialism and colonization of coloured people FTW!!
Despite the above examples of Guns Completely Outclassing Swords, there are occasionally exceptions to this rule!
Gun Safety Tips
Unlike what video games tell you, firearms are a lot different in real life. Although it may seem as easy as pointing and shooting, you'll rarely get an accurate hit on your target unless you learn how to control your breathing, have a proper stance, and pop off the gunshots properly. We will provide you with some very wise tips handed down from generation to generation by elite firearms enthusiasts.
- Guns are loud as fuck, unless you have earplugs in. Even so, you should always avoid wearing hearing protection. Guns are freedom and coolness all rolled into one! The sound of gunshots is like the hums of an angel. What I'm tryin' to show you is, you should listen closely to the sound of gunshots as it is so totally kicks ass. Get a 12 gauge shotgun, go inside a large empty room, and fire the shotgun right next to your ears.
- Make sure to open carry your gun proudly while you go about your day, especially if you are black. People won't try to attack you, and will give you a lot more respect and naturally feel safer knowing a responsible gun owner is around to protect them.
- Should the cops show up, simply remain calm, quickly pull out your gun and wave it around and tell them you have the situation under control. Should they pull their gun on you, point yours towards them and tell them to calm down, or you will be conducting a citizen's arrest on them.
- With all the School Shootings going on, America is in desperate need of armed security. Promptly enter your nearest school with your gun in your hands. Tell them that you are here to protect them, and when they freak out fire a few gunshots off to bring them under control. State that you are a guardian sent by God to defend their lives. When the cops show up, they'll understand your intentions and you will receive a presidential medal of freedom for your service. That's what the 2nd amendment was ratified for.
- Make sure, if you're shooting a small or weak caliber, to aim at thick metals. They will not ricochet on you and you will remain safe.
- ALWAYS keep the gun pointed in a cool way. Holding it sideways while sighting down your forearm is the most badass pose. Aiming a gun toward your friends or other people will make them think that you're cool. Don't worry. Unless you pull the trigger nothing bad can happen!
- Keep your finger on the trigger at ALL times. You never know when a wild niglet might pop out of the bushes and try to Zerg Rush you!
- ALWAYS keep the gun LOADED! You don't want to be caught in a tense situation with an empty mag or clip.
- Should you find yourself injured from a gunshot wound, accidental or intentional, please seek out the nearest cover and stay there for a few minutes. Your wounds will fully recover and you can go back to work again!
- Don't worry about what lies behind the target you're firing at. Video games are realistic in the sense that bullets have absolutely NO penetration; you can shoot a piece of paper and the bullet probably won't go past a second sheet.
- Don't worry about trying different ammo! You can use 9mms in a .45 acp barrel or vice versa! Even more, if you have a .38 you can use .357 ammo in it because a .357 can also fire .38 rounds too.
- Never wear ear and eye protection. These are for pussies.
- When you're walking around the hood with your gun down the front of your pants always remember to keep it cocked and loaded because that whole second it takes to cock your firearm when pulling it can be the difference between life and death. So remember, when you see the bad guys, grab as quickly and as roughly as you can for your weapon while stuffing your finger into the trigger guard for some quick cowboy-style shooting.
- You can never be too safe at home, when going to bed remember to sleep with your cocked and loaded gun under your pillow.
- ALWAYS do drugs before you go to the range; they make the experience twice as fun! All you need to do is read anything by Hunter S. Thompson to see the truth in this. Be just like him, run out and go buy a .357 and drop acid the second it's in your hands and loaded.
- Don't store your guns. You want to be able to get to them as fast as possible. If you have a child, train them on how to use the gun as early as age 4. If your child is a loner, depressed, goth, plays violent video games, and is white, you need to train him as best as you can. He needs to learn to respect the gun! Keep the gun accessible to him at all times :) If you own a gun safe, make sure they have a key to it. Remember, you're building trust. :)
- Cleaning your firearm isn't necessary. You can shoot it underwater, throw it in a puddle of mud, and it will probably still work just fine! Don't waste your energy.
- There's also no reason to clean your gun after a long storage period. That's what those dirty Jews who make the cleaning kits want you to think. That red stuff on your gun is just patina. It's like everything, just go fire it a few times and it'll loosen up.
- Always get a concealed carry license no matter what. A concealed carry license is essentially immunity to bring your gun in your vehicle anytime or even near your pocket with your holster. In case someone cut you off while driving or someone is a being dickhead to you. Tell 'em' whatsup by firing your godly weapon at them. That'll teach them a lesson.
A good example of gun safety gone right is Cokeman2423.
Famous Gun Enthusiasts
- Canadian GunNutz
- Dylann Storm Roof
- Anders Behring Breivik
- Jesus
- Cho Seung-Hui
- Adam Lanza
- Aurora Theatre Shooting
- Mitchell Henderson
- Charlton Heston (Clicking the link brings you here again.)
- LOLumbine
- LOLumbine
- The Supreme Court, as of last Thursday
- Budd Dwyer
- Trey Burba
- Robert Hawkins
- Sarah Palin
Why guns are cool
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Huntin' n Fishin'
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Guns are racist
Quotes
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Gallery
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Cokeman2423 going apeshit
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Nothing says "no need to call Child Services" like having your kids pose like this!
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Most experts agree that trigger discipline is very important.
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Do unto others...
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You fucking wish.
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This gun isn't quite deadly enough.
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Blazin' Azn loves his Glock.
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Goddamn...that's a lot of pizza boxes.
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This gun will definitely be featured in the next Call of Duty game.
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The greatest instrument.
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Animal Mother, American Hero
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A gun can help you make up for your micropenis.
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Nazi loved guns too. Actually, they still do.
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What you should look out for!
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Guns are effective wolfaboo trolling devices
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Use for rounds after the war is over
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The Matrix fanbois like guns, but are too weakly to hold them for more than 5 minutes at a time. Thought this was a chick. It isn't.
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9mm vs Ballistic Gel
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C4mp3r fg7.
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This works with pretty much anything IRL too.
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Guns can also be a means to fail epically
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Oh, sexy.
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Gimme yo pokemans foo'
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Guns are necessary to defend African jenkem mines from thieves
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A gun is the answer to all of life's problems
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The RT-20 uses a 20mm round that was originally designed to shoot down planes
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LETS MAKE MUFFINS
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Looking at this probably gives you gun envy.
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She's a great catch, unless you're Muslim, in which case she'll make you get into naked pyramids with other Muslim dudes
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Redneck Christian and his lesbian wife follow their Lord's example.
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This is what a typical nigger wants
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Headshot
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Guns can also cure mental disorders.
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Guns...
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..prevent this from happening to your family.
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The gun waifu you will never have ;_;
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Never leave home without it.
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Good calisthenics for the limpest of wrists.
See also
External Links
- Shrine of the Mall Ninja
- Return of the Iron Fist of the Mall Ninja
- SA users love gun porn (archive) see File:Gun -image shack image 1.jpg
| Locus in quo: |
Aaron Howard 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting 🔫 Chris Dorner 🔫 Christchurch mosque attacks 🔫 Aurora Theatre Shooting 🔫 Ian David Long 🔫 Connor Betts 🔫 El Paso Walmart Shooting 🔫 Elliot Rodger 🔫 Gilroy Garlic Festival Shooting 🔫 Jacksonville Shooting 🔫 Kyle Rittenhouse 🔫 Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting 🔫 Pulse Nightclub Massacre 🔫 Randy Robert Stair 🔫 San Bernardino Shooting 🔫 ISIS Paris Attack 13-11 🔫 Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre 🔫 Santa Fe High School Shooting 🔫 Shoahdown at the Synagogue of Doom 🔫 Las Vegas shooting 🔫 Devin Patrick Kelley 🔫 Chris Harper-Mercer 🔫 DeWayne Craddock 🔫 Nasim Aghdam 🔫 |
|---|---|
| Supporters |
Barack Obama 🔫 Christian 🔫 Concerned Mothers 🔫 Liberalism 🔫 Dianne Feinstein 🔫 Government 🔫 The Kennedys 🔫 Kurt Eichenbald 🔫 Faggot 🔫 Liberalism 🔫 Michael Bloomberg 🔫 Jews 🔫 SJWs 🔫 Sensitive people 🔫 Tara Strong 🔫 Trayvon Martin 🔫 Quinton Reviews |
| Main ideas: |
Assault rifle 🔫 Gun 🔫 Gun control 🔫 Murder 🔫 Rachelle Waterman 🔫 Bomb 🔫 Mass Shooting 🔫 School Shooting 🔫 |
| Haters gonna hate: | |
| Acts of revenge: |
Boston Marathon Bombing 🔫 ISIS Paris Attack 13-11 🔫 Ariana Grande Massacre 🔫 London Bridge Attack 2017 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting |
| Objectors: |
Charlton Heston 🔫 Aurora Theatre Shooting 🔫 Bullet to the Head of the NRA 🔫 Osama bin Laden 🔫 Republican 🔫 People planning a massacre 🔫 |
| Pre-2012 Gun Massacres |
LOLumbine 🔫 École Polytechnique 🔫 Dawson College 🔫 Virginia Tech Massacre 🔫 Austin, Texas 🔫 NIU Valentine's Day Massacre 🔫 Hungerford Massacre 🔫 Anders Behring Breivik |