Prem Rawat

Yes, He is the Lord of the Universe!

Prem Rawat is a batshit crazy Indian guru, Lord of the Universe, and puppetmaster of Wikipedian administrator Jossi. He is a supposed successor of Guru Nanak.

Other names: Balyogeshar, Sant Ji Maharaj, Guru Maharji Ji, Maharaji, Goom Rodgie, Prem Pal Rawat

Cult names: Divine Light Mission, Divine United Organization, Inc., Elan Vital, The Prem Rawat Foundation

Prem Rawat is a fatty with terminal Unwarranted Self-Importance from India. Presented as God by his family, he made so much money out of filthy brain-damaged hippies trustafarians over there that they took him to America, Europe, and Japan in 1971 to see how the trick went over in the outside world. Little Prem failed in a storm of Rofl with most people but recruited plenty of retarded hippies to his cult. Since they were supposed to hand over everything, the family made enough profit from them to stick around and Prem learned to really party hard. Prem was such a brat that his mom dumped him within three years. They fought over cult names for the next ten and Prem lost. He decided to reinvent the thing in the '80s, kicking all the hippies out of their cult houses. Most of the hippies started posing as entrepreneurs. Prem started posing as a guy who turned losers posing as entrepreneurs into winners, but kept the idea that he was really God alive among the faithful. A really modern guy, Prem got his puppet and publicist Jossi to make lame home pages for the cult in 1997. These days, Jossi even makes home pages for the cult on the Wikipedia! Prem has at least five mansions, two helicopters, an executive jet, another airplane, a 100-ft yacht, etc. BEING GOD AND ALL, IT JUST FELL INTO HIS LAP.

The Batshit Levitation Period (1971 to 1980s)

How He Did It

Prem Rawat chants his special mantra in fancy dress

Prem Rawat arrived in America as Guru Maharaj Ji in 1971 at age 13 with his family, the Divine Light Mission. The plan was to dangle him in front of a bunch of stupid hippies, tell the dirty hippies that the boy was God and could teach them the secrets of the universe, ask the drug-fucked hippies to hand over everything they owned in return for the secrets, and PROFIT!!1! Prem learned to party hard, earning a booze-hound ulcer by 15 despite really being God.

As a short pudgy 16-year-old boy, Prem's every dream came true when he got to marry a 25-year-old airline stewardess. Long-legged and Americunts, Marolyn (Carolyn + Marilyn = Mar-o-lyn!) broke up the happy divine family.

According to Prem, little him could see he was onto a good thing so he threw the family overboard and struck out on his own (with help from his western followers). According to his mother, Prem was such an insolent, intolerable brat that she had to disown him.

Lunatic Ravings

Way back in 1973, Rennie Davis was Jossi's distant predecessor as publicist to Prem Rawat. Having gone to court as a political hippy a few years earlier, he had a big reputation among the disease-ridden swine. Davis convinced the pathetically deluded hippies with salivating claims like this.

	“	He is the greatest event in history and we sleep through it ... I feel like shouting in the streets. If we knew who he was we would crawl across America on our hands and knees to rest our heads at his feet.	„
	—Rennie Davis

When Rawat visited Houston, Texas, Davis brayed like a rabid donkey.

	“	This city is going to be remembered through all the ages of human civilization.	„
	—Rennie Davis, Texas Monthly

.

Seeing all this, one magazine wondered if Davis had

	“	undergone a lobotomy? If not, maybe he should try one.	„
	—San Francisco Sunday Examiner

Prem promised to levitate the Astrodome.

	“	I would like to bet anyone who wishes to make some 'green energy' that by November 15, the Houston Astrodome will physically separate from the planet which we call Earth and will fly.	„
	—Braindead hippy woman, Lord of the Universe (video)

Apparently green energy was hippy for money.

Hammer Horror for Pie Thrower

In 1973 fun-loving Pat Halley

	“	scored a TKO by lobbing a shaving cream pie in the over-confident guru's face.	„
	—Rolling Stone Issue 145, here

Six days later, cultists Richard Fletcher (22 at the time) and Juteswar Misra (55!)

	“	offered to demonstrate a secret training exercise designed to produce a blinding inner flash of light accompanied by overwhelming illumination.	„
	—Rolling Stone Issue 145

Jossi is so not alone.

The cult fanatics sat Halley in a chair, asked him to close his eyes and meditate, then tried to bash his brain out with a hammer. He was critically injured and had to have brain surgery to install a plate in his head as a souvenir until death.

The two cultists were charged with "assault to do great bodily damage." Fletcher was apprehended but Rawat ordered Misra back to India before he could be charged in the Jewnited States of Americunts.

Rawat partied hard.

	“	Two weeks after the incident, the Perfect Master showed up at St. Luke's hospital in Denver suffering from fatigue, a liver disorder and an ulcer.	„
	—Rolling Stone Issue 145

Regrets? No, not at all.

	“	None of the premies I have talked to about the beating seemed much bothered by it, although some of them were aware that one of Halley's assailants was a revered mahatma who was quickly hustled out of the country and is now giving Knowledge in Germany.	„
	—Rolling Stone, Issue 156, here

Give Your Money, House, and Labor

Prem Rawat's Malibu mansion—natural if you've got all these idiots giving you everything they have.

The Divine Light Mission's sister organization, the Divine United Organization, Inc., was the umbrella for the many businesses on the cult's slave-labor side.

The Keep Pumpin' the Marks Period (1980s to Now)

After losing the "Divine" names to his mom, Prem went through a bad time. When he got better, he launched Elan Vital as the new religion and The Prem Rawat Foundation to fix other tax problems and his image. The Divine United Organization became the base for more businesses.

They still have braindead hippies (this pathetic loser was speaking in 2003).

	“	We all got a past, man. Maybe we didn't do some of the things he did, but he was able to do those things because he is the 'Perfect Master'. And he loves me and would never lie to me.	„
	—Jai Satchianand, The Daily Californian

Pedobear

Like any cult worth the name, Elan Vital had at least one pedobear.

Cult talk

Cultists sure do talk funny. This is a report from their 2008 clusterfuck in Isræl. Best read aloud in your gayest voice.

April 7 Day one of a most historic event in Tel Aviv, Israel 4:30 pm.

We began with a 30 minute dvd from Our Times News Update reviewing the many
events and experiences that occurred in 2007. One of the highlights was the 
first Knowledge session held in Moscow and other regions of Russia. 
Stories of very inspired and motivated people with knowledge reminded all of us 
how fun and what a privilege it is to take part in propagation. Other 
areas of special notice in propagation included Fiji, Lebanon to name just a 
few. 

Almost immediately after the words on the dvd from Prem Rawat rang through the 
hall, 'When you are at peace, Peace dances on your face'. He, our one 
and only Maharaji (Prem Rawat) walked on stage to a THUNDEROUS applause 
filled the venue with love and excitement. It took a few moments after 
Maharaji indicated for all to 'please sit' before the hearts in the hall could 
calm themselves enough to enjoy why we all came here.                      
          
'Shalom' said Maharaji, to another hall-filled applause with laughter (and 
tears) of joy and reconnection. He went on to mention that this was the fist 
event of 2008. He mentioned that the 'possibility of being alive in this vast 
ocean (of life) to me, it's so vast, so huge'...that sometimes the ocean is only 
as big as your window, then someone comes along and says 'Come out on the 
balcony and see what I see'.

See also

• Prem Ature Ejaculation
• Prem Enstrual Tension

External links

• Official site
• Official messageboard
• Very official site
• Another official site
• Yet another official site
• Newspaper article the cultists like
• Jossi's pals take out a DMCA notice to try to get google to remove their enemies from the database.
• Butthurt cultists whining
• Source of a quote
• Obituary for Pat Halley

[Close them downOpen the records]

Prem Rawat is part of a series on Cults