War: Difference between revisions
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{{warning|At this rate, [[you]] have a very slim chance of surviving the inevitable nuclear war. Have a nice day.}} | {{warning|At this rate, [[you]] have a very slim chance of surviving the inevitable nuclear war. Have a nice day.}} | ||
[[Image:War.jpg|thumb|right|a good example of our current war]] | [[Image:War.jpg|thumb|right|a good example of our current war]] | ||
[[Image:war.gif|thumb|right|A typical usenet [[flame war]]. The vessel at front has made a critical spelling error.]] | [[Image:war.gif|thumb|right|A typical usenet [[flame war]]. The vessel at front has made a critical spelling error.]] | ||
'''War''' is | '''War''' is [[Lulz|Funny]] and [[Awesome]]. Search your feelings, you know it to be true. | ||
Human History, since our [[Nigger|ape ancestors]] figured out how to make spears and throw it to other [[niggers|apes]] he did not like, had always been defined by Humanity's obsession with killing each other in the lulziest way possible; in other words, being a pacifist [[hippie]] is antithetical to Human Nature. Everyone loves the shit out of it, especially [[Jews]], [[German]]s and [[White people]]. War in [[America]] helps to stimulate patriotic love for the [[president]] and [[your mom]], and everyone gets more [[pie]]. In [[England]], war leads to the creation of much [[lulz]] as war-time humour about soldiers dressed up as ladies and eating dehydrated eggs flourishes. This is because the English, having already crammed themselves up their own assholes, have effectively made any further penetration by their opponent's genitalia practically impossible. | |||
If it wasn't for war, a lot of the great toys we take for granted today would never have been invented (e.g. bows and arrows, hand grenades, stink bombs and [[Special forces|combat camouflage barbie dolls]]). Since the late [[1990s]] the glorious and [[epic]] nature of warfare has been reduced to [[guido|fist pump]] dance contests, battles that only include freestyle [[rape|rapping]], and an axe is now a [[rock|guitar]]. | If it wasn't for war, a lot of the great toys we take for granted today would never have been invented (e.g. bows and arrows, hand grenades, stink bombs and [[Special forces|combat camouflage barbie dolls]]). Since the late [[1990s]] the glorious and [[epic]] nature of warfare has been reduced to [[guido|fist pump]] dance contests, battles that only include freestyle [[rape|rapping]], and an axe is now a [[rock|guitar]]. | ||
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==Rules For War== | ==Rules For War== | ||
[[Image:Dudewar.jpg|thumb|left|200px|A George W. Bush film: "Dude where's my war?"]] | [[Image:Dudewar.jpg|thumb|left|200px|A George W. Bush film: "Dude where's my war?"]] | ||
If a body of troops is within six inches of a troop of its own [[man|men]], at least half the size of the advance force, it is said to be supported. If not, it is isolated. In a [[Melee|melee]], if both forces are even, all are destroyed - remove them from the [[battlefield]]. If one side has more than the other, check to see if the inferior force is supported. If so, remove the entire inferior force, and an equal number of the larger force. If the inferior force is isolated, however, remove an equal number of soldiers of both sides until the larger force is twice as large as the inferior force. (Note that this may mean removing no soldiers at all!) At that point, all of the remaining men of the inferior force are captured. Captured units may be escorted to your [[Ass|rear]] - if you get them off your edge of the board, they're out of the game. One soldier can escort up to seven prisoners. If the [[Muslim|enemy]] kills an [[whore|escort]], the [[prison]]ers may return to their own side, but must return to the back board edge before being able to fight again. | #One side shall set up the terrain, and the other choose which side to start on. | ||
#There are 3 rounds in all wars- The shooting round, the movement round, and the "Deciding who buys Doritos, pizza, and mountain dew" round. | |||
#Use [http://www.monstersofcock.com cannon]s to knock over the opponent's soldiers, thus deciding who lives and who dies. | |||
#One foot per turn for infantry and three per turn for cavalry. | |||
#[[France]] is only a puppet for bigger countries | |||
#[[Russia]] can only win, if there is enough money from other countries | |||
#If a body of troops is within six inches of a troop of its own [[man|men]], at least half the size of the advance force, it is said to be supported. If not, it is isolated. | |||
#In a [[Melee|melee]], if both forces are even, all are destroyed - remove them from the [[battlefield]]. | |||
#If one side has more than the other, check to see if the inferior force is supported. If so, remove the entire inferior force, and an equal number of the larger force. If the inferior force is isolated, however, remove an equal number of soldiers of both sides until the larger force is twice as large as the inferior force. (Note that this may mean removing no soldiers at all!) At that point, all of the remaining men of the inferior force are captured. | |||
#Captured units may be escorted to your [[Ass|rear]] - if you get them off your edge of the board, they're out of the game. One soldier can escort up to seven prisoners. If the [[Muslim|enemy]] kills an [[whore|escort]], the [[prison]]ers may return to their own side, but must return to the back board edge before being able to fight again. | |||
==The Name of A War== | ==The Name of A War== | ||
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==Some Significant Wars== | ==Some Significant Wars== | ||
[[Image:Warrr.png|right|thumbnail||thumb|300px|[[JEWS_DID_WTC|Fact.]]]] | [[Image:Warrr.png|right|thumbnail||thumb|300px|[[JEWS_DID_WTC|Fact.]]]] | ||
* Star Wars | *Star Wars | ||
* [[300|SPARTA]] | *[[300|SPARTA]] | ||
* The War of the Roses | *The War of the Roses | ||
* The War of the [[Homosexual|Pansies]] | *The War of the [[Homosexual|Pansies]] | ||
* [[The War of Northern Aggression]] | *[[The War of Northern Aggression]] | ||
* The Great War of [[Wiggers]] | *The Great War of [[Wiggers]] | ||
* The Boer War | *The Boer War | ||
* The [[Naked]] War | *The [[Naked]] War | ||
* The war, which [[France]] lost against [[Germany]] | *The war, which [[France]] lost against [[Germany]] | ||
* [[The War of 1812]] | *[[The War of 1812]] | ||
* ([[World War I]]) - not very important | *([[World War I]]) - not very important | ||
* The war on t'rr'r | *The war on t'rr'r | ||
* ([[World War II]]) - forget about it | *([[World War II]]) - forget about it | ||
* World War μ | *World War μ | ||
* [[Ninjas vs. Pirates]] | *[[Ninjas vs. Pirates]] | ||
* [[Kittenwar]] | *[[Kittenwar]] | ||
* [[Vietnam War|NAM!]]- fought over food stamps and bunks on skid row. | *[[Vietnam War|NAM!]]- fought over food stamps and bunks on skid row. | ||
* The [[War on Drugs]] | *The [[War on Drugs]] | ||
* [[Northern Ireland]] | *[[Northern Ireland]] | ||
* [[PROJECT CHANOLOGY|War On Scientology]] | *[[PROJECT CHANOLOGY|War On Scientology]] | ||
*The [[Ebaumsworld]] Wars | |||
* The [[Ebaumsworld]] Wars | *Warcraft | ||
* Warcraft | |||
== Formerly-unanswered Questions in War== | == Formerly-unanswered Questions in War== | ||
[[Image:Breach.jpg|thumb|]] | [[Image:Breach.jpg|thumb|]] | ||
* How Many Times Must The Cannonballs Fly, Before They're Forever [[Banned]]? | *How Many Times Must The Cannonballs Fly, Before They're Forever [[Banned]]? | ||
* Until someone comes up with something that [[kill]]s more efficiently | :*Until someone comes up with something that [[kill]]s more efficiently | ||
* What Is It Good For? | *What Is It Good For? | ||
* Population control | :*Population control | ||
* [[Movies]] | :*[[Movies]] | ||
* Video games | :*Video games | ||
* [[irony|Everything Israel does is justified,]] [[lie|because Jews are victims]]. | :*[[irony|Everything Israel does is justified,]] [[lie|because Jews are victims]]. | ||
* To keep down the Jew global population | :*To keep down the Jew global population | ||
* [[PWN]]ING [[pussies]] and the [[French]] | :*[[PWN]]ING [[pussies]] and the [[French]] | ||
* [[Lulz]] | :*[[Lulz]] | ||
* Pissing off [[hippies]], and little [[girls]] who think [[politics]] are super-fantastique! | :*Pissing off [[hippies]], and little [[girls]] who think [[politics]] are super-fantastique! | ||
* Clive Owen | :*Clive Owen | ||
* The [[economy]] | :*The [[economy]] | ||
* [[Faggot|Tom Hanks]] career | :*[[Faggot|Tom Hanks]] career | ||
==Trench Warfare== | ==Trench Warfare== | ||
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==Weapons of Warfare== | ==Weapons of Warfare== | ||
< | {{center| | ||
{{frame| | |||
{{videoframe|vg1|font-weight: bold;| | |||
|<youtube>LBUjzGQOsHc</youtube> | |||
;1 | |||
|<youtube>Pviuk_WuwmM</youtube> | |||
;[https://convergentperformance.com/wp-content/uploads/attachments/Darker_Shades_of_Blue.pdf Average American Air Force pilot]}} | |||
|}} | |||
}} | |||
<center> | ==Gallery== | ||
<br> | |||
<center><gallery> | |||
File:War Insight.jpg | |||
File:Warneverchanges.png | |||
</gallery></center> | |||
<br> | |||
<center><youtube> | <center><youtube>https://youtu.be/mn91L9goKfQ?</youtube></center> | ||
==See Also== | ==See Also== | ||
*[[World War I]] | |||
*[[World War II]] | |||
*[[World War III]] | |||
*[[Vietnam War]] | |||
*[[Civil War]] | |||
*[[Iraq|Iraq War]] | |||
*[[Nixon|War On Drugs]] | |||
*[[W|War On Terror]] | |||
*[[Wikiwarfare]] | |||
*[[Ukraine]] | |||
*[[Youtube War Expert]] | |||
*[[Amputee]] | |||
{{Politics}} | |||
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]] | [[Category:Abnormal Psych]] | ||
{{ | [[Category:Pain]] | ||
{{timeline|Featured article June 10 [[2023]]|[[Nikola Tesla]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Unabomber]]}} | |||
{{timeline|[[ED:AOTN|Featured Article]] April 15 & 16, [[2024]]|[[OJ Simpson]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[WHAT HAS SCIENCE DONE?]]}} | |||
Latest revision as of 21:56, 16 April 2024
|
Warning! At this rate, you have a very slim chance of surviving the inevitable nuclear war. Have a nice day. |
War is Funny and Awesome. Search your feelings, you know it to be true.
Human History, since our ape ancestors figured out how to make spears and throw it to other apes he did not like, had always been defined by Humanity's obsession with killing each other in the lulziest way possible; in other words, being a pacifist hippie is antithetical to Human Nature. Everyone loves the shit out of it, especially Jews, Germans and White Devils. War in Jewnited States of Americunts helps to stimulate patriotic love for the president and your mom, and everyone gets more pie. In England, war leads to the creation of much lulz as war-time humour about soldiers dressed up as ladies and eating dehydrated eggs flourishes. This is because the English, having already crammed themselves up their own assholes, have effectively made any further penetration by their opponent's genitalia practically impossible.
If it wasn't for war, a lot of the great toys we take for granted today would never have been invented (e.g. bows and arrows, hand grenades, stink bombs and combat camouflage barbie dolls). Since the late 1990s the glorious and epic nature of warfare has been reduced to fist pump dance contests, battles that only include freestyle rapping, and an axe is now a guitar.
History
War is mostly fought on a fixed game map of little to no variety, usually limited to City map, Desert map, and Jungle map and on rare occasions Sea map and Air map. In the 1970’s an independent third party Americunts game designer, in joint effort with Russia basement dwellers, was working on a Space combat expansion pack called Project Star Wars, but the project was scrapped because the official Game Studio threatened to shut down the War server and kill all the lulz if any unauthorized expansions were ever sold. This rubbed everyone the wrong way and ever since then all the fanbois and n00bs have bitched about the lack of maps and even threatened to commit account suicide if nothing was done about this.
To solve this, the Lead Game Designer and his dev team are currently putting their mad skillz to good work on the official War Expansion Pack, which will include new maps, improved guns, custom soundtrack, more gore and better graphix. The expansion pack will be available as a free download on December 21, 2012.
Rules For War
- One side shall set up the terrain, and the other choose which side to start on.
- There are 3 rounds in all wars- The shooting round, the movement round, and the "Deciding who buys Doritos, pizza, and mountain dew" round.
- Use cannons to knock over the opponent's soldiers, thus deciding who lives and who dies.
- One foot per turn for infantry and three per turn for cavalry.
- France is only a puppet for bigger countries
- Russia can only win, if there is enough money from other countries
- If a body of troops is within six inches of a troop of its own men, at least half the size of the advance force, it is said to be supported. If not, it is isolated.
- In a melee, if both forces are even, all are destroyed - remove them from the battlefield.
- If one side has more than the other, check to see if the inferior force is supported. If so, remove the entire inferior force, and an equal number of the larger force. If the inferior force is isolated, however, remove an equal number of soldiers of both sides until the larger force is twice as large as the inferior force. (Note that this may mean removing no soldiers at all!) At that point, all of the remaining men of the inferior force are captured.
- Captured units may be escorted to your rear - if you get them off your edge of the board, they're out of the game. One soldier can escort up to seven prisoners. If the enemy kills an escort, the prisoners may return to their own side, but must return to the back board edge before being able to fight again.
The Name of A War
The most important aspect of a War is the name. A war without a suitably grand name becomes insignificant - for example, noone remembers the War of Jenkin's Ear.
Suitable names include The Great War (World War One would have been too pessimistic) and World War II (this time it's personal). Unfortunately sometimes leaders come up with the name of a war before they have found someone to play against (e.g. War On Terror, War on drugs), this causes confusion and creates a situation in which the country goes to war against someone determined by the results of a game of Risk (or Twister if the mission cards can’t be found).
The coolest thing about winning a war is that you then get to decide what it's called. Winning is best achieved by either having the sexiest uniforms or the hardest special forces.
Some Significant Wars
- Star Wars
- SPARTA
- The War of the Roses
- The War of the Pansies
- The War of Northern Aggression
- The Great War of Wigger
- The Boer War
- The IPN War
- The war, which France lost against Germany
- The War of 1812
- (World War I) - not very important
- The war on t'rr'r
- (World War II) - forget about it
- World War μ
- Ninjas vs. Pirates
- Kittenwar
- NAM!- fought over food stamps and bunks on skid row.
- The War on drugs
- Northern Ireland
- War On Scientology
- The eBaumsworld.com Wars
- Warcraft
Formerly-unanswered Questions in War
- How Many Times Must The Cannonballs Fly, Before They're Forever Banned?
- Until someone comes up with something that kills more efficiently
- What Is It Good For?
- Population control
- Category:Movies
- Video games
- Everything Israel does is justified, because Jews are victims.
- To keep down the Jew global population
- PwntING pussies and the France
- Lulz
- Pissing off hippies, and little girls who think politics are super-fantastique!
- Clive Owen
- The economy
- Tom Hanks career
Trench Warfare
- Not to be confused with French Warfare.
Trench Warfare was an incredibly lulzy, yet primitive form of Europe fortification that occurred primarily during World War I: a bunch of dudes huddled together in long, snaking pits while dodging artillery shells and grenades. This resulted in a deadlock since neither side could peek over the walls without being popped or blown to bits. Early tactics to break through these trenches included sweet, sweet mustard gas and rushing 'No-Man's Land' with entire platoons, guaranteeing swift passage to Heaven bathed in machine-gun fire. Trench warfare ended overnight when the brilliant Brits and French decided to bolt a metal box on caterpillar treads which could span No-Man's Land with few casualties. The only trenches to be dug after World War I were to dispose of Jews, gypsies, gays and Iraqi women and children.
Weapons of Warfare
Previous Video | Next Video |
Gallery
See Also
- World War I
- World War II
- WWIII
- Vietnam War
- The War of Northern Aggression
- Iraq War
- War On Drugs
- War On Terror
- Wikiwarfare
- Ukraine
- YouTube War Expert
- Amputee
| Featured article June 10 2023 | ||
| Preceded by Nikola Tesla |
War | Succeeded by Unabomber |
| Featured Article April 15 & 16, 2024 | ||
| Preceded by OJ Simpson |
War | Succeeded by WHAT HAS SCIENCE DONE? |