HealthCare.gov

The second coming of Black Jesus and HealthCare.gov has long been prophesied by loyal followers. In 2008 the messiah returned and spoke unto the masses. In order to be forgiven for their sins, subjects need to obtain medical services, or else. All those who were enlightened, flocked to HealthCare.gov, and almost 1% of those who attempted to sign up were instantly blessed. By government standards, this is a huge success. However, some ignorant non-believers have declared this blessing unusable and will spend an eternity burning in hell.

Genesis

Teaching from the holy scripture state that in the beginning, the half-breed messiah would have a dream. Soon all black minorities could consume all the purple drank they wanted and receive treatment for their bullet wounds. To help spread the word to the uneducated masses, followers would also be given cans of spray paint. And Obama said, "Let there be healthcare", and the online marketplace appeared. Obama saw that the online marketplace was good, and be separated the whites from the blacks.

Now all niggers, too stupid to finish school, could shop for health insurance using their stolen iPhone from the comfort of their crack dens. Initially, the site which distributed information about the impending apocalypse, mimicked most internet startups, it fluid, scalable and open source. In fact, all major flaws with this early site were fixed by the open source community.

Upon seeing his creation, Obama became enraged. Creating a government website in this manner is the work of the devil. Even worse, all of the developers were white. Unable to locate any black people capable of operating a computer, Obama sent his angels to Canada, along with half a billion dollars, and asked them to create a new website. This time, only maple niggers were allowed to contribute, they spent their development dollars on hookers and blow. After working around the clock, a collection of stolen and buggy code was turned in.

Knowing what is best for the ignorant, Obama made a minor last minute adjustment just before the site's launch. As a test of their faith, the unwashed masses were required to register before they could browse the holy offerings from the Black Jesus. Since all insurance policies are perfect, ratings were removed and forbidden so disbelievers couldn't spread lies and slander. His disciples dared not question their leader, testing of the sacred website was strictly forbidden. Those who dared to do so were burned at the stake.

Revelation

On the sacred day of October 1st, 2013, the market place opened its doors in search of converts. However, the road to salvation was built to test one's worthiness. Out of the entire nation, only 50,000 were selected to access the website at a time. At that point, the trails were just beginning. Traffic was five times more than expected, temporarily rendering the servers a smoldering mass. Those who successfully created an account and logged in were presented with a new set of challenges including a labyrinthine of forms that couldn't be edited once filled out, endless loops and dead ends. Several people died of cancer while navigating through the website in search of health insurance.

It didn't take long before nonbelievers began to complain about what a waste of time HealthCare.gov was. As a punishment, they were directed to a call center that When people complained about what a waste of time the website was, Obama's minions directed Americans to call a 1-800 number, where a call center would register and shop for you. If by some miracle a caller got through, these call centers were Stalinist work camps, staffed by functional retards making minimum wage to read a script. Even the script was fucked beyond repair, because when people called in with problems, they were prompted to reset their password. Expert opinion is mixed as to how effective password reset is in fixing terrible design, development, and implementation. When one of these call center drones simply answered a call from a regime critic, she was fired, in true totalitarian fashion.

Exodus

After the site was launched, only to crash and burn on the launching pad, Obama surveyed the wreckage. He had wasted 500 million dollars doing what ED does with porn ad revenue and listless rimjobs. He claimed all the problems could be fixed with a surge, despite two failed surges in the very recent past suggesting otherwise. The staffer hired to hatch this rotten egg is optimistic that this half billion dollar abortion can be operational by the end of November, merely two months after it was supposed to be functional, and just fifteen days before the original deadline to comply. Obama's rape train was forced to grind to a halt while the carcass of HealthCare.gov is being cleared from the tracks, so the original deadline was chucked right out the window along with all hopes of real healthcare reform.
The administration also responded to criticism by adding a feature that would tell you exactly what the new insurance would cost you, without completing any of the uncompletable forms previously required. The only problem with this feature is it deliberately understates the cost by nearly half in an attempt to get you to register. Obama seems to have forgotten that there are already sites to spread his lies without the trouble of creating an entirely new one. As an added bonus, millions of employees have already been dumped from their current insurance policies in anticipation of the Great Leap Forward HealthCare.gov represents. Those people may never receive treatment for the hypertension and screen punching related injuries caused by navigating HealthCare.gov.