Beluga
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This faggot waits for the child to make the first move in a sexual situation.
You can help by contacting Federal Authorities and alerting Chris Hansen. |
—Beluga, backpedalling because he targeted the favorite youtuber of his target audience, https://youtube.fandom.com/wiki/Beluga#Dream_speedrun_video | ||
In the cesspool that is modern YouTube, content made for children gets you a lot of money. The lulzy thing is that there is a subset of said children who are older than the mouth-breathing toddlers who watch 3D cartoons made in heaps by chinese slaves, who think that this somehow makes them immune to grifters seeking to make a quick buck by shitting out low-quality content for them.
The best example of such a grifter would undeniably have to be Beluga/Survival Mode/exploreld/Explore Lucid Dreaming/ExploreTV. Formerly known as a lucid dreaming youtuber with a mildly successful channel, this hawaiian native has decided to pursue greener pastures by making funny Discord memes for teens of all ages to enjoy instead.
Humble beginnings
Beluga began as a lucid dreaming channel, which in itself is a poorly explored psychological phenomenon (read: something not achievable by any of the gen Z kids watching his channel).
This channel didn't start out as anything special, mostly consisting of get-rich-quick-scheme looking thumbnails combined with stock background footage. As with most sleep-oriented channels he didn't neglect to mention the über scary phenomenon of sleep paralysis. All of this is boring however, and the real lulz start after he decided to abandon his retarded channel to focus on Beluga.
The grift
How it began
Once our brave hero decided that the slow but steady growth of his channel was too much work for not much money, he decided to jump onto the kids' content bandwagon. His first video, It's Mathematically Unlikely You Will Watch This is by itself a red flag to what looks like a "youtube speedrunner," or, as the grown-ups call it, trendhopping grift channel looking for a quick buck by being relatable to the hip-and-cool youth.
The next four videos are exactly the type of content that attracts young intellectuals who believe that getting their opinions from the internets and having approximate knowledge of many things gives them divine intellect.
For the first two of these instant classics he decided to be very original and parody the trend of describing video titles with brackets or stars, ignoring the fact that with so many retards parodying retards the parody movement itself became larger than the trend it was mocking, which means that he just joined a giant, self-cannibalising counterjerk.
For the other two he decided to cater to his desired audience, and there is nothing that shy, misunderstood and quirky thirteen year olds love more than drama coming from the minecraft youtube sphere. Thus the two videos "How 126,000,000 Minecraft Accounts Got Hacked" and "Did Dream Cheat His Speedrun on Purpose?" were born - both of which being leafy-like gameplay voiceovers combined with a jump cut and a white-on-black text frame in between.
All of these videos wouldn't be complete with masterfully crafted thumbnails of course, since there is nothing that says quality more than flashy, attention grabbing images. In fact, it is scientifically proven that humans below 18 years of age can't resist clicking on images of this type, and those who can usually suffer from various antisocial behaviors.
The pisscord saga
With a large community of young, impressionable fans at his disposal, Beluga set out to pull off the biggest grift of his life, which was making videos centered around discord. These videos, as simple and repetitive as they were, managed to sound relatable enough to the army of spergs this man had accumulated, and in turn proved to be a massive success. People soon caught onto this new trend and wanting to leech off of it, many statistics and news youtubers made videos talking about how Beluga "broke the algorithm".
With an army of youths and word quickly spreading due to the amount of fellow grifters willing to give him publicity in order to leech off of his popularity later, this autism-friendly community hurtled toward the trending section of youtube at light speed. Soon the front page became flooded with such masterpieces as "Discord server owners be like" and "Discord Ban Speedrun (97.1% effective)." This would be a one-hit wonder type of situation, no? Surely this man would not succeed with his other videos, and this would turn out to be a lucky moment enabled partially by the barely functioning magic box of a pytorch project that drives recommendations on youtube.
No. In fact, this man's channel, based on only the same two jokes about a barely decent platform that's gimped by both being webshit running in electron and having furries developing it somehow became the fastest growing meme channel on youtube, and that's just by making jokes that have the same punchline over and over again.
How to make a beluga video
- Take all the jokes you have (anime egirl makes discord users horny/country stereotypes/discord hackers can hack anything/discord moderator bad, fat and a pedophile [this is true but not funny anymore]/relatable joke about phone/whatever kids like nowadays)
- Put them into a numbered list
- https://www.google.com/search?q=rng
- Now that you picked a joke, make a simplistic, eye catching thumbnail. Make sure to include all the shit that makes the kids look (#424549, red color and notifications, recognisable logos, etc.)
- Make a title that ends in ...
- Log into your 20 alts (no friends) and start making your shitty video
- Make sure to add in the annoying discord ping sound every time someone sends a message in postprod
- Don't forget to make a video that's different from all the others every month so that people can't accuse you of being unoriginal
- ????
- Profit
How to troll beluga fans
- Tell them Beluga sucks, this is usually enough to send them into full spergout/make them pull out a second grade tier retort at you
- Send them gore, slurs, etc - from years of being hugboxed by their suburban parents they are very vulnerable to this
- Masquerade as beluga or any character from his shitty videos - this is bound to send at least one of the retards into a frenzy. Better yet - make a fake youtube channel, reupload fucking everything and link it to your pisscord account - either you get a kid to believe you're beluga or you get a retard mad at you, either is lulzy and can result in epic win if manipulated correctly
- Insult them, their character, etc. Most of them don't know what to do in this situation and will usually slit their wrists.
See also
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