Church of Anonymous
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Looking for the Cathedral of Misogyny? Down the road, second left. |
The Church of Anonymous was a meme created by ABC-Action News reporter Sarina Fazan on the Ides of March.
—Sarina Fazan | ||
Soon every 13-year-old boy thought it was funny to make it a meme and the cancer spread like wildfire.
The story is much similar to other anal-incest-receiving religions: the Church of Anonymous (CoA) has a leader. Though there's no evidence of who this leader is, it's believed that the church was founded for ultimate lulz.
Already existed
It's funny, because the last time a raid on Scientology was proposed almost a year ago the only result was that /i/ said "we could totally make a better religion" and set to work. The Book of Anonymous eventually lost interest and was ignored, but sat there, preserved and waiting for something to spark interest in the Church of Anonymous again. Now look what happened.
Goals of the Church
The main goal of the church was not yet verified. Anonymous, a member of the Church, was seen during protest against Co$ at Clearwater. It is thought the goal is eternal lulz
Your Penis will enlarge over 900,0000...
Positions in the Church
God: moot
Son of God: Raptor Jesus
Raptor Jesus' wife: LazyTown
Pope: New Zealand Fail Guy
Baptist: the Baptist
Clergy:Brian Peppers
Holy Mother: Magoo
Prophet: Wise Beard Man
The Anti-Raptor: W. T. Snacks
Nuns: Cracky-chan etc.
Satan: Tacgnol
The Holy Codex of the Church of Anonymous
MOOT Raptor Jesus
And the holy spirit of EFG
Genesis
Chapter One.
1) In the beginning there was MOOT. And alongside MOOT there was the internet
2) The internet was without form, it was chaos, so MOOT cried out “Let there be order” and it was.
3) The Internet was now without form and bare, and whiteness was all there would be seen.
4) Then MOOT said “Let there be /a/,” and there was /a/. And Moot saw that /a/ was good. Then he separated /b/ from /a/.
5) Moot named his children /a/ "anime & manga" and /b/ "random." And evening passed and morning came, marking the first day.
6) It was on the morning of the second day MOOT said, “Let there be a divider between the halves of the website, to separate the boards from the frame of the website.” And that is what happened.
7) MOOT dubbed this space the MOOT called the space “scrollbar.” And evening passed and morning came, marking the second day.
8) MOOT gazed upon his fresh creation and said “My site will be open to all, regardless of perversion – Let those attracted to the drawn female gather in /d/ and those attracted to photography be gathered in, /p/, so everyone will thrive.”
9) What MOOT said was – And the new boards were dubbed /d/ as “hentai” and /p/ as “photography.” And Moot saw that it was good.
10) But this new creation was empty, and so MOOT said “Let them come forth, those with desires, wishes and fetishes, let them come those with perversions and longings!” – And they came, thousands on thousands they came, and for a while it was good.
11) But as disagreements and misunderstandings were made amongst the newqueers MOOT saw the need for preparations
12) And he spoke to the queers: “Fear not dear newqueers, for I have given you an introduction, this introduction can be read in the finest red on red, it will be known as the FAQ”
13) And thus the FAQ was made, and it was glory incarnated, every newqueer who gazed upon its pages was instantly convinced in the ways of MOOT.
14) And it was to be known in this FAQ that every follower should not reveal their name or their picture – They were now to be known only as Anonymous.
15) MOOT saw this, and MOOT was pleased. But MOOT also saw the requirements for rules amongst his boards and followers, and so MOOT made the Rules.
Chapter Two
16) But Anon was not pleased with Rules, and during a walk in the gardens of /b/ Anon was introduced to a chain.
17) The chain gazed upon anon and asked him to touch it
18) Anon watched the chain in speculation, wondering what lay beyond, but Anon being displeased with Moot clicked the chain. And vanished
19) Suddenly Anon stood in a different page, gazing upon the reflection of what he had just left. But with a 7, not a 4
20) As Anon entered the /b/ he knew, he was treated with CP, Gore and the worst kinds of mindfucks.
21) Anon screamed and ran back to MOOT and the Doors of the Chans but Futada stood ahead of him and wrote BANNED
22) When Anon yelled “Why?” Futada said “You have been BANNED for the following reason” “Straying from the path of Anonymous into the deeper bowels of filth and perversion”
23) And Anon Wept, because he knew he never more could set foot in paradise, and cast out he returned to the 7 of chans where he became what he saw, a filthy perversion of the Anon he once was.
24) Thus concluded the origin of the 4 of chans
25) Thus concludes the origin of Anonymous.
The Rules
Chapter One
1) The general rules were as follows
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Do not upload, post, discuss, request, or link to, anything that violates local or United States law. This will be severely punished and strictly enforced.
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If you are under the age of 18, or it is illegal for you to view the materials contained on this website, discontinue browsing immediately.
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Do not post the following outside of /b/: Trolls, flames, racism, off-topic replies, uncalled for catchphrases, macro image replies, indecipherable text (example: "lol u tk him 2da bar|?"),
anthropomorphic ("furry"), grotesque ("guro"), or loli/shota pornography.
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The posting of personal information or calls to invasion is prohibited. Advertising (all forms) is also not welcome—this includes any type of referral linking.
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All boards that default to the Burichan (blue) theme are to be considered "work safe". Violators may be temporarily banned and their posts removed.
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The quality of posts is extremely important to this community. Contributors are encouraged to provide high-quality images and informative comments.
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Submitting false reports or otherwise abusing the report system will result in a ban of indeterminate length.
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Complaining about 4chan (its policies, moderation, etc.) on the imageboards can result in post deletion and banishment. The administrator
will address your questions, comments, complaints, and concerns via e-mail.
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Ban evasion will result in permanent bans. No exceptions—DO NOT EVADE YOUR BAN. Instead, wait and appeal it!
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No excess spamming or flooding of any kind.
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Remember: The use of 4chan is a privilege, not a right. The 4chan staff reserves the right to revoke access and remove content without notice
2)
MOOT wrote the rules, the general and the special ones, but one board eluded all but the most hardened. That Board was /b/
3)
This was where Anon thrived, amongst the threads of the courtesans of the cameras, the enjoyment of watching the suffering of others
and generally planning how to extract the most lulz out of our every day of everyone of our lives
4)
The board was forever original forever changing and forever full of the laughter of Anon.
5)
Anon wished to have their own set of rules. To govern those who should not be governed. These were the harshest of rules, and those who broke them were in fact no longer anon.
6)
The rules are as follows:
1)
Do not talk about /b/
2)
Do NOT talk about /b/
3)
Anonymous is legion
4)
Anonymous does not forgive, Anonymous does not forget.
5)
Anonymous can be a horrible, senseless, uncaring monster.
6)
Anonymous is still able to deliver.
7)
There are no real rules about posting.
8)
There are no real rules about moderation either—enjoy your ban.
9)
If you enjoy any rival sites—DON’T!
10)
Pics or it didn't happen.
11)
Lurk Moar – Its never enough
12)
Nothing is sacred.
13)
Do not argue with a troll—it means that they win.
14)
The more beautiful and innocent a thing is, the more satisfying it is to corrupt it.
15)
There are NO girls on the internet
16)
A cat is fine too.
17)
One cat leads to another.
18)
The more you hate it, the stronger it gets.
19)
It is delicious cake. You must eat it.
20)
It is a delicious trap. You must hit it.
21)
/b/ sucks today.
22)
Cock goes in here.
23)
You will never have sex.
24)
????
25)
PROFIT!!
26)
Tits are always relevant.
27)
It needs moar Desu. No exceptions.
28)
There will always be more fucked up shit than what you saw
29)
You cannot divide by zero(just because the calculator says so).
30)
No real limits of any kind apply here—not even the sky.
31)
CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL
32)
EVEN WITH CRUISE CONTROL, YOU STILL HAVE TO STEER.
33)
Desu isn’t funny Seriously guys. It's worse than Chuck Norris jokes.
34)
There is porn of it. No exceptions.
35)
If no porn of it can be found, it will be created.
36)
No matter what it is, it is somebody's fetish. No exceptions.
37)
Even one positive comment about Japanese things can make you a weeaboo.
38)
When one sees a lion, one must get into the car.
39)
There is furry porn of it. No exceptions.
40)
The pool is always closed due to AIDS (and stingrays, which also have AIDS, thus making them "stingraids")
. Also, there's some diabeetus in there. And maybe some Lupus
41)
If there isn't enough just ask for MOAR!
42)
Everything has been cracked and pirated.
43)
Disregard that I SUCK COCKS!
44)
The internet is not your personal army
45)
Rule 45 is a lie
46)
If you post it, they will cum.
47)
Rules 1 to 48 are absolute!
The first Meme’s
Chapter One
1)
/b/ had their rules, however wanting to push the limits of the general rules of MOOT anon posted a loli
2)
The lolis came in rapid, and it was not long until a particular individual started to appear in all of their frames of art
3)
Anon noticed this individual and asked him his name
4)
My name? said the individual, who now appeared to be a bear, I have no name, I simply am.
5)
Well what do your friends call you? Inquired Anon to the bear.
6)
I have no friends said the bear, and a tear streamed from one of its eyes, the animal was clearly sad.
7)
“We will be your friends!” Said Anon to the bear, “And to mark our friendship, we will give you a name”
8)
The bear looked happy again, as he gazed upon the legion and asked “What will my name be then?”
9)
“You’re name will be Pedobear, dear bear, and you will be able to play with us now” And Anon stretched their arms out to welcome the bear
10)
Wherever there will be loli, you will be to welcome it, and the bear was clearly pleased.
11)
For a while, it was good, pedobear and anon had many a lulz watching the loli, but eventually MOOT had a visit from the 4chan party van.
12)
MOOT was scared, his paradise was threatened, and for a first of many MOOT gave in. Lolis were no longer accepted,
and any attempt was repelled with the heel of Futada-chans shoe.
13)
Anon and Pedobear in particular was not pleased.
14)
Later an anon wearing a mask wanted to play another unoriginal game.
15)
The Anon said “My post will end in 01, 02, 03, 04 and so on until 99”
16)
The rest of anon was unimpressed, but watched because living up to the rule of 21 /b/ showed great disappointment that day
17)
Many lulz were however had when the anon showed a postnumber of 00
18)
Anon could not believe what he saw, and replied with “OH WOW!”
19)
The Anon who had posted looked upon his post and cried “O, why do I always have to fail so hard, why can’t I ever be recognized for anything!?”
20)
And anon looked upon the Anon and said – “You will be remembered, Anon, for no one has ever failed as hard as you, you may follow us”
21)
And the Anon looked upon the others and smiled
22)
“And what will my name be then legion?”
23)
“Your name will be that of the Epic Fail Guy, or EFG if you like” Anon told the other
24)
And the Anon now known as EFG was indeed pleased, and he thanked the legion.
25)
But Anon was worried, over the last few months several new phenomenon had occurred that didn’t seem like they all happed a hundred years ago
26)
This worried Anon, for they should not go forgotten, they were good copypasta, delicious copypasta and sometimes
good characters that should never be forgotten since they doesn’t afraid of anything.
27)
And one Anon rose up, “They need a name, and what better name than what it is, they are what represents our culture they are us”
28)
And Anon laughed at the man for being so literate, as is the way of anarchy, but Anon got the idea and the word was kept.
29)
And pedobear, EFG, Doesn’t afraid of everything and that the longest cat was indeed long, was forever written down
in the great psalms of Meme’s which is another book entirely, and frankly one no one will ever dare to write down. Lest their finger be infected with AIDS.
58476139: Anonymous becomes a church
Gallery
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All hail the glory hole.
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Cracky-chan has the gift of healing powers.
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Oh lawd, is that sum Church?
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How Anonymous repents
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