Church of Cawd
The Church of Cawd is a website dedicated to showing how the honorable and righteous Lorne Armstrong was crucified for completely unfair reasons and what you can do to support this fallen hero.
Lorne Armstrong is a sex offender who has become a cultural icon. He was born October 18th, 1970. This made him 37 years old when he went to meet "Kayla" who he thought was a 13 year old girl. He planned on marrying her and getting her pregnant on her 18th birthday when he would be 41 and even more bald than what he was. He is known for having a fake southern accent and always wearing ball caps even when he was naked because he was in denial that he was a balding old man.
At the time of his arrest, Lorne was so dirt poor he had to sleep on the floor, and had to carefully budget and plan his trip to Kentucky to molest Kayla. Priorities, you understand. He seemingly wore the same clothes everyday, consisting of a faded, threadbare navy blue T-shirt, shorts and a well worn Boston Red Sox hat he even wore at night to cover his bald head. He let the hair on sides of his head grow out to give the illusion of a full head of hair when wearing the cap. This of course is when he wore clothes - when on the cam with Kayla, he often didn't (except for the hat), and pointed the camera at his genitals (which he affectionately called Mr. Penis). He believed it turned her on and made her feel closer to him.
He purchased a very cheap looking bracelet and a packet of Trojan "Pleasure Pack" condoms (with 2 bonus condoms, a total of 14, perhaps to signify Kayla's next birthday). He neglected to bring any pizza as promised. Perhaps he thought they could eat "after," or that, as detailed in his chats, he figured Kayla might eat something else for the first time (his semen) and not be so hungry afterwards. Unfortunately for Lorne, he never got to find out. He was confronted by Chris Hansen and the Dateline crew and subsequently arrested by the Kentucky Bureau of Investigation. He cried, whimpered, sobbed and sniffled throughout his arrest and police interrogation, even appearing to be crying in his mugshot. He was sentenced to 7 years in prison of which he served about 5. He spent much of that time in protective custody - for reasons that should be obvious.
It could have ended there, but Lorne was unrepentant. He blamed NBC, Perverted Justice and his lawyer for his predicament. He launched a hilarious lawsuit against NBC for 40 million dollars in damages (presumably the amount of money Lorne would have made from his country music career which was just about to take off before he was caught), claiming that they set him up and that his public exposure the publishing of his 407 page chat log might give people the wrong idea about him. He even attempted to take down the Church of Cawd website, claiming he owned the copyright to a Heartland song that he sang a poor cover of during a verification recording with a PJ decoy, and even the copyright on his sex offender mugshot from the Kentucky sex offender website. He claimed this it was unreasonable to put this mugshot on a public website, despite the fact its original source was from an online sex offender registry expressly intended for the public.
For these reasons and many, many more, Lorne Armstrong has become the most talked about, studied, parodied and worshipped predator in the entire To Catch a Predator series.
BasedShaman
He has a cult fan following.
Look son of a bitch. I don't fucking know. I mean. fuck. here
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