Elgorgo
elgorgo is a friendless basement-dwelling fattie who is obsessed with the internet. He spends 20 hours a day online and even has a laptop next to the toilet. He is incapable of maintaining friendships or having any sort of normal human emotion. He is overrated, dangerous and untalented.
In the early years of the LiveJournal, Elgorgo enjoyed moderate internet popularity. However, as the site grew, Elgorgo's journal became less entertaining and more frightening, culminating in a series of psychotic Andy Kaufman-like pranks.
Elgorgo is not a nice guy. If he is nice to you it is because he is secretly plotting against you.
"Everyone in this community is a fucker and I hate them"
In 2001 Elgorgo turned a popular meme into a popular community, fucklist. In the primordial ooze of early LiveJournal, users were desperate for any kind of lemming-like activity to fall in line with. The official point of the community was for users to make a list of other LiveJournal users they wanted to fuck. The actual point of the community was to annoy and frustrate community members with a shifting set of illogical rules, long-rambling paranoid accusations and random banhammers.
To say that Elgorgo was malsuited for any kind of management or community involvement would be an understatement.
After relentlessly harassing a camwhore for spamming the community, LJ Abuse took the community from Elgorgo and put it under the management of the abuse team leader at the time, tommyx. An oversight or a glitch in the system allowed Elgorgo maintainer access to the community months later. Unaware that tommyx was the head of abuse, Elgorgo removed his maintainer status and banned him from the community.
The next day, Elgorgo found himself suspended from LiveJournal.
A long, arduous e-mail campaign was launched and eventually the suspension was overturned by God himself.
A Pathetic Life
For all intensive purposes, Elgorgo's journal actually died near the end of 2002. With the advent of assembly line trolling, sex-work writers and weird news aggregators, Elgorgo's stale act was stinking up the place. Any residual e-fame from the lj abuse debacle faded quickly in the minds of fickle readers.
To make matters more hilarious, Elgorgo's longtime girlfriend (also a LiveJournal user) left him for a lesbian she met on - you guessed it - LiveJournal. She left with the cats and told him to never contact her again, which of course he did anyway because he is a pathetic internet stalker.
Shortly after being dumped, Elgorgo lost his mid-salary Research & Development cubicle job and his mind. Elgorgo was not only a loser on the internet, but in the real world as well! Living on the dole for 6 months, he wrote about nothing outside of his lesbian ex-girlfriend, Dungeons & Dragons and the pornography he rented from the 24-hour store around the corner.
Didn't You Die?
In August 2004, Elgorgo changed his journal into a character journal (see Billiam, Flashman, Ghostlight), featuring incredibly believable stories about getting in fist-fights at the gas station and being asked to participate in homosexual chubby chaser porn.
The month-long series ended with his fake death. Nothing was posted regarding the death in his journal, but Elgorgo's friends-list mobilized to spread the rumor all over LiveJournal. This caused unfunny users unfamiliar with Elgorgo much confusion, even going so far as attempting to sleuth out his IRL hometown, father's obituary and call the local funeral homes.
Sadly, the internet detectives got the name of the town wrong. Even worse, Elgorgo was not actually dead. Worst of all, he had more readers than ever. The shark had been jumped, but the journal kept trundling on, it's best days far behind.
Fake LJer
Elgorgo is not a real person. Here is the proof:
- No one knows his real name.
- No one knows where he lives
- No one has ever met him IRL
- Claims to have a son named "Aiden"
- No real photos of him have ever been seen
- He has never been a member of MENSA or the RPGA.
- Whenever he says something to me that I don't agree with, he is trolling me.
- His MySpace account is located here: Elgorgo's MySpace account
This proves that Elgorgo does not exist.
He will ruin everything
Whenever it appears that Elgorgo is schmoozing with internet superstars, watchdogs will immediately launch a preemptive campaign (including both signed and anonymous e-mails) to keep Elgorgo out of any position of power, including: moderator, administrator, cocksucker, or bureaucrat.
This is because Elgorgo will ruin everything. Everyone on the internet knows this.
An example:
Elgorgo: I like that LJDrama site can I write for it? Hepkitten: Suck a million cocks you boring choad! Elgorgo: YEAH WELL I'M TOO GOOD FOR IT ANYWAY. Hepkitten: By the hoary anarchist gods, you totally suck.
Elgorgo: Oh Encyclopedia Dramatica is so awesome. Can I become a moderator? Anonymous Pussy: OMG GV Don't let him have anything to do with it he will ruin everything!
Despite a penchant to ruin everything, Elgorgo briefly wrote articles for LJDrama until the group broke up. He has been banned from rant_about_cons, LJers for president, Salj, Idis, Rating communities and is mostly ignored in any other community he posts to.
In addition to most of the internet, feminists, lesbians, and the former members of Salj (known as Salj) do not find Elgorgo funny.
Contrary to popular belief, Elgorgo is not a troll. Trolls are much smarter.
Illiterate
A hilarious thing happens whenever Elgorgo tries to pwn someone on the internet: in his fat angry rage, he will omit important words reveal himself idiot is. This is possibly caused by his delicate fat-fingered condition which keeps him from hitting all the necessary keys.
See also
- Leaving LiveJournal Forever
- Rant About Cons (A community dedicated to hurting elGorgo's feelings)
- Dungeons & Dragons
- Star Wars
- You don't have any friends
- Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
- Fucktard
- Fat
- jorge_vader (Secret poetry journal)