Encyclopedia Dramatica:Article of the Now/April 27, 2023
Cock and pussy are begging to be gobbled and chewed up. However, there is a cock-pussy gang who refuses to munch down on genital meat, because it's against their religion and their Holy Leader Jesus Edgar Hoover will throw a high-heeled shoe at them. That would be the highly Mormonic gang of thugs known as the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Also known as The Authorities, The Feds, Federal Bureau (for) Israel, or the Fucking Bunch of Idiots (it's true!), the Party Van is SERIOUS BUSINESS, designed to help corporations throw you in jail for sharing ones and zeroes—despite sharing being the basis of our human society. Having purged all the Commies and nonconformists from Amerika, now they're after you.
THIS WEBPAGE OF THE INTERNETS IS BEING OBSERVED BY THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION UNDER AUTHORITY OF THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT FOR VIOLATION OF FEDERAL LULZ MANDATES AS DEFINED BY THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT.
AS A VISITOR, YOU MAY BE REQUIRED TO PARTICIPATE IN AN EXTENSIVE BACKGROUND TEST. YOUR DISTINCTIVE FINGERPRINTS, SCARS, FORDYCE'S SPOTS, HAIR COLOR, HAIR TYPE, DATE AND TIME OF BIRTH, HEIGHT, WEIGHT, GENDER, ETHNIC BACKGROUND, FAT DISTRIBUTION, OCULAR SURFACE, BLOOD TYPE, BLOOD PRESSURE, CHROMOSOME COUNT, INTELLIGENCE QUOTIENT, SAT SCORE, EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT, EPIDERMAL TENSILE STRENGTH, NEURAL IMPULSE QUADRATURE MODULATION FREQUENCY, MOLAR MASS, PENIS/CLITORIS GIRTH, CLOCK SPEED, NEGRO-HORMONE LEVEL, MIDICHLORIAN COUNT, OT LEVELS, THETAN DETECTION, SPERM COUNT, GREY MATTER VOLUME, CARPAL DERMAL TISSUE CONDUCTIVITY, HEAT OF VAPORIZATION, FIRST IONIZATION ENERGY, SALIVARY VISCOSITY, STOOL CONSISTENCY, SPECIFIC HEAT, RESONANCE STRUCTURE, CRYSTALLINE PACKING STRUCTURE, ANAL DIAMETER, BRUCE TREADMILL TEST SCORES, BODY MASS INDEX, BODY-FAT PERCENTAGE, PERSONALITY TYPE, VO2 MAX, LETHAL DOSES FOR VARIOUS CHEMICALS, ACOUSTIC ABSORPTION CHARACTERISTICS, OTHER BIOMETRIC DATA, SEXUAL ORIENTATION, FAVORITE COLOR, AND STDS MAY BE DOCUMENTED AND STORED INDEFINITELY AT AN UNSPECIFIED LOCATION WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT AND/OR KNOWLEDGE. THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS MAY, CONDITIONAL TO ITS FAIL AND AIDS AGREEMENT, RELEASE RECORDS DISPLAYING YOUR NAME TO INDIVIDUALS PETITIONING IT UNDER THE FREEDOM OF INFORMATION ACT OF 1996.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION. YOUR PARTICIPATION ENSURES THE DEMOCRATIC FREEDOM OF AMERICA.
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