Encyclopedia Dramatica:Article of the Now/September 20, 2022
Cats are furry ornaments vermin owned by people who fuck up in life and will die alone. They serve as child-substitutes for lonely fags and dykes, many of which like to photograph their cats and post the pictures in whatever social networking site they drain their life at. Most internet users find it easy to relate to cats (as both are lazy, antisocial, egocentric, never-satisfied cynics that overreact to everything), which is why cats have become the official animal of the internet.
Because their claws and teeth are just for show, cats' main weapon of attack is their anus, which looks like an asterisk. Pointing it at their target will cause most people to weird out; most, not all. Once they turn away, the cat will be free to further his diabolical deeds, the greatest of which are eating unwatched leftovers and causing irreversible damage to furniture. Recently, their tactics have evolved to include getting people arrested by downloading thousands of kiddie porn pics onto their hard drives and eating their owners.
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