Focus on the Family
Focus on the Family was begun in 1977 as a way for Christfags to congregate together and help their fellow man not burn in Hell for all eternity. James Dobson- who is not an actual preacher by the way- heads one of the largest fundamentalist right wing nuthouses in America. And he really, really hates fags. Probably something to do with his own repressed feelings of faggotry. That's usually how it works.
In internets years, 1977 might as well have been B.C. What makes these faggots relevant today is their internet presence and many, many podcasts. All you sinners, b/tards, EDiots, trolls and faggots; following the wisdom of Focus on the Family is guaranteed to leave you a vapid shell of a person with little personality or spine of your own. Which for many, will be a major step up from the normal basement dwellers on ED.
Marriage
—James Dobson - Founder of Focus on the Family |
Focus on the Family dutifully informs us that marriage is the corner-stone of our society. Without marriage, we would inevitably die off as a species because apparently we can't figure out how to procreate without having a local head of the church acknowledge our fucking. It is a sacred testament between Man and Wife in a life-long commitment to our God. Which was fine two thousand years ago when people lived to 25 or so. With lifespans regularly reaching 80's and 90's; who the fuck wants to put up with the same tired cunt or cock for 60 years?
We kick our own kids out of the house somewhere between 13 and 40 depending on who you are. Except that when you kick that bitching old cunt out, you're out half your shit or more. The real kick in the balls of that arrangement is that bitching old cunt didn't intend for the marriage to end that way either. Very few people enter into marriage for the express purpose of getting a divorce and tearing their life apart.
A Sacred Covenant of Sanctimonious Bullshit
The Husband's mighty cock is more than just a tool of his Wife's displeasure. Marriage is an oath sworn to Jesus to uphold his ideals and sacrifices as best we can. Many things in our lives come back to that eternal spiritual battle being waged between Heaven and Hell, Encyclopedia Dramatica and Satan. A man boning his wife is like a tactical nuclear strike on evil! It is a show of devotion and sacrifice to the Crucifaggot who died for your sins. Marriage is the natural way of things. Man, woman, and the family unit is a representation of the Holy Trinity. Even though man and woman would technically be counted twice in that equation so more like a representation of a Holy Wicca. But hey, geometry is of the devil.
Marriage's Meaning for the Delusional
The contributor that gave excerpts of his work seems to have little to no grasp on reality. It is a sad, sad testament to the state of our educational system that individuals like this can get Ph. D.'s. You see, our good Dr. David Kyle Foster seems to be of the opinion that people take their commitments before God and Jesus without much seriousness. They enter into agreements and marriage vows without casting a second thought to the ramifications of their actions. What kind of retarded ass thinking is that?
Most people that decide to take the marriage vows do so out of a mutual love and respect. If that was not the case, then you would not have various Christian faiths removing the "I swear to God.." bit from marriage vows because people are killing themselves for having to break their vow to God. Somehow, we are all supposed to mystically foresee whether or not we are marrying someone we can stand until we finally bury an icepick in their spinal cord. Or maybe, just maybe; marriage came about for entirely different reasons in an entirely different time THAT IS WELL DOCUMENTED IN MANY LOCATIONS.
—Code of Hammurabi, circa 1770ish BC | ||
Having a Three-Way with Your Spouse and God
We as humans are fallible in that we are weak-willed sinning faggots for the most part. A marriage is God's way to help you find a partner to explore an intimate path to spirituality with him. Too often do we associate our spouse with the one that should be giving us some form of completion. Seeking this completion from our spouse is a form of vile idolatry. Instead, we should use the trials and tribulations we experience in life and our marriages to find a way to become closer to God. Your spouse should be a partner on your spiritual path so the two of you can keep each other on the right track.
This representation of the "Holy Trinity" does not make sense since Jesus does not fit into the equation anywhere. If that is the case anyways, you'd have three dudes and one chick. So either, women need to be a lot more promiscuous or God is much cooler with fags than initially anticipated. Either way would still be hilarious to watch the fall out of. And God help you if your balls touch God's balls during coitus.
Parenting
Good news you worthless sacks of shit. If you have trouble rearing your kid to be a good, God-fearing Christian then Focus on the Family has the information for you. Apparently; raising your children with Biblical discipline does not actually mean corporal abuse, psychological torture, and sexual molestation. Who knew? It certainly wasn't apparent from the source material.
—Psalm 137:9 - Oh wait.. | ||
Much of the crap in this section is full of TL;DR bullshit that anyone giving five minutes of thought to the subject could figure out.
MTV Apparently Still Matters to Someone
It seemed to be understood that MTV no longer really functioned as an entity for people to give a shit about. Apparently, Focus on the Family somehow missed the entirety of the 80's and 90's when they really had a chance to derail this bullshit before it got started. Unfortunately, they did not do that and now we all suffer. Even worse, listening to these sniveling cock-warts makes us want to side with MTV. Which is blatantly against Biblical, personal, and socially accepted norms.
—Deuteronomy SomethingOr:Another | ||
A righteous cry comes up about the evil that is MTV and how they spread their pop culture bullshit around and detract from the worship of the God. In addition, they cite the 2004 Super Bowl performance where Janet Jackson's tit got some air-time on national television. MTV and Old media are the evil perpetrators behind this crotch-grabbing, breast-exposing, girls dancing almost nude attempt to destroy your soul. So do not let your bastard kids get sucked into this abomination of bullshit and forever ruin their souls unto the God; or whatever the fuck.
Apparently it is MTV's fault that today's children are growing more defiant of their elders and the status quo. It has nothing to do with the horrendous atrocities committed in the name of good, child molesters being sheltered and protected in a place of reputed safety, or a status quo that permits those on top to shit all over the ones below and kick them back down. If you think that dear reader, you are retarded. It's MTV. Fucking MTV.
Lrnin' Ur Kid 2 Not B Stoop1d
A section meant to herald advice to the reader; we learn of Ann, a 15 year old young woman who rendered herself blind not by masturbation, but instead by staring at a solar eclipse. Said loli stared at the eclipse for 4-5 minutes in a state of bewilderment and amazement at what was happening without turning away as she had been instructed by her parents. This story is put forth as a parable of the importance of listening to the advice of your parents and heeding their warnings.
We at ED would like to offer our sincerest condolences to the parents of Ann. We are very sorry that after 15 years of life on Earth your daughter did not learn that looking at the sun was bad. We are sorry that you did not get the abortion the two of you undoubtedly wept together over so many years ago as the decision tore you apart. Alas, we must apologize to you for the shitty decision you made to not drown her in a bucket and try again. It isn't too late.
Instill your wisdom into your child so that they may learn. Instill in them that if they do dumb shit and cripple themselves; no one is going to give a fuck except to point and laugh.
A Child's Sexuality and Parenting: Pedobear Primer 101
Every parent seems to reach a point when their children start to get interested in boning. Somehow, it feels strange or unnatural to talk about sexuality with a child. For the health and well-being of that child's spirituality, it becomes a necessity. The handy section on a child's sexuality blossoming is a great place to start to begin grooming the object of one's affections. It is good to know that Focus on the Family is taking such active strides to take all the thinking out of the equation for you.
After all, do you want your daughter becoming a sexual object? Even though women always have been since the dawn of time? Entire wars have been fought for one man to win over some skank. But alas, somehow people murdering each other over women is better than your daughter wearing shorts or a short skirt. The true oppression of women is certainly a statement of the banality of humanity.
The Truth Project
This may seem hard to believe, but the average Americunts Christian does not necessarily believe in a Holy Spirit or Satan. We at ED would just like to state once again for clarification; the average Americunts Christian does not necessarily believe in a Holy Spirit or Satan. You know, the cornerstones of the Christian faith and dogma. Some faggots at an institute did a study that came to the conclusion that only about 9% of active Christians have a world-view of their religion. That means that the average Christian has accepted the fact that there are other cultures and religions in the world that might have different ideas than their own. This is a bad thing. That means said Christians are not goose-stepping to the tune of Fundiefaggots and their world view that thou shalt believe or burn the fuck in Hell sinner.
Thankfully, we have Focus on the Family's Truth Project to help brainwash us back into the fold. All you need to do is attend a facilitator conference to learn how to become a group guide. The DVD's are included in the registration price so you can form your own small worship group. Then, the leader of the group can facilitate how to bring the member's religious focus back to a world view! This sounds amazingly like cell coordination of dem Terrorists. Small, independent cells are joined together by a common ideology and cause. The cause being making Jesus somehow pertinent in our deranged, fucked beyond belief world. It is clear why these cunts pushed to get Torture and CIA abductions curtailed; they are the next generation of terrorists-in-training.
How Can We Help?
Life is full of difficult questions that we struggle to find the answers to. Thankfully, Focus on the Family is helping remove that pesky decision making process from your life. Instead, you can Ask a Question or browse questions already asked. Isn't it amazing how we can find the answers to all the difficult questions and our identity with God on one convenient website? The amazing thing is the number of people that are somehow under the assumption that any other person can somehow expand their relationship with God and understanding of the universe. Hey, that guy you've trusted the last 40 years to guide you spiritually into an eternity of Heaven or Hell? Yeah, he was fucking kids. Sorry, bro.
Child Molesters? In my "Focus" on the Family?
Focus on the Family seemed to have let their focus slip long enough to employ 42 year old Mexican. Said Mexican decided it would be a good idea to troll for delicious loli on yon internets. Having failed Computer Science III, he instead managed to hook up with an undercover cop posing as a 15 year old girl out pedo baiting. The delicious lulz continue to roll in when revealed that Juan found God at 14 and had been serving as a Preacher since 19. Who says its just Catholic priests that like to fuck children?
It is so refreshing to know that groups such as Focus on the Family exist to help show us the error of our adult, consenting ways while of course being shocked and surprised that there is a pedo in their midst.
Dubious Disclaimer
The message in the above article is a harsh look at Rightwing Fundies who seem to be a convenient target for many. Make no mistake. We at ED think the Left faggots are just as worthless, pointless, and a waste of flesh and humanity. Burn in Hell together faggots.
See Also
External Links
- Focus on the Family
- Find Answers Instead of Thinking
- Sauce on Juan Ovalle
- Focus on the Family's idea of reviewing films
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Focus on the Family is part of a series on Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage. |
| Featured article January 4, 2011 | ||
| Preceded by Meme Combining |
Focus on the Family | Succeeded by Uwe Boll |