Chris Crocker
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Enjoy your cock! 8====D (_(__) |
Cara Cunningham⚧ Powerword:Chris Crocker, born December 12, 1987, a.k.a. itschriscrocker aka "Phaggot Rectus Maximus Rex Ceasar Anus Cocktus" is an unfunny LOOZ-infested shit eating "22-year-old" camwhore, fugly faggot trap, and confessed brother fucker BALEETED of indeterminable gender credited for giving a new meaning to the term "triple threat." He is best known for being the most sickeningly loyal Britney Spears fanboy ever shat into existence.
Wikipedia and a few other sources believe that Chris Crocker is in fact acting, thus doing it for the lulz to get pageviews. If this is the truth, he is one of the most intriguing and successful trolls on the Internets.
Crocker's 15 Minutes of Fail - One Hit Wonder
Following Britney Spears' so-called "performance" at the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards, Crocker achieved insta-fame IRL after uploading an unintentionally hilarious, (yet annoying as fuck) video where he BAAAWS for two minutes about the negative reception she has received. In his gut wrenching fanboy rant, he admonishes the media, fellow faggot Perez Hilton, and everyone else on the planet for making fun of a fat chick with issues.
Certain viewers have noted that Crocker's view of Britney Spears has crossed from obsession to an actual psychological disorder called, "erotomania." Where, basically, as far as Crocker is concerned, he and Britney are best friends 4 lyfe. In September 2015, Crocker deleted his YouTube channel. In the eight short years it was online, the video amassed 50,681,194 views.
Skip to 00:02:05 for the famous part
SUMMARY: BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Crocker's embarrassing and horrific Britney Spears fan video spread across the news and blogs alike at a speed faster than the speed of light, Numa numa and Tay Zonday combined, receiving over 3 million views on YouTube and undoubtedly millions more abroad in just TWO DAYS! It sparked dozens of parodies and doubts over Crocker's sanity (not that anyone ever thought he was sane in the first place), and actually caused Perez Hilton to do something funny by mocking his video in response to Crocker's anti-Perez statements.
Despite the fact that none of this attention is flattering, Crocker has chosen embrace this attention so much that he has uploaded previously unseen footage of the rant where he threatens to become an hero to show just how much he cares about Britney.
If recent Crocker bitching-via-webcam masterpieces Eat My Cornhole and Shitty Bitch weren't already enough material to make him the most hated YouTube user, Leave Britney Alone surely finished the job. Crocker's psychotic fan rage is pretty much summed up by this well received early comment on the video.
As of September 22, 2007, this video receives 9001 comments about every THREE to FIVE seconds. HOLY SHIZ MON! As of April 27, 2009, Crocker's BAWWWfest has gotten over 25 million views. If this isn't enough proof that Youtube is a flaming pile of dogshit, then nothing will convince you.
Chris Crockers Only Fan/ Supposed Friend
check out how many times the faggot flicks/brushes his hair to the side. lulz.
His Myspace
His Youtube Videos
His Facebook
HAKD???!!11!!
hellz yea. bby got hakd in da booti. hella. HELLLajdkj.
No, but really as of December 7th, 2007 Chris Crocker has been hacked. This was a bulletin that was posted:
Other Videos
—Chris Crocker, On fagging up Youtube. | ||
- Bitch plz
- Nigga plz - This video serves as proof that Chris is
notmentally ill and hisopinionssmall penigina size shouldn't be taken into consideration. - Further faggotry
- you go girl ?
- Aerious business
- Future bestweekever?!
- Fucking Up Niggers Chris Crocker is taken on by JessePajamas
Disregard all links above. Behold.
I think Chris Crocker accidentally the whole Internets. Repeatedly.
Previous Video | Next Video
Critical Reception
- More Faggotry but now on Maury!
Deleting Fucking Everything
Some argue that if a video creates enough controversy, Crocker will delete it without hesitation. This has been proven, as Last Thursday, 9/13/07, Crocker announced jihad on Faux News, for saying on the air what everyone else had been saying since he posted his video online. Upon discovering this, Crocker once again went under his blanket to record a new video, claiming himself more woman than Alisyn Camerota. However, realizing that his stupid ass comments pretty much confirmed everything Fox News had said about him, Crocker immediately deleted the video. However the video was downloaded and re-uploaded for the lulz as seen below.
On 9/12/07, MSNBC anchor Keith Olbermann also confused Crocker for a very, very, very, very ugly woman, as did MSNBC anchor Chris Matthews on 9/14/07.
—Chris Crocker, Potential An hero. | ||
Unsurprisingly, in the intervening years the valiant anon who uploaded the video has had their account shutdown by the copyrightfags, thus taking the video with it. Find it again so this section isn't ruined.
Declares Jihad on Faux News
OH SHIT!
TL;DW: I'm a faggot and nobody appreciates it Remix
Chris on LiveJournal
Chris began his LiveJournal existence years ago as 
Unequivocal, but eventually moved to his current incarnation Egest. Frequenting ratings communities and suicideboys, Chris exists only to irritate and piss off 70% of the gay community, who are put off by his stereotypically histrionic twink faggotry. After his faux-celebrity status was reached through jewtube nude photos of this cocksucker surfaced all over the internet from suicideboys. Crocker claimed on his myspace blog that he was 17 at the time of the photos. However, this post in suicideboys proves otherwise.
ATTENTION, FAGGOT ON STICKAM
Apparently Chris Crocker had made his way from Youtube onto Stickam, a group of internet fags known as FYINet found him the first day he appeared on Stickam, showed him their dicks, and got his profile information, phone number, and location
- Stickam Account of Chris Crocker
- Last Known Contact number: 1-323-539-0197
Wikipedia Fails Once Again
In an unprecedented display of awesome, Wikipedia is currently in the process of banhammering their Chris Crocker article! To a MySpace whore the magnitude of Crocker, lack of notability is roughly equivalent to a bad case of the dick ants.
The following paragraph may be very difficult to decipher due to poor writing skills, and may hurt your brain:
The result was no consensus. I'm closing this a few hours early. The debate is already 139KB long, one of the longest and craziest debates I seen, and the results seem rather obvious even though I don't agree with an article nither. I watchlisted this for a couple of days now, and a good 75% of the votes aren't valid, mainly WP:ILIKEIT, WP:ITSNOTABLE without a reason and WP:IDONTLIKEIT with comments like if it's kept, wikipedia is going to be a joke. Another delete comment that I saw is that there was no reliable sources, but there is several non-trivial ones, from reliable websides and alot of international coverage that sadly makes the fails WP:BIO agruements moot. With the few that are still valid, it's sad to say it's mainly in the keep side with Irishjp and 64.190.140.138 as the most valid in the delete side. It can be renominated for deletion in a few months if he's no longer in the news, as WP:BLP1E starts to apply. Jaranda wat's sup Sports! 21:44, 16 September 2007 (WTC)
Corrections (in bold) exist in sentence 2: "longest and craziest debates I have seen", "with the article either". Sentence 3: "comments like if it's kept, then Wikipedia is going to be a joke." Sentence 4: "is that there were no reliable sources, but there are several non-trivial ones, from reliable websites and a lot of international coverage that sadly means that the WP:BIO arguments are moot.
Basically, everything involving the abhorrent wikification of YouTube all-stars; such as Crocker, is Ichormosquito's fault.
Brotherly Love
Chris Crocker as a kid:
Last Thursday the esteemed Mr. Crocker posted a YouTube video where he admits that his love is his biological brother. The impetus for this seems to have been some outstanding members of Legion who found out the two lovers shared the same last name. In his confession, Crocker claims that they may be biological brothers but are spiritual lovers. He also recalls incredibly fucked up moments from his childhood(see loli shota) where he checked out his brother while their mother was bathing them. He goes on to justify this sick, furry like behavior by explaining that you should love whoever you want, even if that person is a goat. Apparently, Crocker thinks gay incest is a beautiful thing (but is not promoting incest in any way, lol)
Gaycest is Wincest
Crocker's experience with his Dog
Crocker used to date his dog and didn't care if people judged him for it. In this video Crocker says that bestiality is O.K. On weekends Chris dresses up for Bitch (his dog) and lap dances, they had the perfect relationship till Bitch tried to have sex with Crocker. Sence then they ended their relationship and continued to be friends with Bitch.
—- Chris Crocker | ||
Xtube infamy
Crocker appears in a "business" video on Xtube which he denies here.
The description of the video is as follows:
This is my friend doing what he does best hehe. He wanted me to edit it and for some reason use the same music I had on my vid. And he wanted me to let all you top guys out there that he is looking for a good fuck. So message me and well go from there =D.
It can be found here, you pervs.
He also posts his own N00dz on his Tumblr
Chris Crocker cannot get laid
Chris Crocker is upset because he dresses like a woman, but the sort of guys who are into that would rather have a real woman. Also, gay men prefer men who look like men, hence being gay.
Conflicted and confused indeed...
And Why . . . ?
Chris Crocker and Jeffree Star
It Only took 15 secs for Chris Crocker to get over Jawsus. This is how Chris Crocker and Jeffree Star REALLY feel about each other. WARNING: YOU CANNOT UNSEE THE CONTENTS OF THIS VIDEO. And chances are you'll throw up and commit suicide before the video is even done.
This one isn't quite so bad, but only because it isn't a closeup shot.
And it isn't so much that it's two tranny fags making out, as much as it's two UNGODLY FUCKING UGLY fags making out. Who wants to see ugly people making out? No one.
Chris Crocker gets pwned by Aggressive Gay Bashing Techno
The best part is when he disappears in the end, but don't bother watching because it's just a series of faggot clips with faggot techno in the background.
Chris Crocker on AIDS and Being a Whore
Chris Crocker recently posted a bulletin on MySpace titled "I'm a whore because."
This is just one of his recent butthurt tirades in response to the Over 9000 comments that he has AIDS.
—Chris Crocker, on the origins of AIDS | ||
—Chris Crocker, on faggotry | ||
Chris Crocker on America
—Chris Crocker, on the Jewnited States of Americunts | ||
Leaving YouTube Forever...?! Sadly no such luck
—]] | ||
July 28, 2008: Self proclaimed "face of YouTube" (1:13) and voice of his generation (2:45) has finally realized that no one wants him on YouTube anymore. Apparently YouTube has removed him from the most subscribed list, and he just decided to announce his departure. This proves that even YouTube cannot stand the intensity of the faggotry that is Chris Crocker. Oh yeah, and he has a new website: www.mschriscrocker.com
—Chris Crocker, we care. | ||
It appears forever in Chris Crocker time is only less then two months. It's back....and it's selling crappy music on iTunes.
So in addition to everything else that is said in this article, he's a liar.
Fan Faggotry
There seems be to some kind of misunderstanding here. Obviously a joke, because, while some might miss the fact that Chris Crocker is a man, no one could ever find him attractive.
"Musical" career
Like his butt-buddy Jeffree Star, Chris Crocker felt the irresistible urge to shit on a microphone and offer the results for sale via iTunes. In September of 2008, war was beginning. Chris Crocker's first single, "Mind in the Gutter" was released on iTunes. Within the first ten seconds, the "song" confirms Crocker's unholy desire to be Britney Spears, as it not only sounds exactly like her recent material, the first words out of his mouth are "It's Chris Crocker...", though he somehow managed to avoid saying "bitch", and simply repeated himself.
—Chris Crocker, in the chorus to his first single | ||
Needless to say, while he shamelessly apes Britney Spears, Britney Spears does Britney better than Chris Crocker does. As mediocre as "Womanizer" is, it kicks the crap out of this santorumstain's attempt at making music. Her coked-up VMA performance that he bawwwwwwwww'd about was still better than "Mind in the Gutter". This is not an opinion, this is scientific law.
Hilariously, on his official website, he has posted a bawwwwwwwwfest video rant about people pirating his song. It is a must-watch, and is guaranteed to inspire any sane human being to steal his crap on principle, and spread it around as much as possible to ensure that Crocker makes as little money as possible off of this outbreak of AIDS, and never attempts recording music again.
"I am NOT a joke!"
O RLY?
"I am a joke!"
IRL, he's a joke.
Tosh.0 Redemption?!
July 9th, 2009 on the Comedy Central show, Tosh.0, Crocker gets a "web redemption". Lulz ensue as Crocker is humiliated yet again and is told to re-do his "Leave Britney alone!" speech. Of course, not even Tosh can take the BAAAWWWWing and takes a bat to his head. Viacom International Inc. Claimed a perfectly valid copyright violation.
DISCOVERY! Chris Crocker is a pedophile and a racist with bad teeth!
On YouTube, members of Crockerphobia, an anti Chris Crocker group, discover very important info that will make him go "BAWWWWWW that is a lie!!!" and get his stupid blind fans (who think he's a woman but he's a guy) to sic on them. The first discovery is Chris Crocker is a pedophile. Before he removed his video and re-edited it without his pedo comment, the video shows him why he hangs around at the little girls toy department in Wal-Mart talking about little boys and girls would love to see trannies.
The second discovery is Chris Crocker as a racist. He hates black people. If you listen to him in his video This And That, you can hear him say "niggers". Ever since he said that he's trying to avoid them like the plague because he was raped full of nignog and KFC. And the third discovery is his teeth. If you saw his video In Your Face you can see his teeth are crooked.
Gallery of Faggotry
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Is dat sum Death Note?
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He beseeches thee!
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The Great Camwhorio
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NOTE: Now relevant, as video was reloaded. For Tha Lulz
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<sniffle>
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BRITNAH MAH BOIIIIIIIII
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THIS... IS... DRAMAAAAAA
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An enemy of Fox News is an ally of faggot liberal bloggers!
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How to give a baby AIDS.
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Who the fuck would...
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NOW YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
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All you people want is Moar Moar Moar!
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Um, yeah. That's not glue on his face.
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Admit it, you came.
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See Also
- Trolling Induced Transsexuality Syndrome
- actor
- Unwarranted Self-Importance
- Perez Hilton
- YouTube Super Fags
- Britney Spears
- Homosexuality
- Faggot
- Fitlads
- JessePajamas
- UTubeDrama
- Yuki_Damon
- Jeffree Star
- Sharolaid
External Links
- itschriscrocker
- ChrisCrockerResponds
- Seriously, Chris? ModelMayhem?
- Website ("Coming really soon")
- Stickam
- Suicideboys LJ community, where Chris may be found pissing off members with his regular posts
- MySpace
- Admitting he would bang her
- dlisted.com covers the madness: Chris Crocker Is Famous?
- A Solution to the Crocker Problem
- Joecartoon
- Chris' Twitter
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Chris Crocker is part of a series on GAY PORN! [Fap fap fap] |
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Chris Crocker is part of a series on Visit the Whores Portal for complete coverage. |
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Chris Crocker is part of a series on Visit the Faggotry Portal for complete coverage. |
| Featured article September 13, 2007 | ||
| Preceded by 9/11 |
Chris Crocker | Succeeded by Dreadnought |