Melissa Ede
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Enjoy your cock! 8====D (_(__) |
Lesley Laurence Ede, better known as Melissa Ede, is the name of a former taxi driver from Hull who one day decided to chop off his balls in an attempt to become female, like many fellow mentally ill transfreaks have done in recent years. This was after his parents disowned him for being a complete fucking failure at life and going against advice that he "wouldn’t be able to live successfully as a woman".
Since its successful "transition", Ede has enjoyed copious amounts of time in the spotlight. Did we mention he won £4 million in the lottery as well? And that he auctioned his "virginity" on eBay?
Early life
Born as a male (duh), an interview conducted post-chop alleges that "Melissa" grew up identifying as a girl, much like every other tranny on the planet. Even at the tender age of 3, little Les told his parents he was actually a girl, a statement which was met with the correct amount of derision. This then forced Lesley to hide the fact that he was in actuality a she for the next half-century by marrying and having and attempting to raise not one, not two, but three children in an effort to "conform". Children which he would then abandon to pursue his deluded fantasy, and have every right to hate him for.
Transition
After being told by everyone reasonable in his life that trooning would do nothing more than turn him into a living joke, Ede decided to go get his face, chest and balls knifed at by some random back-alley doctor, thus giving birth to the atrocity you see on the top right of this very article.
Appearances on Jeremy Kyle
As is the case with many of England's more inbred, less desirable populace, Ede has had more than his fair share of appearances on The Jeremy Kyle Show, firstly over an obese whale of man named Stephen Beers who was claimed to have been cheating on his wife with Melissa's manly asshole, and once again when a woman claiming to be one of his daughters managed to track him down, only for him to lulzworthily then claim the two weren't related. Amazingly, they weren't. Though it does speak volumes when this transfaggot holds less contempt for some stupid bitch trying to claim a piece of the lolcow's fame than his own fucking children.
Posting its disgusting body online
Because apparently making multiple embarrassing appearances on TV weren't enough, not long after he made the decision to start posting videos of himself on Facebook, most of them involving his penchant of attaching things to his flabby male breasts and dancing with them on full show, an act which would be considered as porn were Ede a biological woman.
Previous Video | Next Video |
After it turned out the sad NPCs that make up Facebook found his sad old-aged antics funny, Ede took to YouTube in search of a larger audience. Unsurprisingly, concerned parents saw no amusement and soon flagged his videos citing nudity, but since the Jews that run YouTube have a use for people such as Ede, the videos stayed up, regardless of any violations said videos might possess with YouTube's TOS.
—Melissa Ede, talking about the videos wherein his ugly mantits are on full show. | ||
Tranny on Mars
In 2015, Ede applied for the Dutch Mars One project, which would relocate him and 1,000 other people on a one-way trip to the Red Planet in order to start life anew. Out of a pool of 200,000 other people with the same desire, Ede was somehow chosen as one of the 1,058 finalists, proven that in the wake of Shirtgate those responsible for space travel have only grown more retarded since. Reminder that this person was picked above 199,000 other applicants, undoubtedly many with the pre-requisite training, far more interested in making history than pushing an agenda, and far less likely to die on the trip there considering "Melissa" would be in his 60s by the time he hopefully crashes into Mars' surface.
Fuck you, Lesley Ede.
Lottery Win
Just after New Year's Day 2018, as though God himself were playing the world's biggest and most expensive practical joke, Ede won a £4 million jackpot that if anything, ultimately proves that nothing in life is fair. What then ensued was the rag making an article every time Ede so much as took a shit because hey - slow news day, amirite?
Ede's final 'fuck you' to his children
Since the abandonment of his former family and subsequent denial that said children were even his, the lottery win inflated the faggot's ego to an extent that he was willing to publicly proclaim that the only time they'd see a share of his £4 million only once he died. Of course, since Hull Daily Mail most likely have Ede's phone number on speed-dial to inquire whenever he so much as lets a fart into the atmosphere, they gladly published this without a sense of irony. Because leaving them when it's your responsibility to raise them is apparently not valid enough of a reason for your children to hate you with the passion of a million suns, and since they can't accept that the person who once dared to call himself their father was now their second mother, the youngest of which was only 19 at the time of the freak's win they should no longer have anything to do with him. What a cunt.
Prospective neighbors band together to prevent sale of house
Among one of Ede's purchases was a house in nearby rural town Cottingham, valued at over £440,000. Given that Ede had more than the required amount of money to buy not only the house, but a sizable hectare or two of land surrounding the property, things looked to be set in stone until the firm responsible for the sale of the property in question, Dunswell Park Management Limited, stepped in close to the last second with all 10 members unanimously deciding to decline Ede from purchasing the house, citing "media attention". Things get lulzier when it turns out every single one of the members of this firm would've been Ede's immediate neighbors. As a result of this epic BTFO'ing and shining victory for common sense, Ede was sent kicking and screaming back to its original place of residence.
On behalf of ED, we salute you, and are more than free to treat yourselves to as many beers as you so desire.
Daily Mail call this thing "attractive"
This is not a joke.
Since it appears Edey-boy has the local media by their un-scalpeled balls, in 2018 he was named the 29th most attractive person in the whole city. Even though the EDiot responsible for this article's creation could recall 35 more attractive women from his high school year group alone, it seems common logic is a trait lost on the politically-correct sheep that produce this waste of paper every day.
Normally this wouldn't be an issue 9 times out of 10, but since the writers for this awful rag seem to be huffing Ede's discarded, rotting underwear just for the opportunity to write yet another article (of which there are presently 62!) for the ugly monstrosity you have no doubt wanted to wipe your brain away with the appropriate amount of bleach enough times already, here is a guide for those disgruntled losers to follow in the event they do stumble upon this "misogynist" (protip: you can't be misogynist to someone who isn't a woman to begin with) attack against their precious princess. For those sorry individuals who would rather forget those abused by the social justice system that permeates the North of England like a disease, just ask Rotherham. That consign the crowning achievements made by the city's students and athletes alike to a bumfuck backpage that's most often used as toilet paper and doormats. For those that keep making articles about tomboys using the wrong toilet at McDonald's and an ugly Dita Von Teese wannabe. I'm sure more people will come running to buy your paper in the wake of this humiliation.
Since there'll probably be talentless hacks perusing this article just itching for the opportunity to write "Melissa Ede shuts down trolls with a two-word tweet!", here's a few rules:
- Vandalism and/or blanking do not magically erase the article. Any edits you make will probably be online for no more than a few minutes max. Oh wow, you sure showed the author!
- This website abides by Ukrainian copyright laws, which unfortunately for you are non-existent. Anything posted here stays. That ugly-ass photo you took of a 60 year old tranny and have not been credited for? It's ours now.
- Entire poltiical thinktanks have tried to co-opt and shut this website down. The combined forces of the Humberside Police won't be able to do shit.
- And of course, but most importantly, we don't give a fuck what you think.
So after reading this, do think before you sacrifice your pride and honor by defending a lifelong mental patient who has been given a key to the world by its depraved masters.
Gallery
In case you haven't seen enough of this complete and utter freak already, here's a gallery containing more photos of this abomination:
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Another photo of "Melissa", years prior to his emasculation.
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Feel free to turn this into an exploitable.
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Oddly enough Ede looks in his 60s when this photo was taken.
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The face of a man who cares more about his teeth than his children.
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Said teeth, which were among the first things he had operated on.
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All the grace of a gorilla.
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Here we see Lesley imitate one of his idols, Bruce Jenner.
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From a twat to pretending to have one.
See Also
Social Media Links
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