Paraphilia
|
This article needs less Uncyclopedia content. You can help by getting rid of Uncyclopedia content. |
You're a pervert, right? Maybe you use the subtypes listed on the porn page as a checklist, or maybe you like wearing wimminz clothing as a guy, because it turns you on a bit, lets you relax and masturbate while locked in the basement with the curtains drawn. Welcome to the group, boys and girls - you just might have a paraphilia.
Types Of Paraphilia
Fantasizing about random objects and/or things, centering your life around it in a weird way. That's a fetish. Example: being turned on by 50 year-old virgin Jew clowns pissing on your balls in a ball pit.
Get off on getting hurt (masochism)? Get off on hurting others (sadism)? Humiliated? Humiliating? Check out BDSM or BDSM.
- Exhibitionism
You like flashing little girls? How about big girls? Perhaps big boys? Sounds like exhibitionism to me!
- Frotteurism
Do you like rubbing your engorged penis or swollen clit against someone without their knowledge and/or consent? Do you sometimes like to manipulate their ass with your mind to force it to rub against your crotch? Yeah, that's frotteurism. If they knew (and consented), it'd be sex. If they knew, and didn't consent, that's rape. If they didn't know, and didn't consent, that's date rape (or necrophilia if they're dead).
- Voyeurism
If you like to watch without them knowing, that's voyeurism. Go be your peeping-Tom self.
Conclusion
Don't be surprised if you suddenly discover you're technically a pervert because of this. It's only a psychological problem if it impairs normal functioning and lasts for more than 6 months.
A More Exhaustive List
If you have any of these, fuck you:
| Paraphilia | Fap fodder | Causes | Notable sick fucks? |
|---|---|---|---|
| Acrotomophilia | Amputee | N | |
| Agalmatophilia | Statues, mannequins, dolls | N | |
| Arborphilia | Tree fucking | Being lost in the Amazon rainforst | N |
| Asphyxiophilia | Suffocation | probably trying to swallow on huge cocks | N |
| Autagonistophilia | Being recorded. | Living in Hollywood | N |
| Autassassinophilia | Being in life-threatening situations. | Living in a third-world country | N |
| Transgender | Imagining yourself as being the opposite gender | Being gay | Y - Chris-chan |
| Autoplushophilia | Imagining yourself as a plushie | N | |
| Biastophilia | Ræp | Being a faggot | N |
| Chremastistophilia | Being robbed | Visiting the local bank at a bad time | N |
| Coprophagia | Scat | Dumbass parents who never bother to change your nappy as a babby | Y - Dave Kelly |
| Dacryphilia | Crying | Being an Social Justice, most likely | N |
| Roman Shower | Vomit | Growing up on a diet of shit food | N |
| Eproctophilia | Farts | Being a Spics/Having your friend fart on your face accidentally | Y - AnimatedJames |
| Forniphilia | Being turned into a piece of furniture | N | |
| Gerontophilia | Old people | Raised by grandparents/raped by an oldfag | N |
| Heterophilia | Opposite sex loving | Not being a lolcow | Y |
| Homophilia | Same sex loving | Being a lolcow | Y - You |
| Hoplophilia | Gun | Some argue that many people who become mass shooters display this paraphilia. | Y - Sam Hyde |
| Hybristophilia | Criminals | Obsessively watching Breaking Bad | Y - Columbiners |
| Kleptophilia | Stealing | Being a nigger | N |
| Macrophile | BIG shit | N | |
| Pregnophile | Pregnant wimminz | N | |
| Maschalagnia | Armpits | Living in a gym shower/sportsfield/Australian state - anywhere inhabited by jocks | N |
| Mechanophilia | Robots are technology | Growing up watching My Life As A Teenage Robot | Y - Soos, from Gravity Falls |
| Metrophilia | Poetry | Being alive in medieval Europe | Y - Probably most people who lived in medieval Europe |
| Mucophilia | Boogers | Starvation/dipshit | N |
| Narratophilia | Fucking swear words | Being rasied by bogans who spew out obscene fucking shit and piss that'll make your nigger dick/cunt hard/wet. | N |
| Nasophilia | Noses | Being a Jews | Y - All the J00z who survived the holocaust |
| Necrophilia | Corpse fucking | Having a father named Lionel Dahmer | Y - Jeffrey Dahmer |
| Objectophilia | Inanimate objects | Neglectful parents/caretakers | Y - Objectcucks |
| Pedophilia | Children | Sick fuck | Y - Anyone who has ever browsed BoyChat |
| Plushie | Stuffed animal fucking | Y - David Hockey | |
| Pyrophilia | Fire | Sick fuck | Y - Pyro, from Team Fortress 2 |
| Rangerphile | Christian furfaggotry | Being Christian, and a furfaggot | Y - Gay Bennet |
| Trichophilia | Hair | Refusing to get a haircut | N |
| Vorarephilia | Eating other people | Not eating your greens | Y - Armin Meiwes |
| Bestiality | Animals | Having lots of housepets | Y - Mr. Hands |
| Corprophagia | Eating shit | Living in Brazil | Y - Dem 2girls1cup bitches |
| Urolagnia | Drinking and/or showering in piss | Too much water | N |
See Also
- List of sex moves
- Buttsecks
- A frank discussion of mental illness
- Rule 34
- DeviantART
- TOW List of paraphilias
|
Paraphilia is part of a series on Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage. |
