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Nibiru/Planet Nine: Difference between revisions
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→Planet Nine: kuiper belt pic aligned right and resized; section break added
imported>Sidecar (→Service updates: + 1 (nuclear near-miss) & archs2x) |
imported>Sidecar (→Planet Nine: kuiper belt pic aligned right and resized; section break added) |
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[[File:Sumerian god statuette.jpg|thumb|left|150px|This Sumerian deity is appalled at Sitchin's faggotry]] | [[File:Sumerian god statuette.jpg|thumb|left|150px|This Sumerian deity is appalled at Sitchin's faggotry]] | ||
[[File:Zecheria sitchin and sumerian bas-relief.jpg|thumb|right|150px|Still taking the tablets: Zecheria Sitchin]] | [[File:Zecheria sitchin and sumerian bas-relief.jpg|thumb|right|150px|Still taking the tablets: Zecheria Sitchin]] | ||
The origin of the Nibiru rigmarole was some crank back in the 1970s, called Zecheria Sitchin, who wrote a [[book]] about the so-called 12th Planet, based on his own [[Retarded|special]] interpretation of the millennia-old junk left by [[Iraq|the ancient Sumerians]]. Pluto was still a planet at the time, but please | The origin of the Nibiru rigmarole was some crank back in the 1970s, called Zecheria Sitchin, who wrote a [[book]] about the so-called 12th Planet, based on his own [[Retarded|special]] interpretation of the millennia-old junk left by [[Iraq|the ancient Sumerians]]. Pluto was still a planet at the time, but please don't concern yourself with what happened to the 10th and 11th planets, since that would be to expect a level of coherency which is glaringly lacking in this saga. | ||
Pleased with public response, Mr Sitchin wrote a series of follow-ups ("The Return of the 12th Planet"; "The 12th Planet Strikes Again"; "What the 12th Planet Did Next", et al). Eventually he ran out of LSD and back issues of ''Popular Astronomy'' magazine, and the typewriter shop refused to extend him credit on new ink-ribbons, so he turned to brewing moonshine and waiting for the internet to be invented. | Pleased with public response, Mr Sitchin wrote a series of follow-ups ("The Return of the 12th Planet"; "The 12th Planet Strikes Again"; "What the 12th Planet Did Next", et al). Eventually he ran out of LSD and back issues of ''Popular Astronomy'' magazine, and the typewriter shop refused to extend him credit on new ink-ribbons, so he turned to brewing moonshine and waiting for the internet to be invented. | ||
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The cudgels were taken up by a Sitchin fantard in 1995, who claimed she had received a microchip in her brain from [[Stephen Hawking|the Daleks]] or somesuch. Naturally, this put her in touch with God, and God kindly warned her that the world would undergo a dramatic upheaval due to a pole-reversal and lengthened orbit caused during the arrival of Planet Nibiru on May 27, 2003. | The cudgels were taken up by a Sitchin fantard in 1995, who claimed she had received a microchip in her brain from [[Stephen Hawking|the Daleks]] or somesuch. Naturally, this put her in touch with God, and God kindly warned her that the world would undergo a dramatic upheaval due to a pole-reversal and lengthened orbit caused during the arrival of Planet Nibiru on May 27, 2003. | ||
The retard who started all this tomfoolery (one Nancy Lieder) claimed that the arrival of the Hale-Bopp Comet in early 1997 was a harbinger of the | The retard who started all this tomfoolery (one Nancy Lieder) claimed that the arrival of the Hale-Bopp Comet in early 1997 was a harbinger of the arrival of Planet Nibiru, which any day now would surely descend upon the unsuspecting Earth, causing calamity and misfortune on a global scale. This did not in fact happen. | ||
Nevertheless, Ms Lieder had her dog euthanised in order to spare him the trauma of living on a planet in turmoil, although she later claimed that it was because he had been acting aggressively. She did not specify whether this aggression was caused by the animal's ability to sense | Nevertheless, Ms Lieder had her dog euthanised in order to spare him the trauma of living on a planet in turmoil, although she later claimed that it was because he had been acting aggressively. She did not specify whether this aggression was caused by the animal's ability to sense impending planetary disasters. | ||
She also said that her 'May 27, 2003' prediction was [[I see what you did there|a 'white lie' to throw the authorities off the scent,]] so that they would have insufficient time to implement Martial Law. [[Duh|She did not specify how giving a date that was too early would prevent the authorities from implementing Martial Law at a subsequent date.]] | She also said that her 'May 27, 2003' prediction was [[I see what you did there|a 'white lie' to throw the authorities off the scent,]] so that they would have insufficient time to implement Martial Law. [[Duh|She did not specify how giving a date that was too early would prevent the authorities from implementing Martial Law at a subsequent date.]] | ||
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Who could possibly argue with the [[Bullshit|amazing]] [[Lies|facts]] as they are [[This looks shooped|laid out]] in this gallery?<br><br> | Who could possibly argue with the [[Bullshit|amazing]] [[Lies|facts]] as they are [[This looks shooped|laid out]] in this gallery?<br><br> | ||
<center> | <center> | ||
{{frame|<gallery perrow=4> | {{frame|<center><gallery perrow=4> | ||
File:Nibiru 1.jpg | File:Nibiru 1.jpg | ||
File:Nibiru 2.jpg|That's the fucking moon, retard | File:Nibiru 2.jpg|That's the fucking moon, retard | ||
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File:Nibiru 16.jpg | File:Nibiru 16.jpg | ||
File:Nibiru 17.jpg | File:Nibiru 17.jpg | ||
</gallery>|border=black|background=silver}} | </gallery></center>|border=black|background=silver}} | ||
</center> | </center> | ||
<br> | <br> | ||
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==Planet Nine== | ==Planet Nine== | ||
[[File:Kuiper belt beyond pluto orbit.jpg|300px|thumb|right|Meanwhile, not very far away...]] | |||
[[File:Kuiper belt beyond pluto orbit.jpg| | |||
[[Last Thursday|In 2016,]] it was announced that disturbances in the orbits of the outer planets of the solar system (oh, and [[Shit no one cares about|dwarf planets]] too: [[You Forgot Poland|sorry, Pluto)]] indicated that a large planet, possibly [[OMG|as large as fucking Neptune,]] was [[Lurking|lurking]] out in [[Goatse|the vastness of space,]] and only swinging by every 10-20,000 years. Given the distance from the Sun to which Planet Nine's orbit takes it, it has to pass through the outer fringe of the Kuiper Belt, known as the 'scattered disk', every time it returns towards the Sun. | [[Last Thursday|In 2016,]] it was announced that disturbances in the orbits of the outer planets of the solar system (oh, and [[Shit no one cares about|dwarf planets]] too: [[You Forgot Poland|sorry, Pluto)]] indicated that a large planet, possibly [[OMG|as large as fucking Neptune,]] was [[Lurking|lurking]] out in [[Goatse|the vastness of space,]] and only swinging by every 10-20,000 years. Given the distance from the Sun to which Planet Nine's orbit takes it, it has to pass through the outer fringe of the Kuiper Belt, known as the 'scattered disk', every time it returns towards the Sun. | ||
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The math is TL;DC (Too Long; Didn't Calculate) but it's pretty good and now every [[Nerd|boffin]] with a decent [[Dildo|telescope]] is peering into the mysteries of the cosmos, hoping to spot Nibi... I mean, Planet Nine, out there among the [[Carl Sagan|Bbillions and Bbillions]] of stars, asteroids, and discarded astronaut diapers. Did I just say the word 'asteroids'? Think no more of it. | The math is TL;DC (Too Long; Didn't Calculate) but it's pretty good and now every [[Nerd|boffin]] with a decent [[Dildo|telescope]] is peering into the mysteries of the cosmos, hoping to spot Nibi... I mean, Planet Nine, out there among the [[Carl Sagan|Bbillions and Bbillions]] of stars, asteroids, and discarded astronaut diapers. Did I just say the word 'asteroids'? Think no more of it. | ||
{{clear}} | |||
===Vids: Unrelated=== | ===Vids: Unrelated=== | ||
<br> | <br> | ||