Supreme Court

THE SUPREME COURT MIGHT BAN ABORTIONS

The Soviet Canuckistan Supreme Court allows gay marriage. This picture shows why.

The Supreme Court of the Jewnited States (commonly abbreviated as SCROTUS) are the nine kings and queens that rule the United States of Amerifat, and all of them are above the law, meaning niggers putting pubic hair on Anita Hill's coke can is okay. More specifically, five kings and queens rule that obese nation, since every player on Survivor knows you need a solid five to win the game. In true democratic fashion, a single swing vote or philosopher king is all that's needed to create or destroy shit. This gives SCROTUS actual power, unlike the cardboard cutouts that puddle-shaped Americans vote for. Originally envisioned by slave-owners as a form of IRL Internet court, SCROTUS has become like a Magic card run amok, leading to unforeseen consequences in the rulebook, such as the political realization of Plato's Philosopher King concept.

According to the Jewnited States of Americunts Constitution, the President is appointed by a body of nine old rich white men (sometimes women or niggers when a liberal is president but still old and rich) who are kept alive long past the natural span of mortal years by the Black Arts. A vote of 5–4 is needed to pwn Al Gore.

Judges to the Supreme Court are appointed for life. This is because the President, who wears the Master Ring, will not release their withered spirits to the peace of the grave. When they get appointed, Congress will ask them many difficult questions because Congress is full of pedophiles.

Some well known Supreme Court cases include:

• Roe vs. Wade OVERTURNED LMAO
• Adolf Hitler vs. Jews
• Alien vs. Predator
• Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem
• Donald Trump vs. Sense of Fashion
• Freddy vs. Jason

and the less well known:

• Conservatives vs. Everybody Else, every other Thursday.

In June 2015, using the 14th Amendment as a Wild Card (raising the question of why any Amendment past the 14th is necessary for "liberty"), SCROTUS legalized twincest in Amerilard, usurping Bruce Jenner for the Troll Of The Year 2015 Award, held yearly in your mom's cavernous vagina.

Jewdiciary

As one might expect, (((the Supreme Court))). A third of the current justices, in fact. The Jew, which makes up just two per cent of the US population, has therefore occupied around eight per cent of all SCOTUS seats in history.

Drama

Honorable Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg tells how it is

Is there internets drama involving the Supreme Court? Of course there is: there is internets drama about everything under the fucking sun. More to the point, however, the Supreme Court itself maintains an extensive archive of flame wars and other legal pwnage.

N.B.: as of now, it appears that the term "pwned" has not been used in official Court documents. However, it is in common use among e-legal scholars: [1]; [2]; [3]; meh, find the rest yourself.

Scalia

you can smell the garlicky semen from here

A fat, greasy little wop from Noo Joisy, somehow Antonin "Fat Tony" Scalia made it to the top of his profession in 1986 when a vegetable appointed him to the Highest Toilet In The Land. Scalia is perfect proof that Catholic women should undergo compulsory abortions before they can shit out a future lawyer/judge type. Top of his class at Harvard Law, supposed to be "brilliant" as a legal scholar, probably because the rest of the Justices were even fucking dumber. In spite of that "genius" he wrote some of the stupidest things in the court's history. This was due to his "philosophy" called originalism where you have to interpret the view of some negro slave owners back in 1776, even if the amendments themselves were made long after they died of syphilis.

No one did more for the loli porn business or for the Pope than Fat Tony. He was responsible for some of the most fucked decisions the court ever horked up: he thought Gitmo was a great idea and to toss anyone resembling an Arab in the slammer. He wanted to shoot fags with hand cannons, and convinced everyone that women had no business anywhere except on the baby-shitting bed. He was also the "funniest justice", according to the Jew York Times.

Toe-knee was finally murdered by invisible ninja nigfags at a ranch in Tex-ass in 2016, leaving the court split perfectly down the middle on cuckservative/libtard issues. This caused a deadlock where both sides bitched about whether to even hold a vote for the next nominee Merrick Garland, due to it being a lame-duck POTUS nomination, even though the exact same situation has occurred six times before. Democrats, in true form, failed and we're now stuck with the asspuppet, Gorsuch.

Moider!

An obese, 5ft 7ins, 79-year-old chainsmoker who had recently been turned down for heart surgery due to his frailty, Scalia confounded investigators by dying alone in the middle of the night after a day of physical exertion followed by a large meal and plenty of alcohol. To add to the mystery, he died in a room that he himself had locked from the inside before going to bed, in a fortified and secure building accommodating dozens of his fellow-conservatives, all of whom were armed to the teeth due to it being a hunting party weekend, none of whom heard or saw anything suspicious. And to cap it all, Scalia was found with a faint smile on his face, as though he had drifted off to sleep in a relaxed and satisfied mood. None of the guests voiced any suspicion. Nor did the local cops. Nor did the coroner. Nor did Scalia's own family, who had his corpse cremated without requesting a post-mortem. Can you spell 'CONSPIRACY'?

Gorsuch

Oh yeah, despite the Chicago Gang (prop: B. Hussein Obama) having murdered Scalia somehow, they then didn't capitalize on this success. Instead they stupidly forgot what they were doing halfway through and never appointed a librul to replace him. So when The Donald moved into the White House, he held a reality TV selection process at the end of which Neil Gorsuch was appointed to sit in Scalia's place.

Other courtshit

• Awesomely Sarcastic Supreme Court Decisions, some of them are incredible fuckups
• The 5 Most Terrifying Supreme Court Decisions, even worse than the sarcastic ones so you know they're awful
• In Canadia, sex with animals is legal

See Also

• Ginsburg, Ruth (née Bader)^✡
• Kavanaugh, Brett
• Kennedy, Anthony

Article of the Now September 6 & 7, 2021
Preceded by Abortion	Supreme Court	Succeeded by United Kingdom