Ireland: Difference between revisions
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{{Spoiler|IRELAND WAS GOING TO JOIN THE GERMANS IN THE AXIS AND HELP INVADE BRITAIN NEAR THE END OF THE WAR}} | |||
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{{spoiler|[http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-11807730 Part of Ireland sucks so much that it needs to be bailed out by the EU]}} | {{spoiler|[http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-11807730 Part of Ireland sucks so much that it needs to be bailed out by the EU]}} | ||
Revision as of 09:37, 3 June 2011
Ireland is a mildewy, cloud-shrouded rock inhabited by an ungovernable race of fuck-crazed, monkey-faced ginger mackerel-snappers, whose legendary capacity for alcohol and maniacal obsession with death and misery, is offset only by their incomprehensible (and likely completely fake) language. It is the paedophile capital of the world. It used to be dominated by Britfags, but at some point, the UK decided that Ireland was not cool enough for them, and kicked most of them out. The gay Irish were allowed to stay in the UK as Northern Ireland, a terrorist camp bordering the piece-of-shit country. The people of Ireland, known as Micks, Paddies, and White Niggers, are, like their African namesakes, mostly lazy, good-for-nothing parasites, interested in little except intoxication, fornication, sport, violence, sport violence, fornication violence, and mass rhythmic dancing. Their diet consists primarily of fried potatoes washed down with booze, and their day-to-day activities include drinking, fighting, laying about in their own filth, betting on football, and playing upon harps and tin whistles. The Irish are also known for their complete and utter lack of gray matter; most Polish jokes told in America are actually Irish jokes as enjoyed in the rest of the UK. As such, they are still better than the ill-tempered, parsimonious Scots, the tailless Manx, the subhuman Welsh, and of course, the snaggletoothed English.
The most mongrelized race in history
The Irish race got started when the An ancient folk, the Celts of Hibernia, lived on the lsland. They were a primitive, warlike folk with low intelligence. One day, the Gaels of Iberia arrived by boat from Europe. The Gaels were primitive Indian-like tribes from Europe. Although they were technically white, the Gaels were giant, stupid, and hairy brutes who refused to evolve when other cavemen did. They behaved as savagely as the warring black person tribes of Africa and took their maniacal obsession with death and war wherever they went. They came to Ireland by boat and began mixing with the Celts. After a few generations of intense fucking, the mongrelized offspring finally finished the job by fucking any the last pure Celts left. The Gaels forced everyone to speak their language and adopt their customs before another culture came along and forced everyone to speak English instead.
Then, the Vikings, pirates from Iceland who were purely Aryan and thus the only superior race to settle in Ireland, found Ireland and started settling there too. They joined in on the great sex party, and within another few generations, the Irish people were mongrelized even further. The Vikings introduced their legendary maniacal obsession for violence and bloodshed into the Irish gene pool, as well as their master race features, though these have been nullified by mixes with subhumans. Soon, it was the English people's turn to invade the island. The English, a race with a love of bar fights, alcohol, and paedophilia, added their own problems to the Irish race. Along with the English came the subhuman, primitive Scottish people, who had already been taken over by the English.
A typical Irish pop song:
History
Ireland was once a province of Great Britain, but this was the source of epic anti-lulz so part of it is now an independent country famous for a number of things such as drinking, fighting, hating the English, leprechauns, terrorism, potatoes, drinking and killing the English in drunken fistfights.
Saint Patrick soon introduced Christianity, literacy, and the custom of eating a marshmallow cereal with sweet surprises in the 9th Century. The Irish fought amongst themselves until the 12th Century, when they were pwned by English Normans, whose leader Oliver Cromwell promptly went to work killing as many Irishmen as he could find (knowing that they were both heretics AND fugly). Those who survived the French Invasion died in the subsequent potato famine, which sent waves of red-nosed, tick-ridden, clay-pipe-smoking immigrants to the USA, eventually spawning the Kennedys of Boston and TV's Conan O'Brien. Back at home, it was moar sickness, hunger and death all around as repeated attempts to send the English packing failed miserably. However, in 1921, after an all night blarney session at O'Learys Bar, the Irish Free State was formed, eliminating British rule in the part of the island. A little territory called Northern Ireland was carved out of several counties for the most civilized bunch. Epic Lulz ensued as the Catholic Irish Irish fought against the Anglican British Irish, while Ireland stood lazily by.
Military
Part of Ireland has one of the faggiest, most failingest militaries in the history of the world. Its military only saw action in Jewnited Nations peacekeeping missions in order to save black persons and azns worldwide. Its military is officially called "Defence Forces", but it can't even defend itself. Want proof? Check out its three branches:
- Irish Army: The biggest branch of the Defence Forces. The Irish Army has 8,500 soldiers running around with old-fashioned weaponry and light armored vehicles.
- Irish Air Corps: The air branch of the Defence Forces, but too small to be called an Air Force. It has 27 planes and helicopters, all of them either civvie or transport aircraft to fire rockets and machine guns, haul stuff, or support cops on the ground. It is quite possibly the most gay, failingest Air Force in the world, as it can't even defend Irish airspace.
- Irish Naval Service: The Navy. It has just 8 little patrol ships with silly fucking names. All of them have enough firepower to police local waters, but would fail in a fight with a real Navy.
Famous for
- Getting buttfucked by potato famines.
- Being poorer than an Arab after getting robbed and raped by a Jew.
- Being England's little bitch.
- Being shit at everything except drinking and football brawls.
- Inventing whiskey only to have Scotland pwn them at making it.
Skangers
AKA scumbags, scags, knackers and North-Dubliners, make up roughly 99.99% of the Irish population, and are a huge factor that contributes to Ireland being shitty. The average skanger wears a baseball hat with the peak to the front and ridiculously high, has a shaved head, and only wears Airmax, Lacoste or Adidas apparel. Musically, they have Irish boners for Trance, shit-hop, and hard house. Favorite foods include bahhorboorgors from Leo Burdock's, a fast-food restaurant famed for its intolerance of Serbians. They are addicted to football and an assortment of drugs and Dutch Gold,Bavaria, like the rest of the Irish. If it wasn't for them, Ireland would have less fail and moar lulz. The average skanger's mortal enemy is everyone, when he is drunk, but mostly "rockers", which is a label they dump on any idiot not kitted out in the latest Man U or Celtic FC jersey. Owing to the fact they are fail incarnate, it is easy to fool them into believing you are one of them by wearing said clothing to prevent slagging/beatings/drunken beatings/stabbings/drunken stabbings/all of the above, but with more booze. As you may have already guessed, the skanger is a creation of the Jew, whose sole purpose is to overthrow the Eastern-American/West-British borough of Ireland through anti-social behaviour and black person. Following in the spirit of Mel Gibson, the Irish government is currently formulating a national plan for the eradication of skangers for great justice. Skangers are 10 times as scary as chavs, and will probably start a fight with you for walking past them, avoid them at all costs, avoid areas in the following list.
Tallaght, Clondalkin, Blanchardstown, Ballyfermot, Ballymun, Finglas, The Liberties, Inner-city Dublin, Navan, Celbridge, Maynooth, Leixlip, Darndale, Coolock, Lucan, fuck it, Ireland's full of them, don't go to Ireland.
The Irish Language
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The official language of Ireland is Gaelic. While English is a subclass of Germanic Languages, Gaelic is actually a subclass of Gungan, language of Jar Jar Binks of Star Warz fame. "Meesa wanna drink ta unkonshis!" is a famous Irish greeting.
Common words and phrases in Irish:-
- Feck
- Cack
- Munter
- Wanker
- Aye
- Feck
- Yore ma
- Yore face
- Yore ma's face
- "What's'e craic?"
- Bass, Bais
- Mucker
- Fawkin' Maud Liek
- Feck
- Yeooooooo
- Well, whut 'bout yee?
- aw right weeman
- Weise up
- Whats the craic? (crack)
- Wheres me crack?!?!
- Wind yer neck in
- "How's she a'cuttin'?" In reply: "Shes a'cuttin' fine."
- Feck
- Dae yer knee's in
- Sleggin'
- Is dat yee?
- I'll bate yee
- Big mawn
- REFILL PLEASE!? GIZ NOTHER ONE NAI!
- Ah, go t'hell
- Oh, fuck
- Take t'all, bitch
- Yer tellin' me y'aint got no more shots o'beer?
- Ark at 'im!
- Fuck
- Pure Awkward Like
The casual observer might confuse "propper" irish with gypsy or traveller speak, interpret Irish (or "Gay-lick") as a complex and rich language with unusual consonant usage and sentence structure. Closer inspection reveals that the Irish are just trying to speak American after one too many beers, and are just pissed to the point of incoherence. The easiest way to write a sentence in Irish is to randomly mash the keyboard with one fist (eg: Tiocfaidh Ár Lá), making Irish very similar to Hebrew. This does mean that you will look like a Jew, which is never a good thing.
In America, an Irish accent is a free ticket to having plenty of mean, brutal sex with bohemian, zaftig, Thora-Birch-like art school whores who are looking for an "authentic ethnic experience" to brag to their fellow art school whores about, but who are too bourgeois and white to actually have sex with a darkie or azn (Arabs are right out). Middle-aged suburban whores also crave Irish dick as part of their Bono/Liam Neeson fantasies. The process goes like this:
Outside the U.S.A. and Argentina, an Irish accent is a ticket to a trip to the local rebel camp where you will be asked "How we make bomb?" This is because all Irish are members of the IRA.
The Irish language is often hard to understand, as it sounds like is drunken gibberish, it goes a bit like this:
"I taw you DSFARGEG sausages were quite delicious fgsfds... OH FUCK, THAT ONE!"
Population
The Republic of Ireland
4.5 Million Approx. The Irsh population az swelld en recent yeas du ta immigrantz, wich az reversed ta historical trend uv evry Irish person running fuh ta exits en a mad dash ta escape ta moribund economy, hidebound Catholicism, poxy weather, an general soul-crushing spiritless attitude ta life dat constitutes ta Irish character. Population analysts infer that if immigration continues at its present rate, by 2010 the average Irish person will be 23% more intelligent, good-looking, hard-working, and sober than they are today. Encarta states that there are 10.2 Million Leprechauns, 2.6 million registered sex offenders living in Ireland, 7.4 million meth-heads, and that there are 6.3 Polish builders for every Irish Person (not any more - they've pissed off home).
Diaspora
Although many Irish live in Ireland, the vast majority live in the diASSpora, either in the terrorist joint of America or in amongst the people they hate mostest in the world - the English, where they are tending bars part-time.
Northern Ireland
Northern Ireland is Ireland's Hat (as Canada is to America), and is the arch enemy of part of Ireland. It is a shity terrorist colony which Britain controls. The ethnicity rate in Northern Ireland is around 99.5% white Irish. This highlights the fact that it is a piece of shit that not even the poles want to live in (even though the place is fucking coming down with them). The average Northern Irish man is a muscly hairy cunt and is well trained in the gay art of boxin', which they utilize to gain anything and everything, unless there's a huge guy nearby. 99% of Northern Irishmen have murdered someone in their lifetime. If you ever visit Northern Ireland, be prepared for the fact that there is no oxygen, just glue and aerosol fumes. The word "fuck" occurs at least 89 times in the average "Norn' Iron"'ers sentences. It is believed Northern Irish people have attained such a high level of retardation by extensive rimming of English ass.
Irish Americans
Irish Americans are to Ireland what weeaboos are to Japan.
Irish Americans differentiated from real Irish people by the fact that they actually like Ireland and want to live in it. They tend to be confused 13-year-old fanboys who can be often found spending most of their time at Ye Olde Keltique Fayre 'N' Gatherin' O' Tha Clannes, held yearly in the parking lot of the Mexican flea market on the bad side of town, desperately trying to find any Irish ancestry possible so that they can celebrate St. Patrick's Day and find an excuse to get drunk and hate the English. Usually they claim Irish lineage by having things like "Blonde hair" and "Blue eyes" or because their great grandpaw owned an Irish Setter. They often have authentic Gaylick names like "Sully" "Fitzy" and "John". Irish Americans enjoy all of the authentic trappings of the Irish lifestyle by consuming uniquely Irish things like potatoes and beer. Most of them refer to themselves as Irish seeing as one of their great great great great great great great uncles twice removed emigrated to America from Ireland about a million years ago or something because of the evil Limeys. Irish Americans can also be found constantly fighting with Italian Americans, because they actually came from Italy and this makes them jealous.
Irish Americans generally find it impossible to distinguish between the concepts of English and British and think they are well-versed in Irish politics because they once watched Highlander, Braveheart or Mad Max.
In the 1960s, the Irish attempted to take over the United States by being all charming. The plot was foiled by American patriot Lee Harvey Oswald. Current black person black person was formerly known as "black person".
The only thing that can ever troll Irish-Americans as an equivalent is suggesting they have more English ancestry than Irish, which in 90 percent of cases is actually true and in many cases may cause them to become an hero, schizophrenic, ana or Jewish.
Other ways to Troll Irish Americans IRL
- Ask them who the current Taoiseach is.
- Ask them what the word "Taoiseach" actually means.
- Ask them what the National Anthem of Ireland is (disreagard the fact that most Irish people don't know the national anthem).
- Ask them when Ireland became an Independent nation.
- Ask them if they eat shit.
- Ask them what a Knacker is.
- Ask them them if Gay Burn is a talk show host or something their stepfather did to them when they were 10 years old.
- Remind them that by supporting Sinn Féin, they are siding with terrorists.
- Remind them that by not supporting Sinn Féin, they are siding with the Brits.
- If you are Irish yourself, when (they will) they ask you if you know X from X, their Irish ancestor or friend tell them yes. This will reinforce their fucktarded idea of all Irish people knowing each other somehow, as if they all sleep in bunks in one big thatched cottage.
- Ask them how many of their relatives are currently on parole.
- Ask them how often their 'da' beats their 'ma'.
- Ask them to post pics of their homemade/prison tattoos.
- Ask them if they can give you any tips for your home made bombs.
Economy
Potatoes
How to store potatoes so they last longest:
- Soak the potatoes in water.
- Put them in a plastic bag.
- Put them in the fridge.
- Eat the potatoes with bruises, cuts, and damages last as they'll last longest.
- Enjoy!
Yes the Irish are famous for potatoes. The Irish love potatoes almost as much as they love Fucking their own children. in the Great Potato Famine of 1492 millions of people died, and almost no potatoes were grown in Ireland. This was due to a combination of potatoes not liking being watered with beer and many Irish farmers forgetting that potatoes grow underground and feeding their families the poisonous leaves.
Wealth
Part of Ireland's economy is largely based on a unique interpretation of Ronald Reagan's Trickle-Down Theory of economics. The Trickle-Up economy in part of Ireland largely involves massive overcharging for all substandard goods and services: This is based on such industries as charging 6 Euro for a feckin' pint and 2 Euro for a shitty plastic lighter. The revenue generated is largely funnelled into offshore accounts by the tiny minority of Jew people who run the country. See "Government and Politics".
The IRA
The IRA is Ireland's peacekeeping force hailing from up North, and anyone born in Northern Ireland is automatically a member. Northern Ireland traditionally hates everybody, including Ireland, England, Protestants, and the guy who knocked over their drink. Starting fights in bars in Ireland and Northern Ireland (so good it's included twice) is extremely easy. In fact, the fight probably already started before you got there. Still, its customary to go through all the customary procedures. (Ey, did ye knock ovar me pint?" "Ay, i'was me fooker")
Apart from bashing the town drunk over the head with a barstool, the IRA like to gang up in terrorist groups with knives, rifles and homemade bombs made of fertilizer and hatred. They are called the IRA (not to be confused with the GAA who are incompetent with explosives but otherwise identical), and they hail from the terrorist camp on Ireland's northern border. They go around bombing schools, hospitals, Britain, Dublin, Belfast, bashing people, firebombing houses and in general doing things for the lulz. Some people think the IRA is a terrorist organization, while others believe it's where Irish citizens send in their tax payment.
If Canada was more like Northern Ireland, every single American would have migrated down to Mexico by now.
The IRA are now trying to go legit and their Fuhrer, Geroid Adams, will be standing for erection there on account of his brother's activities.
What The IRA does for lulz
No, That is neither Gaza nor Afghanistan.
Financial Meltdown
Since 2008 after the global economy divided by zero, part of Ireland's banks failed. Part of Ireland then transferred all the bank debts over to the poor Irish people. Unlike Iceland who's population refused to take on their bank's debt, the Irish saps simply bent over and took it in the ass. The Irish no longer have a pot to empty their full bladders after they've spent all their dole money drinking Guinness. They spend all their money in the other part of Ireland now because Mars Bars cost 6 Euros each.
Soon afterwards, this man this eaten whole by Health Minister Mary Harney.
Gallery
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A popular English flag at least 100 years ago.
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A Sinn Fein member in second stage battlemode.
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MOAR SPUDS!!!
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SURE ALL WE EAT ARE SPUDS, BOYOS!
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WHO CARES IF THE CROPS FAIL? OUR BABIES ARE JUST AS EDIBLE!
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Next Exit: FAMINE
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IF IT DOES, WE CAN ALWAYS BLAME THE BRITS!
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OH SHIT! FAMINE!
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NAH, WE'RE OK NOW
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OR THOSE FUCKING POLES
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COMING OVER HERE
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EATING OUR SPUDS
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WHERE'S STALIN WHEN WE NEED HIM?
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FUNNY HOW VODKA ISN'T POPULAR HERE.
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Dream The only irish person on the internet, also Drawhore
See Also
- Alcoholic
- Pikeys
- Celts
- Boston
- Great Britain
- England
- Northern Ireland
- Scotland
- Wales
- United Kingdom
- Polish Jokes
- Chav
- Irish282
- Ghetto
- AIDS
- Massachusetts
- Patrick
External Links
| Featured article March 17, 2009 | ||
| Preceded by Sup Dawg |
Ireland | Succeeded by Chris-chan/People |