Logic
Logic is an almost mythical and incredibly rare element on the internet, and is the most pathetic and ineffective tool to use against a troll or anyone you know in general.
History of Logic
Logic was invented by the ancient Greeks in order to make themselves feel useful, because back in the day they were scrawny fucks who weren't capable of murdering people with rocks. However, everyone who isn't a complete idiot knows that said intellectuals aren't useful, because making decisions based on anger, paranoia, and lulz is the only sound course of action. Eventually, the creators of logic were all raped to death by nigras. Logic was rediscovered by the Ancient Greeks as a useful tool for destroying Troy, inventing drama and having sex with boys.
It disappeared during the Alexandrian Conquest and was replaced with swords. This explains Alexander's answer to the Problem of the Knot.
Logic resurfaced in the Middle Ages, predominantly by Catholic Monks. The Catholic Church quickly put this new tool to use, using it to distract teh ignorant peasants while they buttraped their children.
The pinnacle of Logic brought us computers and the Internets. These handy tools have allowed complete knobs to declare triumphantly that Logic does not work.
Logic used to be taught at schools until the Jews figured that the world would be easier to conquer if everybody else was stupid. This has led Americunts to become ignorant first-world peasants, driven through their short, insignificant lives solely by a pair of small glands located somewhere just above the kidneys.
Lolgic
Different than ordinary Logic. Lolgic is the ED approved form of correct logic, known as "lolgic". It is easy to differentiate between ordinary logic and lolgic as it has the correct amount of lulz. Examples
| Major Premise | Minor Premise | Conclusion |
| You are a Christian | Evolution sux | You're a fat ugly retarded piece of shit Redneck Americunts who rapes 13-year-old boys, just like W. |
| You are a scientist | Evolution is fact | You're a Satan-worshipping furry liberal Jew smart-ass who luvs to takes it up the ass rough and raw. |
| You use Lunix | Windows sux | You are a fat anime-watching basement dwelling penguin-fucker who luvs to takes it up the ass and thinks they are better at computers than everyone. |
| You use Windows | Linux sux | You are an emo Nazi script kiddie with a small dick who is too retarded to use real computers or internets but does so anyway, and takes out their frustration on everyone else by hacking their WoW characters. |
| You use Apple | Windows and Lunix sux | You are a whiny liberal hippie faggot in denial of the fact that Bill Gates completely pwns your shitty system and that Steve Jobs only cares about your money. |
| You're black | Fried Chicken is too expensive | You wish you were white. |
| You're Asian | Tits or GTFO | You have no tits and you are a pedo commie from Japan with a slanty vagina who worships Santa Claus because you think he's the illegitimate rape baby of Jesus and David Beckham. |
| You're Spain | QUE PASA SEÑOR | You are a fat, Spanish-speaking immigrant who came over from Mexico to steal our jobs and healthcare and infect American culture with quesadillas, delectably throbbing baby-arm chorizos, and swine flu. |
| You're a Jew | You're still alive | Go die in a hole. |
| You're a Islam | You're a man | You are therefore a Nigra with sand in your vagina. |
| You are a /b/tard | DESUDESUDESU | Therefore you are a weeaboo pedo who spouts memes like you have Tourette's and torments others and isn't afraid of anything. |
| You are a furry | yiff yiff scritch murr | You are a fat faggot who enjoys getting buttfucked by others like you while in fursuits or drawing it when you're not raping animals or stirring up Internets drama. |
| You are an hero | You can not has iPod | You were asking for it. |
| You are an EDiot | LULZ | You are a stupid, anally gifted faggot who claims to document memes but in reality only perpetuate the cancer for newfags to find and copy, further ruining everything. |
Syllogism
The likely foregoer of Cow-is-Table Logic (see below) in which two premises are combined to form a conclusion.
- An example of syllogistic reasoning:
"God is love; Love is blind; Therefore, Ray Charles is God." -Richard Jeni, an hero
Notice the subtle differences between Syllogism and Lolgic. Any moron with common sense can see that lolgic thoroughly pwns syllogism.
Syllogism is used to Intellectually Checkmate trolls, but fails.
The internet is full of idiots. Encyclopedia Dramatica is on the internet. Therefore, Encyclopedia Dramatica is full of idiots. Deductive syllogism!
Women
Wimmins are teh opposites of logic. This has perplexed intellectuals since the early Victorian Era. At the time, it was believed that women lacked the ability to use logic because they were insatiably horny and motivated solely by their desire to have sex and die at thirty-four, giving birth to their two-dozenth child. It was thought that without constant supervision, a woman would be seduced by the first bounder who got her alone and told her as long as they kept their clothes mostly on, it didn't count as sex.
While this is still very true, this stereotype has reversed itself in the 21st Century due largely to a massive PR campaign by shitty stand-up comedians and the feminazis who claim women are superior communicators, which is why they fill colleges more than men. In actuality, this is complete bullshit that is only believed by other women and castrated liberal faggots, and college is for B/tard failures that can't get into universities (though universities suck too, as anyone with logic can enter them).
In reality, the only form of logic known to the common woman is girl logic. If you decide are forced to argue with a woman do not be distracted by the following:
- Looking cute
- Winking
- Tits
- Folksy-ism ("gosh darn it", "golly-gee wilickers" "there ya go Joe")
- Non sequiturs (Q: What is your stance on Turkey's refusal to acknowledge the Armenian Genocide of 1915? A: Let's talk about Alaska)
The appropriate counter-argument to women is the cunt punt.
Typical Example of Woman Logic:
Men
It is thought that Jews like Albert Einstein invented logic. So according to correct lolgic:
| Major Premise | Minor Premise | Conclusion |
| Jews are not human | men are human | Aristotle was a fucktard and jews are not humans |
Typical Example of Man logic:
Note the use of epic lulz.
Girlfriend's Wager
For the most part, logic and lulz are inversely related.
"The growth of lulzdom may be gauged exactly by the diminution of wise temper" (Wager's boyfriend)
Logic in LiveJournal Political Communities
Inductive Reasoning
Many retards use inductive reasoning to prove their point. In an argument, do not draw attention to this fact, as they do not know what inductive reasoning means or why it is wrong.
- An example of inductive reasoning:
This particular base in this particular area are belonging to us, therefore all your base are belong to us.
Cow-is-Table Logic
Similar to Inductive Reasoning, but taken a step further. Cow-is-table logic is when you make two sensible points, and combine them in a stupid manner.
- An example of cow-is-table logic:
Tables have four legs; cows have four legs; therefore tables must be cows.
Christian and Atheist Logic
Both sides of the God argument are guilty of using really crappy-ass logic. If you really want to beat a Bible Thumper or a Proud Self-Proclaimed Intellectual in a debate, then it might help to go over these logical fallacies.
Appeal to Ignorance
This is perhaps the most common fallacy to be seen in the entire debate. Just because there is no proof that something is false, then it must be true.
- There is no proof that God does not exist
- Therefore, God must exist
Appeal to Ignorance also works both ways. If there is no proof that something is true, then it must be false.
- There is no absolute proof that the universe was created by a God
- Therefore, God doesn't exist
Circular Logic
Moar info: Circular logic.
The most common logical fallacy, it happens when the conclusion reiterates the premises that supported it. In other words, its like saying that you were right to begin with (and you weren't).
- The Bible says that God exists
- The Bible was written by God
- Therefore, God exists
The most amusing thing about this fallacy is when it is used accidentally by any party, ripe for Objection
- God is an unscientific concept
- Any arguments that God exists are invalid because they support an unscientific claim
- Therefore God is unscientific because no evidence exists
False Dilemma
Bill O'Reilly loves this one. It basically rules out the possibility of a neutral opinion on a topic by forcing you to pick one or the other.
- Either you believe in God or you are Un-American
- You do not believe in God
- Therefore, you are Jew
As well...
The worst offenders of this fallacy will attempt to strictly enforce the dilemma.
Hasty Generalization
If it wasn't for this logical fallacy, then stereotypes would not exist. In fact, Encyclopedia Dramatica wouldn't have our wonderful ethnic articles!
- Richard Dawkins is an asshole
- Richard Dawkins is an atheist
- Therefore, all atheists are assholes
Anyone who's spent more than five minutes in a chatroom during this debate will undoubtedly notice this fallacy being used.
- God Hates Fags consists of bigots
- God Hates Fags are Christfags
- Therefore, all Christfags are bigots
As true as those statements may be, they won't hold up very well in a real argument. At this point in a flame war, Godwin's Law has a high probability of appearing.
Tu Quoque
- Christians are responsible for killing people during the Crusades and the Inquisition
- Atheists are responsible for killing people in Eastern Europe during the Cold War
- Atheists are just as guilty as Christians when it comes to killing people
On the surface, these look like valid arguments, but according to the evidence given, it is unknown if there really is a causal connection between Atheism and genocide (and there isn't Communism lol).
Interesting to note is that vice-versa of most tu quoque arguments hold true. Thus, NO U is expectable as a response.
- Atheists sometimes use faulty logic
- Christfags position their entire beliefs on questionable logic
- Therefore, atheist logic is the most sound logic
Fallacist's Fallacy
Also known as the Fuck You Fallacy or the Intellectual Checkmate and it's commonly used by Atheists and Intellectual Checkmate. Instead of debating the argument one premise at a time, you just blow it off completely just because one premise happens to be fallacious. Unfortunately, this fallacy is abused often by smugfags to the point where if their logic is pointed out as faulty, they begin to copy/paste this to death hoping to save their argument.
- Christian say that Heaven must exist because no proof suggests otherwise
- That statement is an Appeal to Ignorance
- Therefore, Heaven must not exist
- You just got Intellectually Checkmated
Weak Analogy
Also known as Lousy-ass Analogy, Bullshit Analogy, or Anal-orgy. It happens when you actually do discover a connection between two premises but then assume that they share another connection. The entire concept of watchmaker analogy is based on this exact proposition.
- The universe has both simple parts and complex parts
- A common wristwatch has simple and complex parts
- All wristwatches are products of a creator
- Therefore, the universe must be the product of a creator
The most common atheist example of this fallacy also includes a nice dash of appeal to ridicule
- God is unproven
- Santa Claus is unproven
- God is like Santa
- Do you believe in Santa Claus since you believe whatever your parents tell you?
—Apparently formerly Christfag EDiot | ||
Burden of Proof
- Prove me wrong.
(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
- but if you make the claim, you are the one who has to prove the claim, not me who has to disprove it
(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
Thought-terminating Cliché
A statement that basically amounts to "bitch, shut the fuck up", but sounds like a valid response to a question or argument. May or may not be a fact, but it never really resolves anything.
- Prima: Why does God allow a billion people worldwide to starve to death, but care about you getting a raise?
- Secunda: Because he works in mysterious ways, okay?
OR:
- Prima: I think the current mayor is corrupt and using his platform to get evolution out of schools.
- Secunda: This country was founded on Christian ideals. Show some fucking national pride, you commie dipshit.
OR:
- Prima: It seems like ED has a lot of unfunny atheistic editing that often appears unrelated to the article.
- Secunda: Christfags are stupid and believe in magic sky fairies. They deserve to have their beliefs questioned and ridiculed so long as religion is a cancer to our society. LOGIC AND REASON MOFO!
The list for fallacies goes on, and on, and on. Experts suggest that an entire wiki is needed to call the bullshit of just one half of the arguments in the never-ending God-vs-No-God debate. The final solution to gaining the answer, ironically, is the final solution.
See also
Shit logic:
Other:
External links
- Wikipedia:Gödel's incompleteness theorems
"Kurt Godel: The World's Most Incredible Mind (Part 1 of 3)"
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Logic is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
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Logic is part of a series on Fox News [Over To You] |
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| Featured article October 9, 2005 | ||
| Preceded by Nikola Tesla |
Logic | Succeeded by Joseph Evers |