Reputation Defender

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WARNING:

This article contains SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS.
You can help by minimizing the life-ruining effects.





Reputation Defender is a lulz removing service used by lol-cows. These scam artists take your IRL money and promise they can remove internet information. What? Internet assholes of the highest order, they brag to the media that they send threatening legal letters to websites to remove material - knowing full well they have no basis. Founded by Lawlschool drop-out, delusional douchebag, and noted homosexual meth-addict Michael Fertik, Reputation Defender promises to "DESTROY" e-drama. However, this is impossible as it violates the Second Lawl of Internets Drama-Dynamics: Drama in the E-Universe is always increasing.

Owen Tripp shiteating shill for the Reputation Defender scam, wipes the cum off his lips after sucking media cock for free publicity

Reassuring empirical evidence of the Second Lawl is quickly surmised by reviewing the results of various high-profile Reputation Defender clients...




Client Profiles

Reputation Defender's clients include Lolcows (who feel entitled to nothing but Hosannas from google) or crooks (who use RD to cover news reports of their fraud). Here are some of RD's former clients... and the ways they got milked for ca$h and greater LULZ:

"Headless" Nicole Catsouras

Have some Coke and a smile!

Backstory: The full backstory on Nicole Catsouras is ugly:

   
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She was an 18 year old whore who proved, yet again, that women can't drive. On Halloween 2006 she decided to steal her father's $150,000 Porsche and take it for a drive. She was later found dead with traces of cocaine in her system. Having hit another car and slammed into a concrete tollbooth at approximately 100 mph and subsequent barrel roll. In typical emo "no one understands me" drama she became one with a toll booth on highway 241, her head smashed to bits.
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For teh LULZ, a cop leaked photos of the awesome bloody mess to teh internets. Teh pictures soon popped up fucking everywhere.

A job for R-r-r-r-r-r-r-eputation Defender-r-r-r-r-r! Dumbass CEO Michael Fertik approached the Catsouras family with an idea: he would farm out the family for interviews, thus milking the fools of free publicity. In exchange, Fertik promised to nuke the offending pictures from the 'net.

Result: EPIC FAIL. Fertik's shitty company hit the wall harder than the bitch whose family he'd swindled.


   
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"Long story short, it became a virtually unwinnable battle"
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—--Michael Fertik, CEO of Reputation Defender, after fucking up the Catsouras case


No shit, Sherlock! Welcome to the fucking INTERNET!

The quest for moar money: Reputation Defender has set up a website asking the internet at large to help remove the fappable pics of Nikki from the face of the internets, much like Nikki's face was ripped from her body. This web site comes complete with a guestbook and a form that allows people to rat out sites that have said photos.

   
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"Here is the plan:

1. Use rastebator
2. print out a 6x6 meters huge posters of the pics
3. Erect billboards outsite theyre house with those posters
4 Profit?!?!?!"
 

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—Profit man, supportnikki.org guestbook



"Client Number 215" Ronnie Segev

There's drugs to help that condition, y'know?

Backstory: Ronnie Segev✡ was pissed off. Priceline charged him for a ticket he didn't buy. So he called for a refund. They told him to fuck off. He called again. They told him to fuck off. So...you get the picture. 215 calls later, the company called the NYPD. Hilarity ensued.


   
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Thug: What are you in for?
Ronnie: Priceline refund.
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—--Jailhouse exchange shortly before Ronnie Segev lost his anal virginity


Needless to say, such press doesn't look good on one's google search-results...

A job for R-r-r-r-r-r-r-eputation Defender-r-r-r-r-r! Methed up CEO Michael Fertik told Segev he could erase news of Segev's crime and arrest...by sending websites a letter begging them to take the hilarious shit down. Reputation Defender also tried to whitewash Segev's Wikipedia page.

   
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"We say, 'Hello, we're from Reputation Defender, our client is so and so, would you please consider taking this down? Pretty please...?'"
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—--Michael Fertik, revealing the secret behind his company's fails


Result: Lulz! Pretty much every website receiving the letter told Fertik to go fuck himself or to "eat a dick" One webmaster had the LULZy balls to tell Fertik to fuck himself on national television.

Oh, and poor little Ronnie? His OCD-driven blowup still appears on page 1 of his google results. Well done, Reputation Defender!

"Sex Obsessed Cougar" Salina Rahim

   
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"It may be your opinion that so-and-so is a skank ho, or it may be true. The question is, does it have to be up on the Internet?"
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—--Michael Fertik, describing his client, Salina Rahim


Does she LOOK like a cougar slut to you? (Yeah, me too...)

Backstory: The facts are rather boring on this one: she kicked some dude to the curb, so he set up a muy caliente MySpace profile of her, replete with streaming video and steamy blogs.
Result: Reputation Defender came to the rescue and, after milking Salina Rahim for free publicity, had MySpace remove the site. Now, Rahim can sleep soundly (before her hookup kicks her skanky ass out of bed, of course) since now she knows that NO ONE will EVER write about her on the internets again! Well done, Reputation Defender!

"Lying Bitch" Brittan Heller "Big Tittied" Heide M. Iravani

Oh yeah, she'd NEVER invite attention to her tits...
There's a face we can trust, r-i-i-ight

Backstory: Jesus, where you do start with THESE two (or three if the tits distract you)? Iravani and Heller retained Reputation Defender because of online posts they deemed damaging to their reputations. Iravani was smart enough to get into Yale, but too dumb to realize that if you wear boob-hugging outfits, people are gonna talk! Heller was upset that people had figured out she was a stupid bitch.

A job for R-r-r-r-r-r-r-eputation Defender-r-r-r-r-r! You know the drill: sleazy Michael Fertik wormed his way into Brittan K. Heller and Heide M. Iravani's good graces with a promise: let me pimp you out to some news networks, and I'll get those dastardly bad links nuked from the web!
Result: Can you say "boomerang"? The troll community at AutoAdmit was not pleased by the attention.

The blowback was vicious. AutoAdmit trolls dug up the fact that Heide Iravani's father, Kazem Iravani, was a convicted felon for embezzlement (and a fugitive from justice, to boot). One conscientious XO member, lonelyvirgin, decided a Public Service Announcement was in order; so he emailed the entire fucking staff at Yale Law School concerning the Iravani family secret:


Use scrollbar to see the full image

The infamous "Lonelyvirgin Letter"

As for Heller, she fared a little better. No longer does the first page of her google-result blare that she's a STUPID BITCH. Instead, the first entry of her google-result only proclaims her a LYING BITCH. Good work, Reputation Defender!

It gets better: both Iravani and Heller were COUNTERsued in federal court for libel, slander and filing a frivolous lawsuit! As a result, lying cunt Brittan Heller fled to Korea (then Afghanistan) to dodge service on the suit! LULZ! Heller has since shifted tracks, becoming a fuckup foodie (in hiding) at thesuitcasechef.com

Oh, and Heide Iravani STILL has huge tits!

"Child Torturer" Sue Scheff

Serious business!

For MOAR on Sue Scheff, and how Reputation Defender spammed the 'net with blogster crap to cover up Scheff's incompetence, ruining of lives, and lawsuits against her, see here or here or here. Have fun!
Bottom line: Michael Fertik doesn't care whether his clients are accessories to child abuse - so long as he can keep using his clients to milk that free publicity.

Well Done, Reputation Defender!

Scumsucking Scammer Rodney Sparrow (Renewable Energy Group)

Dontcha hate it when this happens: you have a perfectly nice fraudulent SCAM going, and then your victims start warning people about your scam over the internet? Sucks, doesn't it? Well, that's what happened to scammer Rodney Sparrow and Rodney Sparrow's shitty ponzi-scheme Renewable Energy Group. Once you get known as a complete fraud, GOOD LUCK getting further funding! What could poor [hhttp://archive.fo/OauxA Rodney Sparrow] do to get new suckers?

Why, turn to REPUTATION DEFENDER-R-R-R-R, of course! Over the last few months, Reputation Defender spammed the internet, trying to bump down all those truthful links about how Rodney Sparrow SCAMMED scores of people out of thousands of dollars (we also hear that, like Reputation Defender faggot Ross Chanin, Sparrow got his ass SUED for fucking peeps over).

All of which illustrates an obvious point: cocksucker Michael Fertik and Reputation Defender don't CARE whether you really raped those kids, scammed old ladies out of their life savings, or even if you tortured kittens for sick "fun"...Reputation Defender will do everything it can to whitewash the internet of all the shit that makes it harder for you to be a child molester, scammer or criminal.


   
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“Google's not in business to give you the truth, it's in business to give what you think is relevant."
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—--Michael Fertik, rationalizing why he has no scruples about spamming google with false crap

"FuckYou, Vets"-Bitch Lindsey Stone

In 2012, Dumbcunt Lindsey Stone thought it'd be a hoot to flip the bird at Arlington National Cemetery:

The picture delivered plenty of Lulz...but not the kind Lindsey intended:


   
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Soon after Stone’s coworker snapped the picture during their trip to Washington D.C., both women were terminated from their jobs after their workplace was flooded with angry callers. One irate veteran created a Facebook page calling for Stone’s termination, titled Fire Lindsey Stone, where it quickly amassed more than 19K likes (but has since been taken down after serving its purpose). In addition to losing her job, Stone was unable to leave her house for a year, living in continual fear after receiving death and rape threats, while others demanded she be sent to prison.


 

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—Mad World View

A job for Reputation.com!


   
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‘They call me every week, week after week,’ according to Stone, and submit social media posts for her approval intended to improve the neutral pages that show up under her Google searches.
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All was going great until faggot Michael Fertik, CEO of Reputation.com, used their client to scam some free publicity from The fucking Guardian...thus guaranteeing that cunt Lindsey Stone would get REgooglegangfucked.


   
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Two years later, she did eventually land another job, working with children with autism, though she remained terrified that she’d be found out. She got some help in that regard from the website Reputation.com, which gave her $100,000+ in work to help her online reputation by burying those posts about her photograph. It worked, too, at least until Ronson’s book came out
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—Lindsey M. Stone gets re-googlefucked after news of Reputation.com's whitewashing go public. DOH!


   
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Lindsey Stone's quotes in this article do nothing but back up her cuntiness. Lindsey Stone is a narcissistic slob who spent her days basking in the media coverage of herself when the picture broke.
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—BarstoolSports butthurts Lindsey Stone anew

Great job, Reputation.com!

Itself

We've established that Reputation Defender is a huge scam and, by extension, Michael Fertik is a huge cocksucker. So, how is it that the company still exists and is defrauding people out of money? Shouldn't the internet be rife with conversations about how goddamn stupid this service is and how the owner should suffer the same fate as his clients? Really folks, if you want your reputation defended, you might start by hiring somebody who can actually pass the fucking bar exam.

Enter R-r-r-r-r-r-r-eputation Defender-r-r-r-r-r! Michael Fertik spends approximately every hour of his waking life building webpages explaining how serious internet bullying is, and how Reputation Defender will help prevent the evil trolls from burning your curtains and your little dog too. He spends all day linking said clusterfuck of websites and using his magic button to get traffic. Then, through the evil juju of the Google bomb, he tries to force all his detractors to the seventh results page of Google search hell.

   
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There is no silver bullet [to prevent cyber bullying]... If there was, I'd be a billionaire already. But you need someone to advocate.
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—Michael "Yes My Company Is Useless and No I'm Not A Lawyer" Fertik, to the NY Post

Result: You want RESULTS from the Reputation.com SCAM? How about this?



In fact, bottomfeeder CEO Michael Fertik finally ADMITTED that he COULDNT DO SHIT to defend even his OWN COMPANY'S reputation! Check it out:


   
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The industry has its own image problem. Even the most prominent player, Reputation.com, which charges $3,000 per year—-and often many times that—-to police search results for clients can’t entirely cleanse its own profile. When a user types the company name into the search box, Google’s auto-complete feature often suggests “Reputation.com scam” as one of the choices. 'To solve this for ourselves is not an option based on the time and money we’d have to put into it,' says Michael Fertik. 'Sometimes you can move content from page two to page five of Google, but the cost becomes so high that it’s not realistic.'
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—Michael "Yes My Company Is Useless and No I'm Not A Lawyer" Fertik, to Business Week Magazine

The sad fact is that as long as there are people who have unwarranted self-importance and money, Reputation Defender will be able to sell its product. And as long as said insecure people give Reputation Defender money, it will have all the disposable income it needs to buy sockpuppet websites, advertise, and bribe people to extol its virtues. Even better, every time Fertik fucks up, he gets free publicity because news reports inevitably mention that he was attempting to defend his clients and not to make their internet humiliation a major news story.

Google suggests "scam" after you type "Reputation Defender" though, so at least the mindless search engine has the right idea.

See Also

External Links

Facts about Clients Heide Iravani McHugh and Brittan Heller

Yup, Heide still splashes her Failbook pics across the internet. Some bitches never learn...

Reputation Defender Client Brittan Heller? STILL a lying bitch

Facts about Client Lindsey Stone

Reputation Defender is part of a series on

Internets

Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage.

Reputation Defender is part of a series on

Troll

Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.

Reputation Defender is part of a series on Internet Humanitarianism
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