Devin Patrick Kelley

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Devin Patrick Kelley
Born	February 12, 1991
Died	November 5, 2017 (aged 26)
Nationality:	Americunts
Highscore	Killed 26, injured 20
Top 50?	19th
Style	FPS, Single player
An hero?	Yes
Motive(s)	Mommy Issues Atheism Butthurt

In November 2017, an atheist neckbeard known as Devin Patrick Kelley from New Braunfels, Texas drove a long 35 miles to Sutherland Springs to shoot up a church, killing 26 people (4% of the town's population) and injuring 20 others. Because he was playing on hard mode on the Texas map and everyone is armed to the teeth, he was shot by a passerby in the torso and the leg. After getting into a high speed chase with some random guy and crying to his daddy on the phone, he became an hero near the scene at the age of 26.

This makes Devin the deadliest and second youngest mass shooter on a church beside Dylann Storm Roof, who was 21 at the time of his spree. The difference between Kelley and Roof is that the former managed to have a better kill to injury ratio. Unlike Dylann, Devin also did not sport a super sick bowl cut and instead opted for the greasy, Discord mod look. Like every Discord mod in existence, Devin Kelley was also a pedophile who groomed a 13-year-old at 18.

Devin Kelley served four years in the Chair Force before being court marshaled and dishonorably discharged as an E-1 for physically assaulting both his wife and child. Apparently he had a colorful history of violent stupidity aside from breaking his infant stepson's skull in 2012 (disambiguation). He also tried to get weapons on to his air base to pwn his superior officers. Kelley was brought back to court in 2014 for animal abuse charges.

“	In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of any phony god’s blessing. But because, I am enlightened by my intelligence.	„

Loadout

Class Setup
Item	Accessories/Bonus
Primary: Ruger AR-556	A trusty AR-15-style rifle, and a bad bitch, as said by Kelley himself. 50-65 Damage.
Secondary: Glock 19	Pretty good handgun that he DIDN'T FUCKING USE. 20-35 Damage.
Tertiary: Ruger SR22	Another handgun, this one chambered in .22 Long Rifle. Also wasn't used by Kelley. 5-10 Damage.
Perk: Atheist	Double damage against Christian.

Nobody Could Have Seen This Coming

Oh, wait a minute. Here's a fun thought that'll get your mind thinking hard: if you have someone as a friend on social media that you've known for a long time and they unexpectedly start posting pictures of guns just completely out of the blue... most likely not a good sign and you should report them so they get Party Van. Especially if they happen to be somebody with a political view that is anti-cop or anti-government in general, somebody diagnosed with a mental illness, socially awkward, a virgin, child or wife beater, heavy casino gambler, or Muslim.

Graded Score

Graded Score
Kill count:	26/20 One kill shy of Adam Lanza
Accuracy:	11/20 Only 26 killshots in a room of about 50 people
Style:	15/20 Edgelord tactical gear
Butthurt:	20/20 Deadliest shooting in Texas and dead kids
Bonus:	20/20 Subjected the world to Texas on a Sunday
Total Score: 92/100 (A)

Path of the Righteous Man See full ranking

Wanted Level:

S.W.A.T. Team

Twitter reaction

As with the Mandalay Bay shooting, a butthurt Hillary voter had this to say of the mass shooting:

	“	Sutherland Springs is in rural Texas, these were all likely 45 voters. This is karma in action. Good riddance.	„
	—Antonio E. Gonzalez, 2:29 PM - 5 Nov 2017

The leftists on Twitter took a break from licking Hillary's asshole long enough to let out a joyous cheer for their comrade's epic takedown of 26 dead Christians, while the butthurt patriots cheered themselves up by doxing him and ensuring that his employer saw his touching sentiments about the victims.

Gallery

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  Devin Kelley made the transition from emo twink to r/atheism mod in a few short years

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Related Articles

• Atheist
• Adam Lanza
• Anders Behring Breivik
• Dylann Storm Roof
• Pulse Nightclub Massacre
• Stephen Paddock

External Links

• Sutherland Springs church killer identified as Devin Patrick Kelley
• Devin Patrick Kelley: What we know about the Texas church shooting suspect
• Devin Kelley: 5 Fast Facts You Need to Know
• Sutherland Springs church killer identified as Devin Patrick Kelley

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[Stop shooting!Pull the trigger]

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