House of Jigsaw
House of Jigsaw is a forum made by Saw fanboys who have no life. Everyone on the site is constantly complaining about drama and screaming their theories to each other about how "GOD DAMMIT DR. GORDON IS STILL ALIVE!". In fact, drama (which they lovingly call family drama) is so common on the site that it occurs once a month, which a wise man at one point connected to the girls on the site having their period line up. They also like to rickroll each other constantly because they don't realize how unfunny it really is.
The Forums
Forum Rules
See Also: Shit nobody cares about.
Saw Movie Forums
While you would assume that this location is optimal for trolling, you're wrong. Trolling HOJ is an extremely difficult task which for best results requires patience and precision. Since almost everyone on the site knows the movies like the back of their hand, more often than not you won't know what the fuck is going on. (You can get a summary of the plot off Wikipedia, makes trolling a whole lot easier) This part of the forum is dedicated to people who enjoy describing bull crap theories about how Amanda is still alive and she had a kid with Dr. Gordon which only had one-foot and got mad because the other kids at school were mean to him and became an adult in a matter of years and fucks shit up, making polls about "OMG WHICH ________ IS UR FAVRITE!?" and getting into epic flame wars.
Off Topic
Where all of the fags with absolutely no life hang out and cry about their miserable lives. Among these forums is the 'Random Thoughts' forum, which is a hub of annoying internet drama. A prime habitat for a troll.
The Members
The members of HOJ are a bunch of basement dwellers who are extremely susceptible to trolling if you know the correct way of doing so. Their actions without the presence of a troll are anti-lulz, and therefore should not be allowed to continue for long periods of time. Luckily, they are so mentally unstable that they often get so bored they start to think their fellow non-troll members are trolls and freak the fuck out.
Ryan
No Way Out
Lookin' for a good time? This is the member to PM. When he spreads those shaved legs, you'll have no choice but to question your sexual preference. Backed in a corner, sexually repressed. You stare at the ground and realize there's No Way Out.
Cameron
Tries to be that cool guy leaning against the wall wearing dark shades. Considering the other people on the forum, this shouldn't be very difficult, but he still manages to FAIL.
DarkPuppet
Fag who loves the cock. Pretends to be a rebel but secretly sucks every mods dick.
Patchy
The seductress of the guys on the website.
IgJayAwSaw
Defensive girl who is constantly complaining about her annoyingly huge tits. Even so, she hides behind the mods and BAAAWWWWs whenever someone asks her for a picture, which is more proof that HE is in fact a man. Has over 9000 posts per day.
Attack Dog
One of the three epic trolls of HOJ. Spawner of many lol. Some argue he went too far, but those people are wrong, despite the fact that he is a bit of a douche.
Vinc360
Eventual slayer of Attack Dog, therefore ending the epic lulz. Because of this, he eventually rose to be a mod, but now seems to be gone. He is also not a mod anymore. Also enjoys talking about cock and anus. Has formed a relationship with tobinbellpwns known as "reattach cocks". Nobody but them knows what this means because they are both idiots.
Megan
Creates a variety of lulz by bitching the shit out of retards on the website. She especially enjoys consuming Obama worshippers in her vagina. Their screams can be heard in the commentary for Saw IV (AKA Mark Burg's decision to fuck over Saw V). Commonly known as the seductress of the board because when she makes a post, angels ejaculate. Keeps complaining about her lazy boyfriend and doesn't realize that he doesn't give a shit about her.
mastae
Was a member of several Saw related websites including the once popular Lionsgate Forums, but was trolled out of there by people making fun of his dead grandfather. On HOJ, he sometimes tries to provide lulz and fails, and then other times tries to act intelligent, or spiritual, and also fails. He has a Youtube channel under the same name, and if you ever get the chance, you should try and troll it. It contains a variety of shit Saw related videos, music videos, and crappy shorts he's written.
Scott
Another of the three epic trolls. Sent out nude pics to the very few girls on the site and was screaming until he left. Also slain by Vinc360.
Zander
Teenage boy who enjoys mimicking the physique of that guy from Eraserhead. With hair that has the ability to attract big breasted females and nomadic bears alike, this member has since been made a mod of epic proportions. He uses his long dick of moderation to screw the crap out of off topic posts and get to fuck the love of his lack of life: Megan.
DOJ
Flamed. RAGE. Banned. Crybaby. Unbanned. Still fails at life.
Adam Alberts
The last and most epic of the three epic trolls of HOJ. Although he started as a petty troll, laughing at people because they whined about their problems on the interwebs, he keeps coming back again and again because the mods fail to realize that there's something called an IP ban. His best trolling involved using the account of a faggot member named tapeman to post the administrators address on the boards, only to have it taken off ten minutes later.
Blackout0189
Stupid faggot who tries to act intelligent but fails on all levels. Formally a troll, but still annoying because he can't do anything right. Has also produced some lulz, but that doesn't change the fact that he is a douche.
TylerTehSawBoy
One of the few members who isn't a troll, but the downside is he has no fucking personality.
KillerZavatar
Nazi who tries to act cuddly and innocent but in reality is just a 卐 prick.
DrGordonIsMyHomeboi
Sucks the community's dick. The author of the "HoJ Fanfiction". WTF? Also enjoys having gay sex with tobinbellpwns over Xbox Live. Enjoys being a faggot, and takes pride in talking like a douche.
tobinbellpwns
Thinks he is funny, but truly isn't. Also is the creator of the "SAWlul" parody series because he is a huge faggot. His fans are nothing but cocksuckers who have no lives. That's assuming he has any fans to begin with. Tobinbellpwns is constantly complaining about deleted threads because he is a whiny bitch. Some argue he does this for the lulz, but we know he is actually hurt that the mods bully his pussy ass every day. Will every now and then say absurd random things because he thinks he is a funny person, when in reality he is an annoying asshole. Wants to be a film maker one day even though he knows he will fail miserably. Also, is proud he knows nothing about politics, which is further proof that he sucks dick.
tobinbellpwns is a FUCKER.
He still believes bowl cuts are stylish.
Town Idiot25
This fag is constantly banned from the forum, for making stupid ass threads about Penises cuming jello or the dialogue of the trap sequences (containing only shit like "AAHHHHH" "GLAHDOJF"). Nobody knows why he is always allowed back yet somehow he ends up doing so. He acts like a minimod because he thinks hes cool like that, when in reality he is probably the most hated member on the forum, especially by the administrators. Note that he is also the creator of some shit youtube video involving the epic 300 meme that got bajillions of hits from masturbating fanboys who would do anything to suck a dick because they can't get anything else.
ashedmaniac
A man of few words. Both unpersuasive and vague. Whenever there's tension, ash will be there to break the ice with his hypocrisy.
molcoo
One of the few members who shows any elements of Epic Win. He's as charming as he is vulgar and snarky.
Socks
Socks is a retard who uses pink font in order to be cute, when in actuality it's just hard to see. A Team Hoffman™ member with a dark secret.
teenage_roadkill
Desperate fangirl with an obsession for all things Mark Hoffman or Costas Mandylor related. Teenage_roadkill can be found constantly whining about unanswered questions in the Saw series that most people, even other hardcore fans, don't give a shit about (for example, "Who is responsible for the unwinnable traps?"), annoyingly overusing stale phrases that display how immature she really is (such as the latest "That's what she said" and "Your mother" jokes). She once made a totally wild prediction for the return of a totally insignificant character (Perez), a plan the Saw writers stupidly went through with, bringing Perez back via the most pathetic and cliche way possible - she "faked" her death, only to return and get stabbed in the gut. This gives teenage_roadkill an unwarranted sense of self-worth (it's hilarious that she thinks she warrants any at all).
In addition, she writes Amanda/Hoffman fanfiction and despite the fact that there are plotholes big enough to drive a truck filled with Hoffman's freshly slain corpses through (and let me tell you, they're stacked up real high...), she thinks people actually think she's written great fanfiction, when really all they want to do is read about Hoffman and Amanda doing it.
Despite all of this, teenage_roadkill is STILL not one of the most obnoxious users, nor the most disguisting, nor even the most dedicated.
Sidenote: The only redeeming thing about teenage_roadkill is that she wrote this self-demeaning entry herself rather than forcing someone who is actually productive to society to waste precious time doing so.
xGameOverx
Some random fag from the UK. He seems to hate every character besides some emo chick called Amanda who cuts her legs in one of the movies. He copies what he sees on the Saw films and thinks that he is the gay clown doll. He tries to prove people wrong and fails miserably, as they are all wrong anyway. Although a fag, he seems to be the only member on the board that doesn't care about Doctor Gordon's fate.
III
A dude who got banned for all the wrong reasons and can't come back till only Jesus knows when, III is a regular party animal known for his sexy partys and his beloved dog Pee Wee. You mess with him, you get raped up the bum hole. Really only watches Saw to find out what the hell happened to that guy with the missing foot. HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS this unfunny section of this all ready shitty ED article was obviously written by III himself to make himself look cool. Has spontaneous Buttsecks with dogs. What a faggot.
El_Diablo
...Even the people on the forum are freaked out by him. Total sadist and/or trolling. Overreacts to all replies pointing out what a sick fuck he is. Seriously, this dude needs the most therapy out of this board. Has a vendetta with some woman called Luvers, Renegade Vic (see below), Ryan, Dark Silence, and everyone else who knows who the fuck this guy is.
Renegade Vic and Danika Azrael
Not lulz-worthy enough to be mentioned separately, they must be one person because of their lack of separate win, lulz, or fail. Vic spends all his time raging about shit nobody cares about like the Saw series' unwinnable traps, and Danika is too busy writing Hoffman/Amanda fanfiction to give a shit. Apparently "they" have a "collaborative" story about a Saw/Punisher crossover, but it's as fail as it sounds. Given "their" obsessions with fucking the series' resident psycho junkie and homicidal maniac, it's safe to say it's really just a cover-up for some pseudo-incestuous self-fellatio-cunnilingus THING.
SadPanda
The female equivalent of a Vully (see below). Only on the forum for a few months, SadPanda is the most fail of them all, regarding them as her only friends, and, for this reason, bitching about every single aspect of her day in Off Topic. Has a passive-aggressive relationship with anyone remotely good-looking, and writes fanfictions that she is too scared to put on fanfiction.net, which begs the question: Is she as bad as she makes herself out to be?. Has a parental/familial-THING going with Renegade Vic and Vully5789. One of the few to own up to being thirteen. Obviously wrote the article himself, as no one else would be fucked to write one.
Vully5789
Thirteen. Overreacts to the smallest things. Basically, he just really needs to get laid (and it shows)
Billie The Puppet
What's the deal with this dude he is like the opposite of Disney's Pinocchio a real boy who longs to become a puppet. His post's come from a stance where he actually believes he is James Wan's puppet. Kind of odd as if that were true that for one thing he may not know is if he really is the puppet how can he post? A lot of his posts derive around sexual nature and puppet sex. I think this dude needs to get laid.
Benandlol
Almost a troll. Started off as a fag, who actually cared about posting stupid shit about theories, then he met tobinbellpwns. After a short argument Benandlol was banned. After being unbanned he went apeshit, his posts were just saying random crap. Not much to say but eh was a pretty cool guy.
Jigsaw390
Talks needlessly about how hot women are, especially the women in Saw. Constantly masturbates in his spare time. Also brings up how badass Hoffman is all the time. Theorises the smallest of things and brings a Hoffman quote into far too many conversations. Will got give up the fact that Hoffman will escape the bathroom using his own strength.
dr. g0rd0n
Dr. Gordon is his way of life. He has a HQ shrine to him.
How to Troll
There are many methods, but trolling for many lulz is not as easy as on some boards. Trolling is especially annoying because of their limited membership policy. You need to get 25 posts and then be approved by a mod, and the mods are never there, so you need to wait over 9000 days. Also be aware that a good portion of their drama happens on MSN, so try and get in on that.
Types of Trolls
Spoiler Troll
Since most members have already seen all the films, you need to work for this one.
Step 1: Find someone who hasn't seen the most recent film.
Step 2: Give spoilers in a place you know they'll see.
Step 3: ????
Step 4: Profit
Insult Troll
Recommended for use on newer members, because all of the veterans will simply lawl. Also remember to constantly use xD, as this pisses them off. For some reason they prefer zD.
The Three Epic Trolls of HOJ
Three Epic Trolls brought baby HOJ presents. The first brought rage, the second brought porn, and the third brought annoyance.
Adam Alberts
The original epic troll. First kicked off the site for loling at really bad times, such as when a member was BAAWWWing over a dead granny. Adam is a brute force troll, as he continually comes back after signing on his computer in his parents basement and registers with a new name. He's been known to imitate many members, or simply post videos of decapitations.
Scott
The second troll, gained everyone's trust over a long time on the board, then sent his penis to all the girls, including the lesbian ones. That's right, there's a lesbian couple on HOJ who met on HOJ and have never met in real life and weren't lesbian before they met. Never actually banned, but slain by Vinc360.
Attack Dog
The third and possibly most effective troll. Over a short period of time he gained the trust of the entire forum and became an established member. Eventually he convinced IgJayAwSay to tell the other females on the bored that she was Scott. This created epic drama. Afraid that the site would explode, Vinc360 took the blame. AttackDog, not about to let Vinc take credit for his trollin', stepped in and claimed the work as his own. The next day, realizing he was not yet banned, he pleaded his case to everyone asking to be allowed to stay. Somehow, everyone forgave him.
He then targeted IgJayAwSay again. He professed his growing affection for her and lovingly called her Iggy. Eventually he got bored and went batshit crazy, screaming his head off at anything that moved and being really fucking CREEPY. He agreed to take a two week break, hoping it would allow him to do even Moar trolling. This is when things got weird.
Some argue that Attack Dog still harassed Vinc360 and IgJayAwSay, saying he wanted to kill Vinc's sister and rape IgJay. His side of the story is that he actually left and someone hacked his MSN account. After realizing that no one on the forum was buying it, he decided he didn't give a shit either way and left.
In Conclusion
If you're a troll, go crazy. If you're not, you must STAY AWAY.
See Also
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