Imperial Stars

*This band is **crap**. You can help by reminding them on a regular basis*.

	“	Hey next time you do a publicity stunt make sure that your song doesn't suck beforehand	„
	—illegalusername

Call them at (562) 746-7470!

Imperial Stars is a shitty hip-hop/rock band known for being rock stars living on the edge (in oh so edgy OC, CA) getting wild, hanging out and partying with their friends...all 152 of them from Facebook and MySpace.

On October 12, 2010, these three thirty-year-old manchildren drove a big truck decked out with 1337 Miley Cyrus graphics of their band down the 101 Freeway and suddenly pulled across three southbound lanes and stopped to (traffic) jam at the busy Sunset Boulevard off-ramp, right in the heart of Los Angeles. They then hopped onto the roof of the truck (dubbed the "Star Wagon") to start the performance and sing their hit single, "Traffic Jam 101", whilst annoying the already hot and bothered commuters with their horribad "music". It was so earsplitting that numerous calls to Waaaambulance had the California Highway Patrol, the L.A.P.D., and the L.A. Fire Department swarming down upon the makeshift gig/twenty mile-long two-hour traffic jam to make it stop.

After getting these fucktards down, the L.A.F.D. handed the perps over to the L.A.P.D. who promptly cuffed them and v& them off to Downtown L.A., where they were booked for suspiscion of malicious and willful disturbance by loud noise, willful obstruction of public officers or emergency medical personnel, committing an act injuring the public health, and unlawful assembly. The driver of the truck drove away from the scene in another vehicle, taking the keys to the truck with him, but it didn't take long for the cops to track him down and charge him too. All four were later each released on $10,000 bail. Their magic bus was eventually towed and impounded (along with the speakers) by the po-po.

Although some "fans" were dancing to the music, those people are delusional faggots with bad meth habits. While this may seem like a hilarious case of trolling IRL, it isn't, as they were doing it for homeless children and not for the lulz. You can help by shitting up their Last.FM page here. Also, their powerwords are Christopher Roy Wright (32), David Paul Hale aka Paul Arabella (30), and Keith Richard Yackey (31).

Mission Accomplished?

The band claims their mission is purely unselfish and about raising awareness to the plight of all the 1.5 million homeless children across the Jewnited States of Americunts, but are not actually affiliated with any of the organizations that currently advocate for runaways. Regardless, the band claims that half the money they make off sales of "Traffic Jam 101" will be donated to charity. This is generous of the lads, since 50% of nothing = nothing, which also equals the projected lifetime net profit of Imperial Stars' entire career. However, considering they are about to get pwnt by the Los Angeles District Attorney and handed a bill for wasting the resources and time of the L.A.P.D. and the L.A.F.D., they will probably be out panhandling alongside the homeless to raise funds for their defense fees and fines. Plus, causing traffic jams that could get people fired for being four hours late for work does the exact opposite. They are facing several misdemeanor charges, including disturbing the peace, and have booked a date with the courts on November 3, 2010.

The band has since apologized, but band member Keith Yackley said he was glad he did it, and wouldn't hesitate to do it again.

	“	We know there are going to be haters, but I'm glad we did it. We're sorry for the inconvenience. We know people might have missed appointments or meetings, but we feel passionate about our cause.	„
	—Keith Yackley

	“	Don't be upset at us for stalling you out for 45 minutes, because to me, it's almost ridiculous that is what they are upset about.	„
	—Christopher Wright

This lame attempt at attention whoring pissed off a lot of people, including all the overworked and underpaid Cops and fire fighters who had to respond to the SigAlert that was issued by the California Highway Patrol. Anything to do with the already fucked-up freeway system in Los Angeles is The Internet is serious business, so clogging up a major artery that runs through the heart of Hollywood and Downtown L.A. like the 101 will create havoc throughout the whole system, backing up traffic for hours and creating major butthurt and road rage like if you were actually having a stroke. And for a cash-strapped city like L.A., the cost of dealing with the whole mess will create even more butthurt and rage. We here at ED eagerly await the outcome of the charges that Imperial Stars face in the aftermath of the whole shebangebang. The bill that will surely be presented to these alleged rock stars for all the police and fire department resources and manhours is going to be Xbox hueg.

“	These guys are really really bad, but I think since they're all about whatever cause, maybe they should be fined the amount it cost to employ each police officer for the time it took them to arrest these fools... plus the cost of gas, same for the firefighters, same for everyone stuck in traffic. They obliviously have money to waste on their pseudo-talent... with a truck like that. And, shitty though the video might be, someone charged them for it. I say take all their money and give it to homeless kids, or whatever. Then they'll also have less to spend on continuing to make vapid music as well. Everybody wins!	„
—These guys suck! ~L.A. Weekly

Speaking of which...

Party Vanned

California may want to reevaluate legalizing pot.
Prepare to be boarded!
lol v&!
Carmen Trutanich's commute.
The magic tool bus.

Lol Guess Who's Pressing Charges

On October 13, 2010, the L.A. Weekly blog updated with this:

	“	Stuck in that horrific traffic behind the act's bobtail truck, as it performed what has almost universally been panned in comments at LA Weekly as a crap song ("Traffic Jam 101"), was none other than Los Angeles City Attorney Carmen Trutanich. Guess who gets to file charges against three band members suspected in the incident? That's right, Trutanich. And let's just say he wasn't jerkin' to the "hardcore hip-hop" either.	„
	—GO, CARMEN, GO!

Traffic Jam 101

	“	1,307 people missed the button...oh wait, no they didn't	„
	—csqw

Downrate it.

Reactions

Last.FM page, ripe for trolling!

Please review Traffic Jam 101 at the iTunes Store!

	“	If general faggotry was the cause, then yes they were indeed arrested for a cause.	„
	—nbryc on YouTube

	“	"For the children", my a**. This was nothing more than a self-serving publicity stunt. I hope their truck and gear got impounded.	„
	—RHNarrator on YouTube

	“	They do care about children. But only in the sense that Gaza War uses children as human shields when lobbing rockets into Jizzrael.	„
	—ODB on YouTube

	“	"Even Fred Durst thinks this sucks"	„
	—PoopPeeSandwich on YouTube

	“	(562) 746-7470 is the number for these asses. Call them and tell them what you think of them and their act. These egomaniacs need a serious wakeup call. Thumbs up this comment so everyone can see it.	„
	—TEMPEWITNES on YouTube

	“	you fucking assholes if you pulled that shit in detroit you would have all been murdered you faggots!!!	„
	—CaptianNensho on YouTube

	“	Where's police brutality when you need it?	„
	—slundberg on YouTube

Previous Quote | Next Quote

Videos

The last one in this series is a song about sex.

You know, for the homeless kids.

Even ladders.

We jammin...

Lol arrested.

People late for work.

Remix with stills of the stunt.

Absolutely terrible answer vidya.

A song about sex. You know, for the kids.

Previous Video | Next Video

Miscellanea

Stars' guitar hero, the Pillsbury Dough Boy.

File:KGD Investments.png

Between making crap music and white knighting for the homeless, Keith Yacey's day job is housing the rich and foreclosing on the poor - who end up homeless!

The Yakker's vanity plate, which totally reflects his band's creativity.

Making this story even lulzier, Keith Yackey, the band's guitarist, was once an associate pastor at the "Calvary Chapel Saving Grace" in Yorba Linda, Orange County, then moved to Jewnited States of Americunts to open another Calvary Chapel church. After failing it there (and subsequently not being acquitted for raping and murdering a homeless young black girl in Tulsa due to lack of evidence), he decided to become a Las Vegas real estate mogul, which of course logically led to his creating a crap band backed by Miley Cyrus-esque graphic design.

	“	Keith Yackey proves himself to be an Imperial Tool. Apparently being the pastor of a Calvary Chapel church, then hearing the Lord's call to do real estate infomercials wasn't enough. So sad to see 30 year olds with little discernible talent think they can manipulate the guise of charity to make it big in "the industry".	„
	—dirtbaghippie @OC Register

Keith Yackey On Keith Yackey

	“	Well .... me is me and that is what you get ...me. There is only one of me and that is the me that I live with everyday. I kinda like me because it is the only me i have ever known. Get it? got it? Whateva!!!!!	„
	—Few things are more painful than hearing idiots talking about themselves.

Inspiration

The name "Imperial Stars" is a rip-off of a crap science fiction book by some hack writer who also ripped off the idea from a sci-fi novella by the prolific E. E. "Doc" Smith. In the book, the year is 2447 and the Empire of Earth comprises more than a thousand inhabited systems. A threat to the Empire has developed and the Imperial secret service "SOTE" has been unable to foil it. In desperation they turn to the Family D'Alembert for assistance. The Family D'Alembert are natives of a high gravity planet, giving them unusual strength and speed. Traveling the galaxy under the cover of their famous circus, they are the Emperor's super secret force. Before that, they were called "Imperial Assassins", a name also ripped off from a crap game, Warhammer 40,000 by way of Star Wars. TL;DR: Imperial Stars are a bunch of basement-dwelling stoner nerds.

They also appear to have tried their hand at entertaining other captive audiences in the past.

	“	I remember seeing this here hardcore, middle-aged band at Six Flags Magic Mountain, but they had second-billing to a puppet show! Plus, they abandoned their rapcore roots and experimented with acid jazz, so most of the audience left in confusion.	„
	—Maman @OC Register