Khloe Kardashian
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Khloé Kumdumpster Kardashian is a fat fuck. Beside being an alcoholic, Khloé shares the same traits as her sibling, being a nigger lover and attention whore. Koala has several siblings such as the famous Kim Kardashian, Kylie, Kendall, Kourtney and Rob.
KHLOE CINDRELLA Autobiography
I'm Khloé Alexandra Kardashian, in a way I’m just like Harry Potter, we both are the strongest, yet we are always second guessed and underestimated, and we both have a penis. I am the black sheep of the Kardashian family, nobody understands me and that’s why I get drunk and act emo, then I eat the pain away like a starving hippo. But deep inside I’m very smart and daring, you should listen to me when my filthy hooker's mouth gets unleashed. It can bite, suck, chew, drool and swear at the same time. I can even look in the eyes of my mother Kris and tell her to go fuck herself, of course u can't say that to your own mom, only I can, cose I haz a very strong personality. When I was little I didn't wanted to go to school like everybody else, cose I’m too good to lay my fat ass between other people. Instead I was home-schooled by a creepy old guy who used to play with my dick every now and then. I tried to go back to school later but people were calling me "hippo-azz" and "Hairy Amazon creature". So I became more emo and self conscious about my pale nipples and huge hairy masculine body.
My pimp mother gave birth to my pathetic, mole-covered gigantic asshole after fucking the pool guy while my rich lawyer daddy, Robert Kardashian, was away trying to keep the bad guys out of prison. That’s one of the reasons why I’m a drama whore, I love the attention, cose my hooker mommy never gave me sum. I grew up working my ass off everyday like Cinderella while my glamorous sisters and step sisters where getting their anus bleached by day and hunting penis by night, I was like a servant in an Armenian whore house, waiting for my pimp mother to give the orders. But it doesn't matter, cose I’m as purty and perfect as Cinderella.
We, the Kardashians, call each other dolls, it makes sense cose we're so fake it makes Barbie jealous. We sacrificed our privacy and dignity for attention, we let strangers bring their cameras into our house and lives so they can show the world what a big pathetic joke our family is, thank u Ryan Seacrest for taking advantage of our empty brains and milking money out of the situation. We literally shit money but we never bothered making any kind of charity organization, I can produce 12 600 blankets from the hair on my back for the homeless people in Africa but I can care less about their bonny starving asses. I'd rather waist my money on fake tan that makes me look as orange as an orangutan's penis. Our show, keeping up with the Kardashittians, is fake and staged, it basically shows how we wake up, eat in fancy restaurants, fight over gay ass pathetic stuff, have sex with random people (lesbians, bodyguards, 5 meters tall black guys...) and oh yeah I almost forgot, how my sisters use a lawnmower to trim the hair on my azz, LOLZ. My big sister, Kim, is the most famous whore in the house, but I’m more purrty from the inside, she's a fucking liar and a bitch and her lies are as fat as her cellulite pwned ass.
“Like, you don't need to make a sex tape to be famous, Kim, like omg, like you’re so dramatic big sis...”
Kourtney, the biggest of us all is such a strict, mean cunt who wanted to wax my fur once but ended up pouring boiling wax on my vagina and gave me a third degree burn, u can check it out on the show. Me and Kourt pretend to be BFFs cause it gives Kim a severe case of butthurt, we like to drive her crazy cose we are jealous whores, and the both of us will never be as famous as her beefy left pussy lip.
I haz a masculine personality which compliments my body and I won't hesitate to chew your head off if u make me angry. I never hesitate to insult or harass anyone if I disagree with them, I once told a scientist to go fuck himself live on air when I was the hostess of a radio show, simply cose he told me that faggots are against nature because they can't have kids and won’t take the human race anywhere. I love to flaunt my rebellious 12 years old stuck-up cunt personality cose I think it makes me sound cool and special.
On March 4, 2007, a police officer stopped me for some reasons, he stuck a small needle in my arm and alcohol squirted out instead of blood. I was arrested for driving under the influence and turned myself in a few days later, cose that's what Cinderella would have done. But as soon as I arrived I was released, cose there were no room in jail for my elephantesk ass. In 2009 I found and married a black guy who tears up and faints every time u remind him that he's a 6m tall, 32 years old man who still doesn't know how to swim. I am the man in this relation and I beat the fuck out of him if he tries to play it smart. We've been trying to have babies since the day we met but we’re having a hard time succeeding, giving the fact that none of us have a vagina.
My life is so empty and fake, the only true non-acting thing I ever did in my entire life was sucking on my thumb when I was still in my mom's vagina. I am Khloé, the Kardashian's...Cinderella.
Kourtney
Kourtney is Khloe's oldest sister who acts younger than her because she was a child pornstar. She will not get her own page because she is the complete opposite of Khloe, except she's also a whore. Unlike her younger sisters, Kourtney can't fit a black dick into any of her holes, hence why she's the only one dating a white man. It has been stated that her boyfriend, Scott, has a dick so small it requires a microscope to see. No human being or doctor knows how Kourtney's only child was produced, so doctors say the child was adopted and the Kardashian paid out millions to fake the birth of the child completely. At a young age Kourtney did child porno for her then boyfriend. Including several nude shots; one of her getting banged by some random guy. These images where almost leaked as "Kardashian Nude shots" but her mother, Kris Jenner, called the police 15 or so years after these pics where taken, and 10 years after they went missing. Smooth move Kris, can't wait to see what the police do as soon as they see this page. It is expected that in 15 years time Kourtney's own baby, Mason Kardashian, will be a gay porn star. Kourtney is planning on coming out as a lesbian in the next season of Keeping up with the Kardashians, also Kris Jenner forcefully gave Kourt an at home abortion after she got pregnant with another one of Scott's babies. Scott walked out as soon as he found out Kourt was Preggers again but rushed back in when she told him she was a lesbian. Scott hoped to be fucking Kourt while she was fucking another chick but this soon fell apart after she ripped his balls off and fed them to her step-father's dog.
Acting
Unlike her sisters, Khloe can really act. Also unlike her sisters, strangers don't know she's a Kardashian because she looks so different from the rest of her biological family, and some argue that OJ Simpson IS the father. There's no point of pointing out her acting fail or her success because you can find the list on Wikipedia. Her most recent appearance on TV besides on E! was on 90210, unfortunately she did fuck a cast member, nor did she drug any of them in the episode. Police are still looking on the set of the show to find anything against Khloe, so far they found some Coke this was later traced back to Kim and then Dropped. They thought they may have found Scott Disick's blood, this later was found to be fake blood, they found a half eaten pizza, with some DNA connecting it to Khloe, but it didn't show she murdered anyone nor drugged anyone just that she's one massive PIG. California has passed a law to ban her from acting, this law was thanks to her backstabbing mother (Kris Jenner). Khloe was so unhappy about this she went in to a massive rage and destroyed her mother's house. After doing this her mother and stepfather had to go live on the streets and her step-sisters moved in with her.
Shows and Jealous Sisters
It has been established that Khloe can't get through a serious conversation without making a sexual reference. Due to her foul mouthed language, E! makes millions on bothof her TV shows. E! was in talks with Khloe for her own show called Lets talk Secks, At 7 in the morning, with Khloe Kardashian", but this soon fell apart after her husband was uncomfortable about the idea. Later on she got her own spin-off called Khloe&Lamar. The show was a bigger success due to Khloe's Big Bag MOUTH. Kim and Kourtney where so jealous they started to swear and talk about sex a lot so that people would like them more than Khloe, this was a major fail! Kim lost endorsement deals. Kourtney lost her child to social services, followed by her life and then Scott wanted her more again. Then they released they weren't being recorded for the show and where wondering how they lost, only to realise that Kris was spreading gossip for some extra money.
Mother/Daughter Issues
—Khloe to her mother. | ||
Sick of her mother calling her a fat hippo who can't generate moneh like her talented sisters, Khloe got a deadly idea after fapping to some furry porn. She contacted Peta and asked them if she coulf flaunt her whale-eyeball sized ass cheeks for an "I'd rather go naked" ad.
She srsly thought people would believe that she is a very healthy vegan who never touched meat, although it was documented on E! how she hunts mountain deer with her bare hands every night. Only seconds before the photo-shoot, Koala started getting real and chickening out. She undressed and looked in the mirror which shattered into small pieces. Mortified and realizing what kind of shit she got herself into, she quickly got dressed and tearfully threatened the photographer to cancel everything or else everybody in the room's gonna get eaten alive. The drama whoring went on for hours with Kris, Kim, Kylie, Kendal and Rob gathering around her and begging her to expose her fat hippo azz for the camera so the world can stare and laugh a little bit. After brainwashing the fuck out of her, she finally gave in and the photo-shoot proceeded. A little while later the result was all over the internet, generating a lot of moaning, bubbly fluids, butthurt comments and something to make fun of, for sick fucks like you.
Note that the photographer was found dead in his apartment a few days later. The poor guy had bleach in his eye sockets and a tiny paper in his hand with a "What has been seen... cannot be un-seen" written on it.
—A retarded fag on perez hilton's blog. | ||
Now this is one of the very emotional mother/daughter bounding times u can witness on the show, take notes daughters.
Books
The Kardashians should not only be known for being hookers, but for their lack of imagination. In total, the sisters have written 2 books; 1 non fiction and 1 fiction. As you might have guessed, the non-fiction book, called Kardashian Konfidential, exploits the secrets and scandals about the sisters you didn't know or want to know but contains enough to get Kris Jenner into deep shit with the social services. The 2nd book is called Dollhouse. Here's a description from one of the many many websites on the internet:
— Amazon | ||
Yep, this book is basically another auto-biography. The sisters didn't have enough imagination to come up with something the slightest bit original at all. If some loser took the time to digest the book, there would be more filth and scandal than the first book.
Haters make her even more popular
Recently Khloe has stated that haters make her popular and thanks everyone that hates her since if it was for haters she wouldn't be famous. She wishes to gain even more haters and losers to hate on her because she wants people to hate her since the fame comes from people hating her and calling her a transgender whore. Her own mum hates her so much that she banned Khloe from coming to get the Key of the city on 90210 day, so instead she fucked off to Turkey with her husband and fuck a bunch of Turkish losers.
Sex toys
Due to her husband either not being Satisfying enough and being away all the time, Khloe has a room for sex toys and sex parties with other men in her husband's house. Lamar failed to see that the room next his that Khloe calls "The Panic Room" is filled with sex toys and equipment, a camera and lighting also lets not forget the sound-proof walls so when she goes out for the glass of milk in the middle of the night she can get some black guy to pleasure her fully. There is a plan for a complete range of Sex toys designed and developed by Khloe in the works, the range will include a camera (£25000) every time you film using this camera it will replace your head and anyone else caught on the camera with Khloe's own head, it also has motion detection and speakers, so every time you fuck your partner and say something on the video it will be replace with sayings used by Khloe. The speech replacement will include the following sayings: "OMG we need to sow up your Vagina", "I think I'm Pregnant", "let's play while mummy goes into the other room and plays with some Vibrators" and of course we can't forget "What the RAGE are you doing? no seriously tell me know". Even thou none of them are sexy nor is her face this camera is a must have for kinky losers.
Sex Tape
This was a complete fail. It was meant to be sex tape, follow her older sisters foot steps into adult porn, then it was meant to be an erotic movie, then it was meant to be a cute erotic movie, finally this bitch gave up and it was turned into a joke by the men banging her sisters and her brother. It also excepted to be released uncensored on Keeping with the Kardashians Season 4 boxset, this was later scrapped because Khloe's brother got aroused by the tape, so if you're gay, you gotta a chance with Rob Kardashian.
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