Magic KingdomCory Doctorow unexpectedly appears and jerks over everything in sight.
Magic Wand While fuckin' yr bitch from behind doggie shtyle, just when she's about to come, take a black dildo and cram it in her asshole and start chanting harry potter spells in Latin. If she doesn't come, well man up queer.
Magician, The* Ram her up the ass while having her face a window. Then, have a buddy hide somewhere in a closet. Quickly pull out and change positions with your buddy. Now go outside infront of the window and wave.
Making a Tshirt Taking the bitch under the covers and fucking her till you die from exhaustion
Manhattan Transfer: Stretch her ass wide and take a shit inside.
Man Sandwich When your guy friend is fucking some hot chick and you are somewhere near by, quietly sneak in, pull your cock out and shove it in his ass, then pull him, the chick and yourself together and start ramming his anus screaming "DO YOU WANT EXTRA MAYO WITH THAT MAN SANDWICH?" Note: Doing this will make you gay, but since its for the lulz, it could be worth it if pulled off correctly.
Mario, The First, find a princess to fuck (this is the hard part). Then, as you are fucking her, try to bash her head against the ceiling until a mushroom or a flower appear. +1UP.
Mario Kart, The While doing her (preferably anally) when you are standing and carrying her, blasting her brains out with your awesome sexy stand-up skills, make a beeping noise, and as you are about to climax scream "BLUE SHELL, GRAB YOUR ANKLES". Release her and grab her thighs, thus smacking her head against the floor (all the time you are still inside her, with her anus clenching from the concussion.) Proceed to then make engine noises, while driving her around the house/room giving her massive carpet burns down her back , while you pick up any objects of value and leaving your man-gravy inside her. Proceed to then get dressed and leave.
Mark Foley, The First, find a teenager with a cast fetish. Proceed to grab their one-eyed snake and make them spurt on a towel. Then resign from office because you are a fucking pedo, you sick fuck.
Master Chief When fucking her from behind, pull out and replace your dick with a frag grenade. Run like hell.
Mech Pilot This is when a girl is laying on her back and taking it in the ass while 2 guys are sitting around her waiting like joysticks in a mech robot - hence the name.
The Melted Candle a.k.a. The Krispy Kreme Basically a variation of the facial. Don't ejaculate for at least a month, then when you unload your- well, load- whoever you choose to unleash it upon will end up looking like a melted candle. For bonus points, set them on fire.
Mendoza This move requires a menstruating woman in military fatigues. Have the girl shit on the ground. You then proceed to do push-ups face first into the feces. While doing this the girl puts one foot on your back and proceeds to period all over you. Having her shout degrading comments at you is a plus
Mexican Abortion Start off eating your pregnant girlfriend out, then in the heat of the moment slip your mouth off, but only for a second to apply either of the following, guacamole, cheese dip, hot sauce, or refried beans, then quickly reapply your mouth clenching your teeth to her draping vaginal flaps, and deliver a simple falcon punch right in the baby factory, then swallow ejected fetus.
Mexican Housewife Very simple; cum in her hair and throw that ho down the stairs.
Mexi Melt This is a variation of salsa-dip. After having obtained some of that fake cheese shit they give you at Taco Bell, you pour it in her ass for lube using a funnel, then fuck her til you blow your load afterwords making her squirt the now brown combination of cheese, sperm, and poo into a cup, then either make her drink it or pour it in her vag.
Microsoft While fucking her (or him) in any position, freeze, turn blue and show a hardware error.
Midnight Brew When you get the shits really bad or just straight up diarrhea, shit into a coffee maker, filter it out...brew some delicious coffee. Serve, enjoy!
Mike Tyson While you're having sex with a girl, bite the bitch's ear off. Alternatively, rape.
Miltopia Find your favorite perverted furry porno pics and stroke your harbl. Then cry yourself to sleep because you are a fucking loser.
Minivan Two in the front, five in the back.
Missionary This is by far the most disgusting sex move on this list, and this is a very long list. You should immediately an hero just for thinking about something this horrific and fucked. But if you really want to know... its CONSENSUALLY placing your PENIS inside a woman's VAGINAL PASSAGE while laying on top of her- JESUS CHRIST HOW HORRIFYING YOU SICK MESSED UP INDIVIDUAL I HOPE YOU DIE A THOUSAND DEATHS JUST FOR READING THIS.oh dear god.
'Mississippi Handbag In this act, you have sex with a woman and then defecate into her purse before slinking out into the night. This can also be done to a man by another man or even by a woman provided the victim owns a purse which can be shat into. History Nugget Bonus: Tom Green once described the Mississippi Handbag to an elderly woman at a stand up comedy show in Maryland.
Monkey Face When a man cuts off his pubic hair, gets his cock sucked, and ejaculates in the woman (or man's) face then throws the hair in to stick to the face
Moose Club What you do is, while you are hitting it from behind, you have to secretly put your thumbs to your ears and stick your hands out like antlers and hold them there for 10 seconds without laughing or getting caught. If you do, you have to wait for the next sex session. Highly recommended club for everyone.
Mordor, The Fuck the chick normally. Right before she finishes, pull out, loudly exclaim "One does not simply fuck into Mordor!" and leave. Make sure you blow your own load before attempting the Mordor.
Mortal Kombat Finish her.
Mother Nature Buttslam your gal while your dog licks Alpo out of your ass.
Mozart Fuck her in her ass and vagoo while she is farting and then have her shit on your nose.
Mudflaps Have her shit on your balls while at the same time your drilling her cunt. Your balls should be slapping and flapping against the shit peeking out for light.
Mudslide After coaxing a slut to toss your salad and she starts munching away you proceed to let loose some diarrhea and laugh as it runs down the side of her face.
Muff Floss When a girl has really long pubes and you still go clam diving.
Mung One must first have no shame. Then he/she must use a newspaper to find the obituary of a recently deceased man or woman. Then must find a buddy, with no shame, who will aid them in this act. The partners then go to the cemetary where they dig up their victim, and flip a coin. The loser, (or winner depending on how sick you are), applies his/her lips to the genitals or anus of the corpse, while the other partner procedes to climb the nearest tombstone and elbow drop the corpse's stomach. Thus forcing out a blend of rich bodily fluids and embalming materials onto the partners. This blend is called mung. The act of getting this blend on your face is called munging.
Murder End her life.
Mushroom Tattoo When you're doing her doggy style, pull out and whack your dick as hard as you can on her ass. It leaves an imprint that looks like a mushroom. My personal favourite...
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NADP A very simple procedure. Have a girl lay on her back and put her feet behind her head so that her ass is sticking up in the air. Carefully tuck your nuts away in her brown treasure chest and shove your dick into her pussy. This technique requires a lot of leg strength due to the fact you'll have to be doing squats in order for it to work. Nuts in the ass, dick in the pussy. FREAK THAT BITCH TONE!
Nail Gun Take a nail gun to the sack with you, that shit hurts. If you don’t use it on her you can probably fire it into your own bag, that’s a treat!
Nasal Probe You have probably seen when you ejaculate that sperm sometimes shoots in two directions. Put your cock against your partner’s nose and aim your load to her/his nostrils.
Native American Dad This is when you are having really rough sex with a girl from behind and when you're about to cum you grab her hair and your tomahawk and scalp her.
New Jersey or "Dirty Jersey" While giving a girl anal pull your dick out preferably covered in shit, wipe it in her armpit then blow a load in her arm pit. ( Anal for how shitty new jersey actually is and the Arm Pit for new jersey being the arm pit of america.
New Orleans Welcome When a girl is giving you head and the two of you have bedsheets over you. You fart under the covers, pull yourself out, holding her under the sheet while screaming "NEW ORLEANS WELCOMES YOU, BITCH!!".
New York Style Taco Begin this move eating the chick out while wasted when all of the sudden you realize how bad her box smells. To pay her back you throw up right in her box.
Nicaraguan crab sandwich Stick your left foot in her mouth and your right foot in her ass.
Night Caulking You want to fool around but your girl just rolls over and goes to sleep. You then angrily jerk off on her ass crack. You are then dubbed a Night Caulker. This move can be called "Night Caulking" or "The Night Caulker."
Ninja When fucking, at any given time pull out run around to the girls head, kick her as hard as you can in the face and yell "NINJA!!"
Ninja HeadSafety first. Cut away from yourself. While getting head from a girl, take out a ninja sword and slice that bitch's head off. Note: if you really want to be a real ninja, after you have killed her commit seppuku. That's only samurai, but you'd still get manliness points.
Nintendo Buttons While your girl is wearing only socks you tap your dick between her left and right butt cheeks like a nintendo controller, then cum on her back.
Nosy Neighbor While fingering her vagina, insert a finger in her ass. Then make a pinching motion, both inserted fingers together.
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OJ Right before you are about to start having sex, stab her, then proceed to pound the wound with your cock.
The Oops Technique This technique is where the man moves from one hole in the woman to the other (better done doggy style, for easier access). He then continually rams himself into her, and when he is done, and the sex is most likely over with, and she wonders what the hell really happened, he gives her some lame excuse about how she was so wet that in his excitement he slipped and went into her ass. To actually convince her though, she must be a very stupid broad or both should be so drunk that neither can remember what happened in the morning....though I'm sure she still will.
Outta Touch Pinkycock DJ All this requires is you having a 4 inch hard cock, be a dj who thinks he is really creative with his music, and a drunk ass female who will get off only by rubbing her clit cause your sorry ass couldn’t hit a g-spot without fisting,
Over the Top You and a friend of yours need to start a threesome with a girl. Have her on her knees giving you head while your friend does her from behind. You then proceed to arm-wrestle on her back, becoming Stallone in Over the Top, a great 80s classic. 3 points if you can get Stallone himself as part of the threesome.
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PB and J Swirl Smear peanut butter on your fingers. Then finger the girl (who's on the rag FYI)with the same hand until it is bloody and peanut buttery. Then stick the same fingers up her ass then have a tasty treat after.
Pocket hole Jig Cut a hole in your pocket, pop your throbbing erect dick through the hole, get a girl to jerk you off violently.
Peacock Breeze Standing up nailing a girl doggy-style and she farts and blows your pubes out like a peacock's feathers.
Pearl Harbor While she's asleep, fuck her in the ass then drive home as fast as possible and wait for her to show up and kill you.
Pearl Necklace Do her missionary. Just when you're ready to nut, pull out and shoot it all over her neck.
Pegging Have a woman strap on a dildo and do you in the ass.
Pele AKA "Johnny Lawrence (from Karate Kid)", AKA "Sweep the Leg". Fuck her from behind while you are both standing, then when she is about to get off, kick her legs out from under her.
Pelican Punch When you're getting her from the front and you pelican punch her in the throat. While she's gasping for air you can shoot one in her mouth.
Peppermint Chiclets Kind of like the Candy Cane but, after you blow in her mouth pull out and PUNCH the shit out of her so that you make sure to knock some teeth out. With the blood, cum, and teeth in her mouth, shake the shit out of her head and there you have them PEPPERMINT CHICLETS.
Pendulum This is not for the beginner. Stick your index in the bitch's donkeyhole, your thumb in her flower, squeeze together until your fingers touch, and pick her up and swing her back and forth like a pendulum. The point is to get her into thinking that this is some exotic way of blowing you, but her head will be too low. Then, proceed to drop her, and dipset.
Pepsi Challenge Stick one finger in a girl’s pussy and another one in her ass, then stick either one in her mouth and see if she can guess which hole it was in.
Phat Phuck You've got to be ultra fat for this one. While getting head you put your fat over her head so she can't breathe. It’ll feel so good because she’s trying to breathe and takin' you all in. Hope she’s not a biter.
Philadelphia Fake Out You start bangin' the bitch doggy. Make sure she is facing away. Then right before you pull out, spit on her back. Then when she turns around you let her have it in the face.
Pigeon Wing* Break you're bitches arm and have her wack you off with it
Pink Parachute When fucking a bitch in the ass, start fuckin’ her as hard and rough as you can, then pull your dick out as quickly as you can...thus flipping her asshole inside out!
Pink Sock Start this move by banging your chick in the pooper all of the sudden punch her in the back of the head hard enough to knock her out. When you pull your dick out her rectum will come out with it causing your dick to look like a pink sock.
Open Wide!!! Making an eye baby.
Pinkeye Surprise aka Eyes Wide Open After the penetration of your choice, pull out before ejaculating, have the young lady hold her eyelids wide open and cum directly onto her eyeball. Experts at /b/ have theorized that the sperm might actually mistake the eyeball for an ovum and attempt to penetrate/fertilize it, but until further eyepr0n testing is approved by the administration, it will remain drunken bar speculation.
Piranha Do the damn thing, any which way you please, and when you’re about to cum, bite the bitch’s nipple off.
Play-dough This involves some cooking. Take a nice steamy shit on a pan or a sheet of tin foil. Pre-heat your oven to 325 degrees. Form the turd to resemble a dildo, actually any shape that will fit into a woman's orphus will do. Place turd into oven for 10-15 minutes. Take out of oven and let turd harden and cool. Now you can use it as a kinky yet stinky dildo on your lovely lady! Enjoy!
Plunger While you are fucking your girl in the ass, squeeze her ass cheeks together and pull out as fast as you can. She’ll shit everywhere.
Polish Falcon Travel to Poland, and capture a falcon. Take it home, and keep it in a cage until you're fucking your bitch, at which point, you reach into the falcon's chest and pull out its still-beating heart. Shove the heart into her asshole.
Polish Toboggan Have your partner lay on her stomach at the edge of the top of a staircase, then sit on her, firmly putting your penis in her asshole, grab onto her arms, and then ride the bitch down the staircase.
Ponda Baba Use one of those pumps to get your girl's pussy lips all fat, and then pull up on your ballsack so they both resemble the mouth of the Walrus Man from the Cantina in Star Wars: A New Hope. What you do after that is totally up to you.
Porcupine Tell your girl not to shave her pits for a couple or days. On day three, slap some lube up under her armpit and begin to pound the ever-loving shit out of her pit. Warning: WILL CAUSE CHAFING!
Predator Get your girl to lay on her back, and you on your knees. Take a shit in your own hand, rub it all over your face, and let out a bloodcurdling scream like the alien on the movie Predator.
Prized Marlin Fuck a girl from behind, and have a friend hiding in a closet or behind a couch with a camera. Let out a signature "whoop" or signal of some sort. At that time grab the girl's shoulders and pull close to you, look in your friend’s direction with the camera and smile as he takes the picture. Most of the time it’s hilarious and looks like you’re holding a prized marlin catch of the day!
Primo Noctis Tie a rope to a church steeple, swing from a nearby tree like Tarzan and snatch someone else's bride. when at an angle of 76degrees release hand from rope and while in mid air, do a double pike, get yo kekks off and slip your cheeky bellend into the virgin bride from behind. just before the floor comes her way, try to get a photo of you crying and blubbering the words 'this is the happiest day of my life'!
Pussy, The Ask for sex politely, only continue if woman gives consent. Continue in missionary position until both parties are satisfied, ensure proper contraception. Afterward continue a meaningful relationship - THOSE WHO DO THIS ARE PUSSIES AND FAIL.
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Quagmire, The You must be having a one-night stand. If she makes you use a condom, agree. Pretend to put it on from under the blanket. Give her a good fucking and make sure she has the time of her life. Afterwords, say, "Here's the condom I put on," and hand it to her with a smile and never talk to her again.
Quake III While in the missionary position, pull out a railgun and shoot her in the face. Extra points for saying "Impressive!" afterwards.
Queen aka the Freddy Mercury - get AIDS from a guy with a mustache.
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Ragin' Cajun Before fucking a silly whore, pour ample amounts of Tabasco sauce on your sausage.
Rainbow Kiss She needs to be on her period for this to work. Get in a 69 position, and have the man lick out the blood and the woman suck out the cum. When both mouths are filled with liquid, you both kiss, creating a dazzling red-white-pink rainbow.
Rain check This is when you take a chick to fuck somewhere outside, and then you go down on her. If the stench is too much to handle, tap her puss with the back side of your hand and say call me when you get that fixed, then leave her to find her own way back home.
Ram You're attacking from behind when you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
Rape Literally anything done for the lulz.
Rape Spider Just for the lulz, convince your certain lady that you want to perform oral sex upon her vagoo, but being unknownst to her, go out and buy yourself a spider (the hairier the better) and hide it under your bed or whatever place you would hide a spider. Then precedest to make your lady cum. At moment of orgasm, pull out the spider and throw it on her while screaming this said phrase "RAPE SPIDER WANTS MOAR PLEASE" over and over until she has gone utterly bloody bugfuck. Bonus points can be achieved upon shitting in her screaming mouth or by adding centipedes to her vagina.
Rear Admiral An absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (with both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab onto anything when she is bent over. Then, drive your hips into her backside so that the momentum pushes her forward. The goal is to push her into a wall or table, or have her trip and fall on her face. You attain the status of Admiral when you can push her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips.
Red Raisin Take a bright red lipstick and schemer a nice thick layer of it upon your scrotum. Press gently onto the recipients forehead leaving a delightful raisin pattern in a glossy vibrant red.
Red Wings Eat out your chick while she is on the rag. Do a good job and make her cum. When she is done you will have red wings painted on your cheeks.
Red Morning V1 At a party at a friends house, while some guy is out of it, go to the bathroom bin, get two used tampons and tie them to your friends ears.
Red Morning V2 Same as version one but instead you get a used fanny pad and stick it to their forehead.
Redman's Revenge When a chick gives you an Indian burn on your dick.
Retrograde wheelbarrow The male lifts the female by the legs as she pushes herself up onto her hands. After this the bodies move in Retrograde, the male walking slowly backwards in a wide circle.
Reverse Ass Rape Also known as Backwards Surprise Buttsecks, Forceful Receiving and Receiving without consent RAR is a type of Rape that involves using your anus and forcing it onto someones cock. It's usually performed by prisoners who have been ass raped so many times that they don't even know how to properly rape any more.
Reverse Leeroy, The Similar to the Leeroy Jenkins, but done backwads. I.E, right before you blow your load, pull out quickly, and yell "LEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOY JENKINS!" at the top of your lungs on your way out the door.
Rock, The While vaginally fucking a girl turn your ass to her face, fart and then say IF YOU SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL...!!
Rock, The V2: Force a girl to grab your hard cock, and pretening to hold it like when The Rock says the phrase aforementioned, gush the cum out.
Rodeo This one is a classic. While doing her doggy style, get a good grip on her tits just before you blow. Then whisper in her ear, "This is just how your sister likes it." Try to stay mounted for 10 seconds.
Rodeo 2 THE SETUP: At a party or wherever, let a few of your buddies know your gonna get some ass and to begin plan "Rodeo". Wherever you guys choose to fuck, leave the door open a little bit. THE GAME: As your hitting it from behind hold her hair with one hand and scream "Giddy Up!", "Yee-Haw!", or "We got us a ho' down!" at this time your buddies run in cheering and chanting "Rodeo!". The goal is to see how long you can stay on and in as she flips out. MODIFIER: Wear a cowboy hat.
Roman Battle Helmet Stand over and behind the bitch while she's on her knees facing away from you. Rest your balls on her eyebrows and let your dick hang down over her nose. Take a picture. Makes for a great greeting card.
Roman Shower Surprise, The As your getting head, jam her head down so she begins to gag, choke and hopefully vomit on your dick. At this point jam 2 fingers down your own throat like a 16 year old girl and vomit on the bitches head. You may hold back until she looks up for added surprise.
Ron and Helen When you and your chick shit on each other's faces all night long like a cheap German porno, and then smoke a big fatty made with weed the was grown from Hitler's home town.
Run Away Train When fucking in doggie style, get the person (who are we to judge) you are fucking in a full nelson. Yell out "oh shit, time for some multi-track drifting" and start slowly chanting the chug... chug.... chug.... and begin increasing the chant volume and speed. Start moving in a circle until you you feel like you're moving fast enough to cause some damage and run her headfirst into a wall.
Rumbleblumpkin Receiving a blumpkin while having violent diarrhea.
Rumpkin Opposite of a blumpkin: your girl licks your ass while you take a piss.
Russian Snowplow Set 2 pillows up at the end of the bed against the wall or the headboard. Then do your girl doggy style and drive her head through the middle of the pillows into the headboard or wall.
Russian Bullrider While having enraged doggy style secks with your partner, pull her close and whisper into her ear, "I have aids", and see how long you can stay inserted.
Rusty Fishhook After fingering her in the ass, curve your finger like a hook, stick it in her mouth and pull the bitch out of bed.
Rusty Pumpkin First, you take the young lady home. Then, you spread butter over her nipples. Then you become bored and tell her to get out of your goddamn house.
Rusty Nail This is when you take a shit in a girl's pussy (Sludge Box), then turn around and fuck her in her sloppy hole. I've also seen this called the Dirty Piston.
Rusty Trombone This is quite simple actually. Get some slut to blow on your fartbox as she jerks you off; it sounds like a rusty trombone!
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Sack Attack Best done in public. Two guys go up to both sides of an unsuspecting person. Both un-zip their pants, pull out their testicles, and shout "SACK ATTACK!"
Salty Walrus When you give a person a facial and the cum is dripping out of both nostrils.
Sandy Pelican Take your girl to the beach, start banging her. After a while, when she's not paying attention, stick your dick into the sand and start fucking her again until she starts screaming like a pelican.
Schlieffen Plan Just as you are starting to cum, pull out of her vagina and blow the rest of the load in her pooper. +1 internets if you put in the mouth instead of the butthole.
Scissor Kick When you're doing a girl from the back, right before you bust pull out, jump and spin and scissor kick the shit out of the back of her head.
Screaming Seagull While doing her on the beach, pull out, dip the tip of your dick in the sand, and then go right back at it. She'll scream like a seagull!
"Second Base With Angie"- Much is unknown about the Second Base With Angie but according to physicists it involves a nickel crazed whore mongering slut, a milk man and a blind dodo bird, and it starts and ends with a "fire hydrant" like spray of semen ejecting from every chasm, fissure, and opening on Angie Cervantes’s body. (Note Angie is not required to be in proximity for this act of hot confusing sex.)
Shalalabod Dot Drop While an Indian girl is giving you head, pull out right before you blow and blow your load right on the dot on her head.
Shit Fuck While taking a crap on someone during sex is funny and erotic, I prefer this move for its stealth and planning. If you use her (or your) bathroom anytime during the day, have a baggy or condom handy and save that sucker (I'll leave the messy details up to you.) Keep it nearby when things heat up, then as you climax cram it in your mouth and kiss her, on the mouth or all over, hell I'm sure creative guys like you can think of a thousand variations, like slapping it on her, or all over her, or jamming it in her mouth. A really touching thing to do would be to have it in a condom, jam it in her ass and try to break the condom, that would bring you closer I'm sure. There is nothing quite like shit that’s seen two asses--how many couples can say that they have done that?
Shocker Plow (also known as a V8) Put your hands together like you're praying. Fan them out so just your fingertips are touching. Then 4 in the pink, 4 in the stink.
ShockerTwo in the pink, one in the stink. All I got to say is: Two in the pink ,one in the stink. Or sometimes.. two in the goo, one in the poo. On occasion.. two in the taco, one in the guaco. Or even.. two in the pipe, one in the wipeHAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS. The thumb may be added onto the shocker as one to scratch said patch.
Shrimping You have to be a pretty sick fuck to pull this off. Stick it in your chick's poopshoot, blow your load in there, then bend down and suck your load out of her ass. Also known as Feltching, except you use a straw with feltching.
Sitting Surprise You wake up and find your girl sitting naked and you place your penis on her buttcheek. You golden shower her and make sure the piss stream hits her in the back of her precious little head.
The Skewered Ox Two guys kneeling, facing each other, girl between them: one cock in mouth, and the other in the vag. The trick is, that the girl must be curled up in fetal position, and the two guys must hold her whole weight by the sheer force of their erected penis.
In hard mode: set a campfire under the bitch, and turn her around slowly, as a skewered ox on a barbecue party.
The doctors are still puzzled as to what could possibly be wrong.
Skull Fuck 1. This move involves gouging out your date's eyeballs and fucking her in her eye socket. Actually, gouging out the eyeballs is optional. Works better if you scream 'OMFG SKULL FUCK!!!' while performing the move. 2. Also used as a term in internet slang for 'pwned via headshot'. Also known as 'Fucked in the head'.Skullfuck is awesome.
Sludge Box This is when you're sitting on a girl's lap, spread her pussy lips wide open, and take a dump inside. Bonus points if you piss on her legs. Also known as the Clitter Shitter.
Slap Happy A fun game for you and your mate. You fuck your bitch doggy style while your mate slaps her back and forth across the face cheeks with his hand, rapidly, while hold the bitch still with a hand full of her hair. You win if you can cum before she passes out. Works best with a 10 year old nigga bitch
Smokestack While your girl is blowing you right before you are about to cum, get your girl to take a big hit of weed, crack, etc. After she takes the hit, she should hold it in until right when you are about to cum in her mouth. After you cum in her mouth, tell her to spit it out while she exhales the smoke.
Snapper Thumb in the pussy and middle finger in the ass. Proceed to snap your fingers to any desired tune. Something with lots of bass is preferred.
Snarling Beast Monster As you are pogo-stick fucking the whore, take careful notice to when she is about to bust a she-nut, and when such glory is about to occur, carefully position yourself so you are literally sitting upon her pussy, with her right leg in front and her left leg in back of you. Now, for the finishing touch, you will suddenly take a giant dump INTO her pussy.
Snipper Snapper Ok, it hurts, but it's worth it! Let a girl straddle YOU doggy style, reach between your legs and pull your wanker back, and put it inside her, from behind you! Once she gets going you can't stop the snap of your pecker as it either breaks the blood vessels or snips out of her so fast it hits your stomach with a snapping sound. Try it, it feels so good. Oh yeah, also have good insurance.
Sneaky Indian While fucking a girl doggystyle shove your dick in their asshole and when she screams cover her mouth repeatedly to make the indian noises.
Sneaky Russian Go to your local town center, find a woman preferably between the ages of 10 and 42, stalk her for about 15 minutes and then vigorously suffocate her with a plastic bag then take her body to the edge of a large cliff, lubricate her asshole with melted chocolate fill her up with a bottle of vodka (yes, from the ass) let it dribble out a bit light the vodka and bang kick the flaming bitch off the cliff preferably onto a children's play area.
Snowballing Sharing semen ejaculated in the mouth. Faggot do this a lot. Cum is the largest constituent of any fags diet. Who doesn't love snowballing?
Snowmobile When plugging a girl while she's on all fours, reach around and sweep out her arms so she falls on her face. Then push her around the bed while making engine noises, such as "VROOM" or "MMRRR".
Space Docking This is an advanced scat sex move. You take a shit directly into her vagina. The most difficult part of space docking is positioning your anus directly above the vagina-hole.
Spanish Windmill Doing your partner doggy-style and spinning both your arms wildly in circles like you're Pete Townshend during the chorus to "Baba O'Reilly" but you're cornholing someone.
Spanish Windmill Fantastico Same as above, but with lit sparklers.
Spider Man Bone a girl and prepare for your own orgasm. When the moment arrives, pull out and jam your member in between your middle and ring fingers, curling them down so you've got a Spider Man web grip. Shoot it in the appropriate place on her body while yelling, 'GO WEB GO!'
Spider Man V.2 (variation on The Houdini) While ravaging a young tart from behind, tell her that the damn is about to burst. Pull out, spit on her back, ejaculate in your hand, and when she turns around to say "i love you" throw it in her face while making a "tsssssk" sound.
Spider Man v3.0 Masturbate and cum into your hand, then in public, run up to a hot girl and yell SPIDERMAN!! And throw all your semens in her face. Trust me, girls love this.
Spice Girls Torture While having sex with someone in any position, shove an audio speaker up their ass and play spice girls music. May we suggest the JBL L26.
Spinning Jenny, The While fucking with girl on top cut off her legs (can also work with a paraplegic) and then spin her around on your cock.
Just be glad this was taken before it was shoved up a pooper.
Spocker Two in the pink, two in the stink (it’s a variation of the original Shocker).
Sprinkler When you are jerkin' it right over her face and right before you blow, you pull out a mini fan and turn it on and nut into it so the jism is distributed evenly.
Stamp Lay the special lady out flat on her back, then start to take a dump just enough to get one poking out, the proceed to sit on her repeatedly in different spots. Feel free to connect the dots, if you are into that sort of thing.
Stealth Bomber Wait till your chick is sleeping then get started on punching your clown. When you are about to blow, unload your cargo all over your sleeping beauty. She will never know what hit her. Oh, and don’t forget to take a dump somewhere (since you freaks like that so much).
Steamroller Shit on her chest.
Stephen Colbert Have sex... With America!
Stove-pipe pants. If you're wearing these, you're doing it wrong.
Stephen Harper Invite the woman to the bedroom and before she comes up hide behind the door. When she is on the bed, lurk out from behind the door, creepily approach her with your accountant's smile, then suck at sex. recommended by cudbwittier
Stinkin Lincoln Much like an Abe Licoln, except replace the cum with shit gathered from your own arse.
Stove-pipe Works best if you have the girl's head and shoulders on the ground and her ass propped up against a bed or couch. Then, you hold her up as vertical as possible and screw downward into her. It's tricky but pretty comical if you pull it off.
Stranger You sit on your hand until it goes numb and then you jerk off; it's like somebody completely new is doing it! Recommended by Lil' Jon.
Strawberry shortcake Right before you blow your load while a chick gives you head, take your cock out of her mouth, then punch her in the nose until she bleeds, then jizz all over her face.
Strawberry cheesecake pull an 'angry dragon' (see above) on your girlfriend and when she is looking really mean at you punch her right on the nose! Do it hard and fast so the blood gushes out. Time for desert!
Strawberry Milkshake Penetration of your choice, when your about to unload, pull it out and cum just under her nose, then punch her in the nose hard enough to break it so the blood and the cum mix to make a 'Strawberry Milkshake'
Suck Boob Take off bra and proceed to lick her breasts and then start licking and sucking her tit just like you would if it was her clit (hey, that rhymes!) while caressing her breast. If she doesn't start moaning try caressing her clit while licking her tit(s) (rhymes again!).
Suck It Dry Fuck a Vaccum.
Ray Bans aka Arabian Sunglasses
Sunglasses - Ray Bans a.k.a. Arabian Sunglasses Put your nuts over her eye sockets while getting head. Your can is on her forehead. Yes, it may be anatomically impossible, but it is definitely worth a try
Sunglasses - East Indian Eye Goggles Much like the Arabian sunglasses, Put a nut on each eye socket, then lean back and with your brown star give her a kiss on the forehead.
Superman When nailing a girl doggie style right as you are about to cum you pull out and bust your load all over her back and flip her over onto the blankets when the jizz dries and she she stands up the blanket should be stuck to her back giving the illusion that shes wearing a cape just like superman! A variation is that after you bust on her back with the excuse of you cleaning her up, grab a roll of paper towels and then stick a long strip on her back and tell her to stand up. The towels will stick and make her look like superman! Soulja black person made this sex move popular by coining up the phrase "Superman that ho", which is nothing like "Spiderman that whore" or "Wonder Woman that prostitute".
Superman2 Another version of the 'Superman'. You bang your chick doggy style, or standing up with her bending over, at the top of some stairs. As you being to come, pound her harder and harder, as you ejaculate push her down the stairs. Works wonders for your relationship.
Superman3 While on a tall rooftop fucking her doggystyle, tell her to put her fists out straight. Then throw her over the edge.
SURPRISE!! When you go down on a chick to find out its a dirty god damn lie!!
Surprise Truffle While ramming a chick in the ass, tell her you have to blow your load and you want to do it in her mouth. When she turns around and opens her mouth, you also turn around and drop a huge log in her face! HINT: eat a huge meal beforehand.
Suspension Bridge Get a girl on all fours. One guy takes her from the rear, the other gets his cock smoked. They give the cue and the guy in back pulls her legs out and the one in from grabs her arms so that none of her body is touching the bed. She's just suspended between two cocks. Also known as a Pig Roast
Swedish Rodeo While having unprotected sex with a Swedish woman, bend over and inform her that you have AIDS, or any other fun STD. Time how long you can stay inside her when she starts moving.
Sea Shark find a "floater" (aka dead body in the water) wedge a piece of card board in her ass and then have sex with the body while one of your "bros" (aka douche bag friends) move the body like a shark and another hum the jaws theme. When you jizz yell SEA SHARK! [see Land Shark]
Syrian Sanchez While she is being water-boarded, proceed to go ass-to-mouth.
T
A Wimmins reading a book on sex in its usual environment.
T-Steff First off, don't wear a condom. Pulling out is the key to this move. No matter what position you are doing, when you finish make sure you spunk on her stomach rub it in with your cock and walk out.
Tea Bebble Slide When you slide your balls from a girls feet all the way up her body.
Tabletop Once your girl is naked, throw her on the table and fuck her hard and fast while you are standing on the ground. This way you can watch her boobs shake with the action and she can watch your dick go in and out. Extra bonus if you can get another girl to lick and slap your ass while you’re at it!
A tea bag being performed on a girl's forehead
Tea bag As you are sitting on a girl's face, repeatedly dip your nut sack in and out of her mouth, similar to a tea bag in a cup of hot water. An old favorite.
'Variations
Ballcuzzi It’s like a teabag, but you get the girl to put warm water in her mouth and gargle. Dip your balls in for a ballcuzzi.
OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM.
Pixie Same as a tea bag, but right before dipping your ball in the person mouth, you dip them in sugar and then in their mouth.
"The stinger" the act of climbing up a six to eight foot ladder,while your partner lies submisively with ver legs above her head on her back snatch facing upwards, the jumping for added height you grasp your knees almost performing a cannonball with your erect cock pointing straight down like a bee stinger and entering with superior force.
Hence a pixie, plus this works great if you do it to a person when they are sleeping. When they wake up the next morning they will have the taste of sugar in their mouth and know what exactly happened to them the night before.
Snowplow, The When a chick is on all fours sucking your cock, kick out her arms from underneath her and begin to walk forward.
Team West Campus Find all your roommates in your West Campus house and proceed to have a drunken sausage fest, followed by random acts of homosexuality.
Tentacle Fun Find a girl you like, and take her to the aquarium. When your by the octopus exhibit, its time to slip good ol' date rape into her drink. When she's fully horny, take her to the back room. Proceed to remove her clothes & tie her up for extra effect. Now, find your favorite octi-puss, inject it with some extra hormones & other good stuff, and sit back and enjoy watching the intense rape she'll be gettin. Try It, ITS FUN!
Testament Put your hands together, then jam your hands in the girl’s ass and spread her hole. Now, place your foot deep inside her ass! It's just that simple!
Texas Rodeo You start this by having at least a half-dozen friends hide in the room. Then, while she is on top of you, have all of them come out and chant, "Rodeo! Rodeo!" See how long you can keep her on you.
Thanks for the Memory Every single time before you fuck the bitch, give her a dose of GHB, and then wait till its takes effect. Tell her whats happening before you do it, then when she comes to, tell her you're done. You don't have to fuck her, you could get a Ho in if you fancy. She'll never really know if your telling the truth or lying, and it'll really mess with her mind.
Thanksgiving Dinner You start stuffing a bitch in her ass, and then you stick a fork in her back and be like, "Ya done, bitch?!"
The Angry Congressman Ejaculating in ones hand and throwing it at a chick, preferably from behind. As seen in Silence of the lambs
The ATm Also known as Ass To Mouth. What you do is have sex with a chick, do your business, and then stick it in her poopshoot. Then, once in and you're about to blow, pull it out and have her give you head, thereby cleaning the shit off your dick. And completing the transfer of ass to mouth--such a filthy move to do to a chick--takes away all her self respect.
The Avenger If you’re ever in a situation where you fuck a girl, and she gets off and refuses to get you off its time for revenge. It’s best if she’s laying on her stomach so she doesn’t know what’s going on. Do what you got to do to get yourself off as quick as you can. Take good aim and blow your wad on her back and in the back of her hair. It’s messy, and it'll show the bitch who's boss. Peeing on her awards extra points!
The Balcony While fucking a girl from behind on a balcony slowly slide out and let your friend or any random hobo slide in and
run down to below the balcony and wave to her. By the time she notices, she is having some hobo's junk all up in the flava flav PUSS.
The Bocaj upon walking into your local bar have a stranger insult your bitch and beat your ass.( The more stitches you get the more of a pussy you are. Up to 14 stitches.)
The Boston Strangler Slowly and passionately take your girl from behind doggie style. When she least expects it, lean forward and choke the fucking life out of her. Pick up the pace and chant, "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" until the lifeless bitch passes out.
The Caroline Utton Smash While fucking a girl in the ass, take out an African clubbing stick and hit her really hard in the kidney until she throws up. When she does act really mad and kill that bitch with the beating club.
The Chedderhead when you're taking your girlfriend in the butt you wait until you are about to climax, then you take the handy dandy cheezewizz (we all know you have some in your room) and fill it up, simultaneously sticking the head of your baloni pony in her no-no cavern and letting loose.
The Chipmunk When the bitch is sucking your balls and has one in each cheek.
Girl who think s she's sexy and is gonna fuck herself because she's too lonely.
The Cotton Gin Cum in her mouth, then dislocate one of her arms and crank it until she either pees or shits. Then take the waste materials, make a shirt out of them, and give it to her for her birthday.
The Dazzler Cross your index and middle fingers for her pussy, cross your pinky and ring finger for her ass, and work the clit with your thumb.
The Dirty Burrito Ok, before you fuck your bitch you both need to wrap up like a burrito in a sheet (preferably white or light yellow). Then you both piss and shit in it as much as you can while still wrapped up and then fuck. Eating the burrito at the end is optional.
The Dirty Cowboy For this one you need two hats one for your wife and one for you. You give her anal and right before you are about to bust throw it in her ear. She will be all like "Why did you cum in my ear?" And then you're like cause I can bitch!. Jump on her shoulders and see how long you can hang on,
The Dolphin Funny because so many have experienced it. While hitting a girl from behind, you go to throw it in her butt but she looks over her shoulder shaking her head saying "eh eh." Therefore you get to choose another place of your calling to throw your load.
The Earnhardt Jr. Take a large shit, make sure it’s sloppy, but don’t wipe, then titty fuck her. This leaves a nice brown streak on her stomach, like a tire skid, thus, the Earnhardt Jr.
The Earnhardt Sr. Only works on a bed near a wall. While hitting it from behind, suddenly jam your unit up her ass with no warning or lubrication. If done correctly she will leap forward to try to escape, hitting her head against the wall and getting knocked the fuck out.
The Electrician Get a girl pregnant, then wait 8 months, then get one of those high powered electric hand-fans and ram it in her crotch and turn it on. Homemade abortionator!
The Eskimo Nut in a girl's mouth, but don’t let her swallow. Instead, make her hold it in her mouth and dunk her in a 55 gallon drum of ice water. Make her stay in there until the cum freezes, then let her swallow it. Frozen cum-gurt! Bon appetite!
The Felcher When a man really likes a girl he will cum into her ass and suck it out with a straw.
The Gold Rush As your hand heads south, waste no time... go for the gold and fist the bitch. As she screams in agony tell her you're digging for rings and need money to buy tomorrow’s lunch.
The Grapevine Grow a large patch of hair around your asshole and take a bunch of laxatives, then shit for a week but don't wipe. This will leave your anus with a nice patch of dingle berries. When you're doing her from behind, pull them off your asshole and feed them to her like grapes.
The Grudge Fuck When you get the chance to fuck your ex one last time, push her face down in the pillow, spit on her ass, stuff your dick in her hard. When she screams, tell her "don't worry baby, it’ll only hurt till the blood lubes you up.” Gives you the satisfaction of fucking the bitch who fucked you over.
The Hershey Kiss Take her pants off nice and easy. Lay her face down place your dick on her leg and start kissing her ass cheeks. Like a snake about to strike a rat, pucker up and dive your tongue into her Hershey highway. Whether she jumps or not, dig for some of her special dark chocolate.
The Human Centipede This one shouldn't need to be explained if you've seen the film.
The Infamous Switcheroo This is tricky. and has some unwanted consequences from time to time; however, it is hilarious. First, you get a friend of yours who is about your build--size and looks don’t even have to match that well; however, it can't be a fat guy and a skinny guy. What you do is have one friend hide in the bathroom before you start railing your chick, then turn out the lights and start banging. Then in the midst of this you tell her you have to go to the bathroom, at which time you do so, and then when you enter the bathroom, your friend comes out and you hide. He immediately goes to town and once she says "Hey, you're not Sean" you and your friend bolt for the door running out butt-ass naked while yelling "SWITCHEROOO AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Just be sure it's not your place or leave anything of value behind; that way you never have to speak to the slut again. A.K.A. The Trojan Horse.
The Iron Sheik When you do it the old country way; You suplex someone, put them in a camel clutch, break their back, then fuck them in the ass to make them humble. (This is done to someone like Brian Blair for God, Jesus, and Mr.McMahan.)
The Jared You have sex with a girl from behind and right before you cum, you beat her to death with a crowbar and bury her in your backyard with the other sluts.
The Jelly Bat A great way to get revenge on a fat chick for tricking you into drunken sex. While in the missionary position, sit up. Grab the corner of the biggest fat roll on her stomach and tear it off. Wielding it like a baseball bat, beat her to death with it while screaming bloody murder.
The jRok This is best done with an amateur slut. When doing her doggy-style, inset BOTH thumbs in her pooper and tap your fingers on her ass cheeks like you’re bored. Then, say 'it's natural baby' or 'bet you never had this before?'. After awhile, pull out, flip her over and start jerking it off like you're really close. When she looks at you and says 'did you go?', say, 'With you? Hell no! I have standards'. Then pass her off to your friend that never gets pussy.
The Kennedy While sitting on the edge of a pool getting blown, wait till you're about to bust nut. At that second push her head under water so she is shocked and her throat closes around your cock!
The L.D. Sledge while doing a prostitute pray to Odin and drink gnarly mead. When she least expects it pull out a giant sledge hammer and smash her skull. (Bonus points earned if you use ravens)
The Life Guard If you’re having a threesome on a boat, wait till you're done, then offer to go skinny dipping. Have one guy (possibly the best swimmer of you two) jump over with her, then have the other throw you a life line and take off leaving her naked in the water.
The Mike Hamlin Fetal Devourer First, you need to look like a rat/mouse type deal(thx Ben P.) then you just need to foolishly do one of the moves listed above or below this one and get her pregnant and eat the fetus.
The Missionary You slip your penis into and out of the woman while she's lying on her back, with you on top. Eventually, the friction will cause you to ejaculate. This is unsuitable (and unobtainable) for the 18-year-old university freshman dipshits who find anything else in this list funny.
The Mortar When taking a bitch from behind, get a good load saved up. Just as you’re about to bust a nut pull out, put your cock on the crack of her ass and release the load. If your aim is good, you can hit her in the back of the head.
The Octopus No one except GaijinSmash's ex actually knows what this is, but apparently it involves a lot of blood coming out of your dick.
The Patriot While you are having doggystyle sex with a girl, start karate-chopping her back; this will make red lines across it. Then punch her in one corner of her back (turning it blue) and ejaculate using that corner as a target. Finally, rip the skin off of her backside and run or ride on horseback through town, waving your brand new "flag". Extra credit if it's July 4th.
The Q-TIP Get a chick to start blowing you and right as you're about to blow it in her mouth, smack both her ears on the side of her head with your hands so her head starts ringing...then proceed to yell at her in a different language. Romantic!
The Raging Bull While you're taking a girl from behind, place a fist against either temple with the index finger extended. When you're about to come, repeatedly headbutt her in the back of the skull while roaring at the top of your lungs.
The Reality Get turned down for a date by every woman you know including your mother. Jack off to Britney Spears photos, then go to ED and talk about your smooth sex moves.
The Rick James When having sex with a woman, preferably from the back. When the male is ready to ejaculate, he pulls out and ejaculates on his hand. The male then proceeds to spit on her back as to deceive her into thinking he ejaculated on her backside. He then walks up to the female and asks "What did tha' five fingers say to the face?", and when she replies "What?" the man slaps her with his ejaculate filled hand and replies "SLAP... Im Rick James bitch!"
The Rodney Dangerfield When she does not get any respect (aka the hate fuck).
The Roadrunner Tricky one to master. She's bent over, holding onto something preferably. Take a run up and aim for one of the holes, their both goals.
The Rude While you're fucking a girl, take a bottle of cheap wine, like Sutter Home, or Reunite, and bash her over the head with it, then rape her with the broken bottle.
The Ruthie You need to be missing half your arm first. Use your stub to fist (or nub) your bitch.
The Sean Connery If ever you find yourself in a drunken Scottish whiskeyrage then just hit your bitch but IMMEDIATELY APOLOGIZE WITH YOUR BEST CONNERY (Circa Highlanders) IMPRESSION. She'll laugh and you'll get to keep fucking in the knowledge that you finally gave her one in the face.
The Sagami Get on all fours and have your bitch shove a Hickory Farms salami in and out of your ass while she is jerking you off.
The Shawshank Redemption Carve out the pages in a book with a hole on the side to insert your penis into. Good for Animu fans. As well as masturbating in public and jizzing in people's faces.
The Sneaky Pete Get her in a shower stall in the change room after her cheerleading practice or whatever she does (field hockey?) Make sure she’s alone or I'm sure she will call for help.
The Sneak Attack Get in an argument with a chick saying you don't want to have sex. Then tell her to go the fuck home. When she just got out the front door, go after her, pull it out, and do her in the hallway.
The South Bronx Sub Find a BDSM sub online, talk her up to gain a bit of trust and arrange a meeting at her place (use the excuse that you have no good equipment at yours). Once there, tie her up and lick her carpet until she's good and ready to go, then take her TV and leave. Bonus points can be gained if you take stop to blow a load on her on the way out of her house.
The Southern Gentleman This is when two incredibly fat SEC football fans (think UGA) are consoling each other after a big loss. They cry in each other's arms in their hotel room. Next thing you know Lloyd and Maxwell are having 700+ lbs. of sweaty sex that could only occur on a hot, humid Georgia night.
The Stephen Lin Before having sex with an Asian ladyboy with glasses, you lube it's ass with refried beans. Then you proceed in having anal sex with it until you spew your gue. After you wrap up, you have the ladyboy crap it's fajita mix on your chest and dig in.
The Telephone Balls in the mouth, cock in the ear. Ring, ring, bitch.
The Teddy Roosevelt Just before you cum, pull out, ram a sizable stick up the girl's vag/ass (whichever you were just using), get in front of her face, ram your dick into her mouth, put your finger to your lips, and say "Shhh".
The Three Legged Retarded Hippopotamus First, hit her over the head until she's retarded. Then cut off her left arm and fuck the armhole.
The Topeka Destroyer (See "Roman Shower Surprise" above.)
The Track Star Get a stopwatch. Start hitting it from the back in the pink. She looks like she is in the starting blocks. Now when you’re nice and hard and starting to cum, pull out and RAM it in her ass without her knowing, and start the watch and see how long it takes her to sprint the 40 to the bathroom. If she runs at the right time it will look like she has left a vapor trail.
The Transporter While fucking a girl let your cum loose inside of her and send her over to another guy afterwards. When penetration with the other guy commences and your semen touches said guys penis, the girl becomes The Transporter. There is no actual time limit as to when the girl becomes The Transporter after sexual intercourse, but presumably, a time period of 24 hours would be sufficient. Another side to this form of transportation would be in the form of pregnancy and child birth. Picture this scenario. When you fuck a girl, you could unwillingly become the father of a different girls child. You ejaculate into or onto girl #1's vagina, she then have sex with a second guy or even a third guy. This third guy then have sex with another girl while your semen from girl #1 is still to be found on the third guy's penis. The other girl, which you presumably havn't even met, then becomes pregnant from your semen.
The Tumbleweed This incredibly romantic act occurs after receiving road head. Upon climax, you proceed to open the door and boot the bitch out of the car. Bonus points if she does the tuck-and-roll.
The Tuna Helper If you're too drunk to get it up, or your woman is an unholy bitch and you can't stand to fuck her any more, just shove what ever you can conjure as a hard-on in her twat and hump away until she at least fakes it to get you off of her. If she's a bitch, donkey punch her about 2 minutes into it. Then you don't waste your time.
The Walking Zombie This is when you bust a nut in both of a girl's eyes. It's called the walking Zombie because when she's trying to find a towel to wipe it off, she'll be swaying her arms back and forth with her eyes glued shut!
The Wet Willy! When you are getting head, as you are about to pop your cork, you wet your finger and stick it into the girl's ear. You might want to stick your other finger into the side of her mouth so she does not bite your rod.
The White Dragon While she is giving you head, jizz in her mouth and then after, punch her in the stomach so she breathes white fire.
The White Glove This instant classic can be performed from almost any sexual interaction but it works best while receiving oral. All you have to do is cum on your hand, then with your hand covered, slap a bitch. Challenging her to a duel afterwords is optional.
The Yoda While receiving oral pleasure, blow your snot all over her, lift her by the throat and make her quote Star Wars.
The Titanic Have her give you a BJ in a hot tub. When she comes up for air hit her in the face with a big bag of ice.
Thunderstorm While in 69 position and your chick is licking your bunghole, let a thunderous fart and start the golden shower on her chest. (Better if multiple farts.)
Thundering Cunt Guzzler Before your dick is inserted into the cunt, hold a Mentos in front of your rod as to shove it in while your cock penetrates. Fuck her for a while, making sure the candy is near the womb (nearer the cervix the better). Then tell your bitch that you're gonna shove a huge dildo up that va-j-j, but actually make it a hose. stick it into the gaping hole and then pour diet coke down the tube. Prepare for the cavernous vagina to thunder loudly. Also can be done in butthole
TJ Woody After she is done licking your balls, she proceeds to make you a sandwich.
Toilet Slut Someone that acts as a human toilet for others drinking pee and eating shit.
Toboggan After any coital maneuver that produces a corpse, grease its chest with fecal matter or seal fat (see: i-did-her-odd) and ride the cadaver down the stairs. Best performed on a partner with pigtails for improved handling.
Tony Danza A takeoff of the donkey punch is called the Tony Danza. When you are about to cum while doing a girl from behind, you say "who's the boss?" and stick it in her ass. Before she says anything you shout "TONY DANZA!" and punch her in the back of the head.
Tony Danza Slap While a broad is suckin you off, pull your boner to the side and let it hit her in the face screaming, "whos the boss bitch." Continue doing it until she answers correctly.
Toothache When a girl gives you oral and you’re about to blow, nut on her teeth and proceed to brush her teeth your penis. Continue for two minutes which is the standard brushing time.
Tootsie Roll Subway When you fuck someone as hard as you can in their ass, spread both her asscheeks and your asscheeks open and take a shit in her ass.
Tootsie Roll Subway Crash Do exactly as told in the Tootsie Roll Subway, but after you shit inside someone, kick them right in the asshole while screaming.
Tossing Salad Well known by now. A prison act where one person is forced to chow starfish with the help of whatever condiments are available, i.e. Jell-O, jism, etc.
Tower of White Power You simply say, "bitch please" while hittin' that with your very own tower of white power down below, then when she turns around, hit her in each eye with each one of your balls and say "DONKEY KONG, YAHHHHHH!"
Tower Bridge This one involves 2 guys and a girl, or 3 guys (see London Bridge). The girl is giving one of the guys a blow job while the other guy is doing her from behind. Then both guys stretch out their arms thus forming a towerbridge.
Train One girl in a room, a bunch of guys fuck her one after the other. A train is different from a gang bang in two distinct ways: First, the guys fuck consecutively, not concurrently. Second, there have to be at least seven, or it's not a train.
Truck Driver While you're doin’ her from behind, you stick your thumb in her unsuspecting ass and move your hand like your driving a truck, talking all sorts of trucker slang.
Truth Offer her some champagne, light some candles. Barry White is a good choice of music. Scented oils are nice--better still are scented lotions, I always liked that one. Satin or silk sheets (I happen to like the texture of flannel), down pillows are good, especially oversized. Start with a massage or something equally relaxing, move towards kissing (take your time with this). Relax and get into it; there’s nothing quite like a good long kissing session. Heavy petting is only natural at this point. During foreplay, take it easy and try to satisfy her as much as possible. If the foreplay rocks then the sex is just really amazing icing. Don’t rush the foreplay, but move on when you are sure that she is physically ready for the next step. Make sure that you are also aroused--that is key, as you don’t want to go in too soft; it's just not worth the embarrassment and could totally ruin the atmosphere. The rest I'll let you decide on but here are some tips: be a gentleman and let her finish first, unless she verbally implies that you should; do not release your orgasm anywhere inappropriate; when it's over, hold her for a little while until the shivers pass, then suggest a hot bath or shower. You did it big guy, you had sex without doing anything wrong or stupid. Believe it or not, she will enjoy this and it will evolve over time. THEN SHIT ON HER BELLY.
Trumpkin A Blumpkin given to Donald Trump. EVERYBODY'S DOIN' IT!
Tucson T-Bone This is the same as the jackhammer but with a slight twist... literally a twist. When you are doing the jackhammer make her twist yours balls. It’s quite an experience.
Tuna Melt You're going down on a chick, lapping away, and you discover that it's her time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face.
Twelve Go number 1 in her number 2. It's that simple.
Two Pointer You make the girl sit on the toilet and then you sit on her lap. While she's jacking you off you have shit and make sure it falls between her legs into the bowl.
"The Tyler Johnson" this is when you take an empty bottle of sobe life water halfway full and stick your cock in it and start with your normal sessions of masturbation.
U
*gasp!* NO!
Uh-Oh Oreo (a.k.a. E.L. Fudge) When a black person is sandwiched between two white people
Ultimate Houdini, The While giving it to her up the ass, move to a window and trade partners. Before she notices, run outside and wave to her just outside the window. Ideal for breakups, and best done when she doesn't know about the other partner.
Ultimate Pleasure Take your dick and put it in a mousetrap. You'll cum instantly.
Under Dog After a hard session at the gym, your armpit muscle begins to twitch; thus giving you the ability to jerk a guy off with your armpit muscle.
Underwater While getting head, push her head towards your body and hold it to see how long she can hold her breath.
Up on Blocks When a women is on her Period, The term comes from a car under service. It is undrivable because it is "up on blocks"
Upside-downey-penial wife-spin OK, you need a strong dick to do this, but you posision her comfortly on your dick and spin her around untill you cum and/or she get so dizzy she pukes. then you raise up and let her fall upside down off teh bed.
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Valsalva The act of pinching shut (with thumb and forefinger) a woman's nose while receiving fellatio; most effective when employed just prior to the release point due to the gag reflex and ensuing swallow that the woman is forced to do to continue breathing. A great first date ploy, as it sets the stage for what the rules of engagement will be going forward.
Veal Cutlet (aka The Screaming Seagull) When a man is having sex with a girl on the beach or a sandbox, then pulls out, using the juices on his schlong to roll it around in the sand to collect the breading and then continue having sex (hence the penis is the breaded veal cutlet)
Vegetarian Hot Lunch Same as the Hot Lunch, but done with clingwrap over the girl/guys face. This way they can chew your shit through the plastic film, savoring the texture but without the flavor.
Verheij Style You got to be very fat for this and put your fat into her ass and yell "Omg Zezima Cum in mah belly!!!!"
Vic Morrow, The Lay your victim on a bed with their legs hanging over the edge. Enter them while standing upright and hold their thighs tightly. You then start spinning helicopter style, smashing their head into any walls or furniture you can. Bonus points if you involve a couple of asian kids. Extra bonus points if you sing the "Twilight Zone" theme music.
Vicky, The You finish on the girl and on her way out of the room she casually grabs an article of your clothing and uses it to clean herself. This is especially bad when the clothing is black.
Viking, The You are having sex with a girl and right before you cum you pull out a battle axe and chop off her head, while screaming "FOR ODIN." The tricky part of this one is concealing the battle axe.
Viper Bite Put your middle finger in a chick’s pussy and your thumb in her ass and try to snap your fingers.
Volcano Blow your load on someone's ass crack. Then wait for them to fart and cause the cum to spurt out.
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Watchman, The take the girl to a top-story hotel room with large windows overlooking the city and get her into a bath robe. Violently fuck her around the room, trying to break as much glass as possible, and make sure she does not remove the bath robe. After she's suitably exhausted grab her by the front of her robe, pick her up and throw her out of the window.
Waiter Set a plate of food on your girl's back while giving it to her from behind, and enjoy a hearty meal while doing the nasty.
Walrus Shoot your load in her mouth and before she gets a chance to swallow pinch the middle of her lips together and hit in her in the back of the head and your shit will ooze out the sides of her mouth like a walrus's tusks.
Walnut Ripple Slowly teabag your partner as she lays directly underneath you until boredom sinks in. At this point punch her in the womb (perhaps even screaming falcon punch) which should cause her to jump up and headbutt you in the sack, thus inducing lulz for both of you.
War You and a buddy find a chick. Get her on hands and knees. She blows one guy while taking it from the other guy. Since you are already facing each other, play cards. Very demeaning and fun!
George Washington, The Related to the Abe Lincoln. Have your ladie friend give you head and right before you blow your load you pull out her hair and cum on top of her head then put her hair back on. Make sure you are far away from water.
Washington Surprise You're sitting in a chair or on the edge of the bed while your girl is giving you head. She doesn't want you to cum in her mouth so you promise to let her know. When you're about to nut, you tell her, and just as she pulls her head off your cock, you stick your dick between her legs and shoot it all over her face. Then you pull out a dollar bill, stick it to the nut on her forehead, and yell "Surprise!"
Waterfall Alright, first have your girl bend over and grab her ankles, leaving her ass high in the air and her head low to the ground. While banging her brains out, pull it out and proceed to piss on her goouch (area connecting the pussy and
asshole) and watch the piss flow down her ass and onto her face like a waterfall!
Wedding Proposal Tell your gal you want to get kinky. Tell her you want her to get gang-banged by a group of Bulgarian midgets. When she says ok, tell her it's only a one time gig. Watch these little fuckers bury your gal. While they all simultaneously bloop on her, say, "Surprise Honey! Want to get married?"
Western Grip When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use; hence, western.
Wet Jessy Sneak into a girls bedroom while she's sleeping and Jack Off on her.
Wet Jesse James Creep into a strangers house and fuck a virgin while she is sleeping.
Wet sigh to drip dry grab your girl and do everything you can to make her horny, without pleasuring her. slowly get her naked and act as if your just ready to rip your own clothes off and bone her. then, you run away with her clothes and leave her to dry out.
The Wet Biscuit (aka Ookie Kookie) 4 or more guys in a circle jerk and a biscuit is in the middle. The last man to jizz on the biscuit has to eat it. - Marvelli
Wheel of Fortune AKA "Price is Right" AKA "Lucky Leo". Sit a girl down in a chair that spins. Have her lean over and stick out her tongue, then precisely place you dick by her tongue, then spin the chair around as fast as you can.
Wheelbarrow Have your lady down on her hands doing her from behind with her legs out straight straddling your hips. Then walk around the room like pushing a wheelbarrow. You can tell her to pick shit up while she's down there too, but that's optional.
Werewolf Before having sex, shave your pubes. Get a girl to suck you off, cum on her face, and throw the pubes on her face.
Windshield Wiper When doing a chick in the ass, pull out your dong right before busting a nut and spray Windex over her back so she thinks you nutted. She'll turn around and then you jizz in her eye and wipe it on her face back and forth with your dong. (Particular emphasis is placed on the forehead and cheeks)
Winetaster, The (Also known as "Vinsmageren" in it's native tongue). When wanting to perform this act, always have a wineglass by the bed at all times. Be sure that your girl has her period. While laying with your mouth full of labia between her legs, quickly grasp for the wineglass while your mouth is full of periodblood and intensely do a lot of gurgling (thus giving the image of a wine taster.)
Windy City When you (or your partner) starts licking the asshole and then the other partner farts in the face.
Wizard Hat and Robe First, while you are getting your thing on, explain that you like to role play with costumes. You proceed to pull out your Wizard Hat and Robe. Then you start fondling your partner and say, "I cast level 4 Eroticism on you, so that you are actually hot." Before they say anything you start doing the nasty and shout, "I cast level 1,000,000 Multiple Orgasm AOE and we both die in our ecstasy!!" Once finished, put the hat and robe on your partner and say, "Your turn, Gandalf."
Wolfbag Tie a thin piece of thread around a piece of bacon. Get your girl to swallow it, keeping hold of the end of the thread. Bang it up her arse. Just when you are about to blow pull the thread, causing the bacon to come back up. This will make her gag, which will in turn make her bum hole contract giving you a tight sensation.
Woody Woodpecker While a chick is sucking on your balls, repeatedly tap the head of your cock on her forehead.
Wounded Pigeon After getting extremely aggravated with some tramp, break her arm. Shortly following this you force her to give you a hand job.
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Xanadu also known as "Rosebud". Take a woman to your huge mansion, fuck her and then wait until she goes to sleep. When she does, yell "ROSEBUD!!!" and shove a snowglobe up her ass.
X, Professor have your women or random ho break yor spine so that you will be confined to a wheel chair, then tell her to fuck off because you will now be able to blow your self off and will no long need a woman
X-treme Blow Job get a blow job while doing something extreme
Xanadu: the Return Take a women to your mansion, have sexual relations with her and make sure that you bang her hard enough to knock her out, then dump her off somewhere near the Northern Pole, have one of your Man Servants wait for her to wake up. When she does, shove a snow globe in her vagoo. Bonus points if it breaks.
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Yahtzee! Simply yell "Yahtzee!" when you bust a load. Way more fun if she wasn't expecting it.
Yellow Submarine While receiving oral copulation, urinate in the oral cavity. Then proceed to have sex with her mouth-hole before she can spit/swallow.
Yummy toast Cum on a piece of toast and feed it to the willing partner. As she eats it punch her in the spine, causing her to spit it out then shit on her head.
Yoda, The While a chick is giving you head blow snot on her and then force her to speak like Yoda, double points for carrying her around as a backpack and still having sex with her
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Zamboni You are doin’ a chick from behind. When you are about to bust, you pull it out and spray it on her back, then you spread it over her back with your penis, like a Zamboni.
Zany Zamboni You and your partner start from one end of the ice rink. You both get up to speed toward the goal opposite of you. Once at a proper speed, you and partner begin to fuck in a position where the female lays on her back. In order for proper kix, try to reach climax when you both cross the goal line.
Zebra When two niggers fuck one honky.
ZebraV2 when two white people do one black person.
Zerg Rush You are fucking a chick in your bedroom and right as she starts to reach climax you you yell "ZERG RUSH KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE!!!!!1111" and eight to ten of your ugly neckbeard friends burst from clever hiding places and fill every orifice of the dirty whore, including the ears and bellybutton.
Zombie, The This is best done with an easy victim. When she is giving you head and you know you're about to jizz you pull out and blow it in her eyes, break her fingers and watch her walk around like a zombie trying to get it out... Perhaps leave out the breaking fingers part.
