Megaman/2011
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Did You Know: The Mega Man X series is best Mega Man series; Mega Man Legends sucks. |
Mega Man is a perfect modern-day example of a franchise being mercilessly milked of all its worth. Originally introduced as a side-scrolling platformer in the 1980s, this series still runs to this day and has expanded to a series of shitty RPGs, crappy 3D adventures, and the same horrible platformers. Each of these games are exactly the same in concept, only with slightly better anti-aliased graphics with every new release. Also, he can't crouch. This nigger can shoot penguins out of his fucking hand, but he can't crouch. Explain that.
"Games"
Classic Series
Mega Man
- This game is what started the mess. It had no save feature and no passwords, but only 6 bosses. It also had a scoring system that was relatively useless and served no real purpose. Mega Man 1 also introduced the revolutionary idea of "Mandatory Cheating" by making it completely impossible to beat the final bosses unless you cheated by pausing the fuck out of the game while attacking them.
- Mega Man Powered Up
- A Mega Man remake, with kawaii chibi desu ^______^ graphics. Also, there are two new robot masters named Oil Man and Time Man, and you can play as EVERY FUCKING ROBOT MASTER and even Mega Man's sister AND Protoman. OMG! Also, the "downloadable" stage packs are already in the game. You're just unlocking them by "downloading" them. Genius!
- The second game in the series added two more bosses, bringing the total to 8. This was much better than the original, but that doesn't say much. Along with cannibalizing the corpses of his defeated enemies like a fucking ghoul for their weapons, Mega Man's Santa Claus-like creator and creepy father figure Dr. Light would appear and give Mega Man special devices to use. These devices consisted of a rocket, a hovering platform, and a bouncing piece of shit. This game also introduced Energy Tanks and a password feature to save progress.
- Mega Man Universe
A remake of the second game, much like Powered Up was a remake of the first game. Not only does it have a stage editor, but there's a also character editor where you can make your own shitty robots that do nothing interesting. The only reason to play this remake is the fact that you can play as the Bad Box Art Mega Man from the US cover of the first game. Oh, and Ryu from Street Fighter.
The game was cancelled and nothing of value was lost.
Mega Man III
- This was the first game that Mega Man's red robot dog Rush appeared in. Rush had a trampoline in its back, and could transform into a dog-headed jetboard or a dog-headed submarine. Both ran on limited energy, meaning the dog would frequently bail and let you drop to your death. It is also the first appearance of Mega Man's brother, Protoman. Protoman had a scarf, a bike helmet, a completely useless shield, and a tendency to attack the fuck out of his little brother for no good reason, just like a real brother relationship. The release of Mega Man III was around the time when Capcom held contests where fans could submit their ideas for upcoming Mega Man bosses. This may explain some of the more fucked-up ideas they put in their games. For instance, Top Man, who could spin and looked like Flattop from Dick Tracy. There also was Hard Man, whose name has too many cock jokes associated with him. Also he has a dial on his ass. Not only that, but Megaman 3 had the first robot furry, Snakeman. Fuck you, he's a snake. This game also featured quite possibly the most worthless of all weapons in Mega Man history. For beating Top Man, Mega Man obtained the Top Spin ability where he could spin in the air like a jackass. Somehow you were able to kill enemies with this, but you would always die in the process. And worse yet, this weapon was the only way to beat Dr. Wily at the end of the game. Either that or that retarded snake weapon.
Mega Man IV
- In Mega Man IV, Mega Man has to defeat an evil Communism who was forced to fight Mega Man when Dr. Wily kidnapped his daughter. One of the deadlier foes is Dust Man, a robot master who had the powers of a vacuum cleaner AND the powers of a vacuum cleaner in reverse, which essentially made him a prostitute. The ability to defeat this amazing robot is considered to be a super-skill. Another villain was Pharaoh Man, who had the power to ignore your warnings until his first-born robot son was killed by God. Also of note was Dive Man, who was basically an underwater version of Hard Man. This game also saw the introduction of Eddie, the little red suitcase looking thing who would give you useless items, especially in critical moments of gameplay. Also the programmers thought it would be rich to stop recording your E-tanks with the password feature.
Mega Man V
- This is the one where that bird thing appeared.
Mega Man VI
- And now, something completely different. Some guy who goes by the name of
Dr. WilyMr. X has been controlling Dr. Wily from the very beginning, so now Mega Man has to enter a tournament to stop him and his 8robot mastersweapons of worldly destruction. As fate would have it,WilyX reveals himself asthe obviousWily after his plans for world domination have once again faild. Two new items appear in this game: the Rush Jet Adapter and the Rush Power Adapter. The Jet Adapter allows you to fly into every fucking spiked ceiling there is, and the Power Adapter allows you to knock down every fucking object in your path in a blind rage; both of which involve fusing with Rush in typical Dragon Ball Z fashion. Note that these adapters are actually required to be able to reach certain parts of stages inaccessible by normal means, all for the purpose of obtaining Beat, who makes a recurring appearance for this game.
Mega Man VII
- This game followed the same basic Wily-will-take-over-the-world crap storyline, but with a twist. Apparently, Mega Man was successful at capturing Wily in the previous game, but has now escaped with the help of his robots. To make matters worse, Mega Man just STANDS THERE as Wily makes his escape. Capcom added several new features to this game: a new character who turns out to be emo (later ripped off by Sonic Team), Protoman returning to kick your ass once again, and they even decided to rip off the vastly superior Mega Man X series by adding an introductory stage and blatantly copying their password system. There appear to be only 4 robot masters, but 4 more are soon added, resulting in the traditional total of 8. Eddie appears in this game, but (thankfully) he no longer gives out items. You now have to buy them from the store run by some frankenbot named "Auto". You need bolts to purchase the items and there isn't really anything good from the start. If you want the good items, you have to find his Hyperbolt, which takes long hours of gameplay to find, and then it takes even more bolts to buy those items. This game introduced Weapon Tanks, or simply W-Tanks; these would refill weapon energy and you were able to carry up to 4 of these. This consequently reduced the limit of E-Tanks to 4, making the game several times harder than it already is; especially against the final boss.
It's also a noteworthy fact that this game is responsible for the creation of several MS Paint webcomics.
Mega Man VIII
- An awesome robot named Duo crashes into Earth after a fight in outer space against what is believed to be dark energy. In his lifelong attempt to conquer the world by any means possible, Wily wants to use this energy for his evil purposes. Capcom thought this game was so awesome, it got released onto TWO systems: PlayStation's PlayStation, and Sega's Saturn. It is important to note that the Playstation version got ported to the release of Mega Man Anniversary Collection and is the version more familiar to the Internet, therefore rendering the Saturn version a forgotten failure in the sight of its own creators. This game isn't really different from the others at all, since all you do is run around fighting 8 more Robot Masters, all in a feigned effort to stop Wily again. Unlike the previous game, however, there are only 40 bolts in the entire game, making it impossible to buy every single item in the shop. Also, following the tradition of the first game, there are NO ENERGY TANKS at all, making it the most difficult Mega Man game in existence.
Mega Man & Bass
- Originally released in Japan on the Super Famicom titled Rockman & Forte, and then everywhere else on the Game Boy Advance under the title Mega Man & Bass, this game takes place after the events of Mega Man 8. Some badass android by the name of King takes his army of Robot Masters on some sort of rampage. You soon find out, however, that this is all just Dr. Wily is up to his shenanigans again. This game was essentially Capcom's ultimate copypasta, using character sprites from MM8 and even going as far as reusing Tengu Man and Astro Man and abilities from the X series. Bass, now a playable character, is able to dash and double-jump, giving him an advantage over Mega Man in stage completion. Some of these stages were horribly designed and made as if the only playable character was Bass; getting through these stages as Mega Man was impossible at best. Like in Mega Man VII, there are bolts that can be collected to purchase items at the shop, only without the stupid 40-bolt-in-game limit that Mega Man VIII had, and without the "ZOMG find my Hyperbolt so I can make better items" garbage that plagued Mega Man VII. Interestingly enough, sometimes Auto would misplace a single bolt when making an item for you, which really made no difference at all as each item cost at least 50 bolts to make; that, and the price difference between items far exceeded 1 bolt. Again, like Mega Man VIII, this game did not have any Energy Tanks.
It is rumored that this game is the actual Mega Man IX, since it took place after the events of Mega Man VIII and is the 9th game in the series.
Mega Man IX
- Realizing that retrofags were still worth marketing to, the creator of the Mega Man games decided to use pseudo-8-bit graphics in this game, thereby pissing off graphicfags everywhere, especially IGN. This, both directly and by proxy, made retrofags cream their pants. It also has one Robot Master that is a girl. Dr. Light is the one who gets framed this time, by really fucking obviously Dr. Wily. It is also rumored to be almost as difficult as Is This Battletoads. Mega Man lost his charge/slide abilities, which caused mass fanboy bawwwing worldwide. Protoman has these abilities, but takes double damage and has goes further backwards than his brother when hit, making him a total pussy. Robot masters include Jew Man and Concrete Man who teaches you the deadly Cum Shot maneuver.
Mega Man X Mega Man 10
- Though far superior than its predecessor, nobody cares because it has a fucking sheep for a boss! A fucking sheep. Wily is running out of ideas already. Oh, and there's some dumb shit about the
MaverickRoboenza virus or something...I dunno. Protoman and Megaman will be returning along with athirddownloadable character Bass (see Mega Man & Bass). Still in 8-bit! The same day the game came out, hackers also found the three special stages had the Gameboy series (down below) bosses in them. Capcom hasn't announced this yet, but just like with Powered Up, all the data (plus Bass) is already in the game and fully playable. Silly Crapcom, did you learn nothing?
Mega Man XI (section is here just to be sure....)
X Series
Mega Man X
- Generally regarded as the best game evar on the Super Nintendo Entertainment System, the game was also regarded as pioneering for including both Zero, X's first gay lover of the game and the first openly gay robot armadillo in video game history. Both Nintendo and Capcom got a great deal of grief from parents and morality groups for this decision, but today, most homosexuals credit Armored Armadillo for helping them come to terms with their sexual preferences.
The game also had robot faggots and a miniature Boba Fett with a ride armor fetish, for some reason.
Mega Man X2
- This game had the weirdest creatures, like a fucking sponge, and didn't sell as well as the original. This is most likely due to the lack of homosexual robot armadillos.
Mega Man X3
- Some guy named Doppler and his robots go beserk, so X has to kill them. Boba Fett returns in another attempt to kill X, as well as these 2 faggots named Bit and Byte. But in the end, Sigma is responsible for everything. This is the first time you can use Zero, but he's a complete pussy cause when he dies once on a stage, he'll be "Too injured to help anymore!" leaving X to do the rest of the work. Yeah, he's really fucking helpful.
Mega Man X4
- This game is only worth remembering for the fully animated cut scenes. Many fans went rage and BAWWWWWWWW after watching Iris' death. This may not seem like a big deal in this day and age, but you really have to listen to the voice acting in these things to fully appreciate just how hilarious and terrible they are.
Mega Man X5
- Pretty much the same as the other ones but since the creators of Mega Man LUVES Guns N Roses, all the bosses are based off of them. There's also this faggot named Dynamo who tries to stop X and Zero from doing the obvious and overused plot of stopping Sigma, but we all really know why he's really trying to stop them. This game also gives both our boys their biggest and best enhancement ever: the ability to duck! Too bad it's only helpful in killing enemies that weren't previously short enough to avoid being hit from a standing height.
Mega Man X6
- Considered to be the worst one of them all (or was it X7?), after Zero's TOTALLY UNEXPECTED DEATH IN X5, X one day has a wet dream about him and Zero having sex. But then he wakes up and throws a tantrum by smacking enemies with his cock. This game usally gets a review rating of 1-5 on GameFAQs cause most of the stages involve either fighting the same fucking red donut, getting attacked by some giant robot, or getting killed by spikes.
Mega Man X7 - X8
- Same thing as before. Fans declared the rest shit. On a related note, Mega Man X7 not only sucked hard, but also introduced a new character named Axl WHO HAS TEH MAGICAL ABILITY TO TRANSFORM INTO DEFEATED ENEMIES AND BOSSES!!!11 Which probably explains why he plays the exact FUCKING SAME AS X. It also had voice acting just as bad as X4 and Mega Man X8 let you play as Alia, so she can prove that she isn't completely useless (just mostly).
X Command Mission
- A crappy 3D Mega Man X RPG. The plot takes place after X8 and apparently Sigma's dead, so now X, 0, Axl, Spider, Massimo, Marino (a thief who, despite being white, we all know what she's really supposed to be), and some slut named Cinnamon save the world from some shit. After you'll get a key so you can get your ass kicked by a 9-tailed fox and for some reason, the only black reploid in the entire series is a villain.
Legends series
Perhaps the best motherfucking series in the entire Mega Man franchise. With 2 games, one spin-off and another on the way (lol cancelled), you can always be assured that each game is full of WIN.
Series That Don't Matter
Gameboy Series
- Also, since Capcom realized how their fantards would buy everything with the name Mega Man on it, they decided on porting the first few Nintendo Entertainment System games to the Game Boy Advance system. Chances are you also bought those, although they were simply using rip offs from the Nintendo Entertainment System games which you also own.
Other Mega Man Games
- There were other games like the 3D Legends one where Mega Man and Roll get all incestuous and save a naked loli.
- In that Battle Network one, Mega Man had to save the internet from over 9,000 computer viruses that looked like retarded versions of their original counterparts. It really was the same thing over and over again, but no one really gave a shit. After this series rapped up, Capcom decided to appeal to the small niche that actually liked Battle Network by making Mega Man Star Force, which was essentially the same shit but with 3D graphics and a main character with a tighter, skimpier outfit. Some argue that Star Force is the biggest modern shit Capcom has taken.
- There was also that Mega Man Zero one, where Zero gets sent into the future and is molested in his sleep by some dominatrix nympho underage scientist chick and her pet Cyber Elf. Everyone agrees that Zero in a metal thong is hot, as is sleep-rape. Capcom also gave this one a continuation with the Mega Man ZX games, which were the same as Zero, but with the option to play as a brown-haired Naruto or his hot loli sister in the first, and a black guy or annoying albino in the second.
- There was also a soccer game, a RPG, a racing game, even a fucking computer board game.
Media Vids
OKKUSENMAN!! OKKUSENMAN!!
In 2007, some wacky Jap created a rock remix of the first Wily stage theme in Mega Man II. It will take you only about 45 seconds for you to deem as one of the greatest triumphs on YouTube, if you can understand the Japanese lyrics.
The following morsel was unleashed upon the web sometime afterward. It's about remembering life when you were a kid until it was a raped by a merciless force known as adulthood. Listen to this song and you will become an weeaboo. I guarantee it.
THIS JUST IN, OKKUSENMAN HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MEGAMAN EXCEPT FOR THE OPENING SOUNDCLIP
Mega Man vs. Furries
- It is not widely known that Mega Man took part in saving the world from the furfags. This is likely the only useful thing he has ever done.
Also note the third video contains the unedited segment of "HEY MEGA MAN YOU'RE A LITTLE LOW ON AIR! AND YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT!" in GUTSMAN'S ASS.
Previous Video | Next Video
Dr. Wily Fails at Life
Ftw
MegaMan rap
Image Gallery
Image Gallery About missing Pics
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Dr. Wily, the arch nemesis of Mega Man.
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A typical day in the life of Mega Man.
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It's weird seeing something this cute without there being any semen involved.
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Mega Man L acquired the Dildo Blaster from Goatse Man and now viciously poses in Gay Man's
bedroomstage.
[Expand Gallery]
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The reason why megaman wasn't in brawl
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This is what the ground-breaking series started with.
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An accurate depiction of side effects when playing Mega Man.
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The main plot point of every game.
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Shows the blue bomber's real relationship with Rush.
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Totally not Boba Fett...or Jango Fett.
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A Megaman Legends fan's wet dream.
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Mega Man, perpetuating faggotry.
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MEGA-HI!
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In the show, there have been amusing positions.
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Same as before.
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Doing it right.
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You know.
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Awesome Man.
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The ability to JUST FUCKING STAND THERE became a staple in his character development.
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A typical debate over who the superior arm cannon-wielding warrior is.
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You sad?
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Now in giant size for the giantess lovers.
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Bawwwwwww
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Megaman.exe puts on his fur suit.
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Typical EXE fanart. HAWT!!
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Rule 34
Rule 34 About missing Pics
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Oh look, the robots even clean!
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A robot gladly serving Tron Bonne.
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A dildo and a...anal drill dildo?
[Expand Gallery]
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TITS!
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Now why would anyone draw this shit?!
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Huge gaping vagina the size of your monitor.
How To Troll Mega Man Fanboys
- Spell Zero's name as 0.
- Call 0 a girl.
- When 0's cataclysm theory is mentioned to have been proven false, claim that Keiji Inafune doesn't care about the series anymore.
- Say that Mega Man is a ripoff of Astro Boy.
- Claim that Mega Man X is an upgraded version of the original Mega Man. This will usually cause Mega Man fanboys to go on a full-blown outrage, saying that it doesn't comprehend with the storyline, despite the fact that the storyline is completely overflooded with plotholes and shit that doesn't even make any fucking sense.
- When discussing Mega Man 9 and/or Mega Man 10, constantly remind fanboys that they spent money for "unlockable" characters and levels which were already included.
- Constantly ask fanboys when Mega Man Legends 3 is coming out.
- Register Mega Man forums and spam BURN BURN BURN BURN TO THE GROUND BURN TO THE GROUND BURN BURN BURN BURN TO THE GROUND BURN TO THE GROUND TO THE GROUND GROUND BURN BURN TO THE GROUND BURN BURN BURN BURN BURN BURN TO THE GROUND BURN TO THE GROUND TO THE GROUND GROUND BURN BURN TO THE GROUND BURN BURN BURN!
- Say That Zero or 0 Sucks.
- Go onto Youtube and tell the users whose names are something like IAMGUTSMAN that they have no lives.
- Tell them that the Star Force series is teh best in teh wurld!
Fun Facts
- Mega Man X3 and X5 ripped off an entire Guns N Roses song, but they have yet to give a shit.
- Going to a Mega Man fansite is a great way to see drama on the internet, particularly started by a retarded site admin.
- Astro Boy ripped off Mega Man (and went back in time to get a 30-year headstart apparently).
- The version of Mega Man featured in the cartoon Captain N: The Game Master is regarded by scientists and historians as being the worst thing ever.
- Capcom will never officially admit that Dr. Wily built Zero, even though every Mega Man gamer already knows this, unless they are thirteen or lick dust off windows.
- In Mega Man ZX Advent, you get a model named Model A (the A stands for Albert). But people say that it's really Axl, since he whines and gets on your fucking nerves just like him.
- The creators of Mega Man desperately try to get into the band members of Guns N Roses' pants by making all the Mega Man X5 bosses based off of them and naming Axl from X7 after the band leader.
- Mega Man X7 is responsible for the unfunny meme of BURN BURN BURN BURN TO THE GROUND BURN TO THE GROUND BURN TO THE GROUND BURN TO THE GROUND GROUND BURN BURN TO THE GROUND BURN BURN TO THE GROUND BURN TO THE GROUND TO THE GROUND GROUND BURN BURN TO THE GROUND BURN BURN BURN!
See Also
External Links
- Official Home Page
- Your typical fan page
- Your typical fan art page
- For those without comedic tastes
- The Mega Man parody collection @ Newgrounds
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Megaman/2011 is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |