Snuggie
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The Felchie (Otherwise referred to by more scientific terms such as "A robe you wear backwards" and "Alternative Birth Control") was created by some fat-ass southerner who didn't understand how a blanket worked. While alternately huffing Cadillac Gold paint and Krazy Glue he came up with the brilliant idea of sewing sleeves onto a blanket. Millions of other special southerners caught on, and thus, the Snuggie was born.
Purpose
The Snuggie, while obtaining many uses, is mostly known for it's ability to be worn as a full body blanket/sweater/creepy uncle lingerie, and to make the wearer look like a fucking faggot. The material is floor length so you can trip on it. And contains holes for your arms. Genius. Essentially, it was designed for upper class civilians who are far too busy to do such tiring tasks such as:
- Use a blanket.
- wear a jacket.
- ????
While the wealthy do get to enjoy all of this grand inventions luxuries, the fine materials it is constructed from are cheap enough to let even the poorest of people enjoy a taste of heaven.
Due to all the Fucktards that shop at Wall-mart. The Snuggie aka The Fugglie has become an instant hit! Maybe its that free booklight we've heard so much about. Maybe its the fact that you,your wife,your children and your dog can all be seen in public together with matching snuggies ensuring everyone is envious of your fine backwards wizard robe. No its probley the booklight that you use to jackoff to furry comics every night.
(Fact: Wearing a Snuggie in public is an invitation to anal poundings.)
The Snuggie in a nutshell
BUT WAIT!!!
ORDER NOW AND GET A FREE SNUGGIE! AND OUR LIMITED EDITION BOOKLIGHT!!!! THATS RIGHT YOU GET 2 SNUGGIES FOR THE PRICE OF 1 AND OUT COMPACT TRAVEL BOOKLIGHT! PERFECT FOR READING ANYWHERE!!
Benefits
The Snuggie will most definitely save you money your virginity. It allows you to get rid of pesky things such as heat. Just take the whole heating system and melt the metal down and sell it at a junk yard. Then take that money and fucking buy everyone a Snuggie. Before long everyone is getting rid of their heating systems and saving money. Less electricity means less coal burning. That means that Snuggies can save the planet if you get off your sorry ass and go buy one.
Or sit there and do nothing. Your mother hates you either way.
What to do Whilst in a Snuggie
- Be lazy as fuck
- Obtain diabeetus
- Become the coolest kid at your school
- READ A BOOK WITH YOUR FREE BOOKLIGHT!!!!!!
- Get a hand job anywhere
- Pretend to be a Wizard
- Camoflauge in the jungle (leopard snuggie only)
- Paint it white and join the KKK
- Trip on your snugglie over and over
- Watch more bad TV adverts.
- Kill yourself
What Not to do Whilst in a Snuggie
- Anything
One Big Fucking Problem With The Snuggie
Try as you might, you will not find a black Snuggie. Go ahead, look around at your nearest Wal-Mart, Dollar General, or wherever it is that poor people shop. You will not find one. You can get it in leopart print, but not black. You can even go to the fucking website to buy one, and you STILL WILL NOT FIND BLACK! The obvious reason for this is so that kids won't buy black Snuggies and scare the shit out of their God-fearing neighbors. But some have heard tell of somethin' called a Slanket, a Snuggie ripoff that comes in "Texas Tea." Apparently, even the makers of the Slanket can't bring themselves to call it "black."
Everything is wrong with the Snuggie.
Snuggie for Pets
Because white people enjoy Humiliating their pets the makers of Snuggie decided to join in on the Cashflow and make Snuggie for Pets. Now you can make your Cat or Dog hate you even more! Now available in 4 sizes
- L (Snorlax size)
- M (Normalfag size)
- S (poodlefucker size)
- XS (azn size)
Videos
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See also
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