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{{spoiler|no one has noticed that a cosmic catastrophe is unfolding IRL, because they are obsessed with a fictional one instead}}<br> | {{spoiler|no one has noticed that a cosmic catastrophe is unfolding IRL, because they are obsessed with a fictional one instead}}<br> | ||
[[File: | [[File:Nibiru attacks washington dc.jpg|thumb|400px|right|Nibiru attacks!!!!!!]] | ||
'''Nibiru''' is the name of a completely fictitious planet in the solar system with an orbit of 3,600 years, on which some crackpot claimed [[Otherkin|nephilim-like creatures]] live, and which is supposedly going to rendezvous with the Earth any day soon and usher in a [[new age]] or some kinda shit. The evidence for this consists entirely of poorly-photographed skies and misunderstood lens-flares, rather than any actual science. Needless to say, everyone in the internet's conspirasphere believes wholeheartedly in the truth of this nonsense and keeps up-to-date with the latest ludicrous 'evidence'. | '''Nibiru''' is the name of a completely fictitious planet in the solar system with an orbit of 3,600 years, on which some crackpot claimed [[Otherkin|nephilim-like creatures]] live, and which is supposedly going to rendezvous with the Earth any day soon and usher in a [[new age]] or some kinda shit. The evidence for this consists entirely of poorly-photographed skies and misunderstood lens-flares, rather than any actual science. Needless to say, everyone in the internet's conspirasphere believes wholeheartedly in the truth of this nonsense and keeps up-to-date with the latest ludicrous 'evidence'. | ||
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==Niburu== | ==Niburu== | ||
[[File:Failed nibiru prophet and alien contactee nancy lieder.jpg| | [[File:Failed nibiru prophet and alien contactee nancy lieder.jpg|300px|thumb|right|Completely sane: Nancy Lieder]] | ||
[[File:Zecheria sitchin and sumerian bas-relief.jpg|thumb| | [[File:Sumerian god statuette.jpg|thumb|right|150px|This Sumerian deity is appalled at Sitchin's faggotry]] | ||
The origin of the Nibiru rigmarole was some crank back in the 1970s, called Zecheria Sitchin, who wrote a [[book]] about the so-called 12th Planet. Pluto was still a planet at the time, but please bon't concern yourself with what happened to the 10th and 11th planets, since that would be to expect a level of coherency which is glaringly lacking in this saga. | [[File:Zecheria sitchin and sumerian bas-relief.jpg|thumb|left|150px|Still taking the tablets: Zecheria Sitchin]] | ||
The origin of the Nibiru rigmarole was some crank back in the 1970s, called Zecheria Sitchin, who wrote a [[book]] about the so-called 12th Planet, based on his own [[Retarded|special]] interpretation of the millennia-old junk left by [[Iraq|the ancient Sumerians]]. Pluto was still a planet at the time, but please bon't concern yourself with what happened to the 10th and 11th planets, since that would be to expect a level of coherency which is glaringly lacking in this saga. | |||
Pleased with public response, Mr Sitchin wrote a series of follow-ups ("The Return of the 12th Planet"; "The 12th Planet Strikes Again"; "What the 12th Planet Did Next", et al). Eventually he ran out of LSD and back issues of ''Popular Astronomy'' magazine, and the typewriter shop refused to extend him credit on new ink-ribbons, so he turned to brewing moonshine and waiting for the internet to be invented. | Pleased with public response, Mr Sitchin wrote a series of follow-ups ("The Return of the 12th Planet"; "The 12th Planet Strikes Again"; "What the 12th Planet Did Next", et al). Eventually he ran out of LSD and back issues of ''Popular Astronomy'' magazine, and the typewriter shop refused to extend him credit on new ink-ribbons, so he turned to brewing moonshine and waiting for the internet to be invented. | ||
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The retard who started all this tomfoolery (one Nancy Lieder) claimed that the arrival of the Hale-Bopp Comet in early 1997 was a harbinger of the delayed arrival of Planet Nibiru, which any day now would surely descend upon the unsuspecting Earth, causing calamity and misfortune on a global scale. This did not in fact happen. | The retard who started all this tomfoolery (one Nancy Lieder) claimed that the arrival of the Hale-Bopp Comet in early 1997 was a harbinger of the delayed arrival of Planet Nibiru, which any day now would surely descend upon the unsuspecting Earth, causing calamity and misfortune on a global scale. This did not in fact happen. | ||
Nevertheless, Ms Lieder had her dog euthanised in order to spare him the trauma of living on a planet in turmoil, although she later claimed that it was because he had been acting aggressively. She did not specify whether this aggression was caused by the animal's ability to sense pending planetary disaster. She also said that her 'May 27, 2003' prediction was [[HA HA HA, OH WOW|a 'white lie' to throw the authorities off the scent,]] so that they would have insufficient time to implement Martial Law. [[Duh|She did not specify how giving a date that was too early was meant to prevent the authorities from implementing Martial Law at a subsequent date.]] | Nevertheless, Ms Lieder had her dog euthanised in order to spare him the trauma of living on a planet in turmoil, although she later claimed that it was because he had been acting aggressively. She did not specify whether this aggression was caused by the animal's ability to sense pending planetary disaster. | ||
She also said that her 'May 27, 2003' prediction was [[HA HA HA, OH WOW|a 'white lie' to throw the authorities off the scent,]] so that they would have insufficient time to implement Martial Law. [[Duh|She did not specify how giving a date that was too early was meant to prevent the authorities from implementing Martial Law at a subsequent date.]] | |||
Since [[Obvious|Planet Nibiru did not show up,]] this naturally led to [[Stupidity|increased speculation about when it would in fact show up.]] | Since [[Obvious|Planet Nibiru did not show up,]] this naturally led to [[Stupidity|increased speculation about when it would in fact show up.]] | ||
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In 2010, Zecheria Sitchin died, protesting to the end that the planet he had theorised would not behave the way Ms Lieder and her acolytes insisted it would. | In 2010, Zecheria Sitchin died, protesting to the end that the planet he had theorised would not behave the way Ms Lieder and her acolytes insisted it would. | ||
Eventually, the world's finest minds decided that the prediction was a decade out and that Nibiru would surely show in [[2012|2012,]] in time to bring about the Mayan | Eventually, the world's finest minds decided that the prediction was a decade out and that Nibiru would surely show in [[2012|2012,]] in time to bring about [[December 21, 2012|the Mayan End of Days,]] because of course the fucking ancient South Americans and the ancient Arabs would have collaborated on this astronomical project despite being separated by the Atlantic Ocean. When this 2012 deadline passed without any noticeable apocalypse or other epochal events of the like, Ms Lieder declared that the encounter would take place in 2014. Do I need to go on? | ||
===Nibiru evidence=== | ===Nibiru evidence=== | ||
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==See also== | ==See also== | ||
[[File:Planet nine lurking.png|thumb|right|250px|Nibiru, disguised as Planet Nine, yesterday]] | |||
* [[Aliens]] | |||
* [[Apocalypse]] | * [[Apocalypse]] | ||
* [[Earth]] | * [[Earth]] | ||
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* [[December 21, 2012|Mayans, the epic trolling of the entire world by the-]] | * [[December 21, 2012|Mayans, the epic trolling of the entire world by the-]] | ||
* [[Pluto]] | * [[Pluto]] | ||
* [[UFOs]] | |||
* [[Uranus|Your mom]] | * [[Uranus|Your mom]] | ||