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Nibiru/Planet Nine: Difference between revisions
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==Niburu== | ==Niburu== | ||
[[File:Nibiru attacks washington dc.jpg|thumb| | [[File:Nibiru attacks washington dc.jpg|thumb|250px|right|Nibiru attacks!!!!!!]] | ||
The origin of the Nibiru rigmarole was some crank back in the 1970s, called Zecheria | [[File:Failed nibiru prophet and alien contactee nancy lieder.jpg|250px|thumb|right|Completely sane: Nancy Lieder]] | ||
[[File:Zecheria sitchin and sumerian bas-relief.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Still taking the tablets: Zecheria Sitchin]] | |||
The origin of the Nibiru rigmarole was some crank back in the 1970s, called Zecheria Sitchin, who wrote a [[book]] about the so-called 12th Planet. Pluto was still a planet at the time, but please bon't concern yourself with what happened to the 10th and 11th planets, since that would be to expect a level of coherency which is glaringly lacking in this saga. | |||
Pleased with public response, Mr | Pleased with public response, Mr Sitchin wrote a series of follow-ups ("The Return of the 12th Planet"; "The 12th Planet Strikes Again"; "What the 12th Planet Did Next", et al). Eventually he ran out of LSD and back issues of ''Popular Astronomy'' magazine, and the typewriter shop refused to extend him credit on new ink-ribbons, so he turned to brewing moonshine and waiting for the internet to be invented. | ||
The cudgels were taken up by a | The cudgels were taken up by a Sitchin fantard in 1995, who claimed she had received a microchip in her brain from [[Stephen Hawking|the Daleks]] or somesuch. Naturally, this put her in touch with God, and God kindly warned her that the world would undergo a dramatic upheaval due to a pole-reversal and lengthened orbit caused during the arrival of Planet Nibiru on May 27, 2003. | ||
The retard who started all this tomfoolery (one Nancy Lieder) claimed that the arrival of the Hale-Bopp Comet in early 1997 was a harbinger of the delayed arrival of Planet Nibiru, which any day now would surely descend upon the unsuspecting Earth, causing calamity and misfortune on a global scale. This did not in fact happen | The retard who started all this tomfoolery (one Nancy Lieder) claimed that the arrival of the Hale-Bopp Comet in early 1997 was a harbinger of the delayed arrival of Planet Nibiru, which any day now would surely descend upon the unsuspecting Earth, causing calamity and misfortune on a global scale. This did not in fact happen. | ||
Nevertheless, Ms Lieder had her dog euthanised in order to spare him the trauma of living on a planet in turmoil, although she later claimed that it was because he had been acting aggressively. She did not specify whether this aggression was caused by the animal's ability to sense pending planetary disaster. She also said that her 'May 27, 2003' prediction was [[HA HA HA, OH WOW|a 'white lie' to throw the authorities off the scent,]] so that they would have insufficient time to implement Martial Law. [[Duh|She did not specify how giving a date that was too early was meant to prevent the authorities from implementing Martial Law at a subsequent date.]] | Nevertheless, Ms Lieder had her dog euthanised in order to spare him the trauma of living on a planet in turmoil, although she later claimed that it was because he had been acting aggressively. She did not specify whether this aggression was caused by the animal's ability to sense pending planetary disaster. She also said that her 'May 27, 2003' prediction was [[HA HA HA, OH WOW|a 'white lie' to throw the authorities off the scent,]] so that they would have insufficient time to implement Martial Law. [[Duh|She did not specify how giving a date that was too early was meant to prevent the authorities from implementing Martial Law at a subsequent date.]] | ||
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Since [[Obvious|Planet Nibiru did not show up,]] this naturally led to [[Stupidity|increased speculation about when it would in fact show up.]] | Since [[Obvious|Planet Nibiru did not show up,]] this naturally led to [[Stupidity|increased speculation about when it would in fact show up.]] | ||
In 2010, Zecheria | In 2010, Zecheria Sitchin died, protesting to the end that the planet he had theorised would not behave the way Ms Lieder and her acolytes insisted it would. | ||
Eventually, the world's finest minds decided that the prediction was a decade out and that Nibiru would surely show in [[2012|2012,]] in time to bring about the Mayan end-times. When this did not in fact occur, Ms Lieder declared that the encounter would take place in 2014. Do I need to go on? | Eventually, the world's finest minds decided that the prediction was a decade out and that Nibiru would surely show in [[2012|2012,]] in time to bring about the Mayan end-times. When this did not in fact occur, Ms Lieder declared that the encounter would take place in 2014. Do I need to go on? | ||