User:Killerratte/League of Legends

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Items

Choose Thy Overpowered Item
Attack	Magic	Defense	Misc

This is the usual stuff a carry purchases to make another player ragequit.

• Atma's Impaler - Dayumm, what a whore that must have been.

• Avarice Blade - If you love to farm gold, it's a lovely item ... and that's about it.

• Brawler's Gloves - Early critical strike item. The icon looks so bad, you'd think it's a shoulder pad.

• B. F. Sword - A big fucking sword, yeah that's some really original name twisting there, Riot.

• Bilgewater Cutlass -

• Blade of the Ruined King - Why would I wield a sword with such a name, just ... why?

• Bonetooth Necklace -

• Cloak of Agility - For some reason a cloak gives you a better chance of doing a critical hit, instead of getting stepped on it and getting brutally murdered like Julius Caesar.

• Dagger - Sadly not used for backstabbing your "teammates".

• Doran's Blade - Every wannabe tough guy's starter item. Most of the time they die next to their own turret as they lack health regeneration.

• Entropy -

• Executioner's Calling -

• Frozen Mallet -

• Grez's Spectral Lantern -

• Guinsoo's Rageblade - Self-insert faggotry.

• Hexdrinker -

• Hextech Gunblade - Looks like the TF2 Medic's Ubersaw, only in green.

• Hunter's Machete -

• Infinity Edge -

• Kitae's Bloodrazor -

• Last Whisper -

• Long Sword - Creative as fuck.

• Madred's Razors -

• Manamune -

• Malady -

• Maw of Malmortius -

• Mercurial Scimitar -

• Nashor's Tooth -

• Phage -

• Pickaxe - They ran out of ideas when they built this in.

• Prospector's Blade -

• Ravenous Hydra (Melee Only) -

• Recurve Bow -

• Runaan's Hurricane (Ranged Only) - Teemo's favourite item. Overpowered as fuck, too.

• Phantom Dancer -

• Sanguine Blade -

• Spirit of the Elder Lizard -

• Statikk Shiv - How shocking!

• Stinger - Not used for downing airplanes. Useless on its own, needs to be upgraded to Nashor's Tooth.

• Sword of the Divine -

• Sword of the Occult -

• The Black Cleaver -

• The Bloodthirster -

• The Brutalizer - The price for this item is 1337 gold. NO

• The Lightbringer -

• Tiamat (Melee Only) -

• Trinity Force - Indecisivefag's choice for all intents & purposes.

• Vampiric Scepter - Looks like a scythe, yet is a scepter. Yeah okay ...

• Wit's End -

• Wriggle's Lantern - Gives you a ward and let's you kill monsters & minions faster. Why you would use a lantern to smash someones skull, I dunno.

• Youmuu's Ghostblade - A weaboo's wet dream.

• Zeal -

• Zeke's Herald -

• Zephyr -

Magic, also known as Ability Power (AP). Murders everyone that builds armor. Mostly used by half-naked and/or flying hookers.

• Archangel's Staff - The "shoot your abilities like an idiot" - item. Relies solely on grinding-the-fuck out of it until it transforms into a better item when you reached the mana limit.

• Banshee's Veil -

• Catalyst the Protector -

• Frozen Heart - Oh look, the remains of your ex.

• Glacial Shroud -

• Iceborn Gauntlet -

• Lich Bane -

• Manamune -

• Mikael's Crucible -

• Odyn's Veil -

• Ohmwrecker -

• Rod of Ages -

• Sapphire Crystal -

• Sheen - Fucking Charlie, that guy is everywhere, I swear.

• Tear of the Goddess -

• Athene's Unholy Grail -

• Banner of Command -

• Blackfire Torch -

• Deathfire Grasp -

• Fiendish Codex -

• Hextech Sweeper -

• Kindlegem -

• Locket of the Iron Solari -

• Morellonomicon -

• Shurelya's Reverie -

• Spirit Visage -

• Spirit of the Spectral Wraith -

• Chalice of Harmony -

• Doran's Ring -

• Eleisa's Miracle -

• Mana Manipulator -

• Philosopher's Stone - Gold, health and mana regeneration in one.

• Prospector's Ring -

• Shard of True Ice -

• Spirit of the Ancient Golem -

• Abyssal Scepter -

• Amplifying Tome -

• Hextech Revolver -

• Haunting Guise -

• Kage's Lucky Pick -

• Liandry's Torment -

• Mejai's Soulstealer -

• Needlessly Large Rod - Compensating for something, aren't we?

• Rabadon's Deathcap - This is like the AK47 of Counter-Strike. Almost everybody uses it.

• Rod of Ages -

• Rylai's Crystal Scepter -

• Twin Shadows -

• Will of the Ancients -

• Wooglet's Witchcap -

• Zhonya's Hourglass -

This is the stuff a tanky build needs. That or you're one of those squishy champions that dies when you sneeze at them.

• Aegis of the Legion -

• Chain Vest -

• Cloth Armor -

• Doran's Shield -

• Emblem of Valor -

• Guardian Angel - Get stomped two times in a row. Makes you look even dumber than before.

• Randuin's Omen -

• Runic Bulwark -

• Sunfire Cape -

• Thornmail -

• Warden's Mail -

• Giant's Belt -

• Overlord's Bloodmail -

• Ruby Crystal -

• Warmog's Armor -

• Rejuvenation Bead -

• Negatron Cloak -

• Null-Magic Mantle -

• Quicksilver Sash - Nobody uses this. Ever.

Boots, consumables, wards and all the other junk. Useful even if your champ has no feet at all.

• Berserker's Greaves -

• Boots of Mobility -

• Boots of Speed -

• Boots of Swiftness -

• Ionian Boots of Lucidity -

• Mercury's Treads -

• Ninja Tabi -

• Sorcerer's Shoes -

• Crystalline Flask -

• Elixir of Brilliance -

• Elixir of Fortitude -

• Health Potion -

• Ichor of Illumination -

• Ichor of Rage -

• Mana Potion -

• Oracle's Elixir -

• Oracle's Extract -

• Ruby Sightstone -

• Sight Ward -

• Sightstone -

• Vision Ward -

League of Legends (LoL) is a time-wasting simulator of the "A.S.S.F.A.G.G.O.T.S." (Aeon of Strife Styled Fortress Assault Game Going On Two Sides) genre, though casualfags also call it MOBA.

Imagine the freakish one-night stand between World of Warcraft, drunk off his ass, and the sopping wet cunt of DotA. The result of such anal play is League of Legends, a festering anal wart that will haunt "Guinsoo" and "Pendragon" to their graves. It is basically a polished, but at the same time casualized version of DotA with a set of tutorials for the newfags on top.

LoL was created by Riot Games, a group of DotA fantards from around the globe willing to make goals such as pioneering the game genre, Multiplayer Online Battle Arena. It's basically DotA without gold-loss on death and "denying" (killing your own minions like a spastic retard to deny the enemy gold).

Fortunately, to make the whole experience more exciting, some new deep gameplay mechanics have been introduced. For instance, if you have "Flash" in your spell slot, you'll rape your enemies in the ass every single time you use it, making the game truly fun and entertaining to play.

Getting Started

Here are some sweet fucking things you can do in League of Legends:

• Download it, play it and uninstall it FOR FREE!

• Wait for the installer to patch the game for up to ONE HOUR, just because you didn't get the newest blonde weeaboo-lazer champion skinpack.

• Participate in games ranging from 25 minutes to MORE THAN AN HOUR! Enemy team got ya down? Getting fisted right to the shoulder? The client ties your account's ID to every game you join so if you try to quit and play another, YOU GO RIGHT BACK TO IT!

• Use points you earn in games to purchase new champions! Don't even think about saving up for skins 'cause you have to buy RRRRRRIOT POINTS for that! Cunts!

• Level up through the ranks! Invest points in talents! Buy the extra 0.02 HP rune because that's the ONLY REASON you aren't winning at your skill level!

• Purchase champions from the store and pick from ten free ones EVERY WEEK! But seriously, you and I both know you will suck at any one you pick. This is the game Koreans play with one hand and punish the slightest error with total e-rape, forcing you to focus your energy on a single champion to get good. Then a day comes where, by the wind of luck, you will TOTALLY FUCKING PWN. Waves of monsters will fall at your feet, enemy heroes will quiver in fright and your allies will tongue your testicles. However, this surge of e-peen will melt to a string of losses and butthurt as you try to explain zero assists and constant feeding. Yeah, I'm sure that build got you a legendary streak last game. Maybe you should stick to playing against AI bots and phone us when you're ready for some teamwork.

• GET ADDICTED! League of Legends has all the enticing elements of WoW! Collect enough gold to buy the black phallus you've been eying! Shit the same ball of magic on the same goddamn monster for the fucking thousandth time! Masturbate over one character and die inside when the Infinity Edge you farmed for vanishes at game's end! Now you can have the life sucked out of you in thirty minutes or less, GUARANTEED!

• Kill yourself when everyone flashes everywhere evading all your well-placed skillshots.

Paying for stuff is split into two currencies: Riot Points ($$$) and Influence Points (Free aka grinding forever).

• Riot Points are for worthless XP and IP boosts or hero--i mean "CHAMPIONS" (which are completely overpriced) and their skins. If you're a fucking retard, you pay for the Riot points, The other way of getting them is to just wait for a christmas to pass by or a huge server crash. You'll then get a small amount of RP and you can atleast afford one or two skins sooner or later (if you're stupid enough to play this long).

• Influence Points is the only ingame money you can earn by fighting. You need those for getting new champions or the overpriced runes that even when maxed out, do almost nothing to the stats of your champ.

PROTIP: Just buy the fucking TIER3 gold and health regeneration runes when you got enough IP, because those are the only ones that adapt to every champion and actually make you RICH and HEALTHY! (and you save IP for new champions later on, too). Also put all your mastery points into utility for the very same reason.

Gamemodes

• Classic - The only mode anyone plays with the ONLY map anyone plays: "SUMMONER'S RIFT". A fucking three lane map that you see in every other DotA clone. Five players on each side try to flame shit out of each other until one side either surrenders at 20 minutes or keeps on crying how one their junglers fed the other team. This can normally go on for approximately 45 or up to (if you're unlucky) 60+ minutes.

Nobody fucking cares about "Twisted Treeline". Even the game devs don't give a shit and don't balance the champions around it.

• Dominion - A mode that tries to be Battlefield by quickly capturing points in a circle until the points of one side run out. Since it's a quicker gamemode, there isn't that much flaming going on, so it's pretty boring. You also get less rewards for each game.

• Co-op vs. AI - You and your one-man-clan friends play against bots to test out new item builds, hurrdurrhurrr. You can't even play this mode offline. Totally pointless.

• Custom - What is there to customize in LoL?! Only used for tournaments.

• Tutorials - If League really is your first overhead view game and you need to try these to figure out how to move your character, you have a sad empty future ahead of you. Just end it here, right now. It's for the greater good.

Spells

BR? They will be in your match sooner or later. HUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUE

Ah yes, the spells. The number one game-breaking feature.

• Barrier - "I'm a pussy who needs shielding" written all over it.

• Exhaust - Slows enemies down. That's about it.

• Garrison - A Dominion mode only - ability that buffs control point defenses.

• Ghost - The "I'm too dumb to avoid running into my own dudes" - spell.

• Heal - Use this to save your own life or that of others. They will never thank you, they will only call you out to everyone in the game as a noob ... which brings us to ...

• Revive - Good luck getting any ranked game started with this ability. It's actually pretty fucking useful for emergencies in late game, where respawn times can take up to a minute. Unfortunately the raging fatass neckbeard children community of LoL does not understand foresight or logic thinking and WILL report you for this spell, ALWAYS.

• Smite - HAHA OH WOW! A spell that only kills minions. So useful.

• Surge - Buffing yourself only, gee, that's like the Paladins in World of WarCraft all over again.

• Teleport - Too lazy to walk? Want to be seen appearing by the enemy with a big glowy light so that they can beat the shit out of you? It's all yours my friend!

• Cleanse - Even if anybody ever used this, why it wouldn't help you when you get gangraped by three or more other champs.

• Clarity - Think heal, only for mana. The same problem arises, even when you're a mage. Everybody will hate you for some reason.

• Ignite - Hurts enemy champions over time. A no-brainer. Most people die to this because they felt they were too pro to take the "noobish" heal.

• Promote - Make a siege minion more powerful ... yeah, that sure helps when everybody is capable of killing a minion almost instantly after 15 minutes.

• Clairvoyance - It's like the game devs never learned from the WarCraft 3 Orc Farseer. WHY BOTHER USING A SCOUTING ABILITY ON A GAME WITH A HANDFUL OF UNITS?!

• Flash - Jump after or away from an enemy instantly. Fucks up all their skillshots and makes even the most useless asshole a deadly killer. Abuse to the max.

Champions

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• Lux - BLAME IT ON THE LUX, ERRYYYDAY! No really, look here. The most versatile blonde mage bitch you can think of. Throws light balls around that stun and do tons of damage and fires a giant laser that obliberates everything. Has a laughing sound that shatters eardrums all over the world. It's pretty much the best hero for trolling the fuck out of everything. Almost every item build works on her, don't fucking listen to those tryhards that tell you otherwise. Probably the only (normal-sized) female champion that is not dressed like a whore for once. Ironically though has changing boob-sizes for every skin. EVERYBODY will hate you.

• Garen - A cutout copy&paste douchebag warrior with oversized armor plates that doesn't need any mana. Also Lux's older brother. Very easy to play, but can't do much late game. Doesn't have anything special to him.

• Teemo - Tiny woodland critter asshole that runs around planting explosive damage-over-time mushrooms and shoots poison. Overpowered as fuck and even easier to play than Garen. His shrooms also scout the map too.

• Ashe - A piss weak overglorified glass cannon that doesn't do ANYTHING special except firing a giant ice arrow that stuns ONE champion across the map. Always the first to die in a teamfight.

• Sivir - A boring as hell female champ that throws a star-shaped boomerang. Yes that's all she can do. NOTHING ELSE!

• Ezrael - The official blonde ingame weeaboo. Everybody wants to play this guy because of a 20 DOLLAR CYBERNETIC ARMOR SKIN, but guess what, everybody suck ass with him. He can fire a shockwave across the entire map that weakens with every hit. Playwise he is pretty much the jackass version of Lux.

• Annie - Jesus fucking christ, she even has her own Pedobear!

• Gangplank - HARHAR ME HEARTIES ... nah, he's just a jew dressed as a pirate that earns more money by shooting things with his gun. He can heal himself too and can slow/damage enemies across the map. One of the more useful champions.

• Heimerdinger - Think the Engineer from Team Fortress 2, only completely underpowered. Has two sentry guns that do very little damage on their own and can't take any punishment. He also has a stun that needs to be EXACTLY in the CENTER of the explosion to work. Unless this poor fellow is patched some day, he will be always remembered as the cannonfodder.

• Rammus - Rolls around and hurts people. Pretty cool, okay.

• Pantheon - Leonidas from 300 rip-off with a helmet on top. Throws spears and jumps on people like a rapist.

• Darius - One of the newer champions. Banned in every ranked game. He kills every champion almost instantly, as his ultimate doesn't give a fuck about stats. Èxtremely expensive to get, too. Pay2Win much?

• Morgana - Lux's emo clone (YES, this fugly bitch came first, we know that). Leaves menstrual blood all over the place. How she stays alive like this is a mystery.

More to come soon.

Tactics

DotA or LoL, it doesn't matter, it's the same shit.

Here is a simple rule for everything you do. DON'T LISTEN TO YOUR TEAMMATES, EVER. They will ALWAYS treat you like shit, no matter how good or bad you are. Play freestyle, make your own metagame rules or just fuck the rules. Doesn't matter, just avoid doing any of that "Support" or "Jungle" shit.

• Farming - You stay on your lane and kill as many minions as possible to get enough jewgold. Pretty simple, right? ... OH WAIT, YOU DIDN'T CALL OUT A WARNING THAT THE OTHER CHAMPION THAT ALSO FARMED WENT OUT OF SIGHT. Report that noob right now! The pro farmers are complete assholes too. They WILL hate their support champs for taking their precious money.

• Support aka Jewgold thief - These are the poor guys that have to buy and place wards on different spots of the map and keep the farmer alive so that he can get the above mentioned gold. Guess what happens when you just last-hit one single FUCKING MINION?! Everyone's going to report your ass for not letting the farmer have his jewgold. It doesn't even matter if you keep him alive. Failed to stun the enemy champ that just killed your suicidal partner? REPORT! Being unable to actually fire anything that stuns because of cooldown because you just stunned/stopped another champion? REPORT! GOT A KILL WITH THE HELP OF THE FARMER? REPOOORTTTTTTTTTT!!!!111 ... This list is endless.

• Middle - The teams' scapegoat. If he dies, he will get all the blame + everything else you can think of. The middle player can also be A: a super effective troll which B: accidentally wins the game or C: a complete fucking super-serious korean asshole that puts himself above everyone because he can flash away from enemies into safety.

• Pusher - The suicidal motherfucker on your team that always tower-dives to get a kill. If they fail at doing so, they will hate their team for their lack of assisted suicide.

• Jungler - The guy who kills the monsters in the surrounding woods to get their buff effects and the runs on a random lane to gangrape an enemy hero. They will never, ever help you when you actually need them. They are the most selfish pricks in the entire game. If your turret is being attacked by a horde of minions during which you are probably dead, this guy is killing creeps next to it. He will not run around the corner to help.