Zeartist
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Zeartist aka Jonzeartist (IRL name Jon David) is a typical tARTlet with delusions of being the future J.R.R. Tolkien, Bruce Timm, and J.K. Rowling personified in one body. Like most tARTlets, he reacts to constructive criticism with “IT’S MY STYLE!” or “YOU DON’T GET IT!” or "THIS IS MY STORY!". This is pretty typical tARTlet behavior, and wouldn’t be noteworthy…except that Jon happens to be a (self)-published author and a forty year-old virgin.
He’s active on deviantART and LiveJournal, and is well known for pimping his hypermuscular Oompa Loompa OC all over his dA and for shitting all over LJ groups in a desperate attempt to make people care about his book. His OC is the kind of character with the unoriginal wardrobe of nothing but jeans and T-shirts with various unfunny catchphrases such as “I have issues“, “Not a morning person“, or "God is a meat eater". This is, of course, the author's way of being clever and hilarious. Every shitty picture is the same and the only way to tell them apart is by the positions and clothing in each image. Jon is secretly fapping to said Oompa Loompa - who’d make Conan the Barbarian jealous of her muscle mass - as his main character Jasper is obviously Jon with a different name. Said horned Jersey Shore reject is supposed to be a woman, but one look at those broad shoulders and the bulge in her pants reveals the ugly truth.
But hey—at least he doesn’t trace!
PS: Said horned male Oompa Loompa (to the right) on steroids is supposed to be a woman. Her anatomy says otherwise, as clearly she is an MtF transgender who tucks it in.
Jon, Reality and The Internets
When Jon's not busy with his DA, he retreats to his “Cavalcade of Creativity“ on Livejournal, where he bitches and whines about why no woman fancies the pants off of him, when he should be rolling in pussy by now, and have had at least 100 women. He hates on other men for getting laid when he isn’t, and despises women equally as much because women are all whores, after all, and should be in the kitchen. He finds any excuse, no matter how laughable, as to why HE deserves a woman and other men don't, since men are all assholes and he is the exception. So, women should be THANKFUL to have someone as awesome as him. If not, they are too stupid to live, and therefore deserve to be smacked around. Much to his surprise, however, no one has volunteered yet. This is, of course, beyond him, and he doesn’t understand why every sound and sane (and actually not fugly) female who sees him either runs for her life or keeps the mace close to her just in case. Because as the world should know, he’s a total catch and God's gift to women.
Other than wanking about why no female would ever want to share a bed with him (let alone marry him and push out his unholy offspring), he raves about shit he doesn't understand and shoves his opinions and political views down his friends' throats (but then again, they actually added him to their friends list, so fuck them). If anyone disagrees with him or God forbid proves him wrong, he throws a tantrum á la Chris-chan, tells them to FUCK OFF and subsequently blocks them. That'll teach 'em!
It is a well known fact that Jon is only nice to people when he wants something (BUY MY BOOK PLZ). To females, he'll only be nice if they're single and fuckable. Once he becomes friends, he takes the liberty of treating them like dogshit and will continually spam them about his book and bring it up every chance he gets, only until they give it a review and a 5-star rating just to get him to Stfu. If they're not giving him constant ass-pats and praise, or not wanting to take a ride on his Disco-stick, they never were real friends to begin with.
—Jon's reaction to a friend telling him about her boyfriend. | ||
—A typical entry in Jon's Livejournal, and some argue this may be the reason he's not getting laid. |
The Trilogy of Morgalla: Diary of a Lonely Demon
Background
Jon (now pushing 40) wants to become a rich and famous author when he grows up. He suffers a severe case of Unwarranted Self Importance and lives in a parallel dimension where his characters and story are up there with works like Lord of the Rings - despite the fact that nobody actually wants to buy his books.
His “life’s work” itself is a goldmine of lulz, peppered with an assload of spelling, punctuation and grammatical mistakes, which proves that Jon's been too lazy to proofread his book, and too fucking cheap to hire an editor who'd do it for him. His story is so bland and sleep-inducing that reading slashfics by 16-year-old girl on fanfiction.net is at least entertaining. If the myriad of typos, abysmal word choices and retarded descriptions weren't enough, the story itself is pure mindfuck, and at least 90% of the book, you're wondering just what the fuck you're reading. He also rips off every single franchise he has ever laid his eyes upon, and makes Stephenie Meyer look like William Shakespeare in comparison. Franchises being copied include Avatar, Star Wars, Spider-Man, Revenge of the Fallen, The Incredible Hulk, Harry Potter, Twilight, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Batman, Disney's Hercules and every single animu to ever be expelled out of Nippon's gigantic anus. Being the lolcow that he is, however, Jon coincidentally happens to hate Avatar as well as Twilight. Evidently, he has issues with anybody who profits from movies/books that are similar to his own, because he's jealous of all that Jew gold they must be having in the bank. This is proven in an interview where he says that he hates Joss Whedon for making a kick-ass heroine because “he beat him to the punch” back in the 90’s with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It should also be mentioned that Jon is a proud Anti-Twilighter, which prompted him to compose a really fucking long rant analysis of Twilight and why it's trite, although his own story is the same fucking shit with demons instead.
So how did it all begin? Well, it started way back in college, when he was a drunken, stoned, nineteen year-old. It was then that Jon wrote a fantasy story just for shits and giggles: The Trilogy of Morgalla. He put it on the shelf for a while, and years later, he dusted it off and decided it was serious business, so he improved it...if, by improving it, you mean that he did absolutely nothing to it. He then self-published it, and has ever since been pestering every single person he meets with buying a copy of his Twilight-clone.
It has been debated that the story itself would have actually been good, if Jon wouldn't have made My Immortal more appealing to read by creating a Stephenie Meyer-style epic wet dream fap-fest autobiography. As Jon neared his forties, he grew more and more frustrated with being single, and found release for all of his bottled up anger by writing a story as compensation for the things he never got in life. It shows.
Plot
It all takes place on Earth...or somewhere in the vast, surrealistic realms of Jonland, but nobody knows for sure. The (self-insert) main character named John Jasper Davis lives a dull life and is bitter, like Jon himself. No woman wants him, and even the biggest whore in his class - Missy Rider - has banged every guy in school including the teachers, except for Jasper. Poor, unloved Jasper. He meets a transsexual demon from Hell named Morgalla, who turns out to be the only female life form who is willing to let him put his wiener in her, probably because she's lonely. They date, and engage in inter-species sex on the second date, after which they are suddenly in a relationship, because Jasper said so. After having sex, Jasper goes to work and realizes that he's transforming into something unnatural and is gaining new powers. Then he returns home and turns into a huge, muscular Gary Stu. Jasper has apparently contracted some nasty strain of the clap that gives him superpowers, and he turns into Spider-Man a demon. Clearly, Morgalla has a radioactive pussy. Then nothing interesting happens for a long time and Jon recycles sentences and dialogue from earlier, until an invading species (Hell’s minions) comes to the planet and complicates things between the two lovers. It's up to them and the people on this planet to take back their home. When the demons invade, The Order of the Phoenix the wizards from England come in to save the day - even though the US Military turns out to be more than capable of pwning these pussified monsters with their guns.
Morgalla gets a crucifix pendant because it belonged to her mother or some shit. The story ends just right to leave room for a sequel: Evil Woman, but he decided instead to call it The Wrath of Missy to cover up any traces of misogyny. He's just kidding, ladies, you know he loves ya!
Moral of the story: true abuse is women turning you down and people saying mean things to you. True love is changing your faith in a whim because your boyfriend/girlfriend mentioned theirs and/or converting your bf/gf to suit you. All is fair in love and war, amirite?
TL;DR: the story is basically Twilight: Demon Edition. And he wrote three of them.
Anybody who has read Diary of a Lonely Demon and returned to reality with their brainstems still intact can testify that Jasper's order of priorities are undoubtedly fucked up, in which he finds bullies and all the petty people in his life more important than the lives of his family and girlfriend - and will continue fighting even when he is well aware that his girlfriend is injured and perhaps dying. A true hero.
It's no surprise that Jon's orders of priorities are ultimately fucked as well, as he finds himself wanking over Internet drama and people bashing his book when his mother was in the hospital. But then again, his mother is just a woman, so she's not that important.
Characters
- Morgalla Smythe - The product of Satan raping an Evangelist. An ugly ginger shemale with a rare skin disease that causes her to be all orange. She has major daddy issues and is as a result drawn to men who remind her of daddy. Her looks are stolen off of Drago from Rocky IV. Has the IQ of a 4-year-old, is critically naïve and stupid. Jon's ideal woman. Armed with "chucks" to fight the forces of evil. As it turns out, also a self-insert.
- Jasper Davis (aka "Jazz") - A nerdy journalist and a conservative christian who's unique and apparently better than everyone else. Spends his days hating the world and evil female librarians. Is a virgin until he fucks the demon chick and contracts Hell-Aids, which turns him into The Incredible Hulk. Jon's alter ego. Previously named John, before Jon pulled his head out of his ass long enough to realize people would recognize his story as a bullshit wish-fulfillment fantasy.
- Zorach - The
mantis from Space Ghostlord of Hell, Satan himself, El Diablo, and Morgalla's father who raped Morgalla's mother.
- Missy Rider - A villain, and your average stereotypical blonde bimbo with gigantic boobs who bangs her boss for a living (or in this case her college teacher so she can pass her classes). She is evil and possesses the blackest black soul of all. Likes to fuck with Jasper just for the lulz, simply because she recognizes an annoying little cuntcreature when she sees one. A typical female.
- Steve - Missy's boyfriend, and an "ape".
- Necrod and Vex - Two gay demons who torture Jasper but get their asses handed to them.
- Delilah - Another demon, only this one has T&A. Morgalla's mentor, and the very embodiment of misandry but surprisingly isn't a lesbian. Her lame-ass lines are inspired from somewhere. She is also part dragon.
- Margaret Smythe - Morgalla's dead mother. Used to go to Jesus Camp until Satan raped her with his massive cock. She fell preggers with Satan's Hellspawn but she wouldn't just abort the fucker, 'cause abortion is murder and since God hates abortion, she would go straight to Hell. So instead, she just gave birth to the little unholy monster. Surely, she will be rewarded in Heaven for her great deed, like the good christian she is. Why or how any of this happens, however, is neither explained nor mentioned. Ever. I CAN HAS BACKSTORY, PLZ?
—Jon, getting a little carried away. |
But then...
—Jon, not getting it. Even though he's got all the explanation he needs above. |
The Book
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Warning! MAY INDUCE CEREBRAL HEMORRHAGE |
The first couple of sample pages of Diary of a Lonely Demon can be read here.
[+]Bits and pieces from Diary of a Lonely Demon
Morgalla and Delilah continued their duel upon the rooftops of downtown Springdale. Weapons of magical metal clashed. Both women began to fatigue. All around them miscellaneous objects fell from the sky, objects being transported from all over the planet: there was a palm tree, a car and large chunks of earth. Delilah ...kicked MOrgalla and she fell off of the roof of one building and landed hard on another. Quickly she was up on her feet as Delilah glided down to the rooftop.
"You would side against us, Morgalla?! Side with the Humans!? They're weak and will be crushed easily!"
______________________________________
Morgalla was atop Jasper in a burning, passionate embrace, making love again in his bed. There was the sheet up to her waist. They breathed hard as Jasper's incredibly large and strong arms were wrapped around her.
She grunted, feeling an approaching climax to their lovemaking. Like a blazing inferno it washed over her, causing her to convulse. Jasper held the bedsheets tight, his new powers feeling every bit of her pleasure.
______________________________________
"I'm spent."
"I'm trying to be gentle. I thought I might hurt you.”
"Yeah right! Jasper, there's something I don't get though. If last night was your first time... well, it was mine too, so I don't have any point of reference. But you were GOOD."
"I don't know, really... I guess because I just think about it a lot."
"And I thought only demon males thought about sex."
"Oh humans do... a bit too much sometimes."
"Well this is the first time I'm glad that a male thinks about it a lot!"
______________________________________
"Becky?" Jasper was surprised to recognize the voice and face, even through (yes, through) they had changed since they last seen each other.
"My name is RAVEN now." She said. "They're dark and beautiful."
"They're also scavengers and disease." Morgalla interjected.
_____________________________________
"When you're a little girl you're told about when you meet Mr. Right everything will be okay. You know, that perfect guy who will sweep us off our feet and make everything all better. I got the feeling that you didn't believe in that growing up. Girls become adults but they don't grow up. They still believe in that perfect man, and then get mad when their boyfriend has flaws."
_____________________________________
"I once got sprayed with mace for saying 'Hi, I'm Jazz.'"
_____________________________________
"I hate the winter.”
"Snow can be beautiful!"
"How?"
"Well imagine if you will: Middle of the night, fresh undisturbed snow on the ground, looks like frosting on cake."
"I like cake."
"The full moon shines, the snow glows a beautiful shade of blue with little sparkles along it. Like the stars themselves."
"You have a way with words!"
"Old habits die hard I suppose. I'm the nice guy and we never win."
"Say, I think I can find the planet Venus. Or Mars, wanna see?"
"My father raped my mother."
"Nobody ever told me, especially not him. But I just know it. I know HIM. He uses people. I don't even know her name..."
And that's the leading line up to a sex scene...
___________________________________
She skipped pass two elderly ladies sitting on a bench.
"Good morning!" Morgalla said, sounding ecstatic. Morgalla continued to skip down the street happily. The ladies smiled also, they were quite happy for her.
"Awww, that's sweet." one lady said to the other. "She got laid!"
___________________________________
Clearly Sherry must have done immoral or maybe even illegal things to get her job. "So that's how you got your job? I'm sure you sucked up to your superiors and you probably used a little blackmail here and there, didn't you?"
So Jasper interrogates his boss to the point where she's a sobbing mess in his arms and he's like: "Sherry was good enough to give me the day off, now Sherry, be sure to tell the police everything you told me, okay?" And then as Jasper walks out of the library, we see Evil Immoral Girl No. 10483.
He saw a man and woman standing there. He stopped and looked at them.
"She's cheating on you." Jasper said to him.
"What?!" the man demanded, shocked and offended.
"Hey asshole, get out of here!" The woman yelled at Jasper.
"It's a friend of his, isn't it?" Jasper asked her.
She was shocked, wondering HOW he could have known that. The man looked at his girlfriend not knowing what to think while Jasper walked away happy.
"He's lying, I swear!" the woman said to her boyfriend.
_________________________________
She was wearing one of his shirts which was much too big for her, but he did not mind. Ironically, he had always dreamed of a woman who would wear only his shirt after a night of lovemaking.
"This can't be happening, I mean, this just can't be real!"
"Why?"
"Well just... because!"
"Ah yes, the typical 'I know everything' human attitude. Let me ask you something, how old are you?"
_________________________________
Within Morgalla's dream she sat on a throne within an extravagant chamber. There were tables around her, all with different kinds of chocolate deserts (yes, deserts). There were many half-naked muscular men around here. One massaged her feet, another her shoulders. Two on either side of her presented plates with chocolate deserts (again, deserts) on them.
She took handful after handful of chocolate and gorged herself.
_________________________________
He went home only to see that Andy had left again. He plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV. Jasper sat and contemplated what to do next. There was a knock at the door and he sprung up and quickly answered it expecting Morgalla to be there. To his shock, there were minions of Hell leaping through the doorway at him, knocking him to the floor. Before he could let out a call for help, Necrod came up. The last thing Jasper saw was the demon's fist coming at him, then darkness.
_________________________________
"Morgalla, I tried weed as a teenager, just once. I drank when I was nineteen and got damn lucky that nothing bad happened. Maybe it was a wake up call, but I decided that I wasn't going to rush into anything unless I was ready.... I've seen what's happened to some people who didn't wait or who thre all caution to the wind. Sometimes there was a disease, sometimes there was a pregnancy. More often than not there was a broken heart, and that's with just SOME people."
"I've had the opportunity, but it just didn't FEEL right, do you know what I meant?"
"Actually, yes I do. With you it just felt right."
"As for me, I just felt that I should be a responsible adult first. And Morgalla, I'm glad that I waited for you."
__________________________________
The local mall was out of Morgalla's way so she had only gone there once, out of curiousity. It seemed like a nice enough place to her, with plenty of people in high spirits. Some stores seemed pointless to her, like the boutique for very young girls. To Morgalla it was just a way for parents to spoil their daughters. Morgalla also could not fathom why one shoe store was so big and always filled with women. Jasper blushed as they passed the store that sold women's lingerie. He purposefully looked in the opposite direction, not wanting to seem like a typical sex-crazed male. Morgalla saw so many different people there but there was something that she realized about Jasper that she had not before. His appearance was different that most young people who were walking around. The males whom she saw in their teens and twenties seemed to have a much different appearance than him. Some had piercings on their faces, where Jasper had none. Their hair was sometimes shaved or combed in peculiar ways, where Jasper's was short and conservative. His clothes were inexpensive but he kept himself neat. His jeans didn't sag and his shirt was always tucked. Morgalla realized that this human was unique.
_________________________________
They viewed males as a commodity, a natural resource to be used as they saw fit. A logical mind may ask, "Why would men allow themselves to be used in such a way?" A split second after asking herself that question, Morgalla remembered the answer. Many males would do most anything for the possibility of sex. Their views were almost exactly like Delilah's and many others in Hell.
"SHUT UP! SHUT THE HELL UP! I have NO interest in listening anymore to your witless moronic prattle! You're all shallow, materialistic little bitches who are going to get what they deserve! A fat ass, a trailer park home, and five kids from five different fathers! So be thankful that you're young and healthy!
Try to make yourselves better people by looking past someone's LOOKS and money and quit your complaining! So go finish your burgers, throw them up in the bathroom and have a nice freaking day!"
_________________________________
"You were my first too!"
"What?" "You... you were my first.... also...."
"Your first what?"
"Do I need to EXPLAIN it?"
Her jaw dropped as she realized what he meant. She felt foolish for it was obvious what he meant. She sat back down on the bench, they held each other's hands again.
"Are you serious?"
"Of course, why would I make that up?"
__________________________________
"She's a demon, I can't date her."
"I didn't know she was a demon, it seemed like a good idea at the time. I don't think I'll go to Hell for that."
"Maybe a trip to church wouldn't hurt."
"She didn't do anything bad to me. She may have seemed a bit strange but she was nice. There's something to be said for that."
"Maybe Morgalla had an alterior motive for being nice."
___________________________________
"Wait, were you in disguise? Did he think that you were human?"
"Hey, he thought I was SUPER human!" Morgalla said with confidence, pretending to almost brag of her abilities, merely giving Delilah what she wanted to hear. "
"You needed this you know! You needed a release, you're so uptight! Did you kill him like I said?"
"You really know how to kill a mood."
"What? I just wanna know if you enjoyed killing him! Come on, details! Details!"
"Well he was SO good it would be a shame, you know?"
"Well yeah I guess I can see that, there are so few males that are good. He wasn't a virgin, was he?"
"Oh no, he couldn't have been!"
"Good, trust me, you would know if he were."
"He would've been bad?"
"Let's just say something weird would have happened afterwards."
___________________________________
Cynthia was always unattractive to him and he would look at hte ring on her finger and wonder what man could possibly marry her, but now she was hideous. He could not explain just what it was that was different but it was there. This WAS Cynthia, but another person was standing infront of him.
"Look Cynthia, just shut up already will you? I'll be damned if someone so full of spite will be a boss of mine. Get to work."
Upon his command Cynthia knew deep down what was right and she left in a hurry. Jasper thought of what to do next and one name came to mind.
___________________________________
A conversation right after sex:
"Do you think there is a God?"
"Of course Morgalla. Do you?"
"I... I'm sorry."
"About what?"
"Your religion, it means a lot to you doesn't it? I'm sorry I..."
"It's okay. Morgalla you've obviously been through a lot. I know that it's tough to have faith in anything when horrible things happen to you. But I don't think I could go on living if I didn't believe that there was good in the world."
"Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to believe in God."
Jasper was distressed a bit that she did not believe in God but hoped to change her mind.
"Morgalla if someone as wonderful as you exists in the world, then surely there is a God."
"Maybe there is a God then!"
___________________________________
Jasper's mind was racing, the reality of the situation washing over his mind. Morgalla was sleeping soundly, resting her head against his shoulder and gripping his large arm. Never before had she felt this safe or this good. He felt weird, almost like everything around him had shrunk, but it was the opposite. Lust had taken him over that afternoon when in the presence of Morgalla and the sensations of his new, powerful body. Now he was calm and the events of the day had caught up with him. His lust had taken over, but his rational mind had control again.
These are actual unaltered samples from the book.
You have been warned.
The MST
One day, a friend of Jon's grew tired of dealing with his bullshit and in an act of rage, proceeded to tear his book apart, chapter by chapter, and posted it online for the world to see. Much to Jon’s dismay, every person who ended up reading the MST subsequently also ended up hating the book as well as the artwork. Being the whiny little bitch that he is, Jon shat a brick the size of a boulder and posted a wanksty Deviantart journal about it 404'd. Everyone who critiques his work and doesn’t suck his dick are mean people with no lives and need to grow up. Real friends give five stars on Amazon.com and let him simmer longer in his delusional stew.
Because Jon is an arrogant, pompous fucktard, he will take the liberty of sending a tl;dr e-mail to his critics, telling them how WRONG they are about his AMAZING BOOK. Contrary to his expectations, this only only served to add fire to the flames, and reinforced just how much of a bitter cunt he is. This fucktarded behavior earned him an entire LJ Community dedicated to criticizing his work.
But what's really funny about all this? A former white knight of his trashed his book shortly after she finished reading it for the first time. To add further insult to injury, her review included several complaints that were made in the MST, thus reinforcing the idea that the criticism was based on solid reasons and not mindless hatred like Jon had made it out to his 'fanbase'.
Jon, being the naturally mature, wiser person in these situations, reportedly blew off her review in the same fashion as he did to the creator of the MST. While there are no lulzy screencaps of the messages exchanged between the reviewer and the lolcow, we do have the direct quotes from the reviewer about what had occurred:
—Hallowedlady on DA |
Amazon.com
Because of the overwhelming terrible reviews he received on Lulu.com, Jon removed his book from the vanity press and then tried to sell it on Amazon. It was on this particular website where a goldmine of lulz occurred, with fans of his fetish art on DA (none of which who ever read the book, I might add) were giving the book five and four star reviews, while the people who actually read the book were giving it one-star (and one two-star) ratings.
This of course led to some of the most priceless quotes ever to grace Amazon.com:
RSR:
WORSE BOOK EVER WRITTEN. Really, DO NOT BUY THIS BOOK! NO MATTER HOW MUCH JON BEGGED YOU TO, IT IS TERRIBLE! It was NEVER PROOFREAD, the plot is CLICHE AND STUPID, and MISOGYNISTIC. I've read fanfictions by 13 year old that are BETTER than this horrible piece of tripe that doesn't deserve to be called a book. DO NOT BUY
Dre:
Personally, I thought this was a great book. I enjoyed reading it and am very interested to see what happens next! I think there is a good message in the story, which is hard to find in a lot of books these days. Jon seems like a new author, no author starts out with best sellers, but I think he is off to a great start with this trilogy. I would suggest anyone to read it! One more thing...this RSR character? You're ridiculous, unless your criticism is constructive, keep it to yourself because you obviously are not mature enough to be giving advice to anyone. Your reviews sound more personal than about the actual book. READ THE BOOK PEOPLE :) see for yourself and support an upcoming author!
REL:
Morgalla is a BAMF! She is empowering to women everywhere and she is hilarious. I really enjoyed this book and I look forward to the next installments. No it isn't written like shakespeare but it was an entertaining read and I recommend it to anybody who is looking for a fun book. The story of Morgalla is anything but misogynistic and anybody who would say that is obviously a fem-nazi (and probaby a twilight fan, too). You go, girl!
And You Tell Me:
I love that the female lead is looking for the exact thing that we all are - acceptance for WHO SHE IS, not who she's supposed to be. Granted she's extraordinary and wants desperately to be 'normal', the opposite of most everyone I know, but she just wants to be Morgalla. Is that too much to ask? People here are labeling the male lead as misogynistic, and I have to disagree. Jasper has just been hurt too many times by the women he has chosen to let into his life. That doesn't mean he hates all women and I feel 'jaded' would be a better fit. It's psychology. You can only get hurt so many times before you start to expect it. This story shows us that you can be loved for who [or what] you are, even if you have horns. It also shows us that no matter how many times you've been hurt in the past, you shouldn't give up hope that your perfect mate is out there. I'd have to say that I agree with the review by Wing Diamond... no it's not the best thing ever written, but it's a far cry from the worst. I'm eagerly awaiting the rest of the trilogy.
Shammond:
The first book of The Trilogy of Morgalla was an excellent book once I started reading it I couldn't put it down. I was left wanting more, the character descriptions in this book are incredible, you can visualize each and every character with ease. As I read the story I could imagine it as a movie. I would pay to see it twice! I felt as if I knew the character like they were friends of mine. I related to Morgalla's personal issues even though she is a demon from hell. I would strongly recommend this book to anyone that enjoys love story or sci-fi type books. It is a great read for people of all ages. I have passed the book on to all of my friends and family that enjoy reading and each of them agree that it is a great book!
Wing Diamond:
If you ever wondered what the novelization of "Spawn" would have read like ... well here's the closest thing. Only here, "HellSpawn" is female (and Hot). Premise is the same, Demon is thru doin' Hell's dirty work - but ain't an angel either. Maybe this is something King Diamond would read XD! Is this the best thing ever written, No! But then again, are any of the Harry Potter novels? Twilight series? All in all, a decent read for the "Helloween" season!
With the exception of RSR, it’s clear that nobody who gave this book a high rating has ever read it. And the only person who may have changed their rating from four-stars to three with this review:
TigerLily:
So many people have been reading Harry Potter and Twilight that now that these series are over, fans want to sink their teeth into something new in the realm of fiction. "Diary of a Lonely Demon" could be that piece of fiction for them. It's something new, in the sense that most books I have read have left "demons" and "hellspawn" untouched, and stuck with the safer fictitious beings, such as Wizards, Vampires, and Werewolves. I commend the author for trying to give us a new branch of "creatures" to learn about! Morgalla is the type of person that so many strive to be- someone that stands up for themselves and wants to be loved for who they are, not who you want them to be. She is super-human and oh, SO human at the same time- being somewhat naive and innocent as to how things work creates humorous situations that had me laughing out loud. Jasper is that dorky guy that has just a few close friends, but is misunderstood and so therefore often unappreciated by the majority of society. In that way, the story is the classic "nerd gets his triumph" piece, which nearly everyone can appreciate. Sometimes the grammatical errors and sentence construction were a little hard to ignore, but the overall plot line of the story is one I really enjoyed, and would like to see it played out through the end in the final installments. Any word on when those are coming???
On the bright side, every review is loaded with comments that contradict damn near everything these retards are harping about.
Fun Fact: whether it’s Jon himself or a small number of fucktarded friends who have a hard-on for Morgalla, they always attempt to make the bad reviews unpopular and make the four and five-star reviews popular. Further proof that Jon doesn’t care so much about the quality of his work, only about how many suck ups he can generate with his demon porn.
Jon and Morals
Misogyny and Nice Guy Syndrome
Whether it’s due to the advanced stages of Nice Guy Syndrome or the possibility of closeted homosexuality, Jon doesn’t mind displaying his hatred of anything that has a vagina if she doesn’t look like the retarded sister of Arnold. But to his ultimate surprise, Jon goes absolutely batshit if you refer to him as a misogynist or his work as misogynistic. This first occurred on Deviantart when someone commented on why his character had the body of a man. When DA member Kasihime pointed out how fucktarded his logic was ("I’m not a misogynist because my main character is a woman!"), he blew off her civil, honest critique by accusing her of not being objective. This prompted a subsequent pwnage by Awn-Nuey, who reminded Jon that “objective” means to state facts while leaving out personal opinions. This was later marked as spam and hidden from the public eye, because proving Jon wrong = spamming. In a desperate attempt to cover up his misogynistic tendencies, he proceeded to join a metric fuckton of groups on Deviantart that have to do with female characters. This also led to him faving a stamp, where more lulz occurred. In the process, Jon compared himself to the band KISS, and then forgot about the 12 evil women he included in his life’s work.
Though the most prominent example of misogyny and an all out hatred of women comes from his LiveJournal. Because the man has no sense of pride or dignity, he happily displays how much of an outright pussy he is on the Internet for all to see. In another entry, he also explains that if he didn’t have self control, he would have bombed NOW headquarters. He cries constantly in his journal that none of his married friends ever introduce him to their single lady friends. It never occurred to him that his so-called female friends might be telling their girl friends to AVOID THIS MORON LIKE THE PLAGUE instead of pimping them out to him like he thinks they owe him.
More entries to read for the lulz:
Jon bitches about weddings and why he hates them
Jon exclaiming he'd rather die than stay friends with an ex-girlfriend
Raving about women only wanting gifts and jewelry from their men
His Livejournal is a treasure trove. Every once in a while a gem will show up in his DA gallery as well. When he’s not drawing fetish art for retards who fap to Disney porn, a picture of Morgalla will pop up (usually in a fucking stupid shirt) to broadcast further misogyny. Under any other circumstances, one would have expected this to be epic trolling in an attempt to virtually bitchslap feminazis worldwide. Unfortunately it would seem that Jon’s way too much of a pussy to pull off any type of trolling effectively.
—Jon on LJ |
Like your typical Nice Guy, Jon also shits his pants over other guys getting laid instead of him. Likewise, he hates women who are banging guys but not him, and clearly has HUGE issues with happy couples.
Fun fact: in Jon’s ideology, if you are a woman and use a man for sex, then you are an evil whore who should (and will) burn in hell for all eternity. But it’s okay if Jon were to get a hooker. Because that totally isn’t using someone strictly for sex at all.
As if that isn’t humiliating enough, he has joined LiveJournal communities, such as Disney_Singles, because at the ripe age of 35+, the top priority for any relationship to work is whether or not your potential girlfriend (or boyfriend?) enjoys Disney movies.
—Jon, being a perfect gentleman. | ||
Jon’s Thought Process
—For fuck's sake, you twat, can't you see your friend chucked it in the trash and had to blame it on something? |
—Jon, being his usual lovable self. |
Aside from being a racist, misogynistic and unhappy virgin, Jon’s sheer arrogance and utter douchebaggery has made him quite delusional. As such, he believes his shit doesn’t stink, that he‘s Don Juan, and that he is the best writer since Tolkien. He also believes he is funny and witty, and as such MUST display his political views and commentary on Morgalla’s T-shirts every chance he gets.
Jon cannot take criticism even when it is sugarcoated and spoonfed to him, for if you disagree with him on just ONE thing, it is blown off and ignored, 'cause you're wrong. He will always tell you the same tired old sob story of how hard his life is, and that he's suffered so much in life. Nobody understands him, and he's just never good enough for any female. Poor Jon, he's been abused, been to Hell and back. Strangely, when you ask him, the only examples of abuse he can cough up are always something having to do with being rejected and not getting laid. Say anything at all to Jon that might disagree with his views or imply that his creations may be flawed, and he will block you and hide your comments. If you bash his character or his story, he will threaten to sue you for defamation of character. DUN HERT JON HES SEW PHRAJOLE GUISE! After all, you're only trying to instigate drama, and seriously need to grow up.
Attempting to talk any sense to this guy is absolutely pointless, as it will lead you nowhere and you realize you could do something more meaningful with your time, like teaching Music Theory to your pet goldfish.
Even more lulz ensued when Rhoey linked him to a screencap to prove his hypocrisy, and he immediately proceeded to flag her comments as spam. Rhoey decided to call him out on his bullshit, and he accused her of being abusive. Like most Nice Guys, even if you tied a hint to a rock and bashed his fucking face in with it, he still wouldn't get it. In his delusional world, his book is a masterpiece through and through despite the fact that nobody wants to buy it, and publishers like Jodi Reamer and bookstores like Barnes and Noble are just stupid for not wanting his demon porn. Likewise, if there is no way to argue against a critique with sound evidence for why the book is trite, it is marked as "subjective", "feminazism", and if all else fails, he will simply pull out the good ol' "WELL AT LEAST IT'S NOT LIKE TWILIGHT!" excuse, when we all know that's not the case.
Also, in a desperate attempt to get famous as quickly as possible, Jon has taken the liberty of spamming every LJ community he’s on with his website and fan art of his Mary Sue OC, even if the community in question has nothing to do with promoting books or characters. These communities include:
Memorable Quotes
Morgalla by other deviants
If some strange set of events leads you to type 'Morgalla' in the deviantART search field, you will come across work by other people. Some are relatively OK, as much as drawings of muscular demon women can go. These are mostly done by fans of muscular women who probably never read the book and don't know shit about what Morgalla is all about.
One weird fuck called Ritualist even drew a 50-page-long comic about him and Morgalla, trying to make it in the "gonzo" style of Hunter S. Thompson, at which he fails miserably. The duo proceeds to pick up fights in bat country, drink heavily, wreck hotels, sell muscle growing drugs to women everywhere, rape a muscular rabbit girl, beat the living shit out of an Elvis/Vanilla Ice wannabe and ride out in the sunset, knowing that they have contributed nothing to the universe.
Ritualist's art is worth shit, but at least it's for the lulz.
WARNING - IT'S LONG ... VERY VERY VERY VERY LONG. The comic itself. (also needs to sign up to see some of this shit, but why would you want to?)
The Battle Continues
Recently it was discovered that Jon has started up a new blog to talk about his inspirations surrounding the creating of Morgalla. Most likely this is to replace his livejournal account which he not long deleted in the hopes that no one would ever again milk him like the lolcow he is. However this is Jon we're talking about and where-ever he goes lolz ensue. In a matter of posts he starts bitching about women, complains about things that are more popular than his shitty book and once again takes a swing at Avatar for the billionth time this year.
Said blog can be found here:- [1]
Even after a lengthy time of inactivity Jon doesn't seem to have learnt his lesson. It's been a good few years since the failed author attempted anything that resembled a re-write and now the closest thing we have to progress is a shit ton of pictures with terrible anatomy and a few more desperate posts that identify Jon as the perma-virgin he is.
This new blog also contains a fresh steaming pile of fail-logic as Jon lists his many influences for Morgalla, including 'Darkness' and even one of the later female Robins. The problem with this is that Jon forgets that his absolute bitterness towards women for not letting him stick his dick in them stops him from being able to write female characters. Jon is obsessed with his character's muscular appearance more so now than ever before and constantly seems to pat himself on the back for being such a feminist ally. Jon even has the audacity to complain about the so-called 'plastic' figure of 'She-Ra' when Morgalla effectively looks like She-Ra's twin brother 'He-Man'.
In short, the blog reminds us of why Jon hasn't actually achieved anything during his forty-something years of life. He has yet to produce any evidence that he has written anything new and instead bombards DA with shitastic drawing of his orange, steroid-pumped Oompa Lumpa. Even through all of this and he still has the time to pretend that Morgalla is some kind of step forward for the modern woman.
Gallery
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Jon David, ever the hypocrite
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Twilight: Demon Edition
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Call the Waaaambulance!
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THEY ALL GOT BOYFRIENDS!!!
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Typical Nice Guy
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MY JOURNAL!!
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Truth
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Why he doesn't get a date...or so he thinks.
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Lex Luthor is REAL
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Marriage sucks!!
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Disney Singles
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OH NOEZ!
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He's unstable
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Get a wardrobe, damnit.
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See Also
External Links
Zeartist Jon's DeviantART
morgallathedemon Morgalla Blog
Jon's LivejournalBAAAAAWLEETED!
Jon on GoodReadsBAAAAAAAAWWWWWLEETED
Morgalla OnlineBALEETED!
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Zeartist is part of a series on Visit the DeviantART Portal for complete coverage. |
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Zeartist is part of a series on Visit the LiveJournal Portal for complete coverage. |